Alice … Sad and Stressed

I was not a selfish person. None of us were. Some of us were slightly more aggressive in terms of going after what we wanted, but not a single woman on this island was selfish or cruel. I was often commended on how giving and especially caring I was when it came to how I treated others.

But this was the first time in my whole life I felt that I had the right to be selfish. I wanted Bella so bad and I wanted her to want me too, in a very specific way. I wanted her to want me in a full and complete way.

There were a lot of differences between my world and hers, but because of her, I was different than every other woman on the island.

I was made for Bella.

I do not mean that in the way most would think. I do not mean to say that Bella and I are so kindred, so compatible, that I was so fond of her, that I knew in the back of my mind we belonged together.

No, I was literally made for her.

When Diana became pregnant with Bella, she wanted her to have a Match, specially created for her. The problem was, that Bella could easily decide not to stay. She could remain on Earth, meet a nice young man, marry, have children and die of old age. She could stay on Earth and have a happy, full life. But if Bella stayed on Earth, she would never have me. And worse yet, I would never have Bella.

Mother and Diana are said to be the most perfect Match in our whole history. Every Match is thorough and true, but there has been tales of Matches broken by extreme odds. Mother and Diana's bond was deemed by the Gods to be unbreakable.

Mother once told me that Diana's life, her duty to serve was so taxing on her heart and mind that she would need someone, an immortal to turn to. My mother thought she would find her Match among the caregivers or among the healers, like herself. But from the moment they reached maturity, they could not be separated. Diana was able to make her decision to leave, although it did hurt my mother, because she knew Mother would always love her, she knew my mother understood what the mortal realm needed from Diana and she could not deny Diana the task. It was too great to ignore.

That is why, even though Diana remains in the mortal realm, their bond remains the same. Diana could not reason with the idea of having anyone, but my mother giving birth to Bella's Match.

Diana is an Amazon. Although there were many opposed to her decision, she was the only one, besides Queen Hippolyta powerful enough to protect mankind. All of the Amazons have powers, but in a way Diana's skills in combat and her strict code of ethics far surpassed those of the other Amazons, including the Queen.

Bella was born with powers too, but again would only be able to use them if she decided to remain on the island. If she were to return, Diana wanted her to have a Match that was her equal in every way, so I was granted powers, equal to that of an Amazon's. I learned how to harness them, but being on Themyscira, I rarely had to use them.

I learned everything there was to know about her world, their customs, all the ins and outs of human life. I would have my own mind, my own interests, but there was a part of me missing, something removed in my creation. I needed Bella to be complete. But it could have all been in vain.

There were so many what-if factors, so many different ingredients that would have changed things for me and for Bella. Mother, Diana and the Queen decided that I should know from the very beginning, that I should know everything about their plan for me. I knew very little about Bella herself, but I knew that when the time was right, we would be brought together and I would be hers, forever.

I grew to love Bella before even I met her, hearing of her kind heart and her giving spirit. And when I finally did meet Bella my affections for her only increased ten fold. I had waited so long. When Mother told me of her arrival, once I knew she was safe, I could barely contain my excitement. I paced outside her room all night, waiting for her to wake up.

Mother compared her beauty to Diana's, but the way she described her to me did no kind of justice to the real Bella. Her lips, her intoxicating brown eyes, her hair, her small perfect hands, her soft legs, even her gentle laugh; she was beauty personified. And in the hours I spent with her, even though she woke upset and confused, she was still amazingly kind and understanding.

How could I not be selfish? How could I not want her to stay? She was perfect and I wanted to be hers.

I would never speak the words, but I think my mother knew. I hated the way the Queen and Diana were handling everything with Bella. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to her.

I knew everything about her world, yes, but she knew nothing of ours. To bring her here, out of the blue and expect her to decide, it was almost cruel. I knew she would like the island and that she would at least like me as a friend. But I wanted her to love me and I knew that might be impossible with they way Diana wanted to force everything on her.

That's why I did what I did, why I made some selfish choices, that's why I told her and showed her as much as I could. We only had three days or so I thought and I wanted her to have at least a little time to process it all. I couldn't sit by and watch as they proceeded to force all of that information on her. We all had a clear understanding of our lives, of who we were, but Bella was about to told that everything she knew of her life, of herself was no longer true. It would kill her, break her heart all over again. I couldn't sit there and watch. It hurt me too much.

I stopped at the bottom steps of the palace, trying to stop my tears. I had never cried before Bella's arrival. I hated it. I hated the way it made my chest hurt, the way it made my throat dry. But the moment Bella ran from me, the moment I realized that she needed to be touched in ways I could not, not right then, when I realized she as going to see Sun, I couldn't stop the tears from coming.

I lay on my bed, just praying she would change her mind. She hadn't consumed much of the Amah and I knew it would wear off soon, but she seemed so determined and worse, so angry. I knew she felt a natural draw to men, but I couldn't handle the thought of his hands on her body. I couldn't bare to picture them together.

I wished I could tell her just how hard it was for me to resist her. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to please her, but not like that. I wanted her to want me back the same I wanted her, all on her own.

There was nothing for me to do now, but wait. I didn't know how long they would be talking, but I didn't want to be alone any more. I took a deep breath, wiped away a few final tears and walked back to down the hill.

I was sure Kate and Zafrina would be sleeping, but I was always welcome in their home. Zafrina had been responsible for my education. I would have been schooled with the other girls like Amanda and Nessie who had been educated under Charlotte. But in theory, especially if Bella was to stay and her and I were to be together, I would be considered an Amazon. Two other girls, Kebi and her Match, Tia young Amazons themselves and I were taught all of our general lessons by Zafrina. She also taught us all known forms of combat, music and art and how to harness our powers.

Three months ago when I turned 19, Zafrina and Kate began with my Match instruction. When we reach our maturity, we learn all there is to know about pleasing our Match physically and when we are united we hone or skills according to their personal preference.

Zafrina with a little help from Kate, showed me everything I would need to know about my body and Bella's. Typically you grow very close with your instructor, and not simply because of the physical component of the relationship. Zafrina did all she could to learn everything about my mind and my heart so she could be teach me how to use my body. And she too shared with me a great deal of herself. Besides my Mother, her and Kate were my dearest confidants. I knew I could find at least some comfort with them.

Luna met me half way down the hill. She perched on my shoulder, but didn't say anything. She was afraid. She'd never seen me like this. When she realized I wasn't with my mother when Bella was looking for me, she flew around frantically until she found me.

"I'm fine," I sniffled. "I just want to go see Zafrina"

"Okay. I will stay close. Wait for Bella," Luna chirped back.

"Thank you," she flew away, gliding back up towards the palace.

I walked to Kate and Zafrina's quarters. Their sleep torch was burning and their window shades were open. I wouldn't wake them. I just didn't want to be alone.

I slid inside.

They were both asleep, above the sheets, wrapped comfortably around each other.

I took off my sandals, placing them near the door. Then I untied my cinch and unwrapped my robe. I hung it over my sandals on an available hook. I crept over to their bed and climbed up between them. They were used to having me around, so nearly out of habit, Zafrina shuffled under the movement of my body, releasing Kate and rolling on her side. Kate adjusted too, rolling on her back, making room for me. Her eyes stayed closed.

Zafrina wrapped her arm around my body, pulling my back to her breasts. I opened up for her, letting her fingers settle between my legs.

I knew if Bella had seen me now, the way I was with them, after everything she probably knew now, she would be so confused, maybe even turned off.

I let out a deep sigh.

There was just so much I wanted Bella to understand, but I knew why she shouldn't. On Earth personal space was golden. And for a girl like Bella, keeping her body to herself was a most valued sign of self-respect.** Not here. We loved to touch, to caress. It was a way to show even our friends that we cared, that they were important to us, heart and soul.

Kate stirred again. "Alice," she whispered. "What is the matter?"

I took a deep breath. I didn't want to cry again.

"The queen – and Diana are telling Bella everything. Now."

Kate rolled to face me then and cupped my cheek. "Oh my angel." Her hand drifted lower to my breast and she massaged them gently.

"I'm afraid," I whimpered. "I don't want her to leave me. I've been up all the night begging mother and Diana - begging them not to tell her. I want her to decide. But they wouldn't listen to me."

I was starting to cry again. I didn't want to.

Zafrina inched slightly closer and the fingers of her free hand began gently stroking my hair. She spoke, awake then, "Shhhh." All of her fingers worked in tandem, trying to calm my rattled heart. "Angel, when the Queen is finished speaking with her, go to Bella."

"But what if she wont speak to me –"

"Listen to me," Zafrina said gently. Kate inched a bit closer and lowers her head. Her lips gently caressed my nipples. My body was starting to relax, but my mind was still racing. I wished Bella had me with, now.

The three of us were silent for a few long minutes. Zafrina moved her lips down to my neck. She kissed me softly from behind my ear down to my shoulder. Her hand was still between my legs, her stroke slowly becoming more deliberate. The tears began to slow, but I was still terrified. I was dreading the possibility of my loss, but my heart was breaking for Bella too. She must me so confused, so scared.

"Bella may be afraid and she may be confused, Alice, but I could see that she trusts you. She wants to trust you. It has only been a short time, but now you are the only one she will rely on to help her decide." Zafrina continued, her voice low and soft.

"It will be alright, Angel. Be patient," Kate soothed.

I sighed heavily again. Kate brought her fingers back up to my cheeks and wiped the tears away.

"You must be very tired," she inferred.

"I am," I breathed.

"Shall I send Luna?" Kate asked. She could retrieve herbs from the forest, ones to help me sleep.

"No."

"Relax then," Kate whispered sweetly. Zafrina gently nudged me onto my back. She kissed my cheeks softly, tracing the path of my tears with her lips. Kate rolled on top of me and began making her way down my body with her hands and her mouth.

I knew they had both loved each other fully throughout the night. They had spent every available moment kissing and caressing, showing one another just how much they belonged together. And now they had no problem spending a little time completely dedicated to me.

I appreciated their efforts immensely and although they were making my body feel wonderful, my mind and my heart were still on Bella. I imagined Zafrina's lips were hers, caressing the length of my neck, kissing across my chest. And then I pretended that Kate's fingers were Bella's, slowly working their way inside me. In my mind it was Bella making my skin tingle, my core throb and drip. Bella was loving my body the way I had wanted her to for so long.

I after a few moments I opened my eyes to see Kate rise to her knees and settle her body between my legs. She and Zafrina knew the easiest way to get me to orgasm, the most intense way.

Kate's leaned forward and pressed her lips to my pussy. My eyes closed as I moaned. My hip rose off the bed, my back twisting slighly. Her tongue worked in small, gentle swirls around my clit, while she slid her fingers back inside me. My fingers tangled in Zafrina's hair as she worked away on my nipples.

I knew that Kate and Zafrina were fully aware of how I felt about Bella. They knew the desperate way I wanted her. So when I came and I sighed Bella's name, I don't think either of them were surprised.

I lay there physically satiated and totally exhausted, my mind slightly more at ease.

"Sleep now Angel," Kate whispered, while Zafrina stroked my hair, holding me close. They truly cared for me and I hoped they knew just how much I cared for them too.

After a few moments I drifted off to sleep, Bella still on my mind.

"Alice. Alice." I heard a low voice nearby. I was so warm and comfortable that I didn't want to move.

"Alice."

"What?" I mumbled and snuggled closer to Kate.

"Alice, Bella is on her way to find you," Cru said. My eyes flew open. He was sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Where is she now?" Cru moved so I could slide off the mat.

"Luna is guiding her back down from the palace," Cru told me.

The sun was beginning to rise and I could hear the other creatures from the forest beginning their day. Kate and Zafrina were still sound asleep. They quickly huddled closer to each other, closing the gap where my body had just been. I would not forget to thank them again for their patience and their kindness. Something told me I was nowhere near the end of this stressful time. Bella and I both might need their emotional and possibly physical comfort again.

I wrapped my robe around me, securing my cinch tight around my waist. I sat back down on the bed and laced my sandals quickly. Cru waited for me, perched over the door.

"I think she's head back to your quarters," he said.

"Thank you, Cru," I said sincerely, scurrying out the door. He followed me flying just above my shoulder. "Thank you for looking after her."

"It was my pleasure, Alice. I wish you luck," Cru replied as he banked in a slight circle and flew back to the forest.

I ran towards my quarters, scanning in every direction for any sign of Bella. It was a long walk back down from the palace. I had not showed Bella where it was myself and having not walked there on her own some hours before, I imagined she was no doubt taking her time finding her way back, even if she did have Luna ask her guide.

I stopped in front of my door pacing, looking at the ground. Soon I felt her presence. I looked and she was there, some fifty yards away.

Bella had stopped walking.

I stared at her, frozen. I felt as if my heart stopped while I gazed at her. My mind was scrambling to interpret the expression on her face. Her cheeks were pink and blotchy. She had been crying too.

Instantly my heart started breaking, but I didn't know what to do. I knew what I wanted. I wanted to run to her and take her in my arms. But what if she didn't want me to me? What if I was just another face adding to her pain and her confusion?

I swallowed nervously.

Bella's nostrils flared and her lips began to quiver. She was falling apart again.

I ran to her then. I couldn't take it anymore. She might push me away, but I at least had to try to comfort her. I loved her too much not to.

I watched astonished, amazed, relieved, determined, as after I had only taken two steps, Bella too began running towards me. The tears were now streaming down her face. Mine began blurring my vision and stinging my already tender cheeks.

We caught each other and embraced. I pulled her as close as I possibly could, maybe too hard. I could feel her chest heave painfully as she sobbed and sobbed, nearly choking on her own breath.

"Bella, please don't cry," I begged foolishly, my own tears still flowing freely. My hands rubbed her back and caressed her hair. She buried her face in my neck.

"Alice," she whispered. "I am so sorry. I—." I pulled back slightly. My body language encouraged her to look up at me. I took her face in my hands, scanning her round brown eyes. She was so beautiful.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I am the one who should be apologizing. I made so many mistakes. I was so selfish." Bella pursed her lips and closed her eyes, shaking her head in disagreement. I chuckled a bit. Neither of us would ever let the other feel the weight of any sort of blame. I, because I loved her and Bella because that was simply her nature. She would never want anyone to feel any sort of pain.

"Is there somewhere we can be alone? Away from people-" she asked, trying hard to contain her tears.

"Yes," I assured her urgently. I released her face and grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the forest. She laced her fingers with mine, squeezing tightly. I could feel the urgency in her touch every time her fingers would pressed themselves into the back of my hand. It felt like she was terrified to let go.

The sun was just over the horizon now. I led her a great distance into the trees, far off the foot path. There was a small clearing I liked to go to. In the middle sat a large flat rock where we could sit. Bella kept a strong hold on me. I turned every so often and each time her eyes were on the ground as she cautiously watched where her feet were going. And every so often she would breath deep or sigh, but I could see the tears were starting to dry up. Mine were gone now that I had this new focus of getting Bella far away from the city, where she wanted to be.

Finally we reached the boulder. We climbed up and sat facing each other. I folded my legs under me, crossing them and Bella sat with her legs pulled to her chest. She rested her chin on her knees. It was so adorable. When we were settled, I inched a little closer. I was aching to hold her and kiss her, if she would let me, but we had to talk first. We had to get on the same page.

I knew she was rattled and probably scared. I knew that there was a slight chance my mother and Diana and especially the queen may not have told her the whole truth. But I would put an end that, right then and there.

"Anything you want to say to me, say it. Anything you want to know, just ask me. I'll tell you anything." I couldn't hide the pain and the desperation in my voice. I would take whatever punishment the Queen would give me. I couldn't stand it anymore.

Bella kept her eyes down.

"What did they tell you?" I urged. I reached up and wiped away the last few tears from her face. On the inside I was overjoyed that she let me touch her this way. On the outside I kept my focus. I had to be there for her.

"Well," she said, peering up at me "They told me about my father and Diana and they told me about my place on the throne." I nodded. I'd fill in the gaps in any of those details if they came up. "And they told me about you and me."

"What did they tell you exactly?" I had to be sure.

"Well a lot of things. How Esme had you and how you and I are meant for each other – how you're - my match." I swallowed, there was fear and hesitation in her tone. It wasn't surprising that she still had doubts about wanting a future for us. I'd wait on that particular issue. That would take a while to sort out maybe and I knew they had to have talked to her about so many other secrets. She was up at the palace for hours.

"Did they tell you about what your noble birth means? About your powers?"

"Yes, but only briefly. They didn't tell me what you can do and they didn't even bother going into what I can do. They said they would tell me more later. They wanted me to process the first load of information." Her forehead scrunched a little when she talked. She was trying really hard to understand. I could see her frustration. She hated being left in the dark. I had to let know what I was capable of.

"I know you might be angry with me, but there cannot be anymore secrets between us."

She started to speak, but my words stopped her. "Just wait. I'll show you."

I held my palms open and small gusts of wind began to rise from the forest floor. The whole time I kept my eyes on Bella while she watched, amazed as out of nowhere I created a small tornado-like wind tunnel around the rock we sat on. Her hair whipped around her face and the trees began to sway gently. In the distance the birds began chirping loudly, asking me to stop the commotion.

A few moments later I closed my hands. The palms settled around us and Bella's eyes slowly looked back down to my face.

"Alice I don't understand."

I knew my words might ruin everything, but she would never be able to love me completely if she didn't know everything, every bit of each reason why she was here. And I never wanted to hear those words from her again. I never wanted to the cause of some misunderstanding. I wanted everything bit of our relationship, if we were to have one, to be clear and comprehended.

I took a deep breath.

"Bella, I caused the storm."

She blinked once, but her expression didn't really change. She wasn't angry or even really confused any more.

"Alice. I don't care."

"But why? I could have killed you. I could have killed your father."

"Alice, I don't care."

"Bella –" I started to say but I was soon silenced.

Bella grabbed my cheek and lurched her body forward in one swift motion. Her soft lips pressed to mine. Getting over the initial shock, my eyes slid closed. Bella remained in control, the way I had wanted her to without the influence of the Amah. She gently let her mouth tangle with mine. Her lips parted, but only a little. I sighed into her as the very tip of her tongue traced my bottom lip. Her smell and her taste engulfed my senses and for the time, I was completely lost in her. My body began to tingle, quickly growing hot - and wet. I never wanted this kiss to end.

Sadly after a few short minutes, Bella pulled away, but kissed me once more on the lips. She then settled back into her seated position. I exhaled deeply. My mind and my heart were racing. Bella had just kissed me. She wasn't angry with me at all, at least I didn't think she was and she had just kissed me. I was elated, but still afraid. She had yet to make her decision. She could still decide that this place was not the right home for her. She could still decide that I was not the love of her life.

" Bella, have you.. I…. Does this mean –"

"Yes Alice. I – I think I want to stay. I know I – want to love you. I want you to be my Match."