A/N: Yes I am back, but treasure this post because I don't know when another will come. I have so much work on at the minute I barely get to sleep but this was building up in me. The truth about what Chuck did and why Blair left finally comes out tonight. I know you all have been waiting for a long time but I hope it's worth it and you are still reading this. Now I have to go and tackle Romeo and Juliet, yes my life is that exciting.
Krazyforspike I really want someone to like Mila. Chuck will answer your question in this post tonight. Thanks. QueenBee10 Thanks. Ilovecujo1993 I'm sorry I did leave you hanging I just have so much work on at the minute. Letmein1812 Thanks so much. I like writing this Blair, where she has seen things from the other side. The Eleanor thing will be handled in the next few posts. Josh is going to be interesting especially after this post . Mila leaving may have the opposite effect, Chuck may feel differently. I love your reviews. HnM skinny Thanks. Ziah Ee! Thanks. I hope you continue to love this story. Quinn James Thank you, I hope you like this update. Svenjen I hope this gets even more interesting for you. writing you screen name was interesting because I had to fight the urge to hit the space bar lol. Thanks for your review and the challenge. CBBW Thanks. Tiffany Thank you, sorry it took so long.
Read and review you lovely (and hopefully patient) readers.
Chapter 8: An honest heartbreak
Blair got up from the table and walked over to the sink. Thinking about why she left made her feel sick, and she was really hoping not to throw up. She never liked being sick, which she thought was quite comical considering she had a history with bulimia. Chuck called her name softly, and she told him to wait. She really wasn't ready for this conversation, nor did she think she ever would be. She took a deep breath and turned round to face him, "do you feel guilty?"
"Of course I do Blair. The guilt has never left me; it still resides in the pit of my stomach"
"Is that why you are throwing money at me? Why you want to send Tabitha to a fancy private school? Why you have given me a job for life? Because of guilt, if that is why I don't want the job."
"That's not why Blair. I gave you the job because I needed a communications director and you clearly know how to be one. I am not throwing money at you, I want you to be secure in every way possible, and as for Tabitha she is too smart for public school. Period."
Blair folded her arms across her chest. She wanted to ask Chuck if he was still in love with her but she knew if she did that, there was no turning back. If the answer was yes, would that throw her back into a relationship with him? She knew he said her job was for life but if the relationship didn't work out then how could she still work for him and live in his hotel? If he said no, and rejected her how could she face him every day? How could she still develop this friendship with Mila? Even if she disliked the fact that Mila was in love with Chuck, she couldn't find anything wrong with her as a person.
"I'm glad you screwed it all up. I wouldn't have Tabitha if it wasn't for that. She makes what you did ok."
"Nothing makes what I did ok Blair."
Blair walked over to the window and stared out at the city. New York City at night was probably her favourite thing to look at. She was reminded of a quote by John Jay Chapman. He once said that "the present in New York is so powerful that the past is lost." Tonight her present was determined to find her past and bring it back to her.
"Chuck it's not like it was the first time, and nobody knows what happened so why drag it all up again," Blair spoke quietly.
"Because he deserved it Blair, after what he did you he deserved a lot more than that. All I wanted to do was make things easier for you. The guy is scum."
"Chuck it wasn't that big of a deal. At least it wouldn't have been if you would have just left it alone. He would have gone back to England and everything would have been fine, but instead you got involved and look where that got us. I lost everything, my place at Yale, my family, you…." Blair realised she had said too much. She ran her hand through her hair and tugged at the roots.
"Blair I would have done anything for you, and I thought I was meant to fix it. Back then I knew three things inside out, whiskey, you and how to gamble. But the stakes I bet where too high. I thought I could beat him and he would leave you alone. But it wasn't poker we were playing and he won the game."
Blair remained silent. She wasn't sure how to answer. She turned round and looked at Chuck. She knew he really was sorry for what he had done but that didn't change anything. She took a deep breath, "you made a bet with Carter Basing and that cost me my entire life but I'm not angry anymore. I spent too long being angry. I spent too long hating you. How can I hate you now? You saved my life. I just don't want to talk about it anymore. Carter's in jail so we don't need to rehash this."
"He told me he would take my life away but I just assumed he would try and kill me and I was prepared for that. I never thought he would touch you. I didn't understand how serious he was. I am so sorry.
"The fact I slept with him wasn't the problem, the fact that he was going to tell everyone was. I would never been able to come back here because everyone would assume she was his and she's not."
"I'd still love her, even if she was."
Blair sighed, "so would I, but she's not. I promise you."
"I hate that he touched you like that."
"Chuck it's all the past now. We can finally be friends and put everything behind us, please. I need you to be my friend, we have never been friends before and I like it."
"I like it too.
Silence spread over the entire room. Blair sat down on the windowsill and locked eyes with Chuck. She wanted to look away, she wanted to change the subject but she wasn't able too. She wanted to remind him that this wasn't high school anymore and he wouldn't flit from one girl to another. She took a deep breath and realised that was exactly what she wanted him to do, she wanted him to flit from Mila to her. She bit her lip and looked away. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "so how did you meet Mila?"
Chuck was thrown slightly by the question. He cleared his throat and smoothed his waistcoat, "she was taking some photos in Central Park, and I nearly scolded her with coffee, so I offered her dinner to make it up to her."
"Way to make a first impression," Blair said cocking an eyebrow
Chuck smiled and looked down. Thirty seconds ago he was imagining what it would be like to kiss Blair again, to stroke her cheek, so wrap his arms around her, to…"Yeah, I was surprised she agreed but a year and a half later here we are."
"Wow you have been together a year and a half, is it not time to get married?" Blair asked and then wondered why on earth she would ask such a question. The last thing she wanted to do was find out the answer to that question.
"Mila is too much of a free spirit to be tied down by marriage. I guess that is why we work so well together." Chuck played with the knot of his tie, "don't get me wrong I do love her, I just don't think marriage is for us." He knew that speech was more for his benefit than hers, but the girl he spent years in love with was sitting in front of him and he had to do everything to remind himself that they were not that Chuck and Blair anymore.
"Marriage doesn't mean what it used too when our parents got married," Blair shrugged not knowing what else to say.
"Yeah I know, plus marriage is supposed to be a partnership, she is never in the one country long enough for us to be partners. But I like that, I'm still Chuck and she's still Mila, we're not one person."
"That's good, it actually sounds like the perfect relationship."
Chuck looked back up at Blair, "yeah I guess it is."
Neither of them quite knew what to say after that. Blair knew it was finally time to move on. She knew the Chuck that was sitting in front of her was not the Chuck she was meant to be with, and the Blair sitting in the room was no longer the Blair that Chuck was meant to be in love with. There were just two people who had once had a relationship and now where trying to find their bearings as friends. This wasn't a fairytale; they were not going to spent years apart and fall back into each other's arms. Although Blair knew that the majority of her had came home for security, a home and a job, there was a small part of her that had come back for Chuck, and that small part had just realised she was too late. He was in love with somebody else.
"Anyway, thanks for signing those contracts. It makes me feel a lot happier. If you don't mind I would like to put Miss Tabitha to bed she doesn't get a creek in her neck."
Blair smiled, "even though she can't hear you, you still call her Miss Tabitha."
"I guess it is a habit now, but I like calling her that. It makes me feel like we have our own special friendship."
"You do, I have never seen her bond with anyone like she has with you. She loves you, and she doesn't love a lot of people."
"You said she talks to anyone."
Blair smiled looking over to her daughter, "yes talks, not loves. She loves two people in the world and you are one of them." Blair looked back over to Chuck and realised what she had said, "I'm sorry that was really inappropriate, I shouldn't have said that."
"I'm glad you did. The feeling is mutual, believe me."
Blair smiled. Chuck lifted the small child in his arms and walked towards the bedroom. Blair called Chuck's name softly, "put her in my bed please. She sometimes gets nightmares so I like to be with her."
Chuck nodded and walked into Blair's bedroom. She followed and turned on the lamp before throwing back the covers. Chuck gently lay the child in the bed and pulled the covers over her. He gently moved her hair out of her face. The sight almost broke Blair's heart, she willed the tears that were building up in her eyes to go away.
"I am only going to say this once, but I wish she was mine."
Chuck kissed Tabitha on the head and touched Blair's arm gently once. Blair closed her eyes as he walked past her out the door. A single tear broke through Blair's hold and rolled down her face as she whispered, "me too."