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Chapter Ten
'She's got you wrapped around her little finger already,' Phil chuckled as they walked back into his hotel suite.
They'd just spent the past few hours at the hospital with Caitlin and it was safe to say that Phil absolutely adored his granddaughter and the feeling was mutual. It amazed Josh that his daughter was so open and accepting, he'd expected her to be cautious and shy but she anything but, she seemed to really love the fact that she had now gained a grandfather and a father.
She talked a lot about her mother and it was clear that her mother was her hero and her best friend, even though Josh knew that his little girl liked him, she would always be a mommy's girl. It had upset Caitlin that her mother had not been there to see her this afternoon, after the altercation in the bar, Shannon had left right away and about twenty minutes later she had text him to let him know that she wouldn't be at the hospital in the afternoon. She was going to go tonight, on her own.
She made it pretty clear that she didn't want to see Josh again today, not that he could blame her really. He'd acted like a complete fucking asshole last night and now he was paying the price.
'You've had a face like a fucking slapped ass all afternoon, you've just been to see your daughter, you should be fucking happy not worried about Shannon. I can't believe she didn't have the decency to turn up to see her own kid this afternoon, some fucking mother…'
'Dad! She's a fucking great mother! Didn't you hear how Caitlin talked about her? It's my fault that she didn't show this afternoon okay? Don't blame this shit on her….'
'Oh of course, Shannon is just fucking PERFECT in your eyes isn't she? Jesus Christ Josh it's been ten fucking years and she's still got you wpussy whipped,' his father snapped as he shut the door to his hotel suite behind him. 'She left you! She ran off and didn't tell you that you had a child together, how can you stand there and even think of fucking defending her Josh?'
'You just don't get it do you? I love her, I never fucking stopped loving her, I never stopped looking for her dad, I never stopped hoping that one day she would come back into my life and she has and she's given me a beautiful daughter. A daughter that I wanted her to get rid of without a second fucking thought. If she'd listened to me, if she'd done what I wanted her to do Caitlin wouldn't even BE here, YOU wouldn't HAVE a granddaughter! Do you think that it was fucking easy for her to tell her fucking psycho, bitch of a mother that she was pregnant? That it's been easy for her these past ten years living with that woman putting her down and probably fucking telling her what a shit person she is? You think that she's just this bitch that broke my heart but she's not dad, I broke hers as much as she broke mine and this afternoon, I thought we were getting somewhere, I thought that I was in with a chance of getting her back again until the dumb bitch I nearly hooked up with last night turns up and spoiled everything. That's why she didn't come to the hospital this afternoon, she found out what I was doing last night and she's angry with me, RIGHTFULLY angry with me!'
Josh stared down his father who still looked pretty pissed. He'd never even begin to understand just how much he loved Shannon, how much they'd shared with each other in the past. He had been her first lover, the first person to ever touch her intimately, she had been the first person to truly show that she cared for him, that she loved him.
His father had spent so much time away from home, his mother had been busy working and seeing other men and his step-mother, she never really liked him all that much but none of that had mattered, not when he had Shannon. He'd poured his heart and soul out to her, to this day she knew things about him that he'd never shared with anyone else. She knew him better than anyone, even better than his own father.
'She's no good for you Joshua, I mean that. She ran out on you once, who's to say she won't do it again? You can't trust her but you're so blinded by what you call 'love' that you won't fucking listen. So if you're not gonna keep an eye on her, I will!'
Josh stayed seated on his bed and didn't react as his father stormed out of the suite, he knew that nothing that he said could change his father's mind about Shannon. He hated her but he would have to get used to the fact that she was back in their lives and she was not going anywhere, nowhere at all.
'Mommy!'
Shannon beamed as her daughter held her arms out to her, she had missed her so much this afternoon but there was no way that she could come here with Josh around. She was still angry at him over what happened at the hotel and that anger would have been all too evident had she turned up here to see her daughter earlier.
She sat on the edge of Caitlin's bed and pulled her daughter into a hug. No one other than her daughter had the ability to make her feel better in an instant.
'Why didn't you come see me this afternoon? I missed you, so did daddy,' Caitlin smiled as they pulled away from each other. Shannon took one of her daughter's hands in hers and held onto it tightly as she smiled back at her.
'I'm sorry honey, I was busy doing something with grandma but I'm here now. Did you enjoy the afternoon with your daddy and grandpa?' Shannon asked and Caitlin nodded happily.
'Grandpa said when I'm better I can go riding with him on his Harley! And daddy said that for my birthday this year, he'd take me to Disneyland! You can come too mommy, he said you could!' Caitlin said excitedly and Shannon couldn't help but feel happy for her daughter, she'd been saving for years to take her to Disneyland using her own money but with all the hospital bills, her savings were now all but gone. She felt ashamed that she couldn't offer her daughter as much as Josh could but happy nevertheless, anything that made Caitlin happy made her happy. 'How did your date with daddy go mommy? Did you kiss?'
'Caitlin! No, we didn't kiss and it was not a date, daddy and I aren't getting back together sweetie, we're just friends, that's all,' Caitlin looked very disappointed at the news but Shannon wasn't going to give her daughter false hope, she needed to understand that she and Josh weren't going to get back together and end up married, living out the perfect family fairytale that she knew her daughter wanted.
'But he's nice mommy and you're nice too and you're my parents, you should be together. All the boys and girls in my class have parents that are together, I just wanna be like them,' she said and Shannon's heart broke a little.
'Sometimes things don't always work out sweetie, mommy's and daddy's don't always stay together, it doesn't mean that we love you any less because we do, we really do darling. We just, we just don't love each other like we used to…'
'But daddy loves you! He said you were beautiful! He wouldn't say that if he didn't love you!' Caitlin argued.
'Baby, the first thing that I wanna do is make sure that you get better okay? As for your dad and I, that's between the two of us okay? But I promise you, both of us are gonna do our very best for you, even if we're not together,' Shannon smiled, she could tell that her daughter wasn't all that happy with what she had to say but she didn't press her any further, she was sensible enough to know where to draw the line.
Instead, they talked more about the afternoon and how Phil and Josh had told her all about the boat and how she could see it for herself one day. She was excited at the prospect of going to Seattle to visit them both and her Uncle Jakey who she'd been told all about, apparently he was coming to see her in a few weeks and he would be bringing her more candy.
Her daughter's spirits had definitely been lifted a great deal by their arrival and despite what her mother thought about him and despite how angry Shannon had been earlier, she was more than grateful to both Josh and his dad for turning up.
The more she thought about what happened at the bar earlier, the more she realised that really, she shouldn't have gone off like she had. She had no regrets for punching that slut, she deserved it for the comments she made but really, who and what Josh did was none of her business anymore. She knew that he slept around and his dick was his own, as long as he turned up and spent time with his daughter, she couldn't really go off on him for fucking around or having a drink, his life was his own and she had no say in what he did.
She spent a few hours with Caitlin, talking to her for a while before she tucked her in and read her a bedtime story which sent her off to sleep with ease like it usually did. She held her for a while before she left the hospital. As she was driving along the freeway, instead of taking her usual exit and going back home, she decided to go back to Josh's hotel.
Tomorrow he was going back to the hospital for his tests and she thought that it was a good idea for them to have a talk and settle things before he went, she just hoped that he was there and if he was, that he was sober.
She put her foot down and drove as fast as she could to the hotel, the longer she took to get there the more time she had to change her mind and she knew that she needed to try and patch things up between them, for Caitlin's sake.
She arrived at the hotel ten minutes later. By the time she got there, the hotel was pretty busy. As she walked past the bar, the blaring sound of music hit her and she sneaked a look inside to see if Josh was there but there was no sign of him. Phil however was sat at the bar enjoying a drink with a busty blonde, like father like son she thought to herself before she quickly made her way out of the bar, if Phil saw her he was likely to argue with her and she did not need another fight today.
Instead, she quickly made her way to the elevator and took it up to the third floor where Josh's room was situated. She got stuck in the elevator with a canoodling couple who couldn't keep their hands to themselves despite her presence, their whispered 'I love you's' made her feel physically ill but then she remembered that she too had been just like them at one stage in her life.
She and Josh had never been shy when it came to showing their affection for one another, at parties they were always kissing, touching, grinding against one another without a care in the world, she couldn't help but smile at the thought of some of the things that they had got up to. She would always remember those days, they were probably the best days of her life and despite everything, she would never want to change those days with Joshua, she had loved him, she still DID love him but it was too late, far too late for them.
When the elevator reached the third floor, she left the couple alone, probably giving them a chance to enjoy some sex in an elevator, she'd been there and done that and it wasn't all that great, especially when the doors unexpectedly opened and an old couple caught sight of her with her pants around her ankles and Josh's face buried in her crotch…ah the golden days!
She walked to Josh's room with a stupid grin on her face as she remembered their elevator encounter, when she got to his door she tried to wipe the look off her face when she knocked and waited for him to answer. When his door finally opened after a few minutes, the stupid smirk was almost put back on her face again when he answered the door shirtless, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist.
'I, um, er…' Shannon stuttered like a fucking shy teenager as she averted her eyes away from Josh's wet chest.
'Sorry, I wasn't expecting you, come in, it won't take a sec to put some clothes on,' Josh opened the door wide enough for her to walk into his suite.
Her legs carried her over to the small couch in his room and she sat with her back to him, she daren't look at him again until he had some clothes on.
Josh was surprised, really surprised that Shannon had come here tonight. She had been so pissed at him earlier that he hadn't expected to see her for at least a few days but he was delighted that she was back and now that they were in his suite, they could talk without having anyone interrupting them and causing a scene like earlier.
He threw some clothes on as quickly as he could, he didn't want her to up and leave without having the chance to talk to her. He put on a white t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants and made his way over to Shannon who was looking more than a little flushed and flustered.
'You want something to drink?' Josh opened up the minibar in his room and pulled out a beer for himself before offering one to Shannon who shook her head.
'I can't, I'm driving, I'll take a coke if you've got one though?' She asked, she had finally gained the ability to talk without sounding like a complete prick.
Josh pulled a coke out of the little fridge in his suite and walked over to join Shannon on the couch before he handed her the can.
'Thanks,' she smiled, shivering slightly as his long fingers brushed against hers as he handed her the drink, she could remember all too well just what those long fingers were capable of…
'I'm sorry about what happened earlier in the bar, I was fucking stupid to go out last night. I was just so fucking worried about today and, like always, when I'm worried about something, I drink. I'm gonna stop Shannon, I promise. I want to be a good father, I want to be there for Caitlin and for you,' Shannon could hear the sincerity in his voice and she really did believe that he was going to do his best to be a good role model for Caitlin. He might be a fuck up at times but his heart was always in the right place, it always had been.
'Look Josh, I know that you love Caitlin, I know that you're going to do your best for her, I had no right to lose it like I did. Who you sleep with, how much you drink, that's up to you. As long as you're there for her when she needs you, I don't care. You have your own life now and I have to remember that, just like you have to remember that I have mine,' Shannon wanted to laugh, apart from looking after Caitlin, she really didn't have much of a life.
'Is that your way of telling me that you're seeing someone else?' Josh felt the bile rising in his throat, Caitlin hadn't talked about her mother having a boyfriend but then Shannon could be keeping it a secret.
'No Joshua, I'm not seeing anyone, not that it would be any of your business even I was. Just like it's none of my business how many women you sleep with every week. You're here to try and help your daughter, to get to know your daughter, you're not here for me or to try and get back with me because you and I both know that won't happen. We're different people now Josh, we're not sixteen year old horny teenagers anymore,' Shannon had to look away from him, if she continued to stare into those dark brown eyes she knew that there was a chance that she would just give into him and drag him to bed without thinking about it.
'Is that what I was to you back then? Just someone you used to get your kicks from?' Josh felt anger bubbling inside him after hearing her words, he certainly hadn't been with her just for the sex.
'No Josh you know how I felt about you back then, you know that I was in love with, at least you should know that, I told you enough times. It's just that things change, feelings change. A part of me will always love you because you gave me Caitlin and she's my entire world…'
'But you don't love me?' Josh could feel his heart beginning to break again and now he wished he had listened to his father.
'Joshua, we can never go back to what we once were, too much time has passed and too many things have happened since then. We both need to concentrate on Caitlin and forget about our past to concentrate on the future, Caitlin's future,' Shannon hated pretending, she hated the fact that she still loved him just like she always had and always would. But she didn't deserve him, not after what she'd done, not after she'd broken his heart so badly.
'I um, I promised I'd meet my dad downstairs for a drink, I'd better get down there before he kicks my ass,' Josh announced, he couldn't hold himself together much longer and he wasn't going to show her just how upset he was.
'Okay, I'll pick you up tomorrow at nine so we can head to the hospital, your dad can come too if he wants,' Shannon was relieved that she could leave, if she stayed she wasn't sure that she could keep up with her lies.
'Cool, I'll see you tomorrow,' Josh stood up and walked over to the door, pulling it open and ushering her out of the room as quickly as he could.
As soon as she'd gone and he closed the door behind him he fell to the floor. Every part of his body ached, just like it had when he'd discovered that she'd left town. He'd always hoped that they would find each other again, that they would go back to how they once were, that they would do the things they'd set out to do when they were teenagers, that he'd marry her and make a home.
She'd just made it pretty clear to him that those things weren't going to happen, she didn't want him, she didn't love him like he loved her and it killed him inside, completely killed him.
Shannon walked down the long corridor to the elevator with tears building up in her eyes. She was walking away from the man that she loved, the man that she'd dreamed of marrying and spending the rest of her life with. There was never going to be anyone else because he was the only person that she'd ever wanted, that she'd ever needed but she was poison and she would only ruin his life if they got together again. She was doing him a favour and someday he would be grateful.