Chapter 7

Dean sat in the library as he waited for Castiel to come. He had texted him and asked to meet him. He had to tell Cas to just forget him. He didn't want him to be a victim to whatever stupid prank his brother thought was fit. So here he sat in a study room in the library.

He looked up when there was a knock on the door. He wanted to smile as Castiel appeared and shut the door behind him. He looked timid and unsure. Dean stood and approached him.

"Cas…I am glad you came." Dean's voice was lower than he had intended. Castiel smiled as he stepped closer to Dean.

"Dean whatever you want to say… let me just say one thing…"

"Cas.." Dean voice seemed strained. He just wished that he could go back to when they were younger.

"I'm not going anywhere…you told me that once… you promised… it's not too late because…" Dean was in shock. He had not expected Cas to bring up his promise, he had only thought about protecting him. He was keeping his promise, just not in the conventional sense.

"I know…what I said and Cas I changed… you changed…this is gone…" Dean said as he pointed to the space that separated the two. Castiel simply took a step closer causing the two to be standing well within Dean's personnel space.

Dean inhaled as he could feel Cas's breath. His eyes wandered over Cas. His breath shaky as Cas leaned forward closing the space that had separated the two.

Cas's lips tingled as he felt Dean slowly respond to him. His back arched as he felt Dean slip his arms around his back, bringing them closer together. Cas pulled back slightly ending their kiss. His faced lingered, lips barely touching. Cas's blue eyes gazed up into Dean's.

Dean slightly shifted, "Cas…we can't…" His voice was almost a whisper. Castiel pulled back allowing Dean to exhale.

"Dean…" His voice deep as he gazed into the eyes of the man he had so long loved. A frown crept onto Cas's face as he saw the expression on Dean's face change. His face went from loving to an unpleasant emotion that Cas didn't want to name. He didn't want to know that he disgusted Dean. He felt his eyes begin to water just by the look.

"Don't do that again." Dean's voice was low and dangerous." Whatever you feel is wrong Cas. You mean nothing to me. You. Disgust. Me." His voice raided Cas's head and destroyed his heart. He felt like he might just die as he saw Dean turn and walk away. Dean left him alone.

Cas jolted awake, sweat on his face. He groaned as he realized that he had been dreaming of Dean once again. It had been much more frequent as of late. Dean was all that he could think about. The man was always haunting him. Cas sighed as he sat up straight in his bed, his face contorted with frustration; his cell was ringing beside his bed.

His blue eyes fell upon his phone and saw that it was Dean; this realization caused his stomach to turn once again. The remnants of his dream still fresh. He picked up the phone.

"Hello?" His voice was quiet. He listened to rustling on the other end of the phone and it seemed like minutes before he got a response. When he did he felt a small smile on his face.

"Hey Cas..." Dean seemed like he was whispering into the phone. Cas figured that Sam was nearby and he didn't know Dean was calling him. Cas shifted in his spot as he yearned to hear Dean's voice.

The fact that he was calling him after his words from the previous night had to mean that he was troubled by something. Perhaps he really did miss him, maybe he didn't want to abandon him again; Cas thought as he waited for Dean to continue. When the suffocating silence continued he decided that he would break it again.

"So wh-" Dean interrupted him. His voice was full of emotion. His voice was filled with what Castiel interrupted as sadness, desperation and most of all shame.

"Cas I'm sorry for last night. I didn't mean to be so harsh, but I just don't know where to begin. I think that we need to talk and this time I don't want to be interrupted…" Dean's voice trailed off.

Cas was filled with joy that Dean wanted to talk, he was, but he was also confused. Just last night Dean had been determined to push him out of his life. Castiel grew nervous. His fear was that this meeting could only have one purpose, to finish the conversation of the previous night, to cement the distance between them.

"Dean if your purpose to meeting is to just try and cast me away again then you are wasting your time…I am going to that party and I am going to prove to you that I can fit into your life again…" Cas said in a determined voice that even surprised him.

He was growing tired of hearing Dean saying that they were better apart. So he figured that the only way to fix it was to show him that it was a possibility; that he forgave him full heartily. Cas needed to show him that all he wanted was him back and being apart was more painful than anything Sam had ever thrown at him. He needed Dean to see that.

"Cas, please just meet me today…please…" Though Dean's voice tugged at his heart he would not allow Dean to try and convince him once again that what they had was gone, he couldn't let himself keep hearing that.

"Dean, you know how much I want to talk, but I know that you only want to push me away. You need to let me show you that you are wrong..."

"Cas listen this isn't what you think. I just think that you should not go to the party I don't trust Sam's intentions…" Dean's voice trailed. Cas could hear the conflicting emotions in his voice.

He knew how much he loved Sam and despite how close they were in the past, Sam was still his brother. He knew that he hurt because he had any suspicions of Sam. It rubbed against everything Dean knew, Sam was family.

Despite the tone of Dean's voice Cas's mind was already made up. He didn't care that Dean was begging him to listen. He needed to do this for himself; he needed to prove that Dean still cared enough to stay.

"Dean, I know that you know that I am not exactly in Sam's good graces…and I know that you would prefer that I just leave, but I can't do that…not when I know that you still care…Dean I need you to trust me…"

"Cas wait just listen to m-" Dean's voice was cut off as Castiel interrupted.

"Dean, I will be there, but please think about this…" With that Cas flipped his cell phone shut. He felt guilt for being so harsh and so straightforward with Dean. The fact was though he couldn't bear to come home night after night ready to break down from the nagging feeling of hopelessness. He needed to find a way to prove that they were okay.

He needed to go to that party even if it was simply to prove he didn't fear Sam. He would go because he knew that in the end Dean was always there whether he would admit it or not. Cas knew that and he knew he would be safe so long as Dean was there.

Dean sat as he heard the phone die. He inhaled knowing that he had to face something that he had been avoiding. He had to go to Cas and admit that maybe he was wrong about Sammy. That maybe all this time their distance had been because he was just too stubborn to realize what had been standing before him. He stood to see Sam standing in the doorway. Dean froze as he began to fear what Sam had overheard. He had to play this right; he was not sure what his Sammy was capable of anymore.

"Hey Sammy what's up?" Dean said as he saw Sam approach. His stature was stiff and he seemed focused on something that made Dean's instincts scream at him. He hated how he doubted the one person whom he had once put so much trust in. Despite that he could not shake the feelings that Cas had been telling the truth all along and that perhaps there was a side to Sam he didn't fully know.

Sam stopped as he stood next to Dean. His face had strange emotion that Dean didn't wish to identify.

"Dean we need to talk about Castiel…" With that Sam let a small smile appear on his face. The Sammy he once knew and loved had disappeared. What could have happened to him to make him so different?

Three years ago

Dean sat outside of Castiel's door; he felt helpless. Ellen had been put on life support. Dean had been there when they had told Jo and Cas that she could not survive without it. They had been left to make the hardest decision possible; the decision to take her off life support.

He could remember the look on Cas's face he had gone numb, his eyes glistened with the tears he had held back. He had not said a word since. Jo was in no better shape she had cried the whole way home.

Castiel had locked himself in his room when they had got home. Dean just wanted to be there for him. Dean leaned his head against the door as he listened to the silence on the other side of the door. He closed his eyes.

"Cas…I am not going anywhere…I will be here when you are ready …" Dean's voice trailed off as he continued to listen to the silence.

Castiel sat on his bed as he listened to Dean talk to him from the other side of the door. His face was swollen from the tears that fell down his face. He wanted to let Dean in, he wanted to have that comfort he so needed, but he couldn't.

He was so hurt that he didn't know what to do, he felt like he needed to be alone. The more ha had thought about Ellen the more he felt like he was losing his world, that his entire existence was slowly being turned into a wasteland. He was losing his mother and he had to be the one to help make the decision to when she would breathe her last breath.

Castiel stood up on his bed from his bed when he heard there was a knock on the front door. He walked to his door as he listened to hear who had come over. His gut dropped, as he already knew the answer, it was Sam.

He heard Sam's voice fill the air and Cas slowly sank against his door. He did not need this now. He knew the man had no real concern for his family. He was here to keep an eye on Dean, on him.

Cas leaned against the door as he wished that Dean were still on the other side. He wanted to feel close to Dean, he wanted to not be so alone. He let his head fall into his hands as he felt the tears fall. He wished that he could wake up and hear Ellen's voice and the world could be right once again.

"Dean how are they doing?" Sam asked as he looked at Dean. He seemed worn and tired. He hated that this was affecting his brother so. He sat next to Dean on the couch, as the house remained silent.

Dean turned to look at the hallway that led to Cas's room. Dean stood up as he turned to Sam, "I should probably go check on Cas again…"

His voice trailed off. Sam grabbed Dean by the arm to halt him. Sam put on his best puppy dog eyes he could muster. He knew that Dean was growing to care for Castiel in a much deeper fashion. He needed time to fix that. He needed to have a talk with Dean soon.

" Dean… if he isn't letting you in his room… then he probably wants to be left alone…" Sam said in a gentle voice. He knew that Cas would be listening to the conversation to the best of his ability. He let a small smile creep on his face as he saw Dean look towards Cas's room once again.

"I am not going to leave him Sam…" He sounded determined as he began to walk towards Cas's room.

"…And I would hope you wouldn't, but don't you remember how you were after mom died?" Sam asked as he stood from the couch and took his place next to Dean.

Dean looked over at Sam. The memory of his mother's death still vivid; it had been years, but he still could feel the loss. He remembered how he shut everyone off. He eventually came around but for the first few days he had locked himself away in his room.

Of course the time that followed he had been rebellious. He also recalled how through this loss he became almost obsessed with protecting Sam. In a sense that is all he had left.

Dean sighed as he realized that Sam might just be right, maybe Cas really just needed time. It pained him to think of leaving him, but in the end if that is what Cas really wanted he wouldn't argue.

Castiel stood by the door, frozen. The thought of Dean leaving him alone made his stomach drop. He could feel the tears threaten to fall. He was almost in disbelief as to the level Sam would sink to. He was losing his mother, within a few days he would be an orphan and Sam was there to take away his last pillar of strength.

He listened as he heard footsteps becoming faint. Dean was going to leave; Sam was taking him. Castiel inhaled as he began to feel anger start to rise in him. He imagined the smirk Sam would inevitably be wearing once they left. There was only one thing that he could think to do. He needed Dean and Sam would not take that from him, not this time.

With that thought Cas pushed his fears aside and open his door as he heard the front door open. He stepped outside his room and looked down the hall and to the entranceway. Sam had the door open with Dean following closely behind.

"Dean…" Cas said, his voice for the first time in a long time was strong and determined. He saw as they both turned towards him. Dean face read of worry, while Sam seemed irritated beyond belief. In any other circumstance Cas would almost want to laugh as he realized that whether Sam admitted it or not, Cas was not helpless. They both knew that Dean did care.

Dean quickly turned around and walked straight for him. He pulled Cas into a hug. His grip was strong and Cas knew that his need to be alone earlier was not what he had really needed. He closed his eyes as he listened to Dean.

"Cas I am so sorry…"Cas opened his eyes, he felt so safe when he was around Dean. As corny as that sounded Dean was where Cas felt like he would be okay; where the world couldn't touch him.

He glanced up and saw Sam. He still stood by the door, his face seemed quite irritated at the way Dean had embraced Cas. To tell the truth, at this moment, he could care less, perhaps he should have. If only Dean knew the truths, Cas would have been so much safer in his arms.

Hope you liked it :D (Can't wait for the new episode :D miss my dose of Cas! )

~Lots of Love ~ FrozenBeneathReality