Re-updating this one. Just tried something to get rid of the annoying run on italics. Hopefully now they're gone. I have no idea why it does that.

.

.

.

The Path that Never Was

.

.

Rose didn't stop crying for at least ten minutes. And the Doctor never let her go. He just couldn't do that to someone who used to be Rose. Someone who was so sweet, and kind, and happy… and secretly broken.

He had known she was putting on a brave face pretending that things were still alright between them, that he wasn't treating her like and absolute jerk. But he had no idea how much her old life had scarred her. He had seen the pain in her eyes and dismissed it as proof she was different. But seeing her breakdown like that had frightened him. And from what he could tell it was only from arguing.

And the things she had said. Something about being trapped. A promise. She wanted help, to be saved. She wanted him. How did she know him? he remembered when she told him she'd only ever had twenty-six happy years… he had a sinking feeling most of those were her human years.

But that was impossible, because she didn't have any emotional attachment to any of those memories. Which was why he was angry at her for seeing Jackie. It wasn't right to torment Jackie when the memories of her meant nothing to the Time Lady. Though, from what he could understand of her life - which he knew nothing about - she did not have a good time at all. Perhaps even no love. So it was almost understandable that she would go to the one person she remembered loving her the most… No, no that wasn't it. Of course she had a good life. Gallifrey may have been strict, but everyone was treated well…

A memory surfaced in his mind of his dear friend Zeta being dragged back home screaming. He had never understood why she didn't want to go home, not truly. She never told them much of went on there, sometimes he thought she was exaggerating. But he could remember the look of pure fear and hatred in her usually sweet eyes and it sent chills down his spine. That look would haunt him forever because it was so heartbreaking. And it was such a shock. Zeta had been the sweetest person he had ever known (other than Rose). She would never even consider hating anyone… but the look in her eyes when she looked at her Matron…

.

"Thank you," Rose's strained husky voice broke through his reverie.

"For what?" he asked quietly.

"For stopping me. For talking me out of it. No one's ever done that before," she told him.

"What? Not once? You have a breakdown and no one helped you? Wait, this has happened before?"

Rose shook her head into his chest. "I looked into the Schism and I went mad," she whispered. "And they wanted it. They wanted me to go mad. Because if I retreat… it takes over…" She couldn't repress the shiver that ran through her. She didn't mind having the Vortex within her. But hundreds of years of torturing it out of her had tainted her views of it. She never turned to it unless absolutely necessary. And she hated that she had no control over it. she couldn't even call if fourth at will, nor stop it.

The Doctor was concerned by the last part. He was worried about anything that could drive someone mad and take them over. He didn't ask what it was… strangely for him, he didn't want to know. "Mmm, the Untempered Schism," he murmured, sending the conversation in another direction as he helped her up. "Can't say I'll miss that."

"I can't say I'll miss anything… Well, maybe the view," she said wandering around the other side of the console.

"What?" he cried in surprise.

"Doctor, I'm sorry, but there was never really much for me to miss. I only got to enjoy the sight of Gallifrey for five years before…" she faded out, leaving him looking at her curiously again. She didn't like thinking of her imprisonment, she was so overjoyed to finally know that she was free. "I'm actually glad you did it," she said quietly.

It didn't take long for him to know what she meant. "What?" he cried incredulously, anger seeping into his voice. "How could you say that? How could you be glad that I destroyed our home and everyone you loved, everyone that ever cared for you?"

"No one cared for me!" she shouted at him. "No one! I'm starting to wonder if you ever did! You didn't even come to see if I was okay! You left me trapped while I tried to fight my way back to you! You promised!" she tried to fight the tears as she voiced the thoughts that had been nudging at the back of her mind for a while now. "I was taken away from my parents when I was a few months old because I was - am - somehow strong enough to not only see, but strong enough to bend the timelines! I can see the options that time gives and help it go down the path I want. The people who took me didn't care for me, I was only their tool. A weapon they could shape! Then to make matters worse, when I looked into the Untempered Schism I became eternity. I somehow absorbed the time Vortex. Almost like I did on Satellite 5."

The Doctor looked at her in shock - well, even more shock than he had a second ago. "Oh, come on," she scoffed at his incredulous look. "Did you honestly think that just any human could have survived that? You didn't even survive it, how did you think I would have? I survived because I am meant to hold it, it chose me. And it made my life hell. It drove me mad… or at least I'm sure it did. Everyone told me I was. But that made things worse. Because they learnt how to bring it out… how to control it. I never knew how they did it, it shouldn't have been possible." She stopped and tried to lower her voice. She didn't want to shout at him anymore. The Doctor was staring at her wide eyes and shocked at the revelation. After all, she'd kept everything so quiet for weeks. The past hour had reveals so much… and it scared him.

"It gave me extra sight," she continued in a lower tone. "In my dreams I could see the timelines, stronger and much further forward than anyone had seen before. When I was only 130 I saw the Time War. There were only two paths. One with you… the one that was taken. And one with me. So yes, I'm glad that it went the way it did."

"Why?" he snapped walking right up to her, so he was looming over her. His furious eyes boring into hers. "So that you didn't have to do it? So that you didn't have to bare the guilt of being the Destroyer of Gallifrey!"

"So that I didn't destroyEVERYTHING!" she shouted right back, not backing down. "If I had done it, I wouldn't have stopped at Gallifrey. At least you had something good at the end!"

Then she placed her hands on his temples and forced the images into his mind. She didn't even bother waiting for permission. And why not, he hadn't asked permission to watch into her dreams all those weeks ago. Because it had been her dream, not his. And she had to make him see. She didn't care what he found out about her past or who she was. She wanted him to know that he had done the right thing.

.

The Doctor watched the images pour into his head. Scene after scene of the Time War. The vision from Rose's mind making him wince in pain. With a bond as strong as the one she was forging, he could feel her emotions. He knew it was important she show it to him. So he watched the worst moment of his life replayed from another's eyes. He watched as Gallifrey fell, with him as the lone survivor.

…No, not so alone.

There he saw a lone Dalek fall through time, it fell to earth where it burned for three days… screaming all the while. Four Daleks, the Cult of Skaro, stole a prison ship and entered a void ship, disappearing from existence. A broken half damaged Dalek broke through the Time Lock and rescued Davros. An injured Time Lord fled the battlefield, he regenerated into a child and all but threw himself into the Chameleon Arch. Lord President Drall put his hands to the head of the girl held captive before him. He forced her to regenerate into an infant then placed the screaming child into another Chameleon Arch. He was not alone.

Then he saw himself moping through space, just him. The darkness and the guilt that burdened him weighing him down. He watched his energy fade as he gave up hope… But then he took the hand of a simple human shop girl and said one word. 'Run'. The love and hope and joy became part of his life again. He watched as moments from the last two years rushed by.

In the back of his mind he could feel Rose musing over the fact that the visions of her were clearer now that the timelines had become fixed. Then he felt her giddy laughter that it had been her all along.

But then he saw something that made his heart break further. He saw himself and Rose together, as they should have been. It hurt him to know that this would now never happen. He also felt that on feeling those emotions, Rose felt angry and annoyed and upset.

.

Then the scene changed. He knew they were watching a completely different timeline. The one that didn't happen. He heard Rose gasp as she saw what must be her. He heard the thought in her head.

'I can actually see what I look like this time. I wonder if everything will be this clear'.

.

The room was dark and dingy. What little light there was came flashing through the bars as bombs exploded outside. At a first glace, the room was empty. But as yet another explosion lit up the cell they could see a figure huddled in the corner. She was undernourished and had dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. Her hazel eyes were tired and her dark blonde hair fell in greasy strings. It was almost like she had been completely forgotten in the war.

They had put her here so she didn't use up all her regenerations before the right time.

The Doctor gasped aloud as he recognised Rose as she was now… only looking like she had lived in hell, locked away for years in a cell.

With a rusted sounding squeal, the bars grated across and opened to reveal three figures. The figure in the middle was Drall. He was no longer Lord President, but he was still her keeper. Just as he had been since she was an infant.

"It's time," he told her.

The girl's eyes opened wide. "No," she whimpered curling into a tighter ball. "I won't do it." She didn't get much of a choice in the matter as the two men on either side of Drall dragged her up. There had once been a time when she had been strong enough to at least try and fight back. But now she couldn't. She'd been inside this tiny cell for hundreds of years. "No!" her whimpers turned into desperate screams as they dragged her out towards the battlefield. "No! You won't make me do it! Please you can't do this!"

Her cries caught the attention of someone in the battle. He stopped shooting with the gun that he so despised and ran over to them.

The Doctor was surprised to be looking at himself, his ninth self. He must have just regenerated days if not hours ago.

He saw the frail girl being shoved about roughly; she looked like one more push would break her. He rushed closer and pushed one of the men out of the way.

"What are you doing?" he cried dragging her away from them. She clung to him desperately. She couldn't let them get her. This man had to keep her safe, or no one ever would be again.

"We are stopping the Time War, Doctor," Drall told him calmly. "She will lead us to our victory."

"She's only a girl!" he cried. "She's weak, she looks half dead!"

"Trust me, she's more than JUST a girl, Theta," one of the men told him.

"Theta?" the girl suddenly cried looking up at him with such pure shining hope and delight. "Theta! Oh, my Theta!" Tears ran down her face as she clung to him even tighter. Finally, after so many centuries of trying to get back to him, she was here in his arms.

"We don't have time for this," Drall said in a bored tone. "Seize her." The two men stepped up to drag her off him.

"No!" she shrieked, and clung to his neck. Then the men pulled at her, and she was weak. But just before they managed to pry her from the Doctor's stronger grip, she whispered something in his ear. Just one word. He couldn't hear the word though, there was an impact around it and it sounded muffled. Like the word was forbidden to his mind. It was her real name.

His eyes widened as every single memory where he had used that name rushed back to him. The name she had been given washed away from the memories it covered. He was startled by what she had just done. You only told someone your name if you trusted them utterly and completely… if you loved them. Because compared to telling someone your name, saying that you loved them looked like nothing.

And suddenly he was filled with anger. How could they do this to someone he cared so much for?

"Leave her alone!" he growled, stepping towards them with the look of the Oncoming Storm.

"Not a chance," Drall sneered. "We need her. We need our Goddess." He looked up grinning as he saw a bomb drop from a Dalek ship above them. It was going to land very close to them, and everyone ran out of the way. Except when Drall ran, he pushed the girl right into the on coming blast.

"No!" the Doctor shouted, but he was thrown onto the ground by the force. Those bombs were designed to kill Time Lords. She wouldn't survive; there would be no way for her to regenerate. He felt the tears run down his face as she was consumed by the fire. It wasn't fair, he'd only just found her again!

But as the flame and ash and debris cleared, he saw her, standing in a golden bubble of protection. But she wasn't herself anymore. Her eyes glowed gold with the power of the vortex. She was ethereal, no longer looking like the weak, starved and un-bathed woman she'd been a moment before. She looked bright and healthy.

He whispered her real name fearfully as she stepped forward. Once again, the Doctor couldn't hear what it was. She walked up to him and helped him up. He could feel the power radiating from her. "Where is she?" he asked.

"I am she," she replied, her voice echoing ethereally. "I am the vessel of the Time Vortex. It chose me, because of my strong emotions and compassion. But that will be my downfall. Please, Theta, you must run… I cannot protect you. They can almost control me. And if they get you, I will do anything they ask of me."

But just as she finished speaking, someone grabbed him from behind and shoved a blade at his throat. She raised a hand to disintegrate the blade, but nothing happened. It was a Vortex Blade. A weapon they had created from the Time Vortex itself. She could do nothing against it, nor the people who wield it.

"Now," Drall grinned cruelly. "Since we appear to have some leverage, it is time to stop this infernal war… Or your beloved Theta dies. And you know he will not regenerate.

Golden tears spilled down her cheeks… and the Dalek fleet above them disappeared. Every single Dalek in existence disappeared. Before their very eyes, Gallifrey was restored to its former full glory. It was as if the Time War never happened, even people who had died in the last few days, people whose bodies were still in tact, were alive once more…

The Doctor watched the visions go by. They would not let the vortex leave her. She stayed as the Goddess, trapped that way forever. He watched as they used him as leverage against her. He was imprisoned and threatened, as was she. He watched as every single enemy of Gallifrey fell, and whole civilisations came into being once more. They used her when ever they wanted, becoming so corrupt. And for once, they did not sit by and do nothing, choosing only to sit and watch - they shaped the universe the way they saw fit. Becoming worse than the creatures they were destroying.

But time was changing too much and creatures that she could not destroy came along. The Reapers, the Shadows and many other creatures that healed time. Only they could not this time. There was nothing they could do. And any change they tried to make better, grew worse. Soon the universe fell into chaos as everything became dust. Eventually even Gallifrey was gone. The Doctor was gone, and she became vengeful in her grief of her loss and the grief of what she had done. And the universe was empty of everything. All the stars and all life. All of reality. Everything was silent.

She was the only thing left. And finally the Time Vortex released her… and let her die. And she welcomed the final silence.

.

The Doctor gasped as she released his mind. His vision focused just in time to see the gold light leave her eyes, but the golden tears continued to flow. Weakly, she fell to the floor, her hands sliding from his face to cover her own. He was too in shock to even move. But then his senses caught up to him, and as an automatic - albeit, late - reaction, he stooped down to help her.

She shivered at his touch. He knew from the bond, that she had never seen it that clearly before. And it had hurt her to do so, and scared her to no end. She had thought that part of her life was over. And it was… but the thought was still painful.

He tried to swallow the thought that she had been kept in a cell her whole life. After all, she'd told him that she hadn't been happy most of her life, that she was trapped. She'd refused to tell him why.

Gasping and shaking from the shock, Rose stood. She couldn't face him right now. What she could have done was far worse than anything in existence… how could anyone even look at someone who could do that.

The tears still running down her face, she pulled away from his grasp and sprinted to her room. She was so wrapped up in her horrid thoughts that she couldn't hear as the Doctor called after her. She didn't hear him shout her name. She didn't even notice that he had called her Rose.

.

.

.

Phew… so, very intense chapter. I really wanted to show in detail what would have happened if she had destroyed Gallifrey. And how they were managing to control the Vortex. Because despite the fact the Vortex has no emotion, she still holds all her emotion and so her actions are bound by them.

Just so you know, he doesn't know she's Zeta yet. He suspects it in the back of his mind. But he doesn't find out for another ten minutes at least =D

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it!