Thank you for the reviews! I am so sorry that it has taken me a while to update, I went away for a few days but I am back and refreshed now so I hope to be updating more regularly. This was a tough one for me to write, when you read it you might understand why. Please keep the reviews coming in because I love them all, thanks :)

Chapter Twenty Three

'Jake, you need to get your ass back here NOW! You've been gone for two fucking days! Hello? Hello?' Phil snapped the lid of his phone shut and turned to face Josh who was waiting to hear what his younger brother had said. 'He put the fucking phone down on me! He's in some fucking bar, I can hear the music in the background, I'm gonna go find him!'

'Dad! There's fucking tons of bars here, we can't search every fucking place! I promised Shannon that I would take Caitlin out today, we spent all fucking day searching for him yesterday and I'm not wasting any more time on him, Caitlin comes first for me now, I'm sorry,' Josh sighed as his dad sat down looking defeated on the bench in the back yard.

'You don't need to say sorry son, I should be the one apologising for buying him a fucking plane ticket in the first place. I thought that spending some time with us, with his niece, would sort his fucking head out but I was wrong, bringing him here has just made things fucking harder for you…'

'Dad this isn't your fault, I understand why you sent him a plane ticket and yeah, I thought that maybe spending time with Caitlin would calm him the fuck down but there's nothing we can do. We can't force him to get help when he thinks he's not doing anything wrong. Why don't you come out with me and Caitlin today? I'll buy you an ice cream, maybe some cotton candy if you behave,' Josh smirked as he tried to raise his father's spirits.

Jake hadn't been back here ever since he'd left after their fight and he felt pretty fucking guilty. Things were such a mess and neither Josh nor his dad knew what to do for Jake. They both wanted to help him but how can you help someone who doesn't think that they have a problem? If they sent him to rehab he would either leave right away or not take it seriously at all, Josh just wanted his life to be simple for once. He had Shannon back and now he was a father to a beautiful little girl, he just wanted to be 'normal' but nothing was every straightforward for him.

'You go, I'll stay here and keep Shannon company, I promise that I'll be on my best behaviour!' Phil smirked as he saw Josh's face break out into a smile.

He knew how much Josh wanted him to get along with Shannon and he thought that it was about time he spent a little one on one time with the woman that had stolen his eldest son's heart. At least talking to Shannon would help him forget about Jake for a while, Josh was right, how could he possibly search every single fucking bar in California to find him? All he could do was wait and hope that Jake would soon come back so he could talk some sense into him, until then he had to try and keep himself busy and not driving himself crazy thinking about what Jake could be getting up to.

'I'll go tell Shannon that she needs to make two omelettes seeing as you're staying with her for dinner,' Josh smiled as he got up and patted his father on the back before disappearing inside, leaving Phil to light up another cigarette as he sat alone staring out into the back yard.

'Hey baby, you got someone staying with you for dinner,' Josh smiled as he walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Shannon's waist.

She was wearing tight red jeans and a tight white vest top which clung to her curves and made her look so fucking sexy. The huge six inch black stilettos that she was wearing set off the look and Josh was drooling from almost every orifice when he looked at her.

Shannon smiled to herself as she felt a little bump rest against her back as Josh wrapped his long arms around her. It felt good to know that she could still cause that kind of reaction from him but at the same time, she still felt so fucking nervous and worried about how she would match up to the other women he'd had in the past. She couldn't talk about them or tell Josh how she was feeling because they'd agreed not to bring up the past, she had to get over it herself and try to get comfortable with her own body before she revealed it to him but she could tell that he was getting frustrated by her lack of physical contact, they hadn't even kissed properly!

It's not that she didn't want to kiss him, she did she really did but she knew that kissing would lead to more, she wouldn't be able to stop herself once she felt his tongue inside her mouth and she didn't want to do it here, not with Caitlin in the room next door. She wanted to be sexual, to be physical but she just felt, shy, like a sixteen year old virgin all over again and it was pathetic, really pathetic but how could she explain all this to Josh?

'What's the matter baby? You've been quiet today,' Josh sighed as he leaned forward and pressed his nose to her hair, inhaling her familiar scent of Herbal Essence shampoo mixed with her favourite CK One perfume.

'Nothing, I've just been busy cooking, cleaning, I don't know, guess I'm a little tired,' she sighed, not willing to share with him what was really on her mind.

'Well let my dad do the washing up when you're finished eating cos he's staying here with you, I think he wants to spend some time getting to know you all over again so prepare yourself for some questions,' Josh laughed as Shannon turned around to face him.

'Oh God the Phil Inquisition, it had to happen sometime didn't it? If he gets too personal I guess I can always talk about Rosa and her strap-on,' Shannon winked before planting a kiss on Josh's nose.

'Now you know that Rosa's sex toys are a sore point for my dad…'

'I bet they are, in more ways than one,' Shannon grinned before both of them burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?'

Phil appeared in the kitchen and found Shannon and Josh in fits of laughter which seemed to make them laugh all the more. Phil stood there looking completely confused as he waited for one of them to explain what the fuck was going on.

'It's um, a little bit of a sensitive issue Phil,' Shannon started laughing again and leaned against Josh for support as tears rolled down her cheeks.

'Yeah we need to approach with caution, you know, like Rosa probably did with her ten inch dong…' Josh started to laugh again too as Phil's face went red and he folded his arms whilst looking at Ding and is dastardly fucking companion.

'I told you she went nowhere near me with that fucking, thing! I knew I should have kept my fucking mouth shut!' Phil growled.

'Did you keep your ass cheeks shut though Phil? That's what we want to know,' Shannon laughed as Josh high fived her.

'Damn girl you are good!'

'Fucking kids, laughing at an old man,' Phil moaned as he sat down at the kitchen table.

'Why are they laughing at you grandpa, do you want me to spank them?' Caitlin's voice appeared from the kitchen doorway and everyone turned to look at her.

She was wearing a long purple dress with matching purple shoes and she looked so damn cute. She didn't normally wear dresses but since the cancer had taken her hair away, she seemed to want to wear more feminine clothes, even without hair she was still the most beautiful girl that Shannon had ever seen, she always would be in her eyes and in Josh's.

'You look beautiful honey,' Josh smiled with pride as he stepped towards his daughter who immediately took a little step back. She'd kept her distance from him since she'd seen him hit Jake and Josh knew that he had a lot of work to do to get her trust back, seeing her back away from him brought a lump to the back of his throat, it was like she was scared of him.

'Daddy's taking you to the park today, I made you a picnic basket with all your favourites, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chocolate cake, strawberries…'

'Aren't you coming with us mommy?' Caitlin asked and Shannon shook her head.

'No sweetie, it's just you and daddy going today, I might come along tomorrow,' Shannon smiled as Caitlin's face dropped.

'Oh, well, I don't think I can go, I don't feel that good…' Shannon knew that Caitlin was lying to get out of going to the park alone with her dad, she'd not wanted to be alone with Josh ever since the incident with Jake.

'I think you and I need to have a little talk,' Shannon replied as she made her way over to Caitlin. 'We won't be long,' she smiled at Josh before closing the kitchen door behind them.

Josh immediately walked over to the kitchen table and slumped down in the seat opposite his father who looked at him sadly.

'I've really fucked up, she's never gonna trust me again after this, she's fucking terrified of me!' Josh moaned as Phil shook his head.

'Then be honest with her and tell her what happened, don't use the exact words but you can explain to her that Jake said something nasty about Shannon, she loves you Joshua,' Phil tried to reassure his son that things would be okay but in all honesty, he didn't know if they would be.

'I can't lose them, I seriously can't lose them,' Josh said under his breath as he held his head in his hands.

He'd used his fists without thinking so many times in the past and he'd been pretty lucky never to get into any serious trouble. Now, his fists might have cost him his little girl and the woman that he wanted to marry, that would be the worst punishment anyone could ever give him.

'Caitlin tell me the truth, you're not feeling sick are you?' Shannon sighed as she sat Caitlin down on the couch and sat next to her.

'I don't wanna be alone with him mom, what happens if he gets into a fight again? I don't wanna see him fighting and hurting people like he hurt Jake,' Caitlin replied and Shannon took one of her hands in hers. It killed her to see her daughter like this, she knew that Josh was a good man but like most people, he had his flaws. She wanted to make Caitlin see that her daddy really wasn't a bad guy but she wasn't going to push her, if Caitlin really did not trust him and want to be around him then she knew what she had to do.

'You know, when your daddy and I were dating back when we were teenagers, the only time that I ever saw him fight someone was when some guy got nasty with me when we went out for something to eat. Your daddy defended me and protected me because he loved me, I know that he would never, ever hurt you baby because he loves you so much. It's just that sometimes, people say things and your daddy gets a little upset, especially when they say things about me or you…'

'Is that what uncle Jake did? Did he say something about me or you?' Caitlin asked, not missing a beat.

'He might have said some things but that's not important. What's important is that you know how much your daddy loves you and how much he wants to protect you. If you really are afraid of him then I would never force you to go anywhere with him, maybe today you guys can stay here and I'll be right in the next room if you need me, but you can talk to him and tell him how you feel and he can explain. Would that be okay?' Shannon stroked her thumb against her daughter's hand as Caitlin nodded.

'Okay mommy.'

'I want you to know this baby, YOU come first okay? If you still don't feel happy here and you want to leave, we'll leave. All I want is what's best for you because I love you so much,' Shannon smiled at her daughter who smiled back.

'I love you too mommy,' the two of them shared a hug before they got up from the couch and walked hand in hand back to the kitchen where Josh and Phil were waiting for them.

'There's been a slight change of plan, do you want to tell daddy?' Shannon looked down at Caitlin who nodded and then looked at Josh.

'We're staying here so we can talk,' Caitlin's curt reply cut like a knife through Josh's heart, he had to try and make things right or risk losing her and her mom for good.

He got up from his seat and walked over to Caitlin who immediately started to make her way into the lounge, Josh looked at Shannon who leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips before whispering 'it'll be okay' in his ear.

Shannon watched as Josh and Caitlin disappeared into the lounge and she hoped and prayed that they would be able to work things out. She loved Josh so much and she wanted to make a life with him so badly but Caitlin was her priority, she always would be and if Caitlin wasn't happy then they would have to leave, it was as simple as that.

'You think they'll be okay?' Phil asked and Shannon turned to look at him.

'I hope so, I really hope so,' she sighed before she took a seat next to him at the kitchen table.

'This is all my fucking fault,' Phil sighed after she had sat down.

'How do you work that one out?' Shannon replied.

'If Jake hadn't come here, none of this would be fucking happening would it? I was the dumb fuck that bought him the plane ticket thinking this trip would help him and instead it's made everything a huge fucking mess,' Phil put his head in his hands and Shannon instinctively reached out and started to rub his arm.

She could see how difficult everything was for him, he was trying his best to be a good father to both Josh and Jake and to be a good grandfather to Caitlin who absolutely adored him. Phil had always reminded her so much of her own father, before she'd left Seattle they'd always got on so well, Phil had even taken to calling her his 'daughter in law' and she longed to hear him call her that again because she really did care for him.

'None of this is your fault Phil, you're doing the best you can. These past few months have been so difficult for all of us, you dropped everything to come here and meet your granddaughter who adores you, she talks about the boat and going out to sea with you ALL the time!' Phil couldn't help but smile when Shannon mentioned Caitlin and her eagerness to get out on the boat with him.

'What if Caitlin doesn't want anything to do with Josh after this?'

'Things will be fine Phil, she loves him and I know that he loves her, it'll all be okay, you'll see,' Shannon smiled as she tried to think positively about the future. She just hoped that Josh could show Caitlin that there was no need for her to be afraid of him. If he couldn't then there might not be a happy ever after for them.

'Caitlin honey, I know you don't like me very much right now and I don't blame you, I should never have done what I did and I'm so sorry that you saw me act like that. I really do love you and your mom so much, I know that you're scared and you don't trust me very much right now but I want you to know that I would never, ever hurt you or your mom, I want to make things right but I don't know what I can do,' Josh sighed as he tried as hard as he could to somehow win back his daughters love.

'Why did you hurt Uncle Jake? Did he say something bad?' Caitlin asked, Josh decided to be as honest as he could, she was young but there were certain things that she needed to know.

'Uncle Jake isn't very well right now, he said some things that upset me but that doesn't excuse what I did. I promised your mom that I wouldn't fight and I broke that promise….'

'What's wrong with Uncle Jake?' Caitlin asked, Josh didn't really know how to put it but now he'd spoken about it he had to try.

'You know that some grown-ups like going out for a drink from time to time right?' Josh started to explain.

'Yeah, mommy doesn't though,' Caitlin said, looking confused.

'No I know your mommy doesn't but you see Uncle Jake, he goes out a lot and we're a little worried that he's doing it a little too much,' Josh didn't really want to try and explain about drugs and fuck knows what else Jake was doing, how could he try and talk about that sort of thing to a eleven year old?

'So that's why he hasn't been back here yet?'

'Yeah but you don't have to worry, all you need to worry about is enjoying your time at home and I swear to you that you will never, ever see me get like that again. I don't wanna lose you and your mom Caitlin, when your mom left it broke my heart and it hurt so much, I don't wanna go through that again and I'll do anything, anything that I can to make things right,' Josh swallowed hard, trying to stop himself from getting too emotional, he didn't want Caitlin seeing him cry.

'You make mommy really happy, she smiles a lot now, she never used to smile all that much when we lived with grandma. I want her to be happy and you make her happy, you make me happy too it's just you scared me a lot,' Caitlin said quietly and Josh slowly wrapped his hand around hers.

'I'm so sorry baby, you can hit me, punch me, kick me…'

'No, no more nasty stuff. If you really wanna make it up to me, I guess you could take me out for an ice cream,' Caitlin looked at Josh and a little smile appeared on her face.

'I think I could do that,' Josh smiled back at her.

'Three scoops with chocolate sauce and sprinkles?'

'You can have four scoops honey, I think I can do that,' Josh replied before Caitlin decided to give him a hug.

'It sounds a little too quiet in there, that's not good is it?' Phil paced around the kitchen as he waited for Josh and Caitlin to reappear.

'Phil will you sit your ass down and calm down? All this worrying is not good for your health you know, you're not eating, you're barely sleeping, you need to take it easy for a while!'

'Oh and how the fuck am I meant to do that when one of my kids is out there doing fuck knows what with fuck knows who and my other kid is on the verge of losing the chance he had of building a family of his own,' Phil snapped, he didn't mean to snap at her but everything was coming to a head and he really had no idea what he could do to sort things out.

'Look, Caitlin and Joshua will be okay, she still loves him and she'll give him another chance. As for Jake, I know that it's hard but you can't force him to do anything about his problems, he has to ask for help….'

'I am not sitting back and doing nothing! You wouldn't if this was Caitlin we were talking about would you?'

'What choice would I have Phil? You can't make Jake go to rehab and force him to stay or force him to take it seriously! You could spend thousands of dollars sending him to the best treatment facility in the fucking world and when he comes out he could just go right back to what he was doing before! I don't have an answer Phil, I wish I did, addiction is hard for everyone involved but you're not alone. Josh, Caitlin and I are all here for you and we'll be here when Jake realises that he needs help, we're all a family now, at least I think of you as family, I know you might not think about me in that way just yet,' Shannon corrected herself, she couldn't presume that Phil liked her just because he'd been civil to her for a while. He could just be going through the motions to keep Josh happy.

'When you turned up at Dutch I'll be honest, I wanted you to disappear and never come back again. Josh spent so much fucking time trying to find you, hoping that you'd come back and then one day, he just changed. You probably know that he's fucked around with a lot of women right?' Phil asked and Shannon nodded, did she really want to hear all about Josh's conquests right now?

'He would date someone for a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months if they were lucky but as soon as the girl wanted to get serious that was it, he ran and picked up with some other girl. I always knew that he wasn't happy, he was trying to run as far away from his memories of you as he could but he never managed to do it. What really, really fucking hurts though Shannon is that you never came to me,' Phil shook his head.

'What do you mean?' Shannon asked as she walked closer to him.

'When Josh said what he did about you getting an abortion, you could have fucking come to me, we got on good…'

'Jesus Phil I was sixteen, pregnant and not thinking clearly, as far as I was concerned if Josh didn't want me to have the baby I didn't think that you would feel any fucking different! I never wanted Josh to feel trapped, that I was having his baby to keep him with me, I guess I thought that you would see it that way,' Shannon shrugged.

'If I'd known what was going on, I would have talked to Josh, I would have made sure that he did the right thing and stood by you, married you…'

'I didn't want that. Marriage was the last thing on my mind when I found out I was pregnant, we weren't living in the fifties Phil, I guess I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that things would be okay. Josh thought that he was doing the best thing for me, I understand that now, I didn't back then, I thought he hated me that's why I told my mom, I had to tell someone but it turns out that she hated me more than anyone. I never meant to hurt Joshua, I really didn't. I loved him, I still love him and I want to look after him and take care of him, I know that it's not gonna be easy and it sure as hell won't be perfect all the time but he's the only man I want, he always has been, always will be,' Shannon smiled.

'You better take care of him or you'll have me to answer to, you got that?' Phil couldn't keep a serious face for that long when Shannon smirked back at him.

'Oh Phil, you're a big teddy bear, I could never be scared of you!' Shannon laughed before she pulled him into a hug.

'Uh, are we interrupting something here?' Josh walked into the kitchen hand in hand with Caitlin to find his father and girlfriend locked in a hug.

'Yeah, seeing as you won't propose I just did, we're headin to Vegas tomorrow,' Phil replied with a grin on his face as they pulled apart.

'Yeah daddy, when are you gonna put a ring on it? You like it don't you?' Caitlin piped up and Shannon started to shake her head.

'Someone has been listening to Beyonce again,' she smirked.

'Okay, okay enough talk about marriage, who wants ice cream?' Josh said as Caitlin put her hand up right away.

'Mmm an ice cream sounds good! Come on Phil, it'll do you good to get out of the house for a while,' Shannon looked at him and he nodded.

'Yay grandpa! You can tell me more fishing stories! I wanna know more about the Hillstrands!' Caitlin squealed excitedly as she ran to Phil and began to pull him.

'Oh God, I'm not even gonna ask who they are,' Shannon replied as Josh walked over to her and took her hand in his.

'You'll meet them soon enough honey, I'll have to make it clear that you're all mine though,' Josh planted a kiss on her cheek before they followed Caitlin and Phil out of the kitchen and down the hallway.

Things felt good but definitely not complete with Jake missing, they just had to hope that he would ask for help soon before it was too late.

The Phil/Shannon scene was very hard for me to write. I wanted to include Phil in this story and I have no regrets, he was my favourite and I just felt that it was right to include him. I hope you feel the same way and I don't mean to upset anyone by writing him, I just hope I am doing him justice.