Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.

Notes: The opening passages are my own creation, but are heavily (heavily heavily heavily) inspired by romance novels I have actually read. Especially the toes. :D BTW, I hope this is still living up to your expectations, Angel!

Chapter: 4/6

year four

the time he doesn't kiss her when they argue

"Oh, Captain Doom!" Kiya moaned throatily. "Your male virileness is so virile!" She moaned again, her voice husky but still feminine with passion and lust. It was such an enrapturing sound. She then leaned forward to kiss his toes again, her sexy breath puffing against his sensitive flesh.

Captain Doom could not contain himself and he moaned in rapture as she tenderly mouthed his black furred foot digits…

Zuko chokes.

No, really, he chokes.

In fact, he spends a good thirty seconds attempting to hack the saliva back out of his wind pipe. By the time he's finished hacking and choking and everything, his eyes are watering and his lungs are burning. Plus, his brain is scarred forever.

No, really, forever.

And he really, really wants to start crying and hide behind his mother's skirts like he did when he was five and could still get away with that sort of thing. Fuck that, he'd settle right now for crying and hiding behind Katara's skirts, social etiquette be damned.

However, Katara is passed out (and drooling) on the historical epic that she had started reading about two hours ago. He's not that interested in waking her up, because that could mean facing her wrath. Also, she probably wouldn't let him hide behind her skirts. Seeing as how he's twenty and she's eighteen and they're really, seriously too old for that sort of thing.

So he just rolls the romance scroll back up and pushes it as far away as he can manage. As it turns out, "as far away as he can manage" is actually over the edge of the table. It falls to the thickly carpeted floor with a very, very quiet 'thud' that is almost lost in the constant pounding of the rain outside.

Katara doesn't even flinch, so he guesses that she didn't hear. Or if she did, it wasn't enough to startle her out of dreamland.

He watches her for a few minutes. Just watches. She's kind of beautiful when she's sleeping. Not in the traditional pretty way she is when she's awake. Drool is hardly the sort of thing that the world would rhapsodize about. But she's innocent, and content, and there's a sort of sweetness in her expression that makes him feel not just a little warm inside.

Eventually he drops his head until his chin hits the edge of the table. It's really, really awkward. But he's too tired to care.

"You're gonna give yourself a neck crick like that. I'm not gonna be happy," comes Katara's muttered declaration.

Zuko sighs and sits up properly. He rolls his neck a little and winces as the bones creak in protest. So, maybe, Katara had a point. Maybe.

"Good boy," she mutters again, still not lifting her head off the historical epic. "So, did you finish that romance scroll?"

A shiver trembles down Zuko's spine at the thought of the accursed romance scroll. "No," he says in his Quiet-Scared-Little-Boy voice.

She picks her head up from the table at that. There's a darkly amused look on her face which almost makes Zuko wonder if she had picked out that romance scroll on purpose, just to scar him for life. "I'm not surprised," she says, and the dark amusement carries into her tone too.

He looks at her accusingly. "Why did you do that to me?" he asks, still in his Quiet-Scared-Little-Boy voice.

She has the decency to look at least a little ashamed. "Well, you hadn't been liking the other romance scrolls. I had to show you that they were the better choices. That there were worse things in the world.."

"Katara, you gave me one were the woman moans 'Captain Doom' every five seconds and thinks that mouthing his toes is an acceptable form of foreplay!" Zuko yelps. Another shiver runs down his spine at the thought. "One were several feet were taken up by the description of Captain Doom's calves! One were the woman decides to catalogue her hat boxes! Don't you think that's just a little overboard?" Zuko is just a little bit hysterical by the end. Fuck that, he's definitely hysterical by the end.

There's the definite beginning of a pout on her lips. "So? Don't you admit now that the one's that I've made you read before now are much better than you gave me credit for?"

"No," he says.

"What? Why not?" she asks.

"Because, romance scrolls are not romantic. This just proves it."

She's scowling now. Forget a cute little pout. Katara is angry. Or at least irritated. And Katara doesn't do cuteness when she's angry. She does Pretty Damn Intimidating. "They are to romantic, Zuko," she snaps. Oh yeah, Pretty Damn Intimidating.

"How so?" he asks. Partially because he's curious, and partially because if she's ranting then she can't strangle him.

"Well…" she starts. "Well…uh…they…uh…" A normal person would adopt a look of confusion as they stuttered their way through this. Katara doesn't, because Katara has never been the epitome of normal. Ever. Seriously. So instead of looking confused, Katara looks even angrier that she can't find the words to articulate her thoughts on the romantic nature of romance novels. (Zuko is so very, very screwed.)

"Yes?" he prods.

Her scowl deepens. "Romance scrolls are romantic because the hero would do anything for the heroine, and he thinks she's incredibly beautiful no matter what, and he marries her, and he ravishes her in interesting places, and he protects her from evil, and he kisses her instead of being a thrice damned moron." Her voice had risen steadily throughout her speech, and the last bit was said at a shout.

Zuko blinks. "Okay then. I guess."

But Katara isn't satisfied. Spirits no. She's just getting started. As shown when she narrows her eyes and jabs a finger in his direction. "Unlike you, romance scroll heroes are romantic. You're not romantic. You don't even know the meaning of romance. You are romance retarded."

"I am not," he yells, standing up. His temper fuse is longer than it used to be, but it's just as easy to light. "Just because I think your romance scrolls are stupid doesn't mean I'm not romantic."

She stands up too, slamming her palms down on the table for good measure. "Oh yeah? Well then how do you describe the fact that Mai made the first move?"

"I never saw her like that until she had her tongue shoved halfway down my throat," he says defensively. "But what about you, little miss perfect. What have you ever done that's romantic? I may not be a romance scroll hero, thank Agni, but you most certainly aren't anywhere near a romance scroll heroine."

"What?" she shrieks. Her eyes widen, then narrow again with outrage. "Why not?"

"Well for one thing, a romance heroine wouldn't argue about something this stupid. And she wouldn't drool when she slept."

"Oh, so that's your problem? I drool?"

"Yeah, sure, that's it," Zuko snaps sarcastically. "Agni."

"Well if you were a romance scroll hero you would kiss me right now."

"Well I'm not a romance scroll hero."

"Aaargh!"

Almost an hour later, the library is in total disarray. The priceless Earth Kingdom rug is burned to an absolute crisp, most of the scrolls are waterlogged, one of the expensive glass paned windows is shattered beyond repair, and the walls are pierced with several very large icicles. Katara is giggling breathlessly as she clings to Zuko.

"God, we haven't had such a good fight in ages," she pants.

He wraps a tight arm around her shaking form. A smile tugs at his lips, unbidden. "Yeah. Truce?"

"Truce," she agrees.

They start to walk of the library, pausing when Zuko stops to say, "Hey, why should have a romance scroll hero kiss the heroine when they're arguing?"

Katara groans. "Because, Zuko, it's romantic."

"Sounds kind of fishy to me," he says. She smacks him upside the head, but she doesn't slip out of his hold, which, he figures, is progress.