Right where did we leave off oh yeah me rambling about stories, Vince fixing the race and turning into Howard, Naboo well I don't know what happened to him he's not in this story much I'm sorry all you Naboolio freaks and Howard ice-skating round the Sahara… just kidding

Finally the race was about to start Howard and Vince had to run to the Nabootique and back twice. Vince was standing toes just touching the starting line, Howard still doing a little stretching I think he thought if he did enough of it he would run faster but I haven't the heart to tell him he's wrong although he might be right I'll just check… well after a quick Google I have no idea if stretching makes you run faster an neither does anyone else in the world. Anyway Bob had a megaphone, not that he needed it, to start the race

"Ready… Freddy… err PAJAMAS!" Howard looked at Vince as if to say "Well do we start or what?"

"No hang on… FRUITCAKES!" After he noticed nothing happened, Bainbridge grabbed the thing off him

"JUST GO ALREADY!" He screamed into the megaphone causing a huge amount of feedback making everybody wince. Except for Vince he had his headphones in listening to Jagger he was off and away the second he saw Howard stumble across the starting line because of the feedback.

Vince was in the lead running like a china horse (sorry couldn't resist) with Howard running like a china snail. Vince not sweating at all or getting burnt, Howard was dripping wet and redder than a bear and not because he just went swimming in a tomato juice paddling pool. Vince got to the Nabootique way before Howard did and he passed Howard on his way back, Howard had only ran about 10 feet down the street (hey that rhymes). Vince got to the Nabootique for the second time and Howard was still "running" his way there. Vince's legs hurt a little they weren't used to running his brain cell had an idea when he saw the shop he did one of his cunning grins.

When he thought no-one was looking, he quickly opened the door and raced in like a James Bond nightmare. He hobbled to the couch and collapsed he was really thirsty like incredibly thirsty maybe a tea would help and then he would get going and win the race.

He got up from the couch and made a well-sweetened tea. He had a sip but something wasn't quite right he glanced at his sweet bags on the kitchen counter and he had another think (two ideas in one day this should really be considered a miracle). He grabbed a flying saucer and dropped it in his tea it melted like an alien witch; he grabbed another and another and another until he had no more left. He opened the cupboards and searched them anything sweet went in the tea: gumdrops, the rest of the sugar, icing sugar, brown sugar, biscuits, jammy dodgers, bootlaces, Rice Crispies, Fruit Loops, maple syrup they all went into the tea. In the end he had this strange thick dark purple goo he dipped his finger in it and licked the results.

"Hmm not bad," He said to no one in particular before promptly hitting the floor and passing out.

Howard on the other hand had just reached The Nabootique on his second lap which he was quite chuffed about considering it was still daylight. He hasn't run this fast since… well since ever really, he was thing about maybe strutting across the finish line but no one except Vince would understand why because Vince would have already crossed the finish line and everyone was just waiting around to mock Howard for being so slow that was how it usually went. But he didn't care, he was going to cross the finish line before sundown and that was all that mattered.

About 45 minutes later Howard could see the finish line well sort of it was more a small squiggly line in the distance but it still counted he was jogging towards it when

"Oi! Where you think you're going squire?"

"Hitcher?" Our favourite cockney nutjob had popped out of nowhere to create chaos and madness and a slight tummy ache.

"You're not crossing that line boy," He was holding a knife in his gloved green hand and was holding it at Howard's throat.

"Why are you doing this?" Howard whimpered

"I do contract work now," The Hitcher said looking very proud of his latest idea "I figure if I wanna be evil I may as well earn a few quid when I'm at it. Here's my card," He handed Howard a white card in the shape of a polo with green shaky writing saying "The Hitcher: Anywhere, Anytime, No job too evil," and a phone number on it.

"It's quite nice isn't it?" Howard said of the card

"Yeah I got this kid called Dave to do it before I cut 'im cause he wanted to be paid," He laughed at the thought. "Still are you going to run away in the other direction or am I going to have to slice ya?" He held his knife back up

"Don't hurt me I got so much to give!" Howard wailed

"Like what?" The Hitcher said in a "I'll-believe-this-when-I-see-it" kind of way

"Like err erm I got ten ton of jazz records you can have?"

"Try again sonny I only have mp3 now,"

"Err," Suddenly he had a brainwave "Someone is betting 12399432 euros against me if I win, with a man of your evil stature I'm sure you can blackmail the money off of Bob in no time,"

"Well I am quite evil," He blushed a dark shade of green at the compliment.

"I know you are Hitch," Howard said, he was amazed at the social skills he had suddenly developed. How come he was never like this with a girl? "Now go get 'em,"

The Hitcher started to walk off but then paused "Who's Bob?"

"He's in the safari suit and bordering on retarded you can't miss him,"

"Alright then squire," The Hitcher said and wandered off muttering something along the lines of "I'm a cockney I'm a cockney," which surprised both of them because that wasn't even his catchphrase.

Howard started running towards the finish line, there was nothing that could stop him now hold on spoke too soon.

"Where do you think you are going my child?"

"Oh what now?" He turned and gasped at the two men standing near the alleyway.

"I go by many names some call me hyst-"

"RUDI! Shut up! You go on and on with the names thing no-one has ever called you any of the names… ever!" The other man added for effect.

"You're Rudi and Spider!" Howard gushed like a fan-girl "I have all your LPs they're amazing! Is there really a temple for psychedelic monks?"

"Why yes it is in-" Rudi started one of his famous speeches on the history of the monks

"Wow that's soooo cool! Do you really have-" Howard interrupted, Spider just nodded with a big grin on his face "Well what are you doing here?"

"We need a err," Spider started

"A jazz expert to join our band for our next album and we'd like you," Rudi finished for Spider

"What now?" Howard asked Rudi nodded "Oh I'd love to but I have a race to finish sorry maybe some other time," He started to run off

"You have passed the test,"

"Oh Jesus," Spider muttered under his breath

"What test?" Howard asked cautiously

"The join our band test most men would love to join our band," Spider laughed "But you would rather finish the race for that is the noble thing to do,"

"What are you talking about eh? We don't get paid so he will finish the race we get paid when he doesn't," Spider yelled at him

"You have many things to learn," Rudi started to walk off in the other direction Spider chased after him

"You treat me like a child Rudi! I save your life and this is what I get,"

"That was years ago Spider you must learn to get over these things ," They roamed off into the distance leaving very confused Howard who thought about it for a minute shrugged it off and continued running.

The finish line seemed closer than ever he was going to make it and the sun was still up. Howard looked around for Vince but he didn't see him all he saw was Bob hitting on Bainbridge who was busy trying to put his pistol back in his moustache, everyone else was doing their own thing. Howard crossed the line and then collapsed on to a chair; well he thought it was a chair turned out to be the floor. Everyone glared at him but Howard didn't notice he was too exhausted to pay any close attention to anything. Bainbridge walked over to Howard and he didn't look happy.

"How did you win?"

"What?" Howard squinted at the big figure in front of him

"I said how did you win?" Bainbridge said more annoyed than anything

"I won?" Howard said with disbelief "Why where's Vince?" Bainbridge gave a very evil look at Howard and left. Actually that was a good question where was Vince? He had a look around but he couldn't see him he found Naboo.

"Where's Vince?"

"Who?" Naboo might have gotten up to something, mainly juju magic which is never a good thing, while waiting for the race to end. Howard knew this was a lost cause so he glanced around the street he saw Bainbridge storming off after paying Bob his money and The Hitcher creep out from a conveniently placed alleyway. Bob looked at him and screamed "AHH GINGER!" and legged it, The Hitcher stared at the money with nothing but pure love in his eyes. Howard went up to him

"Hey Hitch,"

"Yeah?" He wasn't paying attention; there was money involved he didn't care.

"I know you're a bit busy at the moment but can you help me find my mate?" Howard asked as nicely as he could The Hitcher stopped and thought about it

"Alright boy, let me let you in on somethin' I don't help people ever and if they ask nicely I slice them have you got that?"

"We've got wine gums at home,"

"You've got yourself a deal squire but sweets come first," The Hitcher slinked off towards the shop "It is this way innit?"

"Yeah Hitch my home boy," The Hitcher glared at him through the polo "Too far?" The Hitcher instead of his usual slice into a gazillion pieces and then sprinkle them into a porpoise's blowhole, he simply sighed and continued walking. Howard was amazed he didn't get killed, it was like The Hitcher liked him, although he didn't want to push it to far Hitch was prone to mood swings.

They got to the shop,

"Is this it?" The Hitcher asked

"Yeah Hitch come on in I'll just get them for you," Howard entered the shop The Hitcher followed.

"Ahh the old pie and mash shop do you know I-"

"Um Hitch you told me this before and then you shoved an eel down my throat," Howard said

"Memories,"

"Yeah," They stopped for a minute to reminisce "Anyway wine gums," Howard went to the cupboard leaving The Hitcher to walk around the room reminiscing about the many times he was in that shop.

Howard got to the kitchen and saw Vince lying out cold on the floor

"Vince!" he leaped down to the floor "Hitch! Help!"

"Squire what have I told you about helping people?"

"You can raid the cupboard whatever just help!" Howard shouted at him. He walked into the room and saw Howard cradling over Vince he sighed and grabbed a glass and filled it up with water

"We used to do this with Ian all the time, worked like a cockney bitch," He threw it on Vince who gasped

"Who did that? Look at my hair it's gone all limp!" He saw The Hitcher "You did it didn't you? You green dick!"

"It is quite green," Vince narrowed his eyes and got up and tackled the old green man whose evil side seemed to fail him.

That night Howard and Vince were in the living room, Vince was lying down on the floor curled up next to a pack of peas. Howard was checking the till,

"You never finished that race," Howard pointed out

"Nuts to the race," Vince muttered into his peas. "It nearly killed me,"

"Technically it was the cup of tea and the attack on Hitch that nearly killed you," Howard snickered

"How was I to know he had a bloody back problem?"

"When you tackled him it just went crack did you hear it? That was a fun ambulance drive,"

"Yeah they really couldn't understand how the Polo had gotten there,"

"Even though we told them he superglued it to his face using eyeball goo from the last person who asked that question,"

"And they said that didn't make any sense,"

"Well he was under the influence of the morphine they gave him; he also claimed you were his attractive female wrestler girlfriend," Howard laughed

"Shut up, anyway when did you get so close to The Hitcher?"

"When did you get so close to the white rabbit?" Howard said hoping to change the subject from him to Vince which was always an easy task.

"When he raped me," Vince said in a 'duh!' way

"No I meant why did you take him out to dinner last week?"

"Well he did ask nicely and he had flowers and I didn't have the heart to say 'why didn't you take me out to dinner before you bummed me?' and break his little heart I mean what was I supposed to do? He had done his fur up too, I'm irresistible to animals even the bonkers rapists ones,"

"You're tired," Howard said after observing Vince for a minute or two

"What? No I'm not that's completely ridic-" he interrupted himself with a yawn

"You are, whenever you're tired you start talking rubbish because you never went with the rabbit did you?"

"No he got off with Bob they make a great couple even though they both totally fancy me,"

"Off to bed little man," Howard said in a what he thought was an intimidating voice

"I think I'll have a little sleepy," He dozed off on the floor. Howard sighed and grabbed a blanket from behind the counter (this wasn't the first time this had happened) and tucked Vince in.

"I'm sorry Howard," Vince murmured

"Don't be we were both twats," Howard said comfortingly

"You were more of a twat than me," Vince said in his quietest voice

"What was that?"

"You were more of a…" He trailed off and started snoring.

"Night Vince," Howard turned off the lights and started heading for his bed.

"Hey Howard! Look at this!" It was the next day and Vince was rebuilding Stationary Village, it wasn't so much a village anymore it was more a city. He had skyscrapers, night clubs he even managed to convince a few of the pens and pencils to start a taxi service, but at the moment he was currently working on outfits for all the pens and pencils. He had just finished he mirror ball suit.

"I'm a little busy at the moment Vince," Howard yelled from the kitchen

"What are you doing?"

"Making lunch,"

"What's for lunch?" Vince asked very excitedly because he hadn't had a decent meal in a month

"Your favourite!"

"Not…"

"Yep,"

"Jelly castles!"

"What? No, you just made that up!"

"Oh chocolate pan,"

"Pancakes with sprinkles," Howard interrupted bringing out two plates he put one next to Vince

"Cheers Howard!" Vince said who dropped the mini mirror ball suit and ate his pancakes in about two seconds flat.

"What are you doing with the sequins?"

"Hm?" Vince said licking the cream of his spoon "Oh I'm making outfits for all the pen and pencils see? Have a look at the one I just finished," He picked up the mirror ball suit pen and showed it to Howard.

"It has a wig,"

"Yeah it's like me in pen format it's genius,"

"Do you have one in a Hawaiian shirt?" He laughed

"Yeah but you know I've added a few adjustments I don't want an unstylish pencil in my city," Vince said embarrassed

"Can I see it?" Howard asked

"Yeah course you can but don't laugh because I really worked hard on this," he got up and walked over to Stationary City where he found the pencil lurking in the nightclubs he picked it up and gave it to Howard. "What do you think?"

"It's like a pencil version of me,"

"Do you like the hat? I spent ages on that hat,"

"It's so tiny," Howard said fondly. He looked at Vince, Vince looked at Howard they then did something both of them hadn't done before but both have been dying too for so long.

"Come on Howard-pen we have to get to the other side of the city," Vince made his pen drag Howard's pencil towards the city

"But beware Vince-pen we must be careful not to get in the way of the evil-" Howard made his pencil shake off Vince's pen and made it do a dramatic pose

"Penguin-pen Brothers!" Vince interrupted

"Not the Penguin-pen Brothers!" Howard looked frightened

"The very same," Vince said gravely

"What are we going to do Vince-pen?"

"We will go on and hope we do not cross them," Vince said heroically Howard laughed. They did cross them and they defeated them by throwing cream at them

"Hahaha take that Penguin-pen Brothers," Howard said "You don't mess with a pen of action,"

"You're not a pen of action," Vince laughed

"Oh really? Would a pen of no action do this?" Howard scraped cream off the penguin brothers and threw it at Vince who gasped in shock

"You ball-bag," and ran to the kitchen to grab the whipped cream can

"What are you doing?" Howard asked cautiously

"This!" Vince shouted from behind Howard who turned and got cream in the face. Vince laughed at the top of his lungs, Howard raised his eyebrow in a you-think-you've-won?-ha!-foolish-child kinda way he wiped some of the cream off his face and rubbed it in to Vince's hair. In the end they were so covered in cream they started a Dairy! tribute act

And they all lived happily ever after

THE END