CHAPTER FOUR:

A dark road indeed it had been for House thus far, as he was now in his own personal prison both metaphorically and literally. The light gray confines of the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital weren't exactly a comfort. But thankfully House found himself in a place which specialized in dual diagnosis to take care of both his mental struggles and Vicodin addiction simultaneously. In addition to the trained medical specialists in addiction and psychiatry, they also had a pain management specialist which House would surly need in the future for the chronic pain which he endures as a result of his infarction surgery. This facility wasn't your everyday place. It was a new modern facility which Wilson found and Cuddy knew well, as a result of a symposium she attended dealing with dual diagnosis and treatment programs. Little did Cuddy know that her attendance at that symposium may very well have saved House's life. Unfortunately, he may not see it that way at first. You see, in order to obtain his heaven, House needed to go through the hell of detoxification. For House this was a process that would have him begging for death rather than endure the pain and suffering that he knew was in store for him. Yet, in his mind, he felt that those close to him suffered more than enough on his behalf and this was what he owed them as well as himself. His own words echoed in his mind from that moment he spent on the white bus with a more angelic Amber…."I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to be miserable." Yes, House figured that you can't always get what you want. But if you do try sometimes, you get what you need. And what he needed was a better outlook for his life, but it was going to be long road….a dark road…one in which he needed to be mentally and physically ready to tackle.

Away from his Vicodin for three days, House was going through just about all of the nasty side effects of the detoxification process…..nausea, sweats, tremors, vomiting, runny nose, watery eyes, excruciating pain and a craving for Vicodin among a host of others. Thankfully, he was under a twenty-four hour medical watch due to the severity of his condition. It was a good thing too, since things at times got downright nasty.

House was sitting at the side of his hospital bed clad in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, hooked up to an IV, grabbing his leg screaming in pain. Upon hearing his cries, the male nurse rushed into the room to assist him.

Seeing him enter, House screamed at him, "Give me my damn Vicodin you son of a bitch!" He continued to grab his leg, the pain grappling him like a vice tightening its grip, squeezing until it felt like his leg was ready to explode.

The nurse came over to him trying to calm him saying, "You know we can't do that. Try to take a deep breath and relax."

House thought to himself, "relax my ass." He then ripped the IV from his arm, causing blood to squirt everywhere from the bed to the floor. He pushed the nurse out of the way and limped for the door. Hearing the commotion, another male nurse entered the room and grabbed House from the front, preventing his escape. It was in that moment that a sweat soaked House vomited on the floor and collapsed, crying in pain.

Leaning against the bed frame, while on the floor with his leg stretched out grabbing it, he cried, "Just let me die! Please just let me die!" He then grabbed his stomach, hunched over and vomited again.

As he sat there on the floor, crying, he uttered, "I need her. I need her here now."

A female nurse with a syringe in hand kneels down and asks House, "Who do you need?"

Just then the image of Amber appears to him saying in his ear, "She can't help you. She doesn't want to help you. All you do is cause her pain and misery." Holding up a Vicodin bottle, rocking it back and forth, she says tauntingly, "This is your only salvation. Your one true love that'll never let you down and you know it."

"Stop it! Stop it!" He yells at the hallucination of Amber as he blocks his ears.

Amber taunts him more, "You're all alone. You always will be. No one's going to save you, because you aren't worth saving."

Tears in his eyes, he tells her more softly this time, "Leave me alone. Please leave me alone. You aren't real. She's real. I need her."

"Funny…..she wasn't real that night. She was only a delusion of what you can never have. The truth is she hates you. That's why you had to make real what wasn't….because it'll never happen. You're nothing but a fraud. A scamming, cheating fraud." Amber says in a condescending tone.

"Shut up! Shut up you manipulative bitch!" He yells again at her.

Amber sings in a sinister tone, "House and Cuddy sitting in a tree…..he pushes her off and watches her bleed."

House, blocking his ears again lets out a blood curdling scream and all goes dark.

In his mind, House knew that the nurse had given him a sedative to help calm him and to help him sleep. In his dreams, he was comforted by her presence…..Cuddy's presence. Dressed in an all white dress with a soft glow to her, she came to him as he lay sleeping. He could feel her stroke his face.

In his dream he awoke to find her there, sitting at the foot of his bed smiling, saying softly to him, "It's going to be okay. I'm here. I'm always here."

He says to her, "I miss you. I can't do this on my own."

Offering her support she says, "Of course you can. I know you're scared but you're strong. When you feel lost, think of me. I'm always in your mind. I'll never leave you no matter what."

He pleads to her, "Promise me."

She smiles and says, "I promise." In his dream, she leans over and kisses him on the forehead ever so gently as he closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of her soft lips touching him.

Suddenly the peacefulness of his dream is disrupted by Amber telling Cuddy, "He doesn't need you. He needs his Vicodin. You can't replace that."

"Leave him alone." Cuddy orders her.

"Or what? You gonna kill me? Sorry but he already did that." She taunts.

Cuddy looks at her in defense of House and says, "It was an unfortunate accident. He didn't kill you. A garbage truck and flu pills did."

"That's what you want to believe, but you know the truth. He knows the truth." She tells her. "Why do you think I'm here? For my health? He's nothing but a virus sucking the life out of everyone."

In his dream, House says to Cuddy rather dejected, "She's right. I am."

Cuddy quickly turns to him, placing her hand on his face, and says, "No she's not. Don't listen to her."

Amber, seeing that she's getting to House, says, "See, he doesn't want you. He knows what he wants".

She suddenly has Vicodin in her hands again and rocks it back and forth.

House weak says to Amber, "No, I don't want them.

Amber gets closer to him and cunningly says, "Sure you do."

Cuddy says to Amber sternly, "Get away from him."

Amber continues to goad and taunt him, "Come on. You know what'll happen if you give them up in favor of her. You'll lose. You always do."

House starts to shiver and stutters, "That's….not….true."

"Sure it is." She says. "You aren't worthy of her. And you know she'll never love you no matter how hard you try."

"House," Cuddy pleads as she strokes his face. "Don't listen to her. You know I love you."

Amber rolls her eyes in disgust, "Oh please….you're just hospital property to her. Nothing more. You never will be. She doesn't care about your quality of life. She just cares about the donations she'll lose and the lawsuits she'll face when patients die without you." Amber then holds up a Vicodin pill, "This little baby on the other hand deeply cares about your quality of life, because without it, you might as well put a gun to your head like Kutner did."

House counters, "It's not true. She cares about me and worries about me. She always has. I am not just hospital property to her."

Cuddy tries to get him to focus. She grabs his hand and says, "That's it. Now, look at me. Don't look at her." House's gaze turns to Cuddy as he holds her hands tightly.

Amber starts getting angry, "You can believe what you want to, but your subconscious knows the truth. You can't fight it House. I win. I always win no matter who gets hurt in the process!" In his dream Amber makes the lights go out.

Suddenly, House finds himself in a morgue with Amber who bitterly says, "You know what's going to happen if you stop. You're going to do to her what you did to me." On that Amber flings a sheet off a deceased body to reveal that it's Cuddy's.

Upon seeing Cuddy's lifeless body, House screams, "No! No!"

Appearing in Amber's hand is a noose to which she says to House in an evil tone," Take it. You're going to need it."

Throwing himself unto Cuddy's dead body, he breaks down, then throws his head back and yells into the air, "No!"

House then bolts up in the bed in a cold sweat, awakened from the nightmare, tears welling in his eyes and convulsing. On seeing his heart rate skyrocket from another room, some female nurses rush in to check on him and the room fades to black.