Thank you SO much for the reviews! Fair warning, this is a LONG and emotional flashback chapter. I think it's important to go back to this part as I hope it gives you all a better understanding into Shannon and Josh's mind set when the pregnancy bombshell was dropped. As always, I would love to see your reviews, I hope the chapter isn't too long and too boring for you. Thanks as always! :)

Chapter Eighteen

Flashback

For the third morning in a row she had woken up at six am to puke her guts up. At first she thought that she had some sort of bug but now, she was beginning to think that it was something much more than just some minor bug or stomach upset. Her period had been due over two weeks ago and it hadn't arrived, at the time it hadn't worried her, occasionally she did skip periods, especially if she was under a lot of stress so missing one wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Now however, she was worried, very fucking worried.

She and Josh had been having sex on a regular basis ever since she'd lost her virginity to him just over five months ago. They'd used protection every single time but condoms could split, using one wasn't necessarily going to prevent pregnancy. She was meant to be going over to Josh's place today to spend some time with him but that would have to wait, she had to find out if she was pregnant or not.

She would have to drive out of town, if she bought a pregnancy test here there was every chance that someone would see her and she couldn't risk that happening. She might be worrying for absolutely nothing and she did not want her mother finding out that she wasn't the good little virgin that she thought she was. Her mother had been questioning her more and more about her activities recently, she was almost certain that she knew that she was sexually active but she hadn't asked her outright just yet. If she was caught buying a pregnancy test then her mom would go completely crazy, pre-marital sex was a big no-no and if she was pregnant she was pretty sure that her mom would kick her out onto the street.

Even though it was still early, after she'd finished cleaning herself up she jumped straight into the shower and then went and got dressed. The sooner she got the test and took it the better, if she was pregnant she could then tell Josh today and they could talk about it and decide what to do.

She was scared, of course she was fucking scared, she was seventeen years old and she hadn't graduated High School yet, how the hell was she going to cope if she was pregnant? How was Josh going to react? I mean she loved him and yes she wanted a life with him which did include having his kids but they were both so young, neither of them had great jobs, they didn't even have their own place to live, what the hell would they do?

Even so, there was a small part of her which was weirdly excited at the prospect of being pregnant with Josh's child. She loved him, she loved him so fucking much and the thought of bringing his baby into the world made her smile a little, not because she wanted to 'trap' him or force him to marry her but because she loved him.

After she dressed herself and had grabbed her purse, she quietly opened her bedroom door and tiptoed down the stairs, the last thing that she needed right now was an argument with her mother which was bound to happen if she woke up and caught her creeping out of the house so early in the morning. Thankfully, she managed to get out of the house without alerting her mother and she got into her car and backed out of the drive, making her way across town to find somewhere to buy the test that she needed.

She drove for an hour before she found a small pharmacy that was open. Before she left the car she looked around just to check that there was no one that she knew hiding out anywhere but the coast seemed to be clear. She got out of the car and kept her head down, walking into the pharmacy as quickly as she could and walking around until she found what she was looking for. She was surprised by how many different tests they had in store, she had no idea which one would be the best but she wasn't about to ask anyone for their advice so she picked the most expensive one thinking that that would be the best. She went up to the counter and handed the test over without looking at the clerk, part of her was embarrassed and another part of her was scared that the clerk would somehow recognise her and start asking questions but that didn't happen. She paid for the test and quickly left the store, getting back in her car and driving closer to home to go into her local Starbucks so she could buy herself a coffee and use their toilet to go and take the test.

It was hardly a classy place to do a pregnancy test but she could not take it back home with her, she knew that her mom searched her room on a regular basis so she had no choice but to take the test somewhere that she could dispose of it without her mother finding it. She went inside the store and ordered herself a coffee, the whole time that she sat there drinking it she was shaking a little. In a few minutes she would discover if she was going to be a mom, part of her wanted to call Josh and ask him to come and meet her so he could be here for her but what was the point? If she wasn't pregnant then she would be freaking him out for no reason.

Once she'd finished her coffee, she quickly made her way into the restroom and locked herself in one of the toilets as she pulled the test out of the paper bag that she had put in her jacket pocket. She read the instructions on the back before she sat on the toilet and peed on the stick. She remained seated on the toilet and looked down at the test, waiting for a result to appear. The instructions said that it would take a couple of minutes for the test to show a result but within thirty seconds, two blue lines appeared.

She was pregnant with Josh's baby, she had a human life growing inside of her, she didn't know what to feel. She was scared, happy, frightened, sad, terrified, she was feeling so many different things at the same time. How the hell was Josh going to react when she told him? Was he going to blame her for this? If she'd gone on the pill then this wouldn't be happening but because she was under eighteen going on the pill without her mother's consent was virtually impossible. Her doctor had wanted her to go on the pill at fourteen to regulate her periods but her mother had freaked out and refused. Maybe they shouldn't have started having sex in the first place until they were eighteen and she could get on the pill but neither of them could wait, why should they have waited when they loved each other?

He loved her, she knew that he loved her, surely that meant that he would be happy, scared but happy. They'd talked about kids before and she knew that Josh wanted to be a father, okay it was going to happen a lot sooner than they'd planned but they could cope, she could quit school and go full-time at her job to get some money together before the baby was born and things would be okay, it would all be okay because he loved her and if he loved her then he would stand by her.

She was in a daze, after spending a few minutes trying to get herself together she put the pregnancy test back in her bag and left the restroom and went back out to her car where she sat for a few minutes before she decided to just go for a drive to try and calm herself down a bit. It was too early for her to go over and see Josh so she needed to waste some time, she could go back to her house but her mom would be awake by now and she didn't want to see her, the only person that she needed and wanted to see was Joshua.

She drove around in circles, she didn't know where to go and she didn't really know what to do. Having a baby would change her whole life, it would change Josh's life but the thought of having a termination made her feel sick. It's not that she disagreed with abortion, it just wasn't something that she felt she could do. She loved Josh and this baby was a product of their love for one another, she was sure that Josh would take care of her, that he would love her and love their baby even though they were both so young.

After driving around aimlessly for a couple of hours she couldn't wait any longer, she had to speak to Josh and tell him that they were having a baby. Her stomach began to churn as she pulled up outside his house, it was just past nine in the morning and as soon as she knocked on the door she knew that whoever answered would be asking why she was there so early. She decided to make up some bullshit about having an argument with her mom, they'd believe that as everyone in town knew that her mother was a fucking nut.

She dragged herself out of the car and gripped her bag in her hands, before she could even knock on the front door it opened and out walked a shirtless Josh with a stupid grin on his face.

'Couldn't wait a couple more hours to see me huh?' He smirked as Shannon walked over to plant a kiss on his thick lips.

'I need to talk to you in private,' she sighed, as soon as she spoke Josh knew that something was wrong, her voice was shaky and she looked terrible.

'Is something wrong?' He asked as he ran his fingers across her cheek.

'Can we go up to your room?' Josh nodded and walked inside the house, his heart began to race as he wondered what the hell was wrong.

He led Shannon upstairs and into his room, closing and locking his bedroom door behind them as she took a seat on his bed and waited for him to sit down alongside her. He took one of her hands in his and waited for her to speak after a couple of minutes of silence she worked up the courage to tell him her news.

'I'm pregnant Joshua,' his head began to spin as he tried to take in the news that Shannon had just given him. She was pregnant, he was going to be a father.

He was seventeen, she was seventeen, neither of them had graduated from High School, neither of them had good jobs or a home to bring up a baby but why did he feel happy despite all this?

He loved Shannon with all his heart and the thought of having a baby with her made him smile but then, reality set in.

She had brains, she had dreams, she wanted to be a doctor, it was something that she talked about so much. She wanted to go to college and make something of herself, if she had their baby he knew that she would give all that up to look after their baby because that's the kind of person she was, she would sacrifice her life, her dreams, to work some shitty little job to make a better life for their child, how could he let her do that when she had so much potential?

'Josh? Say something, please talk to me,' Shannon gripped his hand and waited to hear him say that everything would be okay. They were young but they could do this, they could bring up a baby and stay together because they loved each other.

'I um, I better go get the phonebook and make some calls,' Josh announced as he got up from his bed. It killed him to act like this but he was doing this for her, he was doing this so she could be who she'd always wanted to be.

'What do you mean by 'make some calls'?' Shannon asked, surely he couldn't be talking about phoning clinics? Not Josh, he loved her, he wouldn't want her to get rid of their baby, would he?

'We can't have a baby Shannon, we're too young. We can go together and sort this out then we can move on together, what can we realistically offer a child Shannon? You work at a Pizza Parlour and I work at a fast food joint, we can barely afford to look after ourselves let alone a baby, you know a termination is the right thing to do,' Shannon's heart all but broke on the spot, he didn't want her to have his baby.

She was so sure that he would be happy, scared but happy, she never thought that he would want her to get rid of their baby, he was supposed to love her, how could he want her to go through something so painful and difficult? She looked at him, almost begging him to change his mind, if he didn't want her to have the baby then how could she bring the child up on her own? Her mother would kick her out, she didn't make enough money to take care of herself and a baby, if Josh wouldn't stand by her then an abortion was her only choice.

'I'll um, go make some calls, don't worry about money or anything, I can take care of it,' Josh announced before he left the room.

As soon as he closed the door on her he felt the tears began to pool in his eyes, was he really doing the right thing? They were so young but he would do anything for her, he would do anything for their baby, would having a child really ruin her future as much as he thought it would?

'What's Shannon's car doing outside?' Josh jumped as his father appeared from his room, he looked pretty pissed.

'She uh, she came over early, had an argument with her mom and she needed to get away, you know what Julia's like,' Josh lied, if he told his father the truth then he would hit the fucking roof.

'Well you can get her out of your bedroom now, I don't mind her being in there when none of us are here but you are not having sex with Jake in the house…'

'We're not planning on having sex dad so calm the fuck down okay? We've got shit to do,' Josh huffed as he pushed past his father who pulled him back.

'Oh and what shit are you planning on doing then huh? I know you're having sex Josh, don't even try to pretend that you're not, I just hope that you're wrapping your shit up because the last thing you need right now is a baby!'

Josh looked at his dad and for a second, he wanted to come clean but he chickened out. A termination truly was the best thing for everyone, especially Shannon, when they were older, when they were settled, they could have kids but not now.

They were just too young to have a baby.

Two Days Later

Shannon and Josh sat in the waiting room of the Planned Parenthood Clinic that Josh had found a few hours away from their home town. They couldn't go to the one closest to home, someone could spot them and their secret would be all over the school.

Josh reached over and took Shannon's hand in his. She didn't look at him, she couldn't look at him right now, she was just dead inside. Her mother had been right all along and she had been too blind to see it, Josh wanted her for sex, the promise ring, the 'I love yous' they meant nothing at all. She'd given him his heart, she truly believed that he loved her and she had been so fucking stupid.

She didn't want to do this, every fibre of her being was telling her to get the fuck out of here and run away as fast as she could but what choice did she have? She was too much of a pussy to tell her mother the truth and she wasn't strong enough to bring up a baby on her own.

'Miss Andrews?' Shannon looked up and saw a middle aged woman standing at the doorway of one of the rooms down the little hallway.

She stood up and Josh did the same as they walked towards her. Her legs were shaking, she felt like she was about to throw up everywhere as she got closer and closer to the woman who was stood waiting for her with a little smile on her face. Why the fuck was she smiling at her? This wasn't a happy moment, this was the worst moment of her fucking life and she was smiling?

She went into the room and Josh followed behind her, his heart was racing and everything was telling him that this was wrong but Shannon seemed to want to go ahead with it, he wasn't going to stop her.

'First things first, my name is Lauren and you're first name is Shannon isn't it?' Shannon nodded as Lauren continued to smile at her, why was she still fucking smiling?

'Now Shannon, have you been to your doctor to have him examine you and confirm the pregnancy?' She shook her head fiercely and began to panic.

'I can't go to the doctor, my mom will find out if I do…'

'Honey it's okay,' Laura leaned over and patted her hand, 'I can examine you here, we don't need to let your doctor know about this okay?'

Shannon smiled a little, she'd expected to be treated like a piece of meat, like a scumbag because she was here to kill her baby.

'I will need you to wait outside,' Laura looked at Josh who in turn looked at Shannon who nodded at him, what was the point in him being here? His part in this sordid affair was done, his seed was sewn and now she had to take care of the rest.

As soon as Josh left the room, Laura took her by surprise by holding her hand.

'Now that he's gone, I think the two of us can talk a little more openly don't you?'

'Thhere's nothing to talk about,' Shannon stuttered, she just wanted to get this over with and go home.

'Honey, I see a lot of girls come into this place, a lot of them are younger than you and I know a scared, frightened girl when I see one, you're shaking honey. You know there's a lot of help out there for girls like you, if you didn't want to end the pregnancy you wouldn't be alone…'

'Yes I would! My boyfriend's made it pretty clear that he doesn't want a baby and my mom, oh God my mom, she would kick me out and I'd have nowhere to go,' Shannon tried to fight back the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since Josh had told her that he didn't want her to have their baby.

'Well, let me examine you first of all so we can see how far along you are and then we can talk about this a little more okay?' Shannon sighed but nodded, the more they talked the higher the chances were that she would change her mind.

She hopped up on the examination table in the corner of the room and lay there waiting for Laura to examine her.

'Pull your shirt up a little honey, I need to feel your stomach,' she smiled and Shannon did as she was told.

She jumped a little when her cold hands made contact with her stomach. She closed her eyes as Laura pressed against her stomach, she'd made a point of not touching her stomach ever since she'd found out that she was pregnant. If she could feel the baby, if she could feel a little bump there she knew that she wouldn't be able to go through with the termination. She kept trying to convince herself that the thing growing inside her wasn't even a baby yet, it was just a bunch of cells, it didn't have arms, legs, she couldn't think of it as a baby, she had to detach herself to be able to do this.

'Okay, you can sit back down now honey,' Laura announced and Shannon opened her eyes again.

She covered herself back up again and walked over to the seat next to Laura's desk. She found herself asking the question before she'd given herself time to think about what the answer would do to her.

'How far gone am I?'

Laura sat down and looked at her. 'You're about two to three months gone, an ultrasound would be more accurate but if you don't want to go to the doctor, that's all I can tell you.'

Two to three months pregnant, her baby was growing, it wasn't just a mass of cells at all, she was carrying a baby inside her, a baby that had done nothing wrong. She felt the tears rolling down her pale cheeks before she could stop them and as soon as she felt Laura, this stranger's arms wrap around her she lost it completely, she bawled.

She couldn't do this, she just couldn't, she'd never forgive herself if she went ahead and got rid of their baby, she would regret it for the rest of her life.

'Ssshhh honey it's okay, it'll all be okay,' Laura tried to comfort her as she continued to cry against her shoulder.

All she had wanted was for Josh to do this, for him to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright but he hadn't, he'd been so cold towards her and her love for him was now turning to nothing but hate.

'What am I going to do?' She sniffed as she finally began to calm down a little, crying wasn't going to solve anything, she needed to try and figure out just what she was supposed to do.

'The first thing that I would do is tell your mother…'

'No, you don't know what she's like!' Shannon shook her head, fuck knows what her mom would do if she found out about her predicament.

'Shannon, I've seen girls come in here saying the exact same thing as you, I've then seen the girls come back six months later with their mothers in tow coming to thank me for not forcing their girl to have an abortion. Your mother might surprise you, if you are keeping this baby honey she is going to have to know about it at some point.'

'Not if I run away, I've got some money saved up, I could start a new life somewhere…'

'With no job? With no one to look after the baby? Shannon, go home and talk to your mom, if things don't work out then you can come back here and we'll help you out. Your mom might get mad at you, she might yell and scream but I'm sure she loves you and I'm sure she'll want to support you, just give her a chance, one chance.'

Shannon's head was spinning, it had suddenly hit her that she was going to be a mother, in a few months time she would have a baby in her arms, her baby. Josh had already made it pretty clear that he didn't want to be a dad so there was no use in telling him that she couldn't go through with the abortion, Laura was right, she had to tell her mom.

'I guess I'd better go home, the sooner I do this the better right?' Shannon tried to smile but she couldn't, she was terrified and she'd never felt so alone in her entire life. If her mother refused to stand by her then she would have no one other than the baby that she was carrying.

'I want you to come back and see me no matter what happens okay? Just because your boyfriend doesn't want to know, it isn't the end of the world honey, you can do this,' Laura patted her on the back and Shannon thanked her for her advice and support before leaving the room.

She'd been in there for quite some time so she knew that she could fool Josh into thinking that she'd gone ahead with the termination. She walked down the little corridor and back into the waiting area where Josh was waiting for her.

As soon as he saw her he rose to his feet, he began to walk over to her but before he could reach her she walked past him as if she couldn't see him. He knew there and then that he'd lost her, he'd made the wrong choice. He should have held her and told her that everything would be okay, he should have told her the truth, he didn't want her to get rid of their baby, he thought that he was doing the right thing but now everything was ruined. He'd lost his baby and the love of his life in one go and now he'd have to fight to get her back.

He followed Shannon outside and ran to catch up with her, grabbing her hands as he turned her round to look at him.

'It's done Joshua, it's done,' Shannon said as she glanced into his dark brown eyes.

'Shannon I…'

'Don't say anything Josh just don't, just take me home,' Shannon interrupted him, she didn't want to hear what he had to say, she just wanted to be as far away from him as possible. She was hurting so much because she still fucking loved him, she still wanted him to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be fine but she knew that he wouldn't. As far as he was concerned she'd done what he wanted her to do.

Josh was close to tears as he watched her walk to his car. What had he done?

Later That Day

'Shannon! Shannon! Get down here right now young lady!'

Shannon felt a fresh wave of sickness wash over her as she heard the front door slam and her mother yelling up the stairs. She'd been waiting for a few hours for her to arrive home and the longer she waited the more terrified she became, how the fuck was she meant to tell her that she was pregnant?

'SHANNON!'

'ALRIGHT!'

She got up from her bed and took a deep breath, it was now or never, she had to do this. She opened her bedroom door and walked down the stairs, she could hear her mother slamming drawers and talking under her breath in the lounge. When she appeared at the doorway her mother shot her a filthy look.

'Sit down, NOW!'

Shannon did as she was told, when her mother was like this there was no point in trying to argue back, she just wondered why she was so pissed. Surely she couldn't know?

'I had a call from your principal today asking me WHY you weren't at school? You were off cavorting with that Harris boy weren't you?'

'Mom, please calm down…'

'CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? If your father were here Shannon…'

'If he were here things wouldn't be such a mess! At least I'd have someone to talk to!'

'Talking to you doesn't do any good now does it? How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from that boy? He's no good Shannon! You've skipped school for him, sneaked out of the house to be with him, can't you see that he's poisoning you? The only man that you should want right now is the Lord…'

'Oh God..'

'That's right Shannon! God!'

'Mom please, it's too late for that!'

'It's never too late to find him Shannon, he can be your saviour!'

'No he can't! He can't save me because it's too fucking late okay? I'm pregnant mom, I'm pregnant!'

Shannon let the words fall from her lips, it wasn't exactly the best way to break the news but there wasn't really a good way to do it. She looked at her mother, hoping that she would show her some love, some hope, she needed her now more than ever.

'I'm pregnant mom and I need your help,' Shannon had never been so scared before, her mother just stood across the room, looking at her like she was the Devil himself.

She was about to get up and leave the room when her mother collapsed into a heap on the floor.

'MOM!'

Shannon ran over to her mother and fell to her knees on the floor as she tried to bring her round. She'd fainted, not a surprise considering how dramatic her mother was. She stayed on the ground with her mother's head in her lap until she began to wake up.

When her eyes were fully open and a few minutes had passed by in complete silence Shannon got up off the floor then helped her mother to her feet before walking her over to the couch to sit her down, taking a seat alongside her in the process.

'I knew this would happen, I knew it, you stupid, stupid girl!'

No sooner had Shannon helped her sit down her mother started on another one of her infamous tirades.

'You just COULDN'T control yourself could you? Why can't you be like Marissa or Heather? They're such beautiful, wonderful, holy girls! And I get stuck with you!'

Shannon felt like crying, she'd always yearned for a mother that loved her, that would show her some compassion but instead she had her, a mother that only cared for herself and her precious fucking God.

'We'll have to move, I can't stay here, not now! What would people think? The whole church would laugh at me, they'd talk behind my back and all because of you and your grubby boyfriend! Go to your room and stay there until I tell you to come down!'

'Mom please…'

'GO TO YOUR ROOM!'

She left, her tears streaming down her face as she fled upstairs and locked herself in her small room. Just a few days ago she'd been so happy, things had been going so well in school and with Josh, everything had been perfect and now her life was coming apart at the seams.

She lay down in her bed and sobbed into one of her pillows which still carried the faint scent of Josh, the smell of him only made her cry even more. Her tears continued long into the night until she just lost the energy to spill anymore.

Instead she lay awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking about what her life would be like as a single mother. For the first time since finding out about her pregnancy, she tentatively ran one of her hands down to her stomach, it didn't feel any different, not yet anyway but knowing that there was a human life growing inside her, just mere inches away from the hand that she'd placed, it made her feel warm inside.

It was going to be tough, very tough, but she had made the right decision. She was going to be the kind of mother that her very own wasn't, she would do anything for the life she was carrying inside her and she would do it all without Josh, no matter how much losing him would hurt.