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Chapter Thirteen

'I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my entire life,' Shannon paced up and down the corridor outside the doctor's office as they waited to be called inside.

They were getting the test results back today and if Josh wasn't a match, they would all have to wait and hope that a match would be found soon on the Bone Marrow registry.

'I just wish the fucking doctor would call us in already, we've been waiting for nearly an hour,' Josh sighed, his stomach was turning over, he was hoping and praying that he would be a match so the transplant could be done straightaway.

They could do it today if they wanted, he was ready and willing to save his little girl and make her better so she could get out of this place and carry on with her life.

'I don't mind waiting if it's good news we're gonna get, if it isn't…' Shannon trailed off as she imagined having to tell Caitlin that she would have to wait a little longer to get better. Her little girl wasn't stupid, she knew just how sick she was and she also knew that there was a possibility that she wouldn't make it through her illness.

'If it's not good news, we'll tell her together and we'll deal with it together,' Josh looked at Shannon who gave him a little smile.

Phil groaned inwardly at the exchange, he could see that they were beginning to get close to one another again and no matter what he said or did, Josh would not listen to him. He couldn't see that he only wanted what was best for him and as far as he was concerned, Shannon was NOT the best person for him, she'd left him once and to Phil, that meant that she could do it all over again. They spent months away at sea, who's to say that she wouldn't disappear while Josh was away, taking Caitlin with her and breaking Josh's heart all over again. He couldn't bear the thought of his son getting hurt again but he was struggling to keep him away from her.

His thoughts were interrupted by the door to the Doctor's office opening. The three of them watched as the doc stepped out of the room, her face gave absolutely nothing away.

'Shannon, Josh come in,' she looked at both of them in turn and Shannon was the first person to walk through the door, quickly followed by Josh as Phil got out of his seat and began to pace up and down the corridor while he waited for them to come out of the room.

Shannon took a seat in the room whilst Josh chose to stand. She could feel herself shaking as Claire, the doctor, sat down and looked right at them.

'You're a match Joshua…'

She didn't hear the rest of what she had to say, as soon as she'd said that Josh was a match she started to cry. She could go and tell her little girl that soon, she was going to be better. she'd be able to play soccer again, go to school again, be a child again.

Josh instinctively took hold of Shannon's hand as he watched a stream of tears run down her cheeks. This meant so much to both of them, he could save his daughter's life and there were no words to describe just how relieved and happy he was that he was able to do this for her.

'When can I have the procedure? If you want, you can do it right now,' Josh spoke up as he continued to grasp Shannon's hand in his, she was in no fit state to talk right now but he was determined to remain strong for both of them.

'It's not as simple as you think it might be Joshua. I don't know how much you know about the procedure Josh but we can't do it right away,' Claire explained, Josh was almost ashamed to admit that he hadn't researched the procedure at all. He was never much good at understanding medical lingo so the only explanation he'd got so far was a very brief one from Shannon.

'First of all we need to make sure that all of Caitlin's bone marrow cells are killed off, to do that we have to give her some very strong doses of chemotherapy over the next couple of weeks. Once the cells are destroyed, we can then harvest your bone marrow and transplant it into Caitlin. We'll put you under a general anaesthetic and take the cells from your hip bone, you'll be kept in for a few days and you'll need to take things easy for a couple of weeks but the procedure for you is very low risk.'

'And what about the procedure for Caitlin? Once she has my bone marrow, everything will be fine won't it? She'll be cured and then she can come home.'

'I wish that I could say yes Josh but as I've told Shannon before, this procedure does give her a fighting chance of making it through but there's still a risk that the cancer could come back even after the transplant has been completed. She'll need to have regular blood tests and we need to keep a close eye on her for a good few months after the donation has taken place….'

'So we could still lose her?' Josh swallowed hard, Shannon had told him this before but he'd convinced himself that the donation would be enough to save her life.

'I know she'll make it through this Josh, she HAS to make it through this,' Shannon looked at Josh who gripped her hand even tighter.

They'd had such good news but now reality had finally set in for both of them. The transplant was a good thing and it gave their daughter the best chance of making it through but it wasn't the miracle cure that they'd told themselves it would be.

Shannon had known all along but of course she'd pushed the risks and the chances of the cancer coming back to the deepest, darkest depths of her mind. She'd had to otherwise her façade of courage and confidence would slip and then what would Caitlin be left with? A mother that cried and wailed at her bedside? She had to be strong, she STILL had to be strong.

'The next couple of weeks will be very difficult for all of you. Caitlin is going to be very sick when we increase the chemotherapy and I know that it will be upsetting for both of you, I just want you both to be prepared for how it will affect her.'

'We'll both be here and one of us will be here with her if the other one isn't, she's not going through any minute of this alone you know how scared she is Clare…'

'I've already told the nurses to expect you or Josh to be staying with her overnight, it's not a problem Shannon. This is good news honey, she's a tough little girl, this transplant is the best shot that she has. She can make it through this.'

Shannon took comfort from her words, Caitlin was a tough girl and if anyone could get through this then it was her. They stayed chatting to Clare for a few minutes about the procedure in greater detail before Clare's beeper went off, she apologised profusely before leaving the room in a hurry both Shannon and Josh left after her to tell Phil the news.

As soon as Josh came out of the room Phil stood up from his seat, he looked behind Josh at Shannon who was wiping her eyes and he immediately feared the worst. Before he could say anything Josh smiled at him and he was soon filled with hope again.

'I'm a match dad,' that's all that Josh could say. He was feeling so many different emotions that he thought his head might explode, he really wanted to be happy and overjoyed but the thought of the cancer coming back and taking over his little girl again made him feel sick to his stomach.

'That's fucking great news son! I told ya she's gonna be fine! She's a Harris after all!' Phil embraced his son as Shannon looked on, she wasn't going to correct his comment even though it stung more than a little.

She was getting sick of being glared at or being completely ignored by him. Before she'd left Seattle Phil had been so good to her, she'd spent so much time at his place with Josh and weirdly she'd thought of him as a friend. Now, he just looked through her like she was pure fucking evil or something.

'I'm going outside for some air, I'll meet you in Caitlin's room,' as soon as she spoke Josh pulled away from his dad and started to follow her.

'I'll come with you, I could do with a smoke.'

'So could I,' Shannon rolled her eyes, of course he couldn't POSSIBLY leave the two of them alone for even five fucking minutes. I mean five minutes was such a long time, they could fuck doggy style over the bench outside or they could even go to Vegas and back to get married!

Josh was pissed that his father fucking insisted on chaperoning him like he was five years old. Ever since he'd found he and Shannon close to kissing on the bench he'd been following him around everywhere and he was on the verge of buying him a plane ticket back to Alaska just so he and Shannon could have some much needed time alone to talk to one another.

When they got outside the hospital Shannon watched as Josh placed a cigarette between his thick lips, she'd always adored his lips, they were so pink and thick, they'd always felt so good on every inch of her skin. She snapped her gaze away when Josh looked up to find her staring at him.

'You want one of these?' He held out a cigarette but she shook her head.

'I gave up when I was pregnant, haven't touched one since.'

'Well you were never really a real smoker anyway, seeing as you liked those girly fucking weak menthol things,' he smirked.

'Do not start that shit again Joshua, I wasn't the one who puked all night long after five fucking shots of Jaeger. 'Oh Shannon, help me Shannon I'm dying!'

'I was sick because of the fucking Chilli Dog I ate! You were the one who used to get wasted after two fucking bottles of Stella!'

Shannon was about to respond when Phil got there first.

'Shouldn't we be talking about Caitlin instead of your stupid fucking teenage fling?'

'Dad!'

'You know what Phil, I have fucking had it with you! Josh, your dad can come to the hospital when I'm not around because I don't want him anywhere near me!'

'You can't do that, she's my granddaughter…'

'And she's MY daughter! It's not just Harris blood that flows through her veins!'

'Well it's Harris blood that will save her life seeing as YOURS couldn't!' Phil regretted what he'd said as soon as it came out of his mouth.

Shannon forced herself not to cry on the spot, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break down.

'You'd better go tell her the good news, I'll come back later,' Josh wasn't going to allow Shannon to walk away, he was really fucking ashamed of his father for saying something so hurtful.

'Happy now?' Josh snapped at his dad before he quickly ran after Shannon. 'Don't leave, she needs us BOTH right now you know she does.'

Shannon stopped walking and sighed heavily, shaking her head as she began to speak.

'Does she really? I mean he's right isn't he? What good have I been to her Josh?'

'Jesus Shannon are you fucking serious? Her eyes light up every time she sees you! You're brilliant with her anyone can see that, even my dad can see it but he won't ever admit it. You might not be able to donate your bone marrow but that doesn't make you a failure or a bad mom, you're a wonderful mom and right now our daughter needs you and you know what? I need you too because I'm not fucking strong enough to get her through this on my own,' Shannon kept her eyes firmly fixed on the ground as Josh spoke and they remained there once he'd finished.

She didn't want him to see her tears or hear the things that she so fucking desperately needed to say. She didn't want to crumble in front of him and right now she was in pieces.

'Shannon, look at me,' he could tell that she was still upset, she always did this when something was wrong. It was like she flicked a switch inside her which brought down a fucking wall, preventing him from climbing over it to get to her, to make her fucking listen to him. 'I fucking hate it when you do this, I'd rather you punch me in the balls than not do any fucking thing at all.'

She finally gathered enough strength to look at him but she regretted it. As soon as she looked into the eyes that she swore could see into her soul she lost it. Her body shook as she started to sob in front of him, he didn't hesitate to wrap his long arms around her as she cried into his shoulder.

'It's okay Shannon, it's alright,' he tried to soothe her, he fucking hated seeing her cry, he always had.

'I'm falling apart Joshua, I don't know what to do…'

'I'm here baby and I'm gonna make things better okay? I promise you Shannon, everything will get better.'