So far no Takers in giving me Ideas... I don't know how that makes me feel. Haha. So I

came up with my own idea while on the treadmill for 8 miles trying to walk off this sinking lost

sort of feeling I have had lately. Did it work? In a way yes. I didn't reach full break down but I

am still kind of out of it and..I just don't know. Soooo, Here is Kate, doing what I just did.

Half of my heart

It's all she can think of doing as the toll tail signs of a breakdown slither through her veins towards her heart. She body quivering as a start. She wasn't really doing anything. She got home maybe any hour ago and was just getting ready to make dinner when it hit her. In this raw sort of way that can just sneak up on a person with no warning or no real reason for it to happen in that moment. And then that lump forms. The one that always decides that the right time to overwhelm her is actually the wrong time. She doesn't want to. Kate Beckett does not want to give into these feelings she's been fighting against for so long. But they've won. They have truly won and the only way she knows how to stop them is by letting a few of them through. Just to get some out of her system, and then run like hell.

But something goes terribly wrong. As she laces up her running shoes, hands shaking so much she's growing frustrated...a sob escapes. That's not supposed to happen. She's only supposed to shed a few tears and then run the rest off. But she's lost track over herself with these god damn laces, and they all come crashing out like a wave of pure unadulterated emotion. She can't see anymore, and she furiously wipes at her eyes as she gets up from the sofa. Shoes finally tied she grabs a light jacket, tears streaming down her face, and jogs out the door. She tries desperately to dial back in, but it's hopeless. She takes the stairs, picking up speed and hits the streets outside at a dead run. There will be no pacing herself.

Everything she could possibly imagine comes spilling out, Through her tears, and her hiccuping sobs that make it hard to breath, and her legs. Which propel her so far forward she has no idea where she's going or when she will stop. But she doesn't care, because she can't feel it. Its like she feels nothing and everything all at once and her body doesn't know what to do with the confusion so it evacuates everything it can all at one time. All this time she's has just been going through the motions. Dead on her feet but with a fake persona. Acting like everything is right in the world when in her reality, nothing is going right and she can't find that medium. She can't find that balance between living and standing still. And is she really standing still, or is everything like life and love and happiness speeding by her and she hasn't noticed? Where has she been all this time? Who is she? Has she ever known, even just a little? Because after all these years of believing she's Detective Kate Beckett, Avenger of her mothers murder...She just doesn't know anymore – Because she can't even do that. How is she going to find her happiness if she can't even do that? How is she supposed to move on with her life, let herself love that one person she knows she's fully capable of giving her whole heart too, if she can't accomplish the one thing that made her think she's the person she is today?

It's like she's only using half of her heart; and the other piece is lost somewhere and she can't find it. At first she was beginning to see it, feel it again -if she ever knew what that felt like...- In the form of a man that made her feel even just a tiny bit whole before she even met him. Now...sadly, not even he is enough it seems. Because if he was, why does she feel this way? Why is she running from everything with an unbearable ache in her chest and a hole in her very soul? Why does she want to slip into the crowd unnoticed and never want to be seen again? Kate shakes her head, shedding the last of her tears and now running blindingly into nothingness. It's not until she feels a vibration in her pocket does she come back to reality and come to a much slower jog. Pulling her phone out of her pocket she check her messages.

One. From Castle.

Kate wipes a hand over her brow and looks around after reading it. Where are you going? It says. She blinks the wetness still lingering in her sad green eyes and pants.- Bending over slightly while holding the phone over her chest to catch her breath. She ponders on whether or not to answer him. He's obviously seen her run by him, wherever he is. She doesn't see him in the immediate vicinity and finds she's panicked and a little excited to seem him at the same time. In the middle of the sidewalk she texts him back truthfully.

I don't know.

There is a long pause where she's unsure if he's going to respond, or just doesn't know what to say. Which would be a first. In the mean time she stretches out a little and comes to realize how chilly it actually is. The cool Autumn hair clings to her now sweaty exposed skin, and she has to untie her jacket from around her waist and put it on. Her phone vibrates in her hand. Butterflies enter and exit her heart in a matter of milliseconds.

Meet me at the park?

A breeze picks up, sweeping her hair out of her eyes and she breathes in the scent of the season into her now steady body. Pretty leaves of various colors flutter all around her, and she closes her eyes before texting him back.

Be right there.

Kate starts to walk back in the other direction to find that she's only a block from the park and he must already be there. So when she enters the park and looks around, she finds him sitting leisurely on a swing by himself. It's that part of the day where everyone is still working or home cooking meals for their families, so the park is pretty much deserted. The creaking of the rusty chain filters over all other sounds as she makes her way closer. And then that smile graces that handsome face of his. The one that only reaches his eyes when she's around. She wonder's briefly to herself how he does it. How he can push everything else aside for that one moment and show a happiness she's not capable off.

"Hey Castle." She says, looking down at the ground as she picks the swing beside him. She grips the chain tightly and pulls herself back a little, but not letting herself swing forward.

"Hey yourself." He says. She doesn't meet his gaze. The one she knows all to well, the one that breaks through her walls and reads her every emotion. Yet she knows he can do just that, with her lack of eye contact.

"It's cold." She comments, not knowing what else to say and for some reason finding this situation awkward. Why is it so awkward? It's just them. But for some reason she's having a hard time just being Castle and Beckett anymore.

Something happened to them. And she knows exactly when that happened. She can hear the forced smirk in his voice when he speaks. "Glad to see your keen eye for observation is still in tact my dear Detective." He quips, almost imploringly, but she doesn't react at all.

She knows when things became more difficult to act like a normal person around him. And that was when she was lying on the grass bleeding to death. When tears were leaping to his eyes and he told her he loved her. And she can't take that back for him. She's not sure she wants to, but she doesn't know what to do or how to act around him. She didn't even tell him that she remembers. That she heard him before she slipped out of consciousness. But she thinks, that perhaps he knows this. Knows that she heard him and that is why she doesn't know what to do with herself when she's around him. And they have hardly been around each other until recently. In fact. This is their first time actually alone with each other since she got out of the hospital.

"Kate?" His voice is low and worried.

She looks at him than, this whole time her gaze has been locked on a stray leaf, stuck against the pole of the swing set while the wind tries to force it free. She gives him the slightest of smiles. But her eyes condone her inner turmoil. For that brief moment, his eyes startle her... jolting her whole heart to life.

You know... I like this. I wasn't going to go there, but it just happened. And I am actually quite satisfied. I hope you all liked it, Reviews are always appreciated :D And I'd still like to know your ideas. Thanks for reading!