Tea For Two, and Two For Tea
Chapter 3
When he followed the man to his squalid tenement, the man bade him a seat, and showed him his crystal ball.
"Listen and look closely," he said, turning the lights off and showing images of Argus saving people. Unlike Rorschach, Argus never killed anyone, and he always turned the criminals in to the police. Everyone loved him. They gave him hugs, flowers, and kisses. It enraged Rorschach. Why should he be loved for punishing filth when Rorschach did the same thing and was feared?
"You don't like it, do you?" asked the man, as if reading his mind.
"Expect different answer?" asked Rorschach with a scowl.
The man smiled slightly, and said, "Good. Good… well, now that you've seen what he's done for the world and what the world has done for him, how would you like to… switch places?" he asked, waving his hands slightly in circular motions.
Rorschach looked at him curiously, and asked him, "Hurm?"
"You know… switch bodies," continued the man, "You go in his body, and he goes in yours."
Meanwhile, Argus had broke into the man's home and watched the foretelling events from looking through a one-way glass mirror inside a sitting room. You could comb your hair in the kitchen and spy on people in the kitchen through the sitting room. Without knowing it, the man had accidentally locked himself into a trap. For the briefest glance of a second, the light switched just a tad in the kitchen, and Rorschach caught a brief glance at Argus's face. He smiled, and Argus replied with patient worry.
"Really think you're big stuff?" asked Rorschach.
The man furrowed his brow and realization sank in. He slammed his fist on the table.
"Damn him, him and all his tricks!" shouted the man, presumably to Argus. "You useless bastard!" he shouted, mainly at himself but partially to anyone who was listening. Rorschach did not flinch or move the slightest facial muscle.
"Never compromise principles," said Rorschach, who stood up, picked up the crystal ball, and slammed it in his face. Much to his surprise, he vanished, but when police investigated the crystal ball years later, after Veidt had completely leveled the city, they found a little man inside, pounding his fists, and shouting, "You assholes! Let me out, dammit!" They also found a note that read,
We had a good laugh about his predicament. Please do not destroy the crystal ball. Instead, keep it locked away somewhere safe.
Thank you! Have a nice day now.
A.M. and "W.K." R.
They also found what looked like an inkblot smudge, except its patterns seemed to suggest a human face, with a winking eye…
September 17, 1985
When Argus and Rorschach came back to Rorschach's tenement, both men gave each other huge embraces, and the landlady found them, ran away, and screamed. They didn't even notice her chugging her Jameson bottle and passing out on the bathroom floor.
"Oh, man, that was incredibly awesome!" said Argus.
"Yes," said Rorschach simply, "It was." He nodded, and said, "Learn lesson?"
"Never life a vigilante's life when you're a professional magician," shouted Argus crisply. "How 'bout you?"
"Never go back to Paris," said Rorschach with a shudder, and after Argus laughed, he continued. "Friends are valuable. Life is beautiful. Everyone seems to be good if you know the right tricks." He turned toward Argus with a smile, and shrugged. "Still have to live my life."
"Same here, mate," said Argus, "And we'll probably never see each other again," but when he noticed Rorschach staring at his shoes without even attempting to hide his disappointment, he said, "But I'll do you a favor, the best favor of your life."
Rorschach stood, head cocked to the side, one arm akimbo, as if to say, What could a man like you possibly do for me?
"We'll see," said Argus, reading him correctly, and promptly left. Without anything to do, Rorschach put on his scarf, pulled out his sign, and walked out in the chilly autumn air.
Argus found a woman leaning against the back of a wall, coming up with her own personal way to wile away the hours before the free clinic started.
"Hello, pleased to meet you," said Argus, shaking her hand.
"Hi," she said hesitantly.
Let's see… thought Argus, She seems to be about his age. She's black, though. Not sure what his opinion on race is, but it better be good. Now, he'll be coming around here in fifteen to twenty minutes…
"So, what's up?" he asked her.
"Nothing, really, just trying to do… something," she said, waving her hands back and forth.
"If someone went up to you with a picket sign, which said, 'The End is Nigh', what would you do or say?" he asked her.
She looked at him in mock outrage and slight embarrassment, and said, "I've actually noticed that guy a couple of times around, and I think he's kinda cute, but I've never had the nerve of asking him hello. He's just so serious."
"Well," said Argus, "Let's pretend I'm him." He gave her his best Walter Kovacs impression, and she doubled over laughing.
"Oh, my God, well, that broke the ice!" she said. "I'll never look at him the same way again. Thank you so much! May I have your name?"
"Yes," said Argus, "My name is Argus McConnaught."
"Oh, I've heard of you!" she said, pointing out at him. "You're one of the few New Yorkers outside the 'burbs that still read The New York Times. That's an amazing paper, but they're very expensive these days."
"Impressive," said Argus, "How did you know?"
"I read an article in the Gazette about you," she said, "One of the few interesting articles they've said ever since their foundation. In fact, that was probably the only one." She smiled, and said, "I really like guys like you. You bring hope and joy into the callous, mundane world."
"Well, it was very nice to meet you," he said, "But I'll be incredibly busy going to save the world and stuff."
"I understand," she said, "But, again, thank you. You've given me courage to speak to that, um…"
"Street prophet?" suggested Argus.
She smiled, and said quietly, "That was very good."
"Thank you," said Argus.
"And, yes, Argus," she said, "I've tried to talk to people before, but they're either busy, mean, or uninterested. Don't get me wrong, I have friends at the clinic, but still! You have to admit it's a little bit awkward being surrounded by people and never getting the chance to talk to anyone."
"You could go to the social events," he said, and added, "Here," when he realized he wasn't sure what they had around here.
"Nightclubs? Forget about it," she said, "This ain't suburbia, where you can walk into any stranger's home and they're throwing a party while crazy techno stuff is playing. It ain't nice 'round here. I remember when one of the doctors invited me to his home for Christmas. It was Heaven. The TV was playing, kids were bustling around, and everyone was running around and doing stuff. It reminded me of my childhood growing up in Westchester, except all the kids were either too old or too young, and now I'm too old for anything," she said with a laugh. "Well, I'm sorry, my mouth seems to have run off a lot, but we'll talk later, okay?"
"Okay," he said, and they parted ways and never saw each other again.
After introductions, "Rorschach" Walter Joseph Kovacs and Chloe Whitfield had their famous conversation and immediately fell in love; only it would take about a month for them to admit it.
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