A/N: I apologize for getting the name Amanda and Kelly mixed up. I have watched a few interviews about the new cast, and whatnot, so I am guessing that's why I got the name wrong. As for Nick… I remember him from Cold case, so it's easier not to get his real name mixed with his character. Anyways, sorry. Please forgive me and read on…

At the table, Olivia said nothing, as she pushed her roast beef and vegetables around on her plate. She didn't have the strength to say anything deep and meaningful, she was far too hurt and angry.

"So, how's work?" Kathy asked, trying to break the tension.

Olivia tensed. "Fine," she said, vaguely.

"Anything different from the usual ones?" Elliot asked, with interest.

Olivia shook her head, she left out the fact that the precinct had two new members. "None other than the usual. What have you been doing with your time?"

"I'm a receptionist," he answered.

"Really?"

"It pays the bills."

Olivia would never have imagined him cooped up in office work, after him being so active on the force. "how's it going?"

Elliot smiled. "Deadly. It's about near killing me. It's the hardest job I have ever had to do. I'm bored all the time. I miss the precinct… I miss y-"

Olivia held her breath. For a moment, Elliot had forgotten where he was. It was obvious that he wanted to say some things to Olivia, but having his wife sitting beside him, maybe wasn't the smartest move.

"I um…" Kathy stood from the chair. "I'm going to fix dessert. I'll be in the kitchen. I'm going to give the two of you, a moment."

When she was out of sight, Elliot leaned over the table a little. "I know that what I did to you is unforgivable. I can see the pain I caused you, and I never meant to do that, I swear to God, I never meant to do that. I just couldn't- I couldn't come and tell you. I was so messed up, and-" he cleared his throat. "What I did… how do I even begin to pick up the pieces and… I didn't know what to do or how to…"

Olivia felt him reaching out, and she tried to encourage him. Because no matter what he had done to her. No matter the pain he had caused, she loved him, and that meant forgiveness even when you didn't want to give it, even when the act was so unforgivable you couldn't see the light of day anymore.

"I thought you needed space, so I gave you that… I know what happened to that girl changed something in you, I do that get that. I'm not even mad that you left, El. I'm not. I understand why. I just don't understand how, after all we have been through, you thought so little of me that I didn't even get a goodbye." It was that, that made her feel three inches tall.

Surprise etched across his face. "You think that's why I didn't say goodbye."

"I don't know why?" she said, tearfully. "All I know is that I turned up for work one day and you were gone, that's what I know. What did you expect me to do without you? I mean, when did you get to decide what was right for me. When did you get to choose when our partnership ended. Didn't I get a choice? Didn't I matter at all?"

"Yes, you mattered," he man looked as if he had been sucker-punched. "Of course you mattered. It was why I couldn't- I couldn't tell you because if I did, I wouldn't have left."

"And that's bad?" she asked him. If he had at least shared his feelings with her, then maybe it would have turned out differently.

"I would have resented you for that. I didn't want that to happen, Liv."

"Does it really matter now?" she challenged. "I hate you anyway."

Elliot almost smiled. "No, you don't."

"Don't I?"

"No. You don't have it in you."

Olivia shook her head. "Bastard," she muttered.

Neither of them needed to say that she didn't hate him. They both knew.

"I miss you so much that I can't breathe," she told him. "Do you know what that's like?"

"Yes," he nodded. "It's been six months and before tonight I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. I didn't think it would be this hard. I keep waiting for the pain to dim, and I- I keep thinking that it will be different tomorrow. One more day, I tell myself… one more day and I'll start forgetting her face, and the way she calls me on my shit, and doesn't let me get away with all the things that I could… I wonder what you're doing at the precinct and all the paperwork you have to do. Do you have more responsibility because of me or-"

"No," she answered. "We have two new members. Amanda and Nick."

"How are they?"

"I hate them. I mean, they're good detectives but-"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you hate them?"

She looked up and meet his gaze. "They're just a reminder that you're not there, and sometimes that hurts so much that I- I hate them just being near me. Munch looks after me, he and Fin kinda look out for me, you know."

"I'm glad. I'm sorry that you hate them."

Olivia shrugged. His words didn't change anything. They were just words. "Why didn't you tell me, why did you just- why did…" she couldn't get the words to come out right.

But he seemed to know what she was getting at, and he answered her. "I knew that I could still hold onto you in some way if I didn't say the words."

"What words?"

"I'm leaving. If I said them, then it would mean I was not only giving up the only job I have ever known, which was hard enough, but saying goodbye to you… Liv, how could I do that? How was I supposed to give up my best friend? How was I supposed to walk away from the only one person who understood me inside and out?"

Olivia was at a loss for words. Sometimes she wondered if, despite his marriage, there was some feelings on his side than ran deeper than that of a twelve-year partnership.

Thanks to STARIE78 who is my new God-sent. *grins happily* I got to see the deleted scene of the Semper Fi necklace. And I was thinking, it was SOOOOO El. I have to believe – because let's face it the man is sexy as hell and irreplaceable in the world of SVU – that it was his way of trying to reach out to her. He couldn't do a frontal greeting, because too much time had passed, so he did the next best thing. Am I the only one who feels that way? PLEASE share your views about that… or about El leaving and how the writers handled it… I'd love to hear what everyone thinks =))