Chapter XIII

Der Rotschopf Kommt

'Correct,' Ikari stated, bluntly. 'I have already made the necessary arrangements with the Committee. The cargo left port yesterday. It's making its way over here.' He hung up quickly. Soon.

'A MIG-55D transport helicopter! I never thought I'd get a chance to fly on one. Oh boy, it's great to have a famous buddy like you, huh, Shinji?' Kensuke, the hardcore military otaku that he was, was practically oozing geeky passion all over the aforementioned helicopter with excitement. Shinji, sat next to him with Toji on his other side, was beginning to worry it was going to stain.

'Well, I thought it was a little stuffy being stuck in the mountains all day, so I thought I'd ask all of you out on this little date,' Misato smiled, playfully.

'Huh? So, uh, this is like, a real date?' Toji said. He'd seen her before, just after the incident with the Fourth Angel, and had instantly fallen in love with her, in the way only teenage boys do.

Of course, he'd begged to come in and see her when she was still suffering with her hangover, only to be turned away by Shinji after much persuasion. Much, much persuasion. Kensuke was the same, but was presently pre-occupied with the whole military otaku thing to worry about girls. Usually it was hard to get him out of the house unless it was for school or war games (hence "otaku").

'cos, I bought this hat just for today, all special-like. Do ya like it? I'll never, ever take it off.'

Misato, girlishly side-stepping Toji's enthusiasm, continued. 'We're going to land on that cute little boat over there.' She pointed at it. Kensuke was by this point shedding tears of joy. 'Oh my God! One...two...three four five...FIVE aircraft carriers and four battleships. This is the BEST. DAY. EVER!'

'That's "cute"?' Toji asked, in disbelief.

'You bet it is!' Kensuke said. 'That's the regular carrier Over the Rainbow, the pride of the U.N. Forces!'

Misato smiled at the innocent young obsessed nerd, filming everything he could with his camera. 'I'm surprised such a rusty old relic is still afloat!'

'Relic? No, no, that's vintage, from pre-Second Impact.'

'You guys are on the first helicopter. We've got another one following us with some NERV staff on it. I thought I might show them around.'

'You didn't...' Shinji replied.

Misato grinned widely. 'Oh, but I did.'

The Doctor and Amy sat in the back of the second helicopter as it flew over the sea.

'Well, it certainly was nice of Misato to invite us along for a little trip out,' the Doctor said. 'Apparently, she's going to take us through protocol and such. She had to pull a lot of strings to get us here.'

Amy was busy staring out of the window. She was wearing the NERV female uniform, for "protocol reasons".

'Amy...Amy?'

'What?'

'Were you listening?'

'Yeah, I was just...waiting for the boats to show up.'

'I don't think they're...wait, there they are!'

The Doctor looked out of his window to see five aircraft carriers and four battleships all steadily moving through the sea.

'Wow,' was the only thing Amy was able to say.

'Wow indeed,' the Doctor said. He turned to the pilot. 'Did you say this is a UN helicopter?'

'Uh, yes sir,' the pilot replied. 'A MIG-55D.'

'Right, right. Looks like the UN stepped up their game after the Second Impact.'

'Yes, that's correct, sir.'

'Ah. Well, that would explain NERV, then.'

'Sir, please don't distract me when I'm flying.'

The Doctor sank back into his seat, arms folded. He mumbled something stroppily to himself.

'What was that, sir?'

'Nothing.'

'Bloody hell. Would you believe they're actually flying in a power supply for that child's toy of theirs?' the Captain of the UNS Over the Rainbow and Admiral of the Fleet said. 'What a joke.'

'NERV is part of the UN too, sir,' the First Officer stood next to him tried to add, knowing it to be in vain.

'Pah! Part of the UN? Part of the UN, my arse. That's like saying Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a science textbook.' The Admiral paused. 'Hey, look at this! They're bringing in...they've only gone and brought in two bloody helicopters! The cheek of it!'

'Sir, we were told prior they'd be bringing two helicopters.'

'Who? Who told me this? When?'

'In the memo, sir.' The First Officer held it up.

The Admiral looked at it. 'Oh. Right. Well, it's still out of order.'

The First Officer's face was buried well into his palm by this point.

The yellow MIGs finally landed on board the Over the Rainbow quite quickly, and everyone quickly climbed off as soon as they had got on.

'How was your flight?' Misato asked the Doctor as he clambered onto the boat.

'Pleasant,' The Doctor replied, standing up. There was a loud cracking noise. 'Ow...my back.'

'Are you all right?' Amy asked.

'Yeah, nine hundred years and this thing's still going strong I said that out loud, didn't I.'

The others stared at him. 'Nine hundred years?'

'Um...yes. Nine hundred years.' Amy replied. 'Is British slang for...forty-five years.'

'Why did you have to make me that old?' the Doctor replied, before Amy covered his mouth to shut him up.

Everyone quickly forgot this, however, as flight crew came to greet the new arrivals. One of them, obviously the main man, due to his badge, came up and spoke directly to them.

'I'm going to need to just quickly check you in,' he said, holding up a list of names. 'Katsuragi, Misato? Check. Ikari, Shinji? Check. Suzuhara, Toji? Check. Aida, Kensuke? Check.' He stopped at the sight of the Doctor and Amy. 'May I ask your names and see identification?'

'They're with me,' Misato said.

'It's standard procedure, ma'am,' the flight crew leader replied. The Doctor smiled and pulled out a NERV identification card. 'Doctor, The. Is this a joke?'

'No, sir, I'm the Doctor.'

'Right...Pond, Amelia. Well, this looks okay. Go through. Have a nice day.'

The motley band of NERV members, otaku and jock set out on to the main deck. Unfortunately for said jock, this meant his hat being blown away by a sudden gust of sea wind.

'Hey! Wait, come back! Stop! Stop, damn you!'

Kensuke, meanwhile, was filled with pleasure at being allowed to run around videoing F-14 Tomcats and whatnot.

Misato looked around, shielding her eyes from the sun. 'Where is she?'

'"She"?' the Doctor asked. 'Who do you mean?'

His question was answered instantly.

Standing there, dressed in a yellow summer-dress and red closed-toe sandals, with long, twin-tailed , brilliant red hair held in place by two red hair-clips, and piercing, bright blue, assured eyes, was a teenage girl, hands on her hips, with a triumphant-looking smile on her face.

She took a few steps forward just as a hat appeared under her left foot out of nowhere, much to Toji's annoyance.

'Hallo, Misato,' she said. 'How are you?'

'As well as ever,' Misato replied. 'My, my, you have gotten tall, now, haven't you?'

'Ja! And not just taller—my figure has filled out, too!'

'Shinji, Doctor, Amy, meet the exclusive pilot of EVA Unit-02, the Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu!'

The frustrated Toji continued pulling and pulling at his hat under the girl's sandal. Which was when the wind blew her skirt up, to his misfortune.

The Doctor winced as she slapped Toji hard across the cheek.

'What'd you do that for?' Toji shouted, now seemingly ignorant of his hat, which was blowing ever the closer to the edge of the deck.

'That's the viewing fee. Quite a bargain, nicht?'

'It's overpriced, but that's okay. Here's your change!'

Amy winced as Toji proceeded to pull his trousers and underwear down, allowing Asuka a view of, to put it in polite terms, "the full package".

'Unverschämter idiot!' she shouted, hitting him once again on the other side of his face, leaving him beet red.

'So which one of you is the Third Child?' Asuka asked, looking from left to right. 'Ach, nein,' she remarked, looking at Toji. She looked at The Doctor for a moment. 'Not you. You're too old. And your face is too long.' The Doctor opened his mouth, but Amy shook her head.

'Don't worry, Asuka,' Misato said. 'It's him.' she pointed to Shinji.

'Hm. Not much to look at,' she said, bending down. She was obviously being condescending, as she was only a couple of inches taller than him. 'And who would these two be?'

'These two are Lt. Doctor and Lt. Amy Pond. They're new at NERV, and I decided to introduce them to the new pilot.'

The Doctor walked up to her and held out a hand. 'Hello, I'm the Doctor,' he said, holding out a hand.

'Hi,' Asuka responded, bluntly. She very flimsily shook the Doctor's hand, as if disinterested.

'Hi, I'm Amy,' Amy said.

'Hello,' Asuka replied. 'I was not aware I wasn't the only rotschopf on this ship...' She narrowed her eyes at Amy.

'Now, Asuka, don't be jealous,' Misato warned. 'Come on, we've got to go speak to the ship's captain.'

'Hmm. NERV. And from your antics on the deck, I was quite sure you were the leader of this boy-scout troop. Obviously I was mistaken,' the Admiral said, in his thick English accent, or at least, that's what it sounded like to The Doctor and Amy. He was probably speaking Japanese in reality, as Misato understood him.

'Thank you for understanding, Admiral,' Misato said, keeping a straight face. The Doctor noted that the Admiral was even more condescending than Asuka.

'No, no, no. Thank you for giving me more children to babysit. And another helicopter, with yet more unnecessary NERV personnel. You're just too kind, Captain Katsuragi.'

Misato remained remarkably steadfast against the Admiral's rudeness. 'We appreciate your assistance with the marine transport of Evangelion Unit-02. Here are the specifications for the emergency power socket,' she said, passing it over.

The Admiral laughed. 'I'd never allow you to run that doll on the sea, my territory, in the first place!'

The Doctor stepped in. 'But what if an Angel were to attack?'

'Don't be an idiot,' the Admiral said. 'We'll fight it off with our ships.'

'You do know how useless conventional weapons are against the Angels, right?' Misato said.

'I'll believe that when I see it,' the Admiral replied. 'Transporting a child's toy. Bah. When did the UN turn us into bloody cargo haulers?'

'I do believe it was when a certain organisation was set up, sir,' the First Officer replied.

'Guarding a toy! What a grand assignment for the whole Pacific fleet.'

'Considering the EVA's importance, it's still lacking. Sign these forms, please.'

'Not yet.' Misato's face finally began to show signs of frustration. 'At the request of NERV's Third Branch, Evangelion Unit-02 is under this fleet's command. I'm not letting you do as you please!'

'When will you relinquish command?'

'We'll unload the cargo at New Yokosuka. Then you may have command. Remember, I am in charge of everything that happens on the sea in this fleet. Not you. You will follow my orders without question!'

'Understood. Just remember yourself, Admiral, that NERV's power exceeds yours in an emergency.'

'She's awesome,' Toji said, face still recovering from the hits dealt to his face.

'She sounds just like Ritsuko,' Shinji mumbled.

'Well, you're just as confident as ever,' a voice called from the other side of the bridge. Asuka's face lit up at the sound of it.

'Kaji!'

The Doctor turned to see a broad-shouldered man in a loose tie, with an unshaven face. He had a ponytail, and was waving to them. He spoke in a very sophisticated manner, which while casual still had an air of panache about it.

'Mr. Kaji, I must insist that you stop inviting yourself onto the bridge!'

Misato made a couple of choking noises, and then her face fell.

'Oh, sorry about that,' Kaji apologised, backing out of the room.

Misato made a move to leave the room as well. 'Please excuse us. Transport us to New Yokosuka as ordered!' Misato saluted, and the group left.

'Damn. Those children are mankind's salvation?'

'I suppose the times are changing, sir. I heard the Assembly has put their hopes in that robot as well.'

'In that child's plaything? Idiots! If they've got the money to blow on that they ought to give us a little more!'

The lifts on the Over the Rainbow were absurdly small. That said, the group hadn't done such a bad job of packing six people into one. They would have tried for eight, but Amy and the Doctor had agreed they should stay above and wait. The Doctor was quite fascinated by the lift, jokingly referring to it as an "inverse TARDIS", in that it appeared smaller on the inside. Not that anyone other than Amy got the joke.

'What the hell are you doing here?' Misato asked, Shinji awkwardly wedged into a certain special area on her chest.

'Well, I'm with her, of course,' Kaji said, trying to move his left hand from the top right corner of the elevator and point at Asuka, and failing miserably. 'I'm on a business trip, of sorts.'

'Talk about careless,' Misato mumbled. 'I should have expected this.'

Suddenly, Kaji's right hand crossed the border into a place where it shouldn't have been going. Toji's left evidently did the same to Asuka.

'Hey, watch where you're touching!' they both shouted.

'I can't help it!' the hapless males replied.

Deep below the fleet, quiet, but audible, there came a low screech. A bioluminescent, hellish red flared out in warning. Unfortunately, nobody was there to take heed. The roar quietened down and its source kept a close eye on its prey.

'So,' the Doctor said to Amy, as they waited for the lift to get back up to them. 'What do you think of this new girl?'

'She's a bit scary,' Amy said. 'I mean, I remember what I was like when I was fourteen, but...'

'She's a German,' the Doctor said, non-sequitur. 'She keeps throwing words in to her speech from her mother tongue. It's great. It's a bit like Poirot.'

'What was her name, again?' Amy asked.

'Asuka Langley Soryu,' the Doctor replied. 'Hmmm. "Langley" implies...British...no, American, heritage, maybe? And "Soryu" is Japanese. So, she's German, with Japanese and American heritage. That's quite a mixture. Then again, I suppose times are tough...' he speculated, before realising how filthy he sounded.

'Ah-s-ka,' Amy repeated, slowly, to get a feel for the Japanese name.

'Yes. That's A-S-U-K-A,' the Doctor said. 'Just a word of advice: Don't say "ass-oo-kah." She won't like that.'

'Noted,' Amy replied, as the lift reached the their floor.

'Blimey, these things are small,' the Doctor said, climbing in.

'You got that right,' Amy replied, climbing in to the lift with him. Even though there were two people in there, she still felt as if her personal space was being invaded.

The Doctor pulled out the sonic screwdriver.

'Doctor, please don't fiddle with that in here,' Amy replied.

'Why not?' the Doctor said. 'You scared I'm gonna do this?' He pressed the button, and for a moment the lift fell. Amy let out a squeak.

The Doctor laughed. 'Well, it's working, just about. Still not very good at useful stuff like opening doors, mind. All it can do is make a funny noise and make little things like making elevators fall a bit faster happen at the moment. I do hope the TARDIS gets better soon.'

'Yeah,' Amy said. 'But then, everyone would wonder why you had that thing. You still haven't let them know that you're not a human. You're a Time Lord.'

'Well, strictly speaking, Pond,' the Doctor speculated, 'Here, you're not a human either. We're both aliens.'

'I keep forgetting this is a parallel universe,' Amy said. 'It's just so real.'

'It is real,' the Doctor replied. 'But it's not your reality.'

'Do you think we'll ever get back to my reality?' Amy asked, sadly.

'Yes,' the Doctor said. 'We will. Eventually. But it's not like it's boring here. Hell, we're getting nearly killed practically every day! And what's not exciting about that?'

'Your mind works in really weird ways, Doctor,' Amy said, as the elevator made its way to the café floor.

'So,' Kaji playfully chuckled. 'Do you have a boyfriend?'

'I don't think that's any of your business, is it?' Misato replied, stubbornly.

'I'm hurt,' Kaji said, sarcastically. 'Ow.' He turned to Shinji. 'So, I understand that you're living with Katsuragi?'

'Uh, yeah,' the boy said, quietly, but happily.

'Tell me something, is she still so...wild in bed?'

The clatter of teacups was heard as everyone besides Kaji and Shinji leant back a phenomenal and physics-defying amount on their chairs.

'Just what are you implying by that?' Misato shouted, red in the face from more than just anger.

'No, she hasn't changed at all, has she, Shinji?'

'Um...I guess...' Shinji replied, naïvely. 'But how did you know what my name was?'

'Well, I ought to know you, you're pretty famous in the defence business, you know! The famous Third Child, who piloted an Eva in his first battle with no prior training!'

'Oh, that...I...I was just lucky.'

Asuka began to glare jealously at him. She ignored what they were actually saying, and tuned it out. She was beginning to dislike this Third Child, more than she had at first sight, too.

The Doctor and Amy entered the room.

'Sorry we're late,' the Doctor said. He looked around the table to see Kaji. 'Ah, I don't think we've met,' the Doctor said, offering a hand to him. 'Hello, I'm the Doctor.'

'Ryoji Kaji,' Kaji replied, shaking the Doctor's hand. Misato was clutching her forehead and looking at the table by this point, mumbling to herself, 'It's a bad dream...it's a nightmare...!'

'But everyone calls me Kaji.'

'Well, it's nice to meet you, Kaji,' the Doctor said. 'I think we'll get along just fine.'

'Do you know Katsuragi?'

The Doctor laughed. 'Are you joking? She tried to lock me up when we first met!'

'No way, me too!' Kaji said. 'Though possibly not in the same way as you mean.' He raised his eyebrows a couple of times.

Misato was rolling her head around on the table, trying to drown out the idle conversation.

'Shut up, shut up, shut up...'

Kaji looked at his watch. 'Oh, Doctor...uh...'

'It's just "The Doctor"', the Doctor said.

'...I need to do something. I'll see you all later. Goodbye, Katsuragi.'

Asuka stood up almost automatically and followed him out of the room like a duckling.

The Doctor turned as he went. 'He's a nice guy. I like him.'

By this point, Misato was cowering under the table.

'So, what do you think about Shinji Ikari?'

'Oh, the great Third Child? He's boring.'

'And yet, his synchronisation ratio was over forty per cent in combat with no prior training...!'

'Mein Gott!'

'That admiral's attitude gets on my nerves,' Toji remarked.

'He's full of himself, all right,' Misato laughed. 'Too much pride's bound to make him cynical.'

The Doctor and Amy were thankful that the escalator everyone was currently riding had room for everyone this time. The Doctor agreed, in his mind. That admiral was far too proud. It was things like that that had caused the trouble, way back then...No. Don't think about that.

'That Mr. Kaji's pretty, um, uh, interesting, eh?' Shinji said, with an air of what was obviously sarcasm.

'He hasn't changed at all, that chauvinistic pig!'

It suddenly occurred to the Doctor that befriending this man might end badly. Still, what was life without taking risks?

'Hey, Third Child!' Shinji turned in the direction of the voice. Standing atop the escalator was Asuka. 'You're coming with me.'

Shinji hurriedly followed her. He didn't quite understand why, but her voice kind of said "I'll rip your head off if you don't do as I say, sweetie."

The Doctor looked up at them.

'Well, they seem to be getting along nicely.'

Nobody said anything in return, but in an unnervingly awkward way, as if everyone had forgotten at that moment what their response should be.

The Doctor, in particular, felt very strange all of a sudden. It wasn't quite déjà vu he felt as it was the opposite, as if somehow things had been different before. The merest utterance of the words "Well, they seem to be getting along nicely" seemed to him to have changed something. As if everything had taken a set pattern before, and somehow, he had just broken this pattern. For a moment or two, he could feel something circular unravel before him and then suddenly go silent.

He shuddered.

'Are you cold, Doctor?' Shinji asked.

'Um, no,' the Doctor mumbled. 'Just, well, I'm a bit...I feel...strange.'

They reached the top of the escalator after what seemed like forever.

The Doctor almost shouted, 'Um, Amy, do you mind?'

He took Amy aside and said to Misato that they'd catch up as she took them off.

'What's wrong?' Amy asked. 'Is something bothering you?'

'Yes,' the Doctor said. 'Something feels off. Different. Something isn't right, here, and I don't know what it is.'

'What do you mean?'

'I feel like this has happened before.'

'What, you mean like déjà vu?'

'No...I don't feel like I've done this before. I just feel like it's happened before.'

'Doctor, you're not making any sense.'

'Yes, well, I rarely do,' the Doctor chuckled. 'There's something about that Kaji bloke, though. I think I might go and talk to him. I have a strange feeling he has something to do with this.'

'Let me guess...'

'I want you to go and...'

'You want me to go off with Misato and the others and look at boats and planes?'

'Yes. Don't worry. It'll be fine. I'll be gone an hour at most.'

'Fine,' Amy sighed. 'See you later.'

She swiftly turned on her heel.

'That was easier than I thought,' the Doctor said to himself. He decided it best to find where Kaji was, maybe knock at his quarters. After all, if he was on this boat, he had to live somewhere, right? But how to find out?

Suddenly, a friendly-looking sailor walked past him.

'Psychic paper, don't fail me now,' he said, pulling it out and walking over to him. 'You, sir! You wouldn't happen to know where I could find a fellow by the name of Ryoji Kaji, would you?'

Shinji looked up at the enormous, armour-plated beast, laid on its side. He was absent-mindedly listening to Asuka boasting about the superiority of her fully-fledged non-prototype Evangelion and how and why it was so amazing and why she was better than him. He was switching rapidly between being annoyed by her and merely ignoring her. He was beginning to become more intrigued by the tarpaulin over the top of the great machine.

Is that nylon? At a pinch, I'd say it was some kind of plastic. Definitely not natural, this is waterproof. Why waterproof? What, do Evangelions get upset when they're wet? Do they not like showers?

Had he actually made a joke about his extremely dangerous, psychologically-damaging line of work in his head? He had. Huh, humour. He remembered from somewhere that humour was a defence mechanism. That made sense.

'Are you listening to me?'

Shinji glanced up. 'Uh, what? Yeah. Red. Not a prototype.'

'I'm warning you, Third Child, I don't take kindly to being ignored.'

Somehow, Shinji felt a wash of bravery, unusually. 'Oh, I'm so scared!' he replied, sarcastically.

His mental notes would later tell him not to do that as the bruise on his cheek lasted for two days.

'And I don't take kindly to sarcasm, either,' Asuka snorted, as Shinji clutched the areas of his face where the capillaries had broken.

Suddenly, there was a loud rumbling.

'What's that?' Shinji asked.

'Dummkopf,' Asuka said. 'No battleship collision makes a vibration like that. Looks like I'm about to give my Evangelion a test run!'

The Doctor stood outside Kaji's door. Having knocked a few times, he had considered the sensible option of looking elsewhere for him. Then he had decided the sensible option was boring, and had instead gone for the incredibly stupid option of potentially being arrested for breaking and entering. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and aimed it at the door, clicking the button a few times. It did nothing.

'I really ought to make a note of the fact this thing still doesn't work on doors in this universe,' the Doctor mumbled, putting the screwdriver back in his pocket.

'Right,' he said. He'd found at NERV that precision and care was a load of rubbish and that brute force was the answer. So what could he use to bash the door in?

He noticed a conveniently-placed trolley nearby, for caches of torpedoes, presumably. He grinned and nodded.

'Geronimo!' he shouted, skating along on it towards Kaji's door. Moments later, he collided with the door loudly, causing it to rather anticlimactically open up as if nothing had happened. The Doctor struggled to his feet. He was bruised and had cut his hand a bit. But no matter, he was in, now. And a wonder he hadn't been noticed by any naval personnel.

The Doctor entered the room slowly. There was nobody there. It was a small room, with one bed, a chair, a dresser, and some blinds over the windows. The bed had a musty smell of what could only be described as testosterone and sweat. The Doctor reminded himself he was probably imagining it. He also noticed, stacked on the dresser, a box and a few bits and pieces. What was most interesting, however, was what was at the foot of the bed: A gym bag and a large, metal, secure, air-tight case with various warning stickers on it, with a jacket haphazardly slung over the top.

Looking from left to right, the Doctor saw fit to peek at the box, and tried to open it, to no avail. Of course. Why did he even try? He moved on to the gym bag and looked through its contents. Only a couple of books, a music player, a towel, a bag of Doritos, and, interestingly, a passport. The Doctor looked over the books. It appeared that Kaji was a reader of Haruki Murakami, which impressed the Doctor greatly. The Doctor also checked the music player, and played some music on it.

I would give you anything, turn the winter into spring...

The Doctor heard a click behind his back, and realised that perhaps breaking into an acquaintance's room to look through his stuff for no reason was perhaps a very, very bad idea.

Ask the birds for their song at night...

'What the hell do you think you're doing?' a deep, self-assured voice asked. The Doctor put his hands up. 'Kaji, I can explain. Well, I can't. But I can try to do so in a way that will make you not want to shoot me.'

I would bring the stars to you, make your wishes all come true...

'That's the English version of the song, isn't it?' the Doctor asked, trying not to get himself killed, as Kaji eyed him, pointing a pistol at his chest.

Turn a grey sky to deepest blue...

'Very odd for you to buy a U.S. release for a song from your native country.'

Love me too...

Kaji picked up the music player and quickly turned it off. 'I like the English language,' he replied. 'It sounds good to me.'

'Yes, yes it does,' the Doctor replied, trying to hide the fact he felt as though he himself was actually speaking English.

'I understand you're British, Doctor, but I should compliment you on your excellent Japanese skills.'

'Oh, it comes naturally,' the Doctor replied.

'What were you doing in my bags?' Kaji asked, holding the gun a little more tightly.

'Um, er,' the Doctor stammered, sweating. 'Well, I was just...I mean, you were out, and...'

'You should be careful, Doctor, you don't want to find out too much.'

'Well, I can tell you what I know already, and then you can decide whether or not to shoot me,' the Doctor said, hoping this wasn't a terrible decision.

'Go on, then,' Kaji replied. Charitable assassin.

'Well, from your belongings I can deduce that you sweat a lot and that's why you keep the towel, you like Akai Tori, you like Chilli Heatwave-flavoured Doritos, which I find the continued existence of surprising, by the way, considering the world blew up fifteen years ago, you're in rather a hurry to get away from here, which is why you have the passport, and you have a penchant for postmodernist literature with hints of magic realism, considering the fact that you're reading Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World and Norwegian Wood.'

Kaji was impressed. 'Actually, I prefer the cheese Doritos,' he mumbled, putting the gun down. 'Who the hell are you, Doctor?' he asked.

The Doctor wasn't quite sure what to say. 'Okay,' he mumbled. 'So you like magic realism, right? Ever heard of a writer called Jorge Luis Borges?'

'I'm not familiar with his work, but go on,' Kaji said.

'Have you heard of his story, The Garden of Forking Paths?' the Doctor asked, pressing on.

'Ah, yes, I think I have,' Kaji replied. 'That one about the Chinese spy.'

'Yes, well,' the Doctor said. 'In that story, Borges introduces the idea of what is known as an alternate timeline. Possibly related to parallel universes. The point at which a minute change anywhere in the universe can have massive differences to the whole later on.'

'Okay,' Kaji said, wondering what this had to do with the fact the Doctor was snooping through his stuff.

'Well, I don't know how to tell you this,' the Doctor replied, 'But I have come from a far-off, differently-forked path to yours. A world where the waters are still clean, where there is still an Antarctica and there are seven billion people walking this tiny planet you call home.'

Kaji paused.

'Don't make sick jokes like that, Doctor,' he replied. 'Second Impact really happened. You know that. We all do. Don't kid around about it. Fifteen years is still far too soon.'

'I'm not,' the Doctor said, sitting on Kaji's bed. 'I come,' he swallowed, 'from a completely alternate timeline. And I'm here to tell you that there is something very weird happening in this one.'

Kaji paused again.

He opened his mouth to respond, when suddenly, there was an explosion from outside. He grinned, and went over to a drawer to pull out a pair of opera-glasses.

'I have to make a few calls,' he said. 'After that I'm taking you to the Admiral to be arrested on charges of espionage.'

The Doctor grinned at him. As if.

Author's note: Ugh, and we're back. God, the last time I updated this story was HOW long ago? I actually calculated it: It's been 7 months and 11 days (that's 32 weeks, 224 days, 5376 hours, 322,560 minutes, or 19,353,600 seconds, give or take) since I've last updated this story.

So, yeah, I'm not dead, as I'm sure you're all glad to hear, I just came down with an absolutely catastrophic case of writer's block after an incident at a school club made me go off Evangelion. I won't go into it, but let's just say involved a very crappy PowerPoint presentation, and some very frustrated friends of mine (also, I may or may not have become a brony in the meantime, but that's besides the point).

I'm glad to have finally finished this chapter after so many months away from it, having had my interests rekindled by finally getting to see the absolutely gorgeous Rebuild of Evangelion movies, finally.

I apologise to you all sincerely for the long wait. I hope to get a few more chapters to you soon, but I make no promises. But, trust me, I do hope to finish what I started some day, even if it takes years to do so. Hell, NGE: Nobody Dies has been going for two years now, and that's not even two-thirds done, yet, so give me time, damnit!

Until then, thank you all for supporting me and waiting for so long. I'm really, really sorry that I couldn't have updated sooner. Oh, and I'm no longer putting stupid disclaimers at the ends of my chapters because they are the most legally-unsound thing ever. That is all, thank you, and good night!