Thank you Jona for this chapter idea. Your impulse to suggest "what if Castle woke up on Mickey Rourke's front lawn handcuffed to an emu" Is too funny! But Alas, I don't think I could do that justice! Unless I made it one of his random acts before he met Kate. You know when he rode a police horse naked. Maybe I'll slip it in somewhere! So I went with what if Castle was a tad overzealous when he subdued Lockwood and inadvertently beat him to death. As far as Ramifications go, I am going to stick with how that makes him feel, killing another human being. However justified I think he'd be. thanks for the idea.

P.S. Of course. If Castle did beat him to death, none of the others events of season three would have happened.

Impulses

Everyone has impulses. Some have more control over them than others, and some have no idea that they even have them until a situation calls for them. Are we bound by these impulses? Yes. Do they make us who we are...that is yet to be decided. Maybe it's the way we deal with the aftermath that makes us who we are. Do we feel regret? Are we unaffected. That should be the dividing line between what is a good impulse, or a bad one. Which ones should never be let loose, and which ones we need more of. Richard Castle has always know about one in particular. He just never thought it would be released in such a fashion. In the real world on a real victim, instead of the ones he makes up in his books. He never thought he had such a capacity for such a very real, very terrifying act.

Castle has his eyes shut tightly in the ambulance parked outside the warehouse. It appears to the med that he's cringing from pain, when in all reality, he's not thinking about that at all. He can't even feel the pain that should be shooting through his bloody knuckles right now. He can't feel anything. All he can think about is what Jerry had said to him.

"Your. Drawn...To Death. You like to be around it, because it thrills you."

The med finishes wrapping his hand but Castle doesn't acknowledge him, just stares off into nothingness as Jerry's voice enters his thoughts again.

"Now where does that come from..." He can here that low evil smug voice as if he's saying it into Castle's ear. "Your own suppressed impulses?"

He lifts both hands. Seeing the contrast between the two. He looks on one with hatred, while the other shakes with fear and something else undefined. He lifts them both to his head and shakes it violently, still not feeling the needle like pain in his hand. The hand he used to beat a man to death.

"Castle?"

He shuts his eyes even tighter and rewinds back thirty minutes ago. Kate had a gun pointed at her and the trigger was about to be pulled. What else was he to do? He had launched himself at Lockwood, Furry evident on his face and this utter loathing and hatred. This overwhelming feeling to protect her with everything he has. It consumed him as he tackled him to the ground and continued to beat his face in until Lockwood lay still. Even then Castle was still over his body fist ready to continue it's deadly assault. But Kate's voice stopped him and she pulled him off just before he swung again.

"Castle, are you okay?" She had asked. The two toppling back onto the ground. They sat next to each other. He blinked rapidly and was panting, fist still clenched now bloody. They both looked over at Lockwood's lifeless body. Crimson red all over the mans face that was now bruised, one eye swollen. He reminded Castle of all the bodies he's always been curious about. Only this one makes him ill.

"Castle?" Kate's present voice breaks through finally, and he looks up. Pain and despair is written all over his face. And he can see she's worried, but also thankful for him saving her life. She climbs up into the ambulance and sits across from him. "You okay?" She asks but knows better. It's like the triple killer case all over again but worse.

Castle shakes his head, looking down at his wrapped hand. She takes it in hers and starts to re wrap it gently. The feel of her skin brushing his somehow grounds him a fraction.. There is a silence between them where all Castle can picture is Lockwood dead by his own hand, rewound to where he almost shot Kate and fast forward to where Castle stopped him. This happens several times, as if he's searching for a good reason for his actions.

Kate watches this transaction as she fixes his hand. Not knowing what to say. This is no way a situation to comment on how Esposito and Ryan are doing, wounded pride and all. But she does want to thank him.

"Thank you," she says. Void all real concern for the dead man in the warehouse. "For having my back in there." She adds.

He wants to say always... But he can't bring himself to. "Kate." He says instead, voice strangled. Defeated.

"Castle, listen to me." She leans further forward, kneeling in front of him.

He wont look at her. All he can think about are his impulses. His reasons for why he lost control, Why he's so fascinated by Death. It scares him. And he just killed a man, for real. This is not one of his books and he cannot re write the ending. A man is dead because of him. However he might of deserved it. He just never thought he'd actually do it. He never thought he actually had it in him to kill another human being. Maybe he has been suppressing it with his writing.

"It's different when it happens right in front of you... close enough to watch the lights go out." He remembers her saying earlier in this case. Yea, but he turned out that light.

"Hey." Her voice brings him back again. He feels her hand cup his cheek, he blinks back the moisture in his eyes, still avoiding her gaze. "Look at me." She rubs a hand over his cheek.

Castle looks into those green eyes of hers and he has to take a deep breath. He's shattered, and he's scared of himself.

"You had to do what you did in there..." She says, trying to justify him. "If you hadn't, he would have killed me. And for that, I am truly grateful." She soothes, her tone softening the more she speaks. She's still rubbing her thumb along his cheek, and he leans into her touch.

But she sees he's still not buying it. "Rick, It's the same as if you had a gun." Finding the logic in all those times she gave him a gun to defend himself. If this was any other case, shooting someone else who was about to shoot you first...well that's just common sense. It's self defense. And in this case, hers.

He blinks, and a tear slips from his eye. He's so destroyed. Not only that, but she has no idea why he is. She has no idea that Jerry analyzed him in a way no one has before. She doesn't know that he's burying the impulse. And he let that impulse get the best of him. It terrifies him. He feels like a monster.

"Your not like him, your not a monster." She says as if reading his mind.

His face grows heavy in her hand, and she cups the other cheek. Moving closer, Castle keeps breathing in and out, deeply trying to get a hold of himself. He can feel the pain in his hand now, and the cold night air outside the ambulance, which is still in the parking lot, doors open. The flashing red and blue lights cast an odd glow on Kate's face. He sees her own torment, and understanding in her eyes. He can see what she's thinking. She understands what it's like to take another life. But she does it for justice. And somehow, with her so understanding and being so close, Castle begins to feel a little better. Still horrified, but better. But for what happened tonight, he will always be haunted by his own desires. The ones he never new he possessed.

Okay. So I am not saying Castle really wants to Murder people. But aren't you all curious as to why he's so fascinated? I for one am looking forward to learning more about him. Because Frankly? We know nothing. And I know that they will tell us, or else why have Jerry say those things? Anyway! I hope I did some justice to this idea. I did the best I could with being in the dark to his reasons for being drawn to death. If I knew them, I would sure go to town with this. Thanks for reading, reviews are my favorite! and More Ideas are always welcome!