I'm Sorry
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For a long time Jackie and the Doctor just stared at Rose. Rose looked between the two of them, seeking the answer. He really was at a loss to tell her. There was no gentle or subtle way to put it. No matter what he did, it would still be a huge blow to her. Her mother wasn't really her mother. She wasn't really meant to be human. She had a whole other life. So for once in this incarnation, he was speechless.
Jackie stood, staring at her daughter in horror, fear and even a little bit of disgust. "Who are you?" she hissed, her voice only a whisper.
"Wh-what?" Rose said in shock.
"Who are you and what the bloody hell have you done with my daughter?" Jackie shrieked. Pete looked utterly bewildered. And Rose looked shocked and as if she were going to burst into tears or collapse.
"Jackie," the Doctor muttered a low warning.
"Well?" she continued to blunder on. "Where is my Rose?"
"Jackie, she doesn't know," he tried to urge her to stop.
"Give me my daughter back right now! You took her from me, what ever you are! What kind of alien are you? What did you take her for? Experiments? You better not have fucking taken my daughter for experiments. I swear I'll-"
"You never had a daughter!" the Doctor suddenly exploded, hating seeing the hurt look grow on Rose's face. He froze the second he said it when he realised that would not have helped. Jackie stared at him, pale faced, before bursting into tears. He looked guiltily over at Rose, sadness written across his face.
Rose stood, clutching the doorframe. Her eyes were wide and brimming with tears. She was just as pale as they were now, and he could see her hands shake.
"Rose…" he said gently taking a step towards her.
"Doctor, what the hell are you on about?" her voice shook as much as her hands were. "What's going on?"
"Rose, it's okay," he said soothingly, as if he were coaxing a spooked horse. He reached out to her, but she flinched back a little. Sadly he took out the watch and gave it to her. "Focus on that Rose. Do you hear anything?"
"No," she whispered, her voce cracking.
"That," he stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. "That watch holds a living consciousness. It's Time Lord technology. If a Time Lord had great enough need, they could hook themselves up to this machine on their TARDIS. It could rewrite their biology and turn them human. Their biological DNA and their consciousness get stored into a watch just like this… Do you hear anything?"
Rose stared at the watch for a long time, concentrating; willing herself to hear what he had told her. The Doctor could see the second that the perception filter broke down. Her eyes widened and focussed in on the watch. Then it came, just a whisper. And she dropped the watch in fright. That… that had been her voice.
The Doctor stooped and picked up the watch. Rose was still looking at it as if it were a poisonous wasp - from Vespos - that had just stung her. He could see the pieces falling together in her head.
"No… no," she murmured, shaking her head and taking a step back. She nearly collapsed and he quickly moved to catch her, making sure she was mostly steady on her feet. "No, but I'm human," she said adamantly, there was a touch of hysteria to her voice. "I was born the 23rd of June, 1986. M-my mother is right there!"
Gently he placed the watch back in her hands. Tears had welled up in his eyes too. "Rose, your mother can't have kids," he said softly, he didn't want to hurt her as he knew he was doing. "She never could… Her memories of your birth aren't real. They were put there by someone when you were… given to her." He winced at the last part, unable to hell her exactly what had transpired; that she had really been forced onto Jackie.
"No!" she cried hysterically. "I'm not, I can't be! I'm her daughter!"
"No you're not," Jackie retorted venomously. "I don't even know what the hell you are!"
"Jackie!" the Doctor growled, glaring at the woman.
Rose felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. A second later a sob escaped her lips and she pressed her hand to her mouth, closing her eyes tight. She couldn't stand the way everyone was looking at her. Especially Jackie; the way Jackie was looking at her made her unable to breathe. Tears finally falling, she ran from the room.
"Rose!" the Doctor called after her, but she was already gone. Before he went to follow after her, he rounded on the woman behind him. "What the hell are you doing?" he shouted at her. "She's your daughter!"
"No she's not!"
"Yes she is!" he cried. "She may not be your child by birth, but she is still your daughter. Who is it that you would tuck into bed at night and read stories to, and take to school, and care for? Who is it that even when you're upset with one another, you would still do anything for her? Who is it that you beg me to keep safe, every time we leave? Who is it that you love unconditionally? Who is the most important person in your life?"
Tears running down her face, Jackie fell weakly, sitting on the couch. "Rose," she whispered.
"Exactly. And Rose Tyler will always be your daughter, until the second she opens that watch."
And with that, he stormed from the house.
?...DW…?
The TARDIS seemed eerily quiet. There was no noise in any of the rooms. Even the TARDIS herself didn't seem to be humming.
Rose wasn't in the console room, or her bedroom. He had searched for nearly ten minutes before he found her in the Library, sitting on the couch they had slept on. Her eyes were red and her cheeks stained with tears. She didn't even look up when he came in.
"So my whole life is a lie?" she asked emptily.
It was a full minute before he could reply. He let out a huge puff or breath and moved over to sit next to her. He saw that she was still holding the watch in her hand.
"Not a lie exactly," he said. "The fact that Jackie it your birth mother, maybe. But not your life. You've lived as a human since you were a baby, surrounded by people who love you because they wanted to, not because they believe they did."
"She hates me," she whispered brokenly. He instantly knew she was talking about Jackie.
"She doesn't hate you," he told her. "She didn't mean it. She was just in shock. I mean, she just found out that not only is her daughter not really hers, but also that said daughter is meant to be an alien."
"And what about me!" she cried. "I am said daughter! I just found out that my mother isn't really my mother and that I am not really meant to be human. That I'm… that I'm what? A - a Time Lord?"
"Yeah," he let out yet another deep breath. It was a lot to take in. And it was breaking his hearts.
"So… if I open this watch, I'm going to become a Time Lord like you?" He nodded sombrely. "So if I open this watch… you wont be the last anymore… you wont be alone."
"No!" he cried startling her. "And I don't mean 'no, I wont be the last anymore', I mean 'no, I'm not letting you open it'!"
"What? Why?" she cried in surprise.
"Because I don't know who is in that watch. For all I know you could have been changed after your birth or you could have a whole other past. A whole other life, memories, family, loved ones, even a different personality."
"So I'm not allowed to know who I used to be?" she said starting to sound angry. She rose up out of the chair to glare down at him.
"No! Because the only way to find out who you were is by opening the watch, and by then it will be too late," he said with a hard voice.
"And what would be wrong with that?" she said in angered exasperation. "I'll be a Time Lord. I'll live as long as you will. You won't be the last and you won't be alone! I can give you forever just like I promised. And besides, the watch is me! I have the right to know who I was! So why can't I open it, Doctor? Well, Why?"
"Because I don't want to lose you!" he shouted standing up so he was only a breath away from her. "The second you open that watch you won't be Rose Tyler anymore. Rose Tyler will be dead. This life will just be a dream. A memory with no emotion attached. You may be someone completely different to who you are now. I refuse to let you open that watch. I love you! And I would rather be the last of my kind forever than lose you!"
Rose stared at him speechlessly. She wasn't sure what she was more shocked at, what he had told her about opening the watch… or saying - well, more like yelling - that he loved her. She opened her mouth, but no words came. She wanted to tell him that she loved him too. But she was still so in shock that she was frozen. So much had happened in such a short time. It was overwhelming and she wasn't sure if she would be able to take anymore.
As it was, the emotional stress had already exhausted her completely. Her legs began to buckle beneath her, but the Doctor saw what was happening and caught her immediately. He took the watch from her rather limp hand and slipped it into his pocket. He then swept her up in his arms, bride style, and carried her away. She clung weakly to him, arms around his neck.
He walked down the corridor to her room; she was a little too numb at this point to be surprised when he turned, not into her room, but the door opposite hers. She was taken into a room of rich colours, all cream and brown with accents of reds and gold. Everything around the room looked well used. It was littered with nick knacks and trinkets that she had never seen before and for all she knew could have been there for hundreds of years. There were a few desks covered in papers and gadgets. And in the centre of the room, was a large, soft looking, and hardly used bed.
He lay her down on this and coaxed her out of her uncomfortable over-vest. He made her as comfy as he could, then lay beside her, pulling her into him. She still hadn't said a word and that was starting to worry him. Her eyes were glazed over and distant. It was like the true shock had only just settled in. Gently and carefully, he lifted a hand to caress her cheek.
She finally responded to him by leaning into his hand as a small smile flickered across her face. Letting out a soft breath of relief he leant over and kissed her head. Rose rolled over so she was facing him, and curled into him, seeking comfort. His arm tightened around her.
"I'm not going anywhere," he told her. "I promise." And he really wasn't going to leave her. Not until she had forgotten all about the watch. He couldn't afford to lose her, it would shatter him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair.
A small sob escaped her lips and her head tilted up, stealing a quick desperate kiss. He didn't try to push it further, nor did he push her away. He just let her take comfort from him however she could. She buried her face in his shoulder and he held her close.
An hour later Rose finally stopped shaking and her breathing steadied. The Doctor knew that she was asleep. But he wouldn't leave, and he wouldn't even move, nor fall asleep. He would watch over her and keep her safe. He remembered reading long ago that sometimes the voices from the fob watches could be very persuasive. He didn't care that he had hidden it in his very deep pockets, he was going to make sure that it stayed well away from her. He would keep his Rose Tyler safe from anything and everything… even herself.
He was awake for hours, just watching the beautiful woman in his arms sleep. Knowing how much shock and pain she must be in made him incredibly sad and somewhat guilty. If only he hadn't pursued the meaning of the watch, if only he had left well enough alone.
As the seconds, minutes and hours wore on he felt his eyes droop. Time Lords might not need as much sleep as humans, but they still needed at least an hour every night. And by now it had been over thirty-six hours since he had last slept. Usually that would be fine, even humans could pull that! But the damn song that was drifting to him, a lullaby hummed by the TARDIS, so subtle he barely noticed. Soon his eyes closed, and he too drifted off.
?...DW…?
Rose woke to the sound of echoed whispers. The whispers filled her head, talking her. The voice told her of a long happy life and being free. Everything the voice said was so tempting. She had a feeling that it was the voice from the watch… but the Doctor told her to leave it alone. But as much as she couldn't see the watch before, she could see it equally as much now. So it was almost all she could think about.
"Rose," her voice whispered from somewhere by the Doctor. "Iamyou.IamRoseTyler.Please,I'msickofbeingtrapped.Ifyoulovehim,openthewatch."
And that did it. She looked up at the gorgeous sleeping Time Lord who held her to him protectively, and knew that she had to do it. Careful not to wake him, she slipped her hand around and into his pocket. She barely had to search for it, it was almost as it were magnetised to her hand and it was suddenly there. She drew it out and looked at it. The voice was stronger now, but it was less insistent now it knew her intentions.
She held the watch behind her back, and with her free hand she reached up and caressed his cheek. At her touch his eyes fluttered open and a small smile tugged at his mouth… then he saw the expression on her face.
"Rose?" he murmured. She was leaning over top of him, looking down at him with a sad smile.
"I love you," she whispered. Then she leant down and kissed him. It was long and soft and passionate. He responded eagerly, kissing her gently but none the less passionately. Both were trying to convey all their love in that one kiss. When Rose drew back, she had tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice cracking.
And then she opened the watch.
