(None of its mine I have to say this or the lawyers will get excited and then they'll wet the floor and I am deffo not cleaning that up)
Howard made it with the help of Old Gregg
By the time Howard got there everyone was already there, Vince managed to get a flying wheelchair at the last minute and he completely forgot about the masked bit, Bob was his self-appointed slave for the night which would explain the bondage and the bikini. The Shamen were at the back of the room with sunnies on their cure was a complete failure except for Tony he was getting completely knackered, the glam rock girl looked bored sitting on a throne made out of glitter, legendary but bored. Bainbridge was in the corner brewing over Bob betraying him, The Hitcher was DJ-ing and much to everyone's surprise he put a mask over his Polo.
But the minute Howard entered the room he was completely unrecognizable he didn't do a big dramatic entrance, he thought he entered the room at a quiet moment which was his problem ideally he should have entered at a loud moment. All eyes were on him, he curtsied for some weird reason he wasn't entirely sure why it was so out of character for him. Everyone went back to their own thing, Vince flew up to Howard
"Hey I haven't seen you before who are you because you look genius,"
"It's me-"
"Not as good as me though I look fantastic don't you think?" Howard forgot how much of a chatterbox Vince was with strangers.
"Well I-"
"Oh thanks but she doesn't seem to think so," he pointed in the direction of the glam rock girl "I tried talking to her twice but she just ignored me, imagine that! Vince Noir getting ignored! Never would have believed it, Thank god Howard didn't see it; it would have ruined my ladies' man image I've got going on with him. Not that I just like-"
"VINCEY!"
"Arghh gotta go" he flew off to the other side of the nightclub with Bob racing after him. Yes thank god I wasn't around to see it Howard thought to himself. He turned around to see the glam rock girl
"Hi," She had a lovely voice
"Hi,"
"You look fabulous," she admired the outfit "Oh I don't remember inviting you it's Nancy by the way," she held her hand out
"Err," he couldn't give her his real name he thought about it when Vince accidently knocked them over with the wheelchair escaping from the clutches of Bob. She laughed, he laughed good start Moon.
"Who was that?" Nancy said as they were getting back up, the bow on her headband had untied itself.
"Oh just a poor simpleton being chased by a…" he failed to come up with a word to describe Bob "Here let me," He fixed the bow she was having trouble with she smiled. An awkward silence filled the air, they weren't quite sure what to do around each other Howard thought it was sexual tension we're not sure if she did. Howard was just about to start his big Jazz Musicians of the 1930's speech when a slow song came on the system
"Do you wanna dance?" Nancy said she gestured at all the couples dance together
"Sure," They danced the night away Howard didn't even bust out a funky jazz move which amazed him he was having the time of his life. Vince was glaring seething with jealousy he was the confuser everyone was attracted to him so why did the glam rock girl, the girl of his dreams, (well would have been if he wasn't distracted by his dream sequinned army boots) like this random nobody.
"We have now reached Midnight," The Hitcher said over the speaker "Well my fob watch is a bit fast, faster than a dagger," he rambled on. Howard remembered what Old Gregg had said
"You have until midnight or else everyone will see you gorgeous pink fleshy body,"
"I got to go," he pulled away from the dance leaving a very confused Nancy
"What are you talking about? No-one's leaving yet, come on stay be cool," Nancy was a little tipsy but nether the less she was still Howard's perfect girl and that was what mattered to him."
"Err no I can't be cool actually I really have to go," He started walking to the entrance Nancy was following him so he started moving a bit faster
"Where are you going?" She yelled at him, they were running now well as fast as you can run in jewel encrusted shoes with the extra high heel (it was probably only a few centimetres but that's higher than Howard was used to). When he thought he had the lead he unzipped the shoes and threw them on the ground; the magic was already starting to fade away, his multi-coloured cape was fading fast. He legged it all the way home not even daring to look back to see if she was following him.
She wasn't she had tripped but wasn't badly hurt. She saw the shoes and held them for dear life, she was determined to find the owner of these boots. "I didn't even get his name," she bowed her head and shed a tear.
Howard was staring at the ceiling in her bed the clock said it was four o'clock in the morning, he was expecting Vince to run in here any minute complain about the ball-bag in the jewel boots. As if on cue
"You would not believe this but at the party there was someone I didn't know imagine that," He had barged in the room, yet still limping (only Vince could do that), and turned on the lights and carefully prised off his boots "He had a bigger entrance than me he waltzed in there and curtsied! I would have ever had thought of that,"
"I'm sure you would have eventually," Howard just wanted to go to sleep he had been through this in fact he was even there.
"I tried talking to him I even pointed out the girl I was getting off with, I was really getting in with her she was digging my vibe," Vince said Howard was biting his tongue
"Go to sleep little man I've got four hung over people to deal with tomorrow,"
"Alright, Night Howard," He limped into the bathroom and was never seen again.
Well not until Howard got out of bed, he went to shape his moustache and then he realised he didn't have one anymore his hair had lost all its magic and was back to normal, he felt a little naked without the moustache his mocha stain. He went to leave and fell with a clunk on top of Vince
"What you doing?" Vince mumbled. Vince had fallen asleep next to the sink (Presumably so he could do his hair the second he woke up)
"Go back to," He didn't have to finish his sentence Vince was already snoring his head off. He got up and brushed himself off; he couldn't get his mind off Nancy. She was fantastic but she didn't even know his name, which made Howard feel like rubbish because he was almost certain he would never see her again.
It was Noon and Howard had four hung over individuals keeping him busy plus an insane man trying to get in the shop so he could see his little Vincey and to put the icing on the kazoo Lester woke up a very confused head his big night entailed him meeting a strange fox and then drunkenly finding his way home and passing out on the counter all before midnight. Anyway…
"Howard! I slept funny on my ankle now it's even worse ow, ow, ow,"
"Bloody Saboo and his bloody crunch, I really need a coffee I've given up on tea,"
"Tell me about it,"
"MOON let me in Vincey is in pain,"
"Where did my legs go?"
"If you let him in Howard I will KILL you,"
"Bollo if you please,"
"SHUT UP OR BOLLO WILL CHOP HEADS OFF,"
"Did I ever have legs?"
An hour later everyone was settled in Naboo and Bollo popped round to Shamansbury's after they skulled 3 cups each, Vince had ice tied to his ankle and Lester dozed off. Vince was limping around the room.
"Hey Leroy what's up? What, really? Oh Jagger that's amazing! Wow did yours fit? Nah what did they look like? OH WOW! Alright bye Leroy!" Vince hung up he noticed Howard "Howard you'll never believe this but the glam girl is going around with a shoe claiming who ever fits it is her perfect man, she's a nutter,"
"Course she is," If Flange was here now he would be proud, Howard on the inside was doing cartwheels for joy, he would tell Vince the truth but…
"I love nutters," See?
"Do I have the bloke for you…" Howard muttered under his breathe, thinking of the green err thing that visited him last night.
"What?" Vince looked a Howard
"So is coming to everyone she invited?" Howard said, Vince eyes went big
"Oh my god she is too I have to get ready," Vince started hobbling in a mad panic
"Why? You look fine," Howard said
"I wore this last night she'll know, she'll think I'm cheap or a…" He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud the word was just so wrong on so many levels "a.. a… poser,"
Howard just sighed as Vince raced/wobbled off to the mess that was his wardrobe (it's now his banana boat for he had heard that song with Bollo and he fell in love [with the song not Bollo]). Howard picked up his Global Explorer he absent-mindedly glanced over the top off the page and saw Bob smeared against the glass still in his bikini muttering "I must get milk, I must get milk," over and over again.
"Bob you're going to scare the customers move," Howard calmly shouted at him,
"I'm stuck on with records I can't" Bob yelled back, Howard grabbed the scraper with the extra-long handle.
An hour later Howard was down to the two last bits of Bob still stuck on the window
"And that's why it's never a good idea to use a clothesline standing up," Bob concluded.
"What d'you think?" Vince said, he was wearing the worst boots for a bad ankle but they looked amazing so did the rest of him
"You look like a stripy clawed meower," Bob drooled on the glass
"Cheers!"
"Are you trying to break your ankle?" Howard said, Vince raised his eyebrow and showed him a golden walking stick
"I'm not gonna use it when she's looking just you know until she gets here, I told you I needed to get it,"
"You bought it 10 years ago and this is the first time you've used it,"
"Whatever," Vince said and started walking around testing it out. Bollo walked through the door somewhat randomly not noticing anything that was happening at that point.
"Bollo forgot Members card," He said sheepishly and shuffled across the room to grab his wallet.
All of a sudden this fanfare noise started happening and Nancy entered the building with the boots in her hands, Vince panicked and threw the walking stick far far behind him.
"Hi," Vince said all Vince-like
"Do you fit this?" She held the boot out,
"Your very forward but that's alright," he grabbed the boot and sat on the counter. Unfortunately for Vince the boot was the left boot and Vince's left ankle was the twisted one. So after a lot of wincing he managed to get his boot off and slowly put the awesome boot on… except it didn't fit so thirty seconds later Vince was jamming it on and in a cruel twist of the panties he fell backwards and hurt his ankle even more so.
Meanwhile Howard had finally got Bob off the window to which Bob ran into the shop and saw Vince injured and Nancy with a shiny boot, he looked at Vince, he looked at the boot, he looked at Vince, he looked at the boot, Vince, boot, Vince, Boot, Vince…
"I want it !" He pushed Nancy and grabbed the boot he started hugging it and caressing it. "Oh you look cold little buddy, Here let me warm you up a little," he was spooning it on the floor. Bollo took the boot off Bob and sniffed it.
"Hm Howard methinks this yours," Bollo said after a long think,
"What? How do you know that?" Vince said from underneath the counter
"It stink," Bollo said he handed it to Howard on the way out. Howard blushed
"You weren't even invited Howard; if you were there I would have recognized you, you would have worn your tweed suit I know you," Vince dismissed it entirely, Nancy recognized the glint in Howard's eyes
"Try it on," She said, he did and it fitted perfectly, although it still felt like murder for Howard. Vince gasped
"You're the bloody entrance stealer? What really, you?" Vince was confused.
"An old err friend helped me get there," Howard shrugged
"It's really you! I never had so much fun with a person before, I know this sounds extreme but will you marry me?" Nancy was excited and giddy fortunately so was Howard
"O.k. sure why not?" Howard said
At the honeymoon
Howard was holding Nancy in a tight embrace on the bed he never felt so sure about a woman before he really loved her, she had talked him through the wedding nerves she told him everything was going to be alright. The wedding by the way was the most romantic thing he'd ever done they eloped and got married in France. He was brought back down to earth when he stroked her hair… and it came off in his hands 'Nancy' turned around
"I'm Old Gregg!"
"ARGHHHHHH!"
And they all lived happily ever after
THE END
Whaddya think? Try to be nice in the reviews, sorry if the grammar mistakes annoyed you although if you're reading a fanfic just to check grammar something is seriously wrong with you.