A/N: (hiding behind a riot shield) I know I promised I would try to finish this before the New Year. I am SO SO SORRY! You know how the holidays are. Busy, busy, busy! But anyways, I'm not going to make any promises that I can't fulfill (New Year's resolution). I will have this done as soon as possible. I'm thinking only 4 or 5 more chapters. I will put this higher on my priority list, and I hope you guys stick around Love you all!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Leo stood frozen in place outside the worn steel door that shielded his immediate younger brother from the rest of the lair. Mikey had stormed out moments earlier, grabbed his skateboard, and disappeared before Leo could even stand from the sofa where he was reading a book. Donnie hadn't moved from his TV table where he was tinkering with small parts from his present to Mikey, but when Leo started after Mikey, Donnie grabbed his wrist and nodded in the direction of the lab.

"Let him calm down. I'll find him in a little bit."

"But..." Leo had started to retort, but Donnie interrupted him.

"He's confused, Leo, and he just needs some time to think. You need to do the hard stuff. It's time."

Donnie's brown eyes delved into Leo's, and Leo shook free of his grasp. Leo sighed with resignation before padding quietly to the door where he now stood frozen. Gathering his willpower and scattered emotions, he cleared his throat and rapped on the cold metal.

He waited, but there was no answer. Cautiously, he turned the knob and pushed inside. The harsh smell of ammonia and rubbing alcohol barely masked the smell of charred something, but another smell overpowered the rest. Coffee. Donnie's lab always smelled like coffee. He mentally made a note to remind his younger brother to air out the lab once in a while before he suffocated.

He absorbed the rest of the room by sight, and focused on the marred shell facing him. Raph was turned on his side, his shoulders hunched and his legs curled in under himself, as if he were trying to fold into the smallest shape possible.

"Raph?" Leo said softly.

No answer.

"Are you okay, Raph?" Leo said softly as he sat down in a nearby chair and rolled closer to the cot. Raph made no movement to acknowledge his presence.

"M'fine. Just a headache. Fainted cuz uh blood loss, all that jazz." he mumbled into the pillow and pulled his knees closer into his chest.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Leo said skeptically. Raph didn't reply, but Leo kept his mouth shut. He wanted to grab his brother by the shoulders and shake some sense into him, yell at him to snap out of it, but he remained still, waiting for Raph to come to him.

Finally, the darker turtle whispered, "I don't want to leave."

Leo jerked in surprise. "Then why the shell did you tell Sensei you wanted to?"

Raph turned onto his shell, but his eyes avoided Leo's. "Cuz I hafta. Can't risk gettin any one uh ya hurt anymore."

"Getting hurt comes in our job description, Raph. And what would you leaving fix? Nothing. We would have one less person to protect this family."

Raph shook his head. "Not like dat, Leo. I'm dangerous. Always have been. Look at how many times I've hurt anyone uh ya. I just broke yer swords and got ya almost killed. I almost hit Mikey with a pipe when we were teenagers." Raph's eyes met Leo's, brimmed with tears of anger and hatred, but his eyes were fearful. "Who does dat to deir own brother, Leo? Only a monster..."

Leo was quiet for a minute. "Raph, did you hit Mikey with the pipe?"

Raph's eyes went to his feet.

"Huh Raph? Did you?" Raph eventually shook his head sadly. "Did I get killed either?" Raph shook his head again. "Let me ask you something. If you had one word to describe the Shredder as, what would it be?"

"What the hell Leo?" Raph spat as he jerked up and looked at his older brother.

"Just answer me." Leo said sternly.

"Monster. But I don't see why the hell you're bringing him into this." he muttered.

"Shredder wanted me dead, right?"

Raph nodded as if it were a given.

"Did you want me dead that night, Raph? Did you really want to kill me?"

Raph looked up with a frightened look, his eyes begging his brother to ask him anything but that. Leo just returned his gaze, demanding an answer.

"Yeah, I did." he whispered, ashamed.

"Then why didn't your sai go through my face? If that's what you wanted, why didn't it?"

"I dunno."He mumbled.

"Well, I do. You're not like Shredder, Raph. You're no monster. If that had been the Shredder instead of you that night, I wouldn't be here. But I am. Know why? Because you would never, ever, hurt someone who was innocent. And you would never hurt one of us beyond the point of our forgiveness."

"But I coulda killed Mikey."

"Yeah, you could have, but what stopped you?"

"You and Donnie." he said adamantly.

"And what stopped you from killing me?"

Raph looked confused.

"You did Raph. We're you're family. Do you think anyone else would forgive you for all of your mistakes? No, no one will. Just like no one would put up with Mikey's antics, or my lectures like you guys do. We're a family Raph, and we're not perfect. But we have only made it this far in life because we have stood together. If think you can leave to help us, it's gonna do the exact opposite. We won't make it without you, and you won't make it without us. So go ahead and leave if you want, but you won't be doing us or yourself any favors."

"Leo, ya gotta understand."

"I don't understand why you think leaving will help anyone."

Raph opened and closed his mouth as if he was going to say something, but he bowed his head and was silent.

"Before you go, will you do one thing for me?" Leo slid the chair back and grabbed a blank sheet of crumpled paper and a pen, scribbled words on it, and handed it to Raph. Raph took it with a puzzled look. "This girl needs your help. I want you to visit her. Don't be seen. Just make sure she is okay, report back to me, and you can go if you decide you want to." Leo stood. "Once Donnie clears you, go to the address. You can talk to her if you need to, but like I said, don't be seen. And if she asks, tell her you're my brother."

"Why?" Raph asked, confused at his brother's intentions.

Leo paused at the door and looked back at Raph. "You're good with kids, right?" he asked, then shut the door quietly behind him.