Author's Note:

WOW guys! Seriously, in the last few days, MIND = BLOWN. Thank you sooooo much! I can't thank you all enough for the reviews and alerts! It's impossible for me to keep a smile from my face when I get those emails on my phone telling me someone reviewed and/or added the story to alerts and/or faves! I don't often showcase my writing for public scrutiny, so I truly value all of your reviews and advice, and the kind words you've given me are a real confidence-booster, I'll tell you that much. But don't worry. I won't let it go to my head :P

Phew, so, regarding the story, this scene is a fair bit longer than the last one, and to make things more complicated, it's told from Kaidan's perspective. You know those struggles I was having with the last part making sure Kaidan's responses were in character, so I wanted your feedback? This was why. Fortunately, I received no negative comments regarding that aspect, so I figured I must have been doing something right. Same goes for this chapter though. I want your feedback regarding his thoughts and perspective. Please don't hesitate to let me know if any part of it (or all of it) seems out of character. I love the character of Kaidan and I want to do him justice, and if that means a complete re-write of this scene, so be it.

And I'm off again!

-i.I

P.S. On a side-note, I love the end of this chapter to little pieces. LAWL.

Disclaimer: BioWare owns it.

Temporary Serenity

Part Three: If Looks Could Kill

They boarded the Normandy SR-2 and Kaidan immediately slowed to gawk at the new, much larger Cerberus vessel. This lasted for merely a moment, however, and he shook himself, catching up before Shepard noticed he had lagged behind. She led him through the CIC and into an elevator that took them down to the crew deck. He declined an offer for a drink when they passed the entrance leading to the mess hall and so she opened the door to the starboard observatory, sitting on one of the couches set against the wall, where he joined her.

A full minute passed before either of them said anything. Kaidan searched her profile as she sat beside him, green eyes staring out the expansive window in silence, likely thinking about what to say. The scars he'd seen marring her face on Horizon had since healed completely, leaving only the one on her eyebrow that he remembered seeing when he first met her. Her hair was much the same, if slightly longer, falling just below her chin with her bangs tucked lightly behind her ears, and her cheeks were flushed with what he guessed was her previous consumption of alcohol in the Dark Star Lounge.

"I got your email, after Horizon." She responded finally, "If you were expecting some sort of response, I'm sorry, I didn't send one. After I read it, I sat in that chair for at least an hour, trying to think of something to say before I finally gave up. I was so... angry with you that I couldn't think clearly enough to write something I wouldn't regret later. But there's one thing I want you to know: That night, before Ilos?" Here, she turned to face him fully, "How could you question that? I could never forget that night, Kaidan, even if I wanted to."

He clenched his jaw, feeling she had more to say, so he stayed silent.

"There were a lot of things left unsaid on Horizon, and I just wanted to clear some things up. To explain."

Anger surged, and he felt himself shrug, "What is there to explain? You left the Alliance to work with Cerberus, letting me and everyone else believe you were dead."

If looks could kill, he'd have been dead at that moment, because the glare he received from her was possibly among the fiercest he'd ever seen.

"Kaidan, that's not what happened at all, and if you'd just shut up for a second, I can explain."

Needless to say, he obeyed.

"First of all," She began, still heated in anger, "What part of 'I was clinically dead' did you not understand on Horizon? I was dead, Kaidan. As in, not living. As in, Cerberus had to dig my charred, suffocated body up from some nearby planet after the first Normandy was destroyed, and it took two years to bring me back to life."

He stared at her, eyes wide in surprise, about to say something, anything. Tell her how much of an idiot he was? He wasn't sure. But she continued before he had a chance, standing to her feet and starting to pace.

"I woke up on a table, with no idea where I was, or how I got there. Some woman—who turned out to be Miranda—was yelling at me over the PA system, telling me the facility was under attack. I was tired, hungry, and disoriented, but somehow I managed to get through the place unscathed until I met up with Jacob and he helped clear things up. It wasn't until just before we escaped that I found out they were both with Cerberus. They brought me back to deal with the disappearing colonies." She explained, her eyes far away as if she was reliving the memory, "I agreed for a number of reasons. The biggest being to deal with the Collectors, obviously, and I needed their resources. But not the least of those reasons was because they gave me a second chance at life, and to be honest, I felt like I owed them something in return."

Silence reigned. For how long, he had no idea. He was still processing everything she said when she changed the subject.

"I tried to find you, you know." She said quietly, her voice calmer as she sat down again, bringing her feet up on the couch and folding them in under her without looking at him, "After I got out. I asked Anderson if he knew where you were. He told me what he knew about the others but said your location was classified. I later found out you were on Horizon. Turns out The Illusive Man planted the rumours that sent you – and by extension, me – to Horizon, just to lure the Collectors there because he suspected they were looking for me, or those connected to me." She scoffed, shaking her head in disgust, "Bastard. I was livid when I found out."

He felt his jaw muscles flex again, fury boiling the blood in his veins, "See? You can't trust them, Shepard!"

"Don't you think I knew that? I wanted to end it, right then and there. But though Cerberus might say otherwise, with the way things were, I didn't have the luxury of choice, Kaidan. They were the only ones doing anything about the abductions! I hated Cerberus, and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want to put a bullet in The Illusive Man's head. Hell, I can't say I wouldn't have done so if he hadn't have been a fucking hologram every time I talked to him. But they weren't the real threat. The Collectors were, and at that point, my goals and those of Cerberus were the same. I did what I had to do, and if that meant dealing with an organization I hated, then I needed to push my personal feelings aside and get it done. Besides," and here, her mouth cracked into that of a tiny smirk, "the sooner it was done, the sooner I could tell The Illusive Man to fuck off and find a new guinea pig for his twisted devices."

He furrowed his brow in thought, and paused for a moment before speaking, "You keep referring to them in the past tense. Does that mean you're not with Cerberus anymore?"

Shepard faced him, raised an eyebrow, and gave him a look, "Yes, Kaidan. It means I'm not with Cerberus anymore. Our ship was attacked by Collectors while the ground team was ashore. Joker was the only one who made it out. I decided we'd done enough preparing and it was time to take the fight to the Collectors, so we used the Omega 4 Relay and tracked the ship that took my crew to the Collector base." She visibly shuddered, "Believe me, you don't want to know what they were doing in there. I got my crew out and was ready to blow the place to hell when I got a message from The Illusive Man."

She shook her head, her brow creasing as if in disbelief. When she didn't elaborate, he pressed her, "What did he want?"

"He wanted to keep the base for Cerberus to study. Apparently, to learn more about the Collectors' technology so it could be used against them." Her eyes narrowed, and she looked disgusted, "Like hell. I wasn't letting him anywhere near that base. So, I told him if he wanted to study the base, he'd have to do it in hell, because that's where I was sending it."

He couldn't help the chuckle that emerged from him, and something he'd thought was lost forever fluttered in his stomach when he heard laughter bubble forth from the woman before him.

"After we got back to the ship, he contacted me, furious at what I'd done. So I told him to fuck off and Joker got rid of the comm channel. Then, Miranda and Jacob both resigned, so now we're all officially unemployed."

Sweet relief poured into him. This was Shepard. Dana. She hadn't changed. She was still the beautiful, decisive, strong, kind (albeit short-tempered and bad-mouthed) woman he'd fallen in love with so long ago. He'd just allowed his hatred for Cerberus to cloud his perception of the full picture.

Alenko, you're an idiot, he chided with a sigh, Apologize, you ass!

"Shepard—"

"Kaidan, I'm sorry." She interrupted, "When I got out of that Cerberus facility, I tried to find you and when I found out you were on Horizon, I thought... well, I don't know what I thought. I guess I had some foolhardy little girl expectation that the last two years affected you the same as they did me. But two years is a long time. I get that. Things change. But for me, it was just like waking up from a deep sleep, and yet everything was different. Everyone was gone. So much had changed in what seemed like such a short time, and so much was being thrown into my lap that, to be honest, sometimes I wished Cerberus had just left me dead and,—"

"Dana," He broke in, stopping her rambling as she stared up at him, green eyes wide, "I'm sorry. I never should have doubted you. I should have trusted you. I allowed my hatred for Cerberus to blind me from the real threat, and I was so thick-headed that I never understood that you were dead. I thought you had just left the Alliance to work for Cerberus, undercover for two years. I didn't think you were actually dead."

"Believe me, if I had gotten out of that bed sooner, you would've been the first to know."

"I know." He couldn't hold back anymore, he reached for her hand and took it in his own, "And I'm sorry I said I didn't know who you were anymore. You haven't changed at all. You're still the same woman I remember, and I'm an idiot for not seeing it sooner."

A moment of silence passed, and he allowed himself to be distracted by her thumb sliding idly over the skin of his hand. Funny how a woman so fierce on the battlefield could have such smooth, seemingly delicate hands. But they were deceptive hands. And they certainly weren't delicate. He knew those hands had seen far more war and bloodshed in the last few years than most do in a lifetime. Just one of this woman's many mysteries.

"Thanks, Kaidan." She muttered as they stood, seemingly finished with the conversation, "For listening. I'm glad I got the chance to explain everything before the shit really does hit the proverbial fan. I have a meeting with the Alliance tomorrow, to explain everything I know, and I'm completely dreading it. But, there's a war coming. Things are only going to get worse, and I don't know what's going to happen, but at least I don't have to worry about what happened between us being left up in the air like it has been."

"I'll be there. At the meeting. It's why I was called back to the Citadel." He explained, "So even if you have no one else's support, you'll at least have mine."

Her shoulders slumped in a sigh, and she allowed him to pull her into an embrace. He marvelled again at how well she fit into his arms without the bulk of armour separating them. Even the citrus smell of her hair was as he remembered it, though it was mingled with the slight scent of alcohol. He breathed it in deep, savouring it while he had the chance. He felt her warm breath against his neck as she exhaled while he held her close.

God, he missed this. He missed her. How could he let himself walk away from her back on Horizon?

"So..." She whispered, lifting her head and pulling away enough for her eyes to make contact with his and her hands to slide around to his chest, "What now? Um... all is forgiven?" She raised an eyebrow and bit her lip uncharacteristically, and Kaidan let a smile tug the corner of his mouth. This was Dana when she wasn't Commander Shepard. This was the person—the woman—only Kaidan had been allowed to see.

He sighed, "Dana, I should be asking you that."

"That's a yes, I take it?"

He took hold of her upper arms, gave her a nod, and watched the warm smile grace her lips. He still wasn't certain where they were to go from here, but at that moment, he didn't want to worry about the future. Like that night before Ilos, (while he wasn't about to go so far, so soon) what mattered to him most was that moment. The two of them, together and so when her smile faded and she slid one of her hands from his chest upwards to the back of his neck, he hesitated for merely a moment before inching closer—

"Shepard?"

And, just like that, the moment ended, and they pulled away from each other as if they were on fire, motioning with their hands like a couple of teenagers who didn't know what to do with themselves.

"Garrus!"

"Alenko."

The turian was standing in the doorway, staring at him. Kaidan wasn't comfortable under his scrutiny, and so brought a hand up to awkwardly rub the back of his neck, "Heh... Hey, Garrus."

"What are you doing here?" She asked, thankfully drawing his attention away from Kaidan, "I thought you were at the Dark Star."

"I left to come find you. Everyone was wondering where you went." He explained, "You were gone for nearly half an hour."

"Yes, well, we had some..." she trailed off, "catching up to do."

Garrus looked from her to Kaidan and back again, "No kidding." Kaidan wasn't entirely sure if turians had animated eyebrows like humans, but if they did, he knew for a fact that Garrus' left eyebrow was half-way up his forehead.

The next exchanges of words between the two humans were entangled with each other and nearly incomprehensible.

"I should—"

"I need to—"

"I have to uh, do that, thing—"

"Yeah, I have a... "

"I should go." He said finally, "I'll, uh, show myself out."

She nodded slightly as he started out, Garrus never removing his eyes from him, "I'll see you tomorrow, Shepard."

He wasn't entirely out of ear-shot by the time she started talking again, causing a knowing smile to creep across his face as she said, "What the hell, Garrus? What's with the death-glares?"