Not Anymore pt. 2

When he opened his eyes, the world was no longer passing him by in a blur of indecipherable colors.

Instead, he was hanging, suspended in midair by hands gripping his upper arms tightly. He sighed as he felt the familiar Grace brushing against his own, laced with barely hidden confusion and rage. He tried to keep his panic down and gave a nonchalant laugh.

"I just wanted to go out for a while," he excused lamely.

Even without looking up he knew Michael was giving him that look. He wriggled a little bit in his brother's grip, only to find out that his Grace was wrapped snugly around him, preventing him from moving more than a few centimeters.

"Uhh…Would you mind letting go of me now? 'Cause hanging by your arms is not an easy thing to do."

Still silence. Michael's grip didn't slacken one bit, and Gabriel was really starting to get uncomfortable. He tried to push against Michael's Grace with his own, trying to at least loosen his wings, but it was no contest really, he was the youngest and Michael was the eldest. All he could accomplish was getting Michael's finger to twitch.

He sighed dejectedly and was preparing to just stay like that all day, but he suddenly felt Michael let go of his arms and the weight of his Grace lifting off of him. Gabriel dared to look up at his brother and saw Michael cross his arms and float down to be level with him.

"I'm coming with you."

Gabriel was rubbing at his slightly bruised arms as he gave his brother a confused stare. "Excuse me?"

"You said you were going out. I'm coming with you," his tone was casual, but that sharp look in Michael's eyes told Gabriel that he really had no choice in the matter. He rolled his eyes, forced out a smile and stretched his sore wings.

"Fine."

He was already a mile away as soon as he replied. Letting Michael come with him didn't mean he had to wait for him.

For five seconds he was completely alone, but the sound of wings directly above him indicated that Michael had already caught up. He heaved a sigh. He was crazy for thinking that he could outrun his eldest brother anyway.

Michael settled himself beside him, and they glided at an easy pace, looking over the desert below.

The silence was nothing like the ones he shared with Lucifer when they went out flying together. The atmosphere was heavy and filled with suspicion and things unsaid. Every now and then Gabriel would catch Michael's gaze on him. It made him want to yell at Michael to spit it out and get this all over with so he can leave him alo –

"If Lucifer had asked…would you have joined him?"

Ahh…there it was. So he was sneaking around in his head too.

Gabriel looked over at his brother, a sarcastic smile on his face. "How long have you been hanging around in my head, Mikey?"

"Don't be difficult, Gabriel, I am only asking you – "

"Asking me what, brother?" Gabriel stop in mid-flight and turned to his brother, glaring fiercely. "What, now that Luci's gone you're looking for someone else to kick out?"

Michael held up his hands, hoping to placate him. "Gabriel that was not - "

"You're following me around because you think I'm gonna rebel too!"

"Gabriel, please – "

"Shut up!" Gabriel cut off, charging at Michael and plowed him into a nearby cloud, using his powers to keep it as solid as rock underneath them. He used Michael's shock to his advantage and straddled his brother, pressing his blade against Michael's neck. "How could you, Michael? He was our brother and you betrayed him without a second thought! You only care about making yourself look good in front of Dad, so don't you dare pretend that you give a rat's ass about me!"

At this point, Gabriel really had no idea what he was saying anymore. All he knew was that the cracked dam holding him together had broken. All his emotions, emotions that he wasn't supposed to have, were now running loose inside him. He let out all his anger and fury at Michael for Lucifer's banishment, for betraying their brother just because their Father told him to.

Michael had a tight grip on his wrist during his whole rant, making sure it stayed about an inch away from his skin, but that didn't spare him from any pain as Gabriel continued to poke and prod at the still-bleeding wound left behind by recent events. He tried to hide it, even as every word out of Gabriel's lips threatened an emotional response from him, he tried to keep his expression stony, hoping against all hope that it would be enough.

But as the anger slowly seeped out of Gabriel, he saw straight through it. Those eyes were a perfect mirror of his own, only worse. Realization kicked in and he felt his guilt intensify as he scrambled off his brother and dropped the blade. For days he had been so caught up in thinking that Michael was the coled-hearted bad guy, never considering that Michael had just been forced to choose between his father and his brother. Never thinking about how he was hurting and was never allowed to show anyone in order to set a perfect example to his younger siblings. How it killed him everyday knowing that it was all for nothing, because Father left as soon as Lucifer did, and he wouldn't answer no matter how hard any of them tried to reach him.

He looked up at his brother and saw not the commander of all Heaven, but a man who did everything for a happy ending, only to end up in a tragedy.

The sob tore out of him before he even knew it, and soon he was crying again. An arm circled around his shoulders and he instinctively leaned into the warmth. He buried his face in his brother's robes and clung to him desperately; needing, begging for security and forgiveness. Michael buried his face into his hair and held him tightly, and in that moment, it almost felt right. Normal. Big brother comforting the baby brother, holding him as he cried and whispering soft promises that it'll all be fine.

Only it wasn't fine, and it will never be. Their Father left, Lucifer was gone, and Raphael just didn't care anymore.

"I'm sorry...I - I'm so sorry..."

"So am I."

How did they become so broken?

Aaaaand, cameo from big brother Michael. The poor guy doesn't get enough love. In my mind, despite kicking Lucifer out (which was a real jerkass move btw), I think he really did love him. He only loved their Daddy more. :( Boo-hoo.

Yes, I didn't want Gabriel plunging to Earth so early in the game. There's still lots of fun to be had in Heaven even when Luci's not around anymore.

I might continue this, or I might start a completely unrelated drabble. Decisions, decisions...