"Can we go with you?"
There was a tired sigh that echoed through the cave. "No Tim."
"We're coming with you old man, whether you want us to or not."
A nervous tic in his left eye. "I said no Jason."
"But father-"
Bruce Wayne groaned and slammed his head against the desk and the Batcomputer keyboard jumped on impact.
I knew I had to stop with the first son.
Speaking of his firstborn, where the hell was he?
Sure Dick, take your time. Not only do the aliens want to take over Earth but I also have to bear with your brothers who want to come with us. Thank you very much chum.
The billionaire ignored the chatter of his sons in the background and after a few minutes of pure agony he lifted his head sharply as he saw the zeta tube light up and utter the long-awaited name.
Recognized: Nightwing B-01
"Thank you thank you! You don't have to clap for me! I already know I'm awesome but thanks anyway!" strutted the acrobat dramatically as he bowed.
"No one literally said a fucking word Dickhead." grunted Jason.
"Language." automatically scolded him Bruce who didn't miss the annoyed twirling of his second son but he decided to ignore it this once.
Just this once though.
He did not have enough energy to face his second Robin.
"Grayson." nodded Damian in greeting. "Finally there is one other person in this house with a minimum of brain cells, excluding me and Pennyworth of course."
Frankly, Bruce had expected that he would not be included in that list. But still, it hurt him a little.
Just a little though.
"I finally have a brother in this house who has never tried to kill me." Tim released an exaggerated sigh of relief.
Was Bruce a bad parent if he did not give too much weight to his thirdborn's words by considering it as an everyday occurrence?
Probably yes.
Was he going to do anything about it?
Absolutely not. He did not have too much caffeine in his body to solve this kind of problem.
"That's enough!" growled Bruce, slipping easily into his Batman voice. He turned and stared directly at his first Robin. "Nightwing, start getting on the Bat-plane."
"Um B?" asked the Wayne eldest son uncertainly.
"What?" growled Batman, his voice coming out harsher than he really meant.
Fortunately Dick did not linger too long and instead he simply pointed to his brothers. "Why are they wearing their uniforms?"
The Dark Knight stared at his three other sons and sighed as he saw them in their vigilante outfits.
How the hell had he missed this?
Bruce could practically hear Dick's voice in his head.
You're slipping into old age B!
He grunted involuntarily.
He was not old, thank you very much.
"I've told you a thousand times you guys can't come!" he growled exasperatedly.
"And what are you going to do to stop us from coming?" challenged Red Hood, stepping forward.
"I'll tell Alfred to watch over you and not let you out." replied Bruce without missing a beat.
"You do know that we escaped from Alfred like a hundred times?" asked Red Robin innocently.
If Bruce wasn't wearing the cowl now he'd be pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't have time for your rebellion! This is a serious and exclusively Justice League mission!"
Robin opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the Bludhaven hero's voice.
"Can you please stay here? For your favorite big brother?" begged Nightwing softly, making his brothers falter slightly.
"You are my only big brother Dickhead."
Nightwing ignored his Little Wing and removed his mask revealing his puppy-dog eyes. Batman immediately looked away, terrified of being trapped in them forever.
Unfortunately (actually, in this case better to say fortunately) his other three sons were not as lucky as he was, and they didn't stand a chance against Dick Grayson's damn puppy-dog eyes. They sighed in defeat simultaneously and muttered under their breath.
"All right." they grumbled disgruntled but listened to their big brother and slowly headed for the locker room to change.
Bruce did not know whether to be grateful or jealous of his eldest son's infallible tactics.
Not to be mistaken he was both.
"Come on Dick." grunted Batman. "We're already late." he growled annoyed as the two of them headed for the Bat-plane.
"Can I drive?" asked Nightwing hopefully, hopping excitedly in his own steps.
The "No" was quickly escaping the Caped Crusader's lips but he reconsidered and with a mental smirk decided to make his three youngest sons pay for it.
"Yes."
Dick squealed excitedly and hugged him quickly before doing several somersaults to the pilot seat of the Bat-plane.
"Golden Boy is just your favorite old man!" shouted Jason indignantly from the locker room.
Bruce did not respond and with a smirk climbed into the Bat-plane.
He mentally patted himself on the back for his little revenge, knowing that Jason, Tim, and Damian would spend the rest of the day complaining but not bothering him.
Obviously his little revenge had to turn against him because heaven forbid life could be good to him for more than five minutes!
And no instead: the universe never granted him a small moment of peace and serenity.
Should something like that ever happen! It probably would have gone against some law of the universe that categorically denied a moment of tranquility for Bruce Thomas Wayne's unfortunate and hapless soul.
Bruce's idea of having Dick drive the Bat-plane probably ranked in the top ten of his worst choices he has ever made in his entire life and certainly on the list of things not to be repeated again.
Dick had to make the plane perform reckless and completely unnecessary stunts such as spins, rotations, pirouettes, etc. at an absurdly dizzying speed.
Literally dizzying.
Bruce considered himself lucky (and even proud) that he did not throw back the contents of his stomach even once, instead keeping his jewel clean.
Albeit with a great deal of effort and strain.
He had seriously had to use all his vast training to avoid regurgitating Alfred's lunch on the Bat-plane that surely did not deserve such a fate.
But for what the heck in the world did Bruce decide to make his firstborn, famous for his reckless driving with no sense of self-preservation, drive the fucking Bat-plane?
Oh right, to make his other sons pay for it.
Well, he certainly could have done that by choosing another idea without perhaps risking his own life.
In fact with Dick's driving Bruce had lost a minimum of ten years of life.
Bruce was sure that (at a minimum) 99.95% of the world's population (civilians, the strongest and most resilient heroes, and even the worst super-villains) would have vomited if they were in his place.
Batman was not ashamed of the fact that, once they landed, he had immediately stepped out of that damned death trap (he can never see his jewel with the same eyes again, thanks Dick) and practically threw himself without a half-thought into the unfolding battle.
He would have done anything rather than relive the nightmare of being in the Bat-plane led by his firstborn.
Anything.
Superman ducked under the mace blow of one of the aliens, and he hit him with a strong punch to the stomach that sent him violently against two other aliens who were thrown far away.
"Ehy Supes!"
The protective hero of Metropolis turned with a smile, greeting his friend Hal.
"It seems to me that Batman is more brutal than usual. Do you know why?" the Green Lantern asked curiously and also rather worried (and also slightly frightened but will never admit it).
The two heroes turned in the Dark Knight's direction just in time to see him throw a violent kick at the throat of an alien who fell to his knees making muffled noises and immediately afterwards Batman threw a brutal right hook at him. The alien fell unconscious to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
With an inhuman animalistic growl Batman threw himself into the midst of other aliens beating them mercilessly.
"Nah. He's just being his normal self. Don't worry about him." the Kryptonian reassured him with a smile, patting him on the back.
"If you say so." said Hal still uncertain and unconvinced by his friend's words.
"Ehy guys! Do you want to know an Italian tongue twister?" asked Nightwing casually as he jumped into the midst of five aliens, completely unconcerned and casual from their aggressive and threatening stances.
"Kill him guys!" growled one of them and they all flew toward the acrobat.
"Whoa! Do you guys know English? That's great! I know it too!" exclaimed Nightwing smilingly, jumping over the heads of the aliens and turning around with a kick to the back of one of them.
"Anyway, here's the Italian tongue twister I promised you." continued the hero of Bludhaven taking five wing-dings and throwing them at them and disarming them all.
"Andavo a Lione"
Nightwing jumped onto the shoulders of one alien and used all his weight to drop him hard to the ground as he soared through the air performing a triple somersault.
"Cogliendo cotone"
With a vicious kick the vigilante struck an alien in the face followed by an uppercut the next millisecond. He landed on the ground and Dick drew his escrima. Nightwing moved to the side dodging an alien and he threw an escrima that hit him violently in the temple and he fell to the ground with a resounding thud as Dick quickly picked up the escrima.
"Do you ever fucking stand still!?"
"Tornavo correndo"
An alien flew quickly toward Nightwing who struck him brutally in the face with an escrima and his enemy fell with a grunt of pain to the ground. The first Robin turned sharply and with both escrima he hit the jaw and stomach of the last alien falls screamed in pain before landing unconscious on the ground.
"Cotone cogliendo." finished smiling Nightwing nodding in satisfaction at all the aliens he had just knocked down.
The acrobat's head casually followed an alien being hit violently and sent far away in midair destroying a few buildings in the process. Nightwing then turned smiling toward the responsible. "Did you have to hit him so hard?"
Wonder Woman looked at him impassively. "That's funny coming from the man who just defeated five of these aliens while saying an Italian tongue twister."
Nightwing chuckled. "Touché." he conceded with a huge smile between his lips.
The impassive gaze of the princess of Themyscira soon broke into a sweet and amused look, her blue eyes shining with motherly love. "Never change, Dick."
The Bludhaven vigilante's smile expanded slightly, and he gave her a mock military salute. "I'm not going to, aunt Diana."
The demigoddess giggled and she gave him a playful wink before flying away. "Don't get yourself killed or else I'll fly to Heaven and bring you back to Earth by force!" she shouted.
"Then when I die I will look forward to you! I'm counting on you, aunt!" he shouted back, smiling when he heard her laugh.
Nightwing smiled and deftly twirled the escrima in his hands as he ran to launch himself into another battle with more of these hawkish aliens.
He would not allow them to conquer his planet.
Not over his dead body.