Howdy... Again :)

So, I thought, while living and all... that I'd start a Fanfiction based on many aspects... Mainly my life :P Because I'm that cool... But I'll include songs as well, for titles. So I disclaim owning them, and Merlin, unfortunately. I'm not extremely happy with this chapter, thought it went a bit weird at the beginning and just started to fade during the middle. I do apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes and just... if you think this chapter needs improving let me know.

I dedicate this chapter to allthingsmagical who has been such wonderful support.

The Story Of Us

Chapter 4 – You Belong With Me

Friday 9th April 2004

Guinevere, her friends call her Gwen, was sitting next to Merlin by the school railings. They were waiting outside for the boys to finish their 'Emergency Fencing Training', Merlin would have walked home from their posh, red-bricked school, but Arthur insisted that he wait, so Gwen, by default, had to as well, saying she couldn't leave Merlin all alone.

Gwen was one of Merlin's dearest friends, not as close as Arthur; no-one could be as close to him as Arthur... and she was also new, well, slightly new, she joined in Year 9 but she was a good friend nevertheless, and because of this, he thought she deserved some happiness with love, even if he couldn't. He flicked through every guy he knew like pages of a book until he slammed the mental page and declared silently he had found the perfect man for Gwen.

Lancelot.

Or Lance, depends what mood you were in, was completely ideal for Gwen: both were complaining of being lonely, and the other was what the other needed. Gwen was the sweet, subtly exotic, blushing girl and Lancelot was the dark-haired stranger, mysterious and charming...

Seriously, he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before; this matchmaking thing was easier than he thought.

So he started talking:

'Gwen?'

She turned her head sweetly, 'Yes?'

'Do you still want a man?'

Gwen blushed and looked away a moment.

'Maybe... but I'm fine, I don't want to look desperate.' She panicked.

'No, no, it's alright, in fact, I've found the perfect person for you.'

This, despite her previous rejection and conflict with her pride, it did spark her curiousity.

'Really?'

'Yes, and-' Merlin thought about what a genius he was.

'- I think you two were meant for each other. You mentioned that you liked him lots, that when you first met, it was like being pulled into the tide, making it harder for you to breathe, well you said that about someone and I think I know who it is... so I think I'll help. But it is only a suggestion, a friend to another.'

'How do you know who I was talking about?'

Merlin grinned, this was too easy.

'It's-'

'- Don't say!'

Aww, she's embarrassed.

'He's at the training though, isn't he?'

Gwen reddened even more and her reaction said it all.

She seemed to contemplate this, running over the possibility of a nice date and the risk of destroying her friendship with him... her eyes conveyed this battle and Merlin wondered if he was manipulating her.

She looked down then, a flustered wish in her voice.

'Alright.'

They grinned at each other, and awaited the return of the others. A silent and comfortable exchange of ideas and 'thank you's.

And right on cue, they looked up in unison to find Lancelot walking across the green, putting his sword back in its sheathe. Arthur must be running late and the others didn't live this way. He smiled to himself, loving that the look of distant loneliness of Lancelot's face was sure enough soon to disappear. Merlin jumped off the golden railing, wobbling a bit as he almost fell, and went to tend to his abandoned bag, his back turned. Gwen was breathing as a nervous rabbit might in the sight of a fox. Arthur also then joined Lancelot, laughing at maybe previous joke one of them told, slapped Lancelot's back, then too, put his sword back into the sheathe.

'Which one do you think he is?' Gwen was still a little confused; she was in such a rush. She couldn't think properly.

'What do you mean Which one? The one putting his sword away.' Seriously, she's the one with the crush, not me. And didn't I tell her I knew: she needs more faith in me...

Once Arthur had put his sword away, and both men had reached the two patients, Merlin suddenly snapped up and put his bag over his shoulder, head-butting Arthur in the process, who had bent down to help. The impact was sudden and a horrible thud was sounded, which echoed like a gun shot in Merlin's ears. He looked up to Arthur cradling his nose as if it was just a small cut... as if there wasn't a dab of blood gliding to his lip.

Merlin felt a sudden rush of cold fear and dread.

Fuck!

'Arthur, Arthur, are you okay?' Merlin voice was shaking so much and he stepped the short distance Arthur had recoiled, he ignored the faint chuckle of Lancelot.

'I'm fine, Em.' Arthur brushed it off like it was nothing, but the longer Merlin saw the blood, the longer the panic eagerly ate at his soul.

'Shit, I'm so sorry, that was totally my fault, let me see it.' Merlin could use magic to heal Arthur couldn't he? He'd just close his eyes or something, waiting for the power to pass and wash through his veins.

'Em, seriously, I'm fine.' But Merlin was already by his side, grabbing the nape of his neck and inspecting the damage... Arthur would had pulled away, telling Merlin to stop being such a girl and can they go home already... but he felt the tremor in Merlin's fingertips, and on closer inspection, saw the liquid worry building in Merlin's eyes, the world slowing as he regarded the intensity of Merlin's care. He let him continue. But to be honest, he was feeling a bit light-headed himself.

Arthur then felt the gentle push of Merlin's forefinger an thumb press against nose, and he then realised how close they were. Warm spasms of appreciation and affection jolted through him in these moments as he smiled at Merlin's concentration and the odd angle. Em then closed his eyes and whispered something that Arthur couldn't quite catch, but almost instantly he felt a bolt of liquid electricity, fire even, cascade through his blood and when Merlin pulled away, Arthur touched his nose to feel no bruise, no pain, no nothing... even the hot wet iron taste in the back of his throat had dissipated.

Arthur was stunned and most mystified.

Merlin smiled tenderly, 'All better, Arty?'

Arthur just felt like he wanted to melt and couldn't express why, 'Yeah... Yeah, thanks Em.'

They exchanged goofy grins.

And during this trade of intimacy, one could find that Gwen, despite her calm and placid demeanour... she looked quietly angry at Merlin, as if he had betrayed her.

The air's intensity passed and the boys stopped looking into each other's eyes.

'You ready then Em?'

'Yep.'

They started to walk down the road behind the green, Arthur reaching over to carry Merlin's bag after all.

Merlin winked at Gwen before he left.

He stood there, puzzled and hurt as to why Merlin would do that. Lancelot saw her silent distress and asked if she was alright, he looking nervous as if she was the girl of his dreams.

'Isn't Arthur walking with us?' She asked, not answering his previous question.

'No, well he would, but he wants to be with Merlin before he goes to Elena's for the weekend.'

'Who's Elena?' But she had already guessed with a sinking feeling.

'His new girlfriend.'

...

Merlin sat on the park bench, thinking again how: didn't he promise himself no walks in public places?

Arthur took him to a fancy rose garden, with the odd dahlia or lily in the background, the white gravel seeming soft to walk his feet on, almost like sand, and the spring sun was beating hard and fast upon them. The sudden change in temperature forced them to retire to a bench that was slightly abandoned in the corner by a hedgerow, old red-brick walls surrounding the park, much like the school's.

Posh Places, Merlin thought.

Arthur was on the phone to Elena, she was upset, and by the sound of it by something that Arthur said. Might have been the time she fell over while going up the stairs to school, he laughed at her then, but it wasn't at her. She was almost as clumsy as Merlin. Almost. And maybe because Merlin was in a particularly yearning mood today, a little upset himself and still heartbroken, he wondered if Arthur could really ever mean that they'd be good... together. He thought about how mean or clingy or just down-right stupid all of Arthur's recent girlfriends were and quite frankly, Merlin was getting so tired about seeing Arthur with them, as if his heart rotted just that little bit more when he went to kiss one of them. And it hurt Merlin all the more because Arthur was never happy with any of them. Never. They were either being a total bitch to him, yelling about how he should be more... more. Or trying to hump his leg all the time. Elena was a perfect example of that. Merlin thought she was the nicest of the crew, but she was just... in the way.

Which lead Merlin to think about how he would make Arthur so happy if they were together. He'd treat him to anything that he'd desire and, dare he admit it... Merlin would worship Arthur. He thought that Arthur was perfect, that no-one could get closer to perfection than he, so whenever he found Arthur hurt... Merlin's heart felt so weak.

And this made Merlin think about how wrong all these girls were for him. They didn't get his humour like Merlin did. He remembered the time that Arthur called him when he was at home, it was his birthday and it was about his dad:

Pick up, Pick up, Pick up.

'Leave a message and I'll get back to you' Merlin's Irish turned English accent echoing in his ear.

Beep.

'Hi, Em? What was I going to say? Oh... yeah... I just... I just really needed to talk to someone. No. Not someone, you. Look, can you just call me back when you get this please, I need... just call me, please.' His voice crackled to a stop.

Merlin was out and about, at Gwen's for a sleepover, and hated himself for forgetting his phone. He had this sinking feeling that he'd be needed, but didn't know why, he was meant to leave at 9 tomorrow morning, but thought he should go now. When he presented these worries to Gwen, she forced him to stay, saying that couldn't he live without a phone for a day?

'Hey, me again. You still out? Oh... okay. My dad's gone out so... so you can come round if you want, I'll pay for a cab if you want. Can you just get in a cab when you can please Em? Please. Sorry to sound so desperate. Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, bye, bye Em. Bye.'

'Em? Me again! Just checking in. Bit drunk now actually. A lot drunk maybe. A bit sentimental. I was just calling to say that you... you're a really great thing you know that? Really great, sexy too. Funny and stuff. Yeah, you're funny. Call me when you get this, and I'll still pay for a cab, yeah? Just know, you're a really great thing Em, really great you are.'

Oh Come Merlin! Pick up, Please, it's almost midnight! Pick up, pick up, pick-

'- Arty?' a panicked Merlin answered the phone, breath heavy and filled with liquid concern and he imagined Merlin shaking almost.

Arthur felt a rush of comfort completely assault his body at hearing his friend's voice. He felt his irregular heart, probably about to drown from alcohol poisoning, start even now to feel less sore.

'Arthur? You there?'

'Yeah.' His voice broken between tears and relief, sighing out the tension.

'What happened?'

Arthur felt impossibly tired now.

'Just wanted to hear your voice.'

Merlin sniffed then and Arthur knew he made him upset.

'Do you still want me to come round?'

Arthur paused.

'Yeah, if you can... please.'

Merlin nodded, despite Arthur not seeing him, lips parted as to get more air.

'Okay.'

Arthur thought again.

'Can you sleep round as well?'

Merlin nodded again, already running out his door.

'Yeah. See you in half an hour.'

When Merlin got to Arthur's house, he was greeted by the butler and when Merlin got to his bedroom... he found Arthur semi-collapsed on his sofa, shot glasses shattered here and there, the odd bottle of whiskey on the floor and Merlin gasped in horror, feeling ice frost over his veins. He instantly helped Arthur up right, smiling sweetly and was about to clean the mess when Arthur just collapsed into Merlin, curling in on him and weeping softly, clinging to him, his chest, his arms, like he might vanish. Merlin held him during the night, comforting Arthur, threading his fingers through his golden hair tenderly, saying that he wasn't a disappointment to Uther, and that he was worthy of living.

... It had been an emotional night for both of them and of course, they never spoke of it again, just a slight nod and carried on. But Merlin was still so anxious and worried about Arthur every day.

Arthur nodded up at Merlin with an exasperated smile, telling him he might be a while and that he was sorry.

Merlin slid slightly lower into the bench and let self-pity and a saddened melancholia wash over him. Recently, he has... he has tried so hard to not think of Arthur... but he's found it so hard to keep away. Every time Merlin thinks he can move away from Arthur, he pulls him back in. And Merlin has realised now that... he is head over heels for Arthur, irrevocably so. He knew that before... knew it the first time they met probably... but now; he was going to stop fighting it. But Merlin wasn't the best at controlling his feelings. And while sitting here, watching Arthur battle it out... Merlin thought so solemnly that she would never know Arthur's story like he did.

This led Merlin, naturally within the silent state he was in, to think about the day that Arthur told him about his mother:

Waiting at the back of Arthur's... mansion gardens... he had no idea why Arthur wanted him to be here. It was Arthur's birthday, and it was almost five in the morning, Merlin couldn't go to his party with higher class people and nobles, but said to a most indifferent yet obviously upset Arthur that it was alright. Then Arthur, ringing his mobile which woke him up, told him to be at 'the secret door' as soon as.

So here he was, clueless as to why.

He heard a creak behind him and a lock unhinge, it was Arthur.

'You ready?' He looked somewhat sombre.

'Why am I here?' Merlin was uneasy and he didn't know why.

'Just-' Arthur started walking, walking away to the rock-strewn valley hill in the distance of Chatsworth House.

'-follow me, Em.'

And Merlin did, heart crushed by the tension.

When they finally got to the mound, wildflowers of purest purple and heather scattered as far as the eye could see... Arthur sat down, leaning his back against a giant boulder with wrinkled grey lines coating the silver surface, and told Merlin to do the same. By now, Merlin was trembling silently with the intensity of it all and Arthur seemed so far away now... his eyes caught in a mournful memory, tears making the images so vivid and Merlin wanted nothing more than to gently caress them away.

'What are we doing here? Arty?'

Silence.

'Just wait.'

And right on cue, at around six in the morning... the sun started to rise. An orange, almost amber sphere of perfect liquid gold started to rise above the hills, the mounds, and the rocky valley. The birds seemed to greet its coming and began to sing, creating a sweet, unearthly orchestra. And when the light hit the clouds... Merlin was mesmerised by how in which the whole sky changed colour. It was no longer a navy blue, but a vibrant mixture of crimsons, corals, lemons and violets, caressing the sky as ink would in water, spreading, cascading into the clouds like long lost lovers, like an artist would decorate his canvas.

Merlin was speechless.

'This was my Mother's favourite place.'

Arthur had mentioned his mother wasn't around, but the reason was left out, and by the obvious faint pain upon his friend's face, Merlin didn't ask for more.

'She died a few moments after my birth.'

Merlin sat there patient, his heart heavy. He had no idea.

'Apparently, my father used to smile when he was around.' Arthur attempt at the joke fell as his voice started to choke with tears.

'I never knew her, and I think that's what hurts most.'

He looked at Merlin then and saw the heartbroken, understanding expression upon his features. Merlin's father had to leave when he was very young... he knew his friend would understand that hole within your soul, carrying the burden with you forever. And he appreciated Merlin, he really did. Arthur extracted something that looked like a coin from within his jacket, rubbing his thumb across to surface to reveal a dove atop a cross, shades of platinum.

'This belonged to my mother... bears her sigil.'

They looked at each other at the same time and from the morning twilight; they were both left trembling still and breathless from tears.

'Here.' He gestured his arm to Merlin. 'I want you to have it.'

What? This was the only thing Arthur had left of his mother, the mother he never knew nor could, why would he give it to Merlin?

Merlin started to panic, the meaning too much for him.

'I can't Arthur, I-'

Arthur leaned closer to him and placed it within his palm.

'Just...' He looked deep into Merlin's eyes, as if peering at his soul. 'Take it.' A whisper on the wind.

They fell asleep there, Merlin's head on Arthur's shoulder, Arty's arm around Em, pulling him closer... and both will deny it happened if someone should ask.

Arthur sat down next to Merlin now, letting out a sigh as he did.

'Everything alright?'

'Yeah, but she's close so she wants to see me now. Says I've been ignoring her and that I shouldn't call her 'clumsy' anymore.' Arthur winked. Merlin rolled his eyes.

They slipped easily into general conversation, avoiding emotional or sentimental topics. Talking about the weather and the flowers. Talking about how silly Merlin was for not taking up the offer to go with Arthur to Elena's house, Merlin telling him he couldn't, he wasn't Elena's boyfriend. Talking about school and other stupid things like recent games and DVDs, recent news and touching upon what love means. Merlin started to remember the time he and Arthur were walking the streets of their city, thinking how peaceful they both had been, thinking this is how it ought to be. And then his mind was snapped back to the present by a smirk upon Arthur's face, and for some strange reason they just started to laugh, and Merlin thought how easy it was to be happy with Arthur. Arty had a smile that could light up the world, Merlin thought, and he missed it, thinking how he hadn't seen it much of late due to family issues and Elena's clingy, clumsy nature.

'How are you, Arty? Really?' Merlin needed to know, hating with such a painful passion that Arthur wouldn't tell him what was wrong.

'I'm fine.' And that was all Arthur would say, a simple brushing off.

And Merlin started to feel slightly angry. He knew Arthur better than that. He felt hurt, betrayed even, that after everything they've done... Arthur now feels the need to keep something from him.

A knock.

Someone was knocking on the door.

Banging now, actually.

Really loudly.

Who the hell was it?

Hunith was out, doing extra shifts at the hospital again... and he wasn't expecting anyone.

Thinking it would be Gwen or someone similar, Merlin was unprepared for the moment his heart shivered in agony at finding that at his doorstep was not Gwen or someone similar, but an Arthur trying not to cry.

'Sophia's gone. Says I'm too much to handle. A drunk, rich fuck.' And then Arthur did something very unlike himself: he stepped forward and pulled Merlin into a hug, arms tight around his waist and hands grabbing for security. Merlin pushed his need to punch this bloody woman and slid his arms around Arthur's neck.

'Am I a bad person, Em?'

'No... not at all.'

They spent most of the night eating popcorn and watching cheesy action films. When the clock struck three, they thought sleep was probably the best idea. So Merlin slept on his bedroom floor, blanket and pillow for comfort while Arthur occupied the bed.

Merlin was the one who made Arthur laugh, when he thought he'd cry. Merlin felt some warmth and pride in that position. He and Arthur went into a conversation where there could be no boundaries, speaking freely. They spoke of favourite songs and their dreams...

And so it was now, when Merlin found he was just looking at Arthur only half listening to his ranting on about what he and Elena had planned and how amazingly great it would be... Merlin wondered.

Could Arthur see that he was the one that understood him? He's been here rather long, so why couldn't Arthur see it? Merlin didn't understand. They've been through so much; told each other things that no-one else knew... and yet there seemed to be this invisible barrier between them, as if Merlin were looking over a fence to talk to Arthur. Merlin thought about all these girls Arthur's been out with, the highs and lows and only one thought echoed throughout his mind-

'Elena! Over there!' Arthur shouted, drawing the blonde's attention.

'Got to go, Em. You'll be alright without me, won't you?' Arthur winked. Merlin smiled.

Merlin thought he had occupied a sort of green and yellow melancholy, was like patience sitting on a monument, smiling at grief.

As Arthur jumped off the bench and walked to Elena, only one thought echoed throughout his mind:

You Belong With Me...

Sorry, had to bring in the Shakespeare ;) And I apologise again for how awful this is.

Let Me Know What You Think.