Thanks for the reviews! I hope this chapter helps to explain why Shannon left, I know her mother is a complete bitch and some of you will find it hard to believe that a mother and grandmother could act like that but sadly, some do. Bit of an emotional chapter ahead again, please review as always, thanks :)
Chapter Twenty
Her feet were throbbing inside her calf length leather boots, she'd walked for miles without stopping and she'd definitely come to the conclusion that these boots weren't made for walking. She couldn't walk much further, she felt light headed and in need of a drink of water or something except there was nothing around here except houses, just rows and rows of houses.
She had no idea where she was, her head was still in a spin after the confrontation with her mother. Why hadn't she just walked away when she started spouting her bile? Why hadn't she just told her to fuck off and leave her alone? Why was she so fucking pathetic and weak?
Most people wouldn't understand why her mother was so horrible to her, even she didn't understand. When Caitlin had been born she thought that it would be a turning point, a change in their relationship but it wasn't. Her mother was ashamed of her and ashamed of Caitlin and she couldn't understand why. Sure, she'd had sex before marriage and fallen pregnant but she hadn't killed anyone in cold blood.
She'd tried so hard to please her mother, she'd tried to win her love but nothing that she did was good enough for her. Her mother just wasn't maternal at all, she probably should have never had children because the only person that she loved was herself. She hadn't even loved her father all that much, she'd heard the rows between them, the fights that went on until the early hours of the morning as she lay in bed cowering under the covers.
Her mother had pushed her father to the edge but yet he still loved her, how could he love someone that was so cold? She'd tried so hard to love her, to make excuses for her behaviour but there were no more excuses left now, there was nothing left.
Her father had died, her mother hated her, she'd broken Josh's heart and her baby girl had cancer, everyone that she loved she hurt. It all came back to her.
She hadn't meant to leave the hospital, to leave her little girl but hearing her mother's words, she'd had to get away. She needed some time alone, some time to think about where their lives were heading.
Now that Josh was back in their lives she didn't know what was going to happen. She loved him so much but she was too scared to tell him, she was scared of being rejected again, her mother didn't want her so why would Josh? Why would he choose her when he could have any woman that he wanted?
She had nothing to offer him, she had no job, no home, no money, no nothing. All she had was Caitlin and if he wanted to he could take her away, he had the means to look after their daughter, she had nothing. She could barely take care of herself right now let alone their precious girl.
When her feet and body finally couldn't take anymore she collapsed against a fence, unzipping her boots so that her feet could get some much needed air. When she had removed them she looked down at her feet to see them covered in a thin layer of blood. She just sighed and leaned back against the fence, she would have to wait until she gathered enough energy to walk again or until someone came to save her.
'Has she turned up at the hospital?' Josh yelled down his cellphone as he continued to drive slowly around the streets near the hospital, he had been searching for Shannon for nearly two hours and as each minute passed he started to get more concerned.
'No she hasn't and Caitlin is starting to ask questions, maybe you should call the cops and have them help?'
'There's no fucking point dad, they won't get involved unless she's been gone for twenty four hours or more. I'll find her, she's not done anything stupid, she wouldn't, I know her,' Josh slammed the lid down on his phone and threw it into the passenger's seat.
No matter what she was going through he knew that she wouldn't run away or take her own life, she would never put Caitlin through that pain but if she was wandering the streets on her own, someone else could hurt her, that's what worried him the most.
He knew from past experience how much her mother could get to her. He'd held her in his arms enough times as she had cried after another one of her mother's insults had chipped away at her already fragile self-esteem but no matter what her mother said or did, she'd always gone back to her out of loyalty. She'd promised her dad that she'd look after her, that they would look after each other and her love for her father had made her keep her promise to him even though she got hurt in the process.
She could have stayed in Seattle with him and he could have loved her and Caitlin right from the very beginning had he not been such a fucking fool. They could be married by now, they could have more than one child, he could have skipped the partying and sleeping around with women that he didn't give a shit about had she stayed with him. Now here he was, searching streets that he didn't know looking for the woman he loved and praying that she was safe, he couldn't lose her again, he just couldn't.
Shannon could feel her eyes beginning to close as day turned to night. It would be pitch black soon and she had no idea how to get back home or how to get back to the hospital. She had no money either and no phone, she'd left that at the hospital next to Caitlin's bed. She knew she had to start walking again, she didn't want to stay here all night, she had to find somewhere, a café or a bar, just somewhere.
She squeezed her feet back into the boots that had caused her so much pain and winced as she got back up on her feet. She was about to start walking when a car screeched to a halt on the road, she was all but ready to dive over the fence to duck for cover when he got out of the car.
Josh had been searching for just over three hours without success. It was getting pretty dark and that made searching for her even harder but he wasn't going to give up until he found her and brought her home. He turned up another street that he didn't recognise and slowly drove along, looking at every person passing and probably scaring the hell out of them.
He was about to make a right turn onto another street when something caught his eye straight ahead. There was a woman sitting on the sidewalk outside someone's house. He put his foot down on the accelerator and drove on ahead just in time to watch her get to her feet, relief spread through him when he saw that the person he had been looking at was Shannon.
He didn't even take the keys out of the ignition, he just opened the door and ran out to go and get her.
'Oh God Shannon!' Shannon closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as Joshua embraced her.
'Please don't do that again, I thought something bad had happened to you,' Josh sighed into her hair as he cradled her in his arms.
'I'm so sorry, I just needed some time alone, I wasn't thinking straight, I should have told you before I went off like that. I didn't mean to worry you, I'm just so fucking stupid at times!' Shannon scalded herself as she pulled away from Josh.
'Hey you're not stupid, you're the smart one I'm the dumb one. Let's just get you back home, you're freezing,' Josh said as he took one of her ice cold hands in his and began to pull her towards the car.
They both got inside and Josh called Phil right away to let him know that Shannon was okay. Caitlin was sound asleep but Phil volunteered to stay with her through the night, he seemed to know that Josh needed to have a private talk with Shannon about what was going on.
Shannon remained silent as Josh drove them home, it was only when they pulled up outside his house that she remembered what her mother had said to her earlier about their stuff being left outside.
'Josh I need to go around to my mom's place,' Shannon said just before he turned off the engine.
'Why would you wanna go and see that fucking bitch?' Josh asked as Shannon looked away from him.
'Because she has my stuff, she has Caitlin's stuff too and as of today, we are no longer wanted at her place. I need to go and pick everything up Josh…'
'You don't need to pick anything up Shannon, it's already been done,' Josh smiled and put his hand on top of hers.
'But how did you know?' Shannon asked and she immediately began to panic when she thought about what Josh might have done. 'Please tell me you haven't hurt her? I know I hate her but I don't want you to get in any trouble because of her…'
'I haven't laid a finger on her, you know I wouldn't do that. I might have told her a few things that she didn't want to hear but she's fine, in the physical sense anyway,' Josh replied.
'How did you manage to get all our stuff? There must have been a fair few boxes waiting outside and they wouldn't fit in this thing,' Shannon looked around the car which would barely be big enough to fit a few boxes inside.
'I called a friend of a friend, he owns a haulage company here and he took a van round to pick up your stuff, everything should be on the porch waiting for you,' Josh smiled as Shannon tucked some hair behind her ear and smiled back at him.
'I don't know how I can thank you for everything you've done, the transplant, finding me, now this. I promise I won't be under your feet for long, I can find a job and…'
'We should talk about this inside Shannon, it's getting cold out here and I could do with a drink or three,' Josh stepped out of the car, leaving Shannon to wonder whether she had gone too far by suggesting that she would be living with them for a while, maybe Josh didn't want her to stay here? After all, she had no money coming in to pay rent, she had no savings that she could tap into, she had nothing to give him.
Shannon stepped out of the car just a minute or so after Josh, when she got to the front porch she found box after box of her and Caitlin's things waiting to be taken inside.
Josh had already started lifting boxes into the house, he had no fucking idea where he was going to put them all, the place wasn't exactly big and there were only two bedrooms here. When Caitlin came home he would have to look for a bigger place but for now this place would do.
'Uh uh, put that down, I can handle this,' Josh took a box off Shannon as he reached the front porch and she rolled her eyes at him.
'Josh I'm not weak, I can carry a few boxes without hurting myself you know,' she grinned before taking the box back and pushing past him to carry it inside.
Josh just shook his head and allowed her to give him a hand, at least with both of them working the boxes would be shifted that much quicker and that meant that they would have more time to sit down and talk to each other. He had to know why she'd disappeared earlier, she'd had to be forced to leave Caitlin's bedside before to take some rest, it wasn't like her to just leave without saying a word. He was worried about her state of mind, she'd seemed fine recently but she could have been putting on a brave face, she was fucking good at doing that, pretending that things were fine when they weren't. Then again, he was pretty good at doing that too, after she'd left him he stuck on a smile and partied hard with his friends, pretending that he was loving the single life again when inside he was falling apart.
It took them twenty minutes to bring all thirty boxes inside and pile them up in the hall and lounge, Josh was amazed at how much stuff both his girls had, how the fuck could women have so much shit? When everything was done, Josh opened the liquor cabinet and poured them both a vodka topped up with cranberry juice, he sat down on the couch next to Shannon before handing her the glass and raising his own to make a toast.
'Here's to you moving in with the Harris men, I wish you good luck baby!' Josh smirked as he touched his glass against hers before taking a sip and putting it down on the table in front of them.
'Oh so, you don't mind me staying here for a while? I mean, I know I've slept over a couple of times but moving all my stuff in and…'
'Shannon, it's fine, it's more than fine, I'm really happy that you're here,' Josh smiled and he noticed her cheeks beginning to flush, he'd always found that so fucking cute and he still did.
'You know, I don't have money or anything Josh, I gave up my job to look after Caitlin when she got sick, I was kinda relying on my mom for help with money and stuff but I can get a job, I can't live here for free and I don't expect you to look after me,' Shannon was embarrassed, she was twenty eight years old and she had nothing to her name, Josh probably thought she was a complete fucking loser.
'I don't want money Shannon, I just want my girls here with me, I want to take care of you, both of you,' Josh said quietly, he just hoped that he wasn't saying too much or taking things too far too soon.
'What about your life though Josh? I mean it's not going to sound good to a potential girlfriend is it? 'Oh, come home and meet my ex-girlfriend and the child I have with her, they're both living with me!'. I don't wanna cramp your style…'
'You won't be cramping my style and there's no potential girlfriends to scare off, I told you, I'm done with fucking around, I want to settle down,' Josh moved a little closer to her and he felt her shiver as his leg touched hers.
'What are you saying Joshua?' Shannon daren't let herself hope that he was talking about settling down with her, surely he couldn't mean her, the girl who'd broken his heart and kept him away from his daughter for ten years.
'I'm saying that when Caitlin comes home, I'll have everything, everyone that I want right here, everything,' Josh let his hand travel up to Shannon's face, her skin was still so fucking soft and smooth, he was aching to just pick her up and take her upstairs to make love to her but he knew that it was too soon, he didn't want to rush this, he wanted to take his time and let her know just how much he loved her, how much he needed her.
'I'm scared that I'll hurt you Joshua,' Shannon closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his, she loved him so much, too much.
'What do you mean baby? You could never hurt me….'
'But I did hurt you Joshua!' Shannon jumped up off the couch, spilling her drink everywhere in the process. 'I broke your heart! Your dad told me what you were like when I left, I caused you all that pain! I hurt everyone I love Joshua, if I were you I would just go out and find someone else, someone that won't fuck your life up because I'm poison…'
'NO!' Josh got up from the couch and walked over to Shannon, grabbing her waist and pulling her close to him and she struggled in his grip. 'Stop it Shannon, just fucking stop! This is your mom talking, not you! She's made you think like this! You're not poison and I don't wanna go out and find anyone else, I've tried Shannon, I've tried sleeping with other women, going on dates and pretending that I'm happy and I can't, I can't fucking do it! I want you, I need you, I love you Shannon, I love YOU and I can't change that, I don't want to change that.'
Josh pulled her hair back so he could see her beautiful face, the face that had haunted his dreams for so long and now she was here, back in his arms again.
'I'm so glad I found you again Joshua, I've never stopped thinking about you, I've never stopped loving you. I should never have left, I should have told you about Caitlin, I fucked up so badly..' Shannon shuddered as Josh pressed one of his long fingers against her lips and looked into her eyes.
'That's all in the past, this is the future, our future. We take things slow and steady, though if we tell Caitlin she'll want us to get married tomorrow!' Josh chuckled as Shannon buried her head against his neck, his arms wrapped around her as he kissed the top of her head.
'I love you so much my darling.'
'I love you too my flower, more than you'll ever know.'