Chapter SIX
"What are you smiling for Mr DiMera?" she asked him indulgently.
EJ was lying on the bed, looking up at her as she sat up on the bed beside him, her feet tucked up under her, facing him.
"Because I'm happy," he said, his smile widening.
"Yeah?" she teased him impishly, "And why are you happy?"
"Because you're here," he told her softly, "With me."
"I'll always be with you EJ," she promised him huskily, "I'll never leave you."
Sami leant down then and pressed her lips to his and EJ's hands went to cup her face and deepen the kiss.
"I love you," he said achingly when the kiss finally ended.
"I know you do," she said with a serene smile, "I love you too."
EJ's face suddenly clouded over and Sami frowned.
"What's wrong EJ?" she asked him, her fingers tracing the little frown lines on his face.
"I've been having bad dreams," he confessed to her.
"About what?" she asked him, her hand going to his bare chest and rubbing it soothingly.
"Losing you," he told her, searching her face then, "I dream I've lost you."
"But you haven't EJ," she reassured him quietly, "I'm right here."
EJ ran his fingers down Sami's cheek and trailed them over her lips, feeling her softness under his finger tips.
"I couldn't live without you Samantha," he told her simply.
"You're not going to have to," she comforted him, "We're forever… remember?"
"I remember," he said, a little smile coming to his lips.
Sami bent down and kissed him again and EJ's fingers buried themselves in her golden hair then, holding her ever closer to him. There was a sudden noise and Sami broke the kiss, straightening up and looking over at the bedroom door where the sound had seemed to come from.
"What's that?" she asked.
Sami stood up suddenly and started towards the door to check, slipping through EJ's grasp as he tried to hold onto her.
"Wait," said EJ, sitting up, "Samantha, wait."
EJ tried to follow her, stop her from going to the door but suddenly his legs were tangled in the sheets and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to get his legs free so he could stop her.
"Samantha!" he said urgently, the fear starting to creep into his voice as he struggled hopelessly to get free of the sheets, "Don't go outside, stay here!"
Sami looked back over her shoulder at him and smiled calmly at him, her hand on the door knob.
"I'll be right back EJ," she promised him and then she was turning the door knob and opening the door.
"NO!" yelled EJ, really beginning to panic now, "Samantha STOP!"
Sami paid him no heed and disappeared through the door and then it closed behind her, making a heavy clicking sound as it did. EJ was frantic now, tearing at the sheets to get to the door and bring her back. His wild flailing about made him tumble out of bed and hit the floor hard. He at last managed to kick his way free of those accursed sheets and ran as fast as he could to the door Sami had just walked through. He grabbed the door knob with suddenly sweaty hands and tried to open the door but to no avail. The door that Sami had walked so easily through now seemed impossibly locked and EJ began to pound on it, desperate to find a way to get to Sami.
"SAMANTHA!" he cried out, starting to throw his shoulder against but the stubborn door didn't budge so much as an inch, "SAMANTHA TALK TO ME, WHERE ARE YOU?"
There was no answer as EJ continued to madly throw himself at the door, trying to break it down. A sudden feeling of wetness at his feet made EJ look down and his eyes widened in horror at what he saw. A dark red stain was creeping under the door, lapping at his feet. He let go of the door and stepped back abruptly but the crimson tide followed him, covering his feet and soaking the bottom of his trousers. EJ tried to get away but slipped in all the wetness, falling heavily again onto the ground. Suddenly he was covered in the stuff and there was the salty taste of blood in his mouth as struggled to get away. Her blood was everywhere, all over him, the room, there was no escape.
"SAMANTHA!" he screamed.
EJ sat bolt upright in bed, his own cries waking him. He put a shaking back of his hand to mouth and pulled it away to find a bright streak of blood on it. He must have bitten his tongue during the incredibly vivid nightmare and the taste of blood was still thick in his mouth. EJ swung his legs over the side of the bed and hunched his back and tried to remember how to breathe. He sat on the side of the bed and waited for his heart beat to return to normal, the sweat drying cold on his back.
oooOOOOooo
Later that day EJ walked down the hallway of the jailhouse that seemed to find endless shades of grey to display. Not that he cared one way or the other. EJ didn't have use for colours anymore in his life, without Samantha by his side there didn't seem to be a point for any kind of beauty nowadays. The prison guard he was with stopped then as they came to a large steel door.
"Wait here," he was instructed, "When you here the buzzer it means you can go on through… you've got five minutes."
EJ nodded and the guard left him. He stood there waiting not so much patiently as apathetically. Nothing penetrated the hardened shell that surrounded him nowadays. Well nothing except for one thing that is and his jaw hardened to think of it. Nicole's trial had been a sensation of course. Wealthy heiress, scandalous affair, murder - the whole of Salem had gone crazy for such a sordid tale. Throughout all of Nicole's two month long trial there had been reporters and curious on lookers crowding the courtroom and looking for a good show and boy had they got it. EJ's affairs had been trotted out by the defence and Nicole had cried real crocodile tears as she told of the duress she'd been under the whole time of her marriage to EJ and the crowd had just eaten it up.
Through it all EJ had sat there stoically, forcing himself to be there every day and hear each excruciating detail of Samantha's last moments. It had damn near killed him to hear what she had gone through and to watch Nicole play on everyone's sympathies as the wronged party. In the end she'd been given seven years - that was what the life of the beautiful, shy and innocent woman that had stolen EJ's heart and filled his life with meaning had been worth.
Seven lousy years.
Through all the histrionics of the trial no one had talked of Sami's sweetness or her kindness, the way her whole face lit up when she laughed. No, all they wanted to know from EJ was the ins and outs of their affair, how often they met, where, how long it had been going on. Somehow Nicole had managed to make it all about her which of course was her speciality as she tried to curry sympathy from the jurors and the general public and there was no sympathy left over for the young woman who's life had been so cruelly cut short. In the end all the posturing had worked when it was decided that the life of a rich, overindulged socialite was worth more than a poor, hardworking young woman from the wrong side of the tracks. Nicole was spared the death sentence and had been given such a pitiful sentence instead. Her father had used all his influence and wealth to defend his little girl and the defence had made sure to paint Sami as a gold digging home wrecker who deserved all that she got in the end and Nicole as the put upon wife who in a fit of temporary insanity had made a deadly mistake.
The jury had bought it - hook, line and sinker.
EJ had sat through it all and shown no emotion, the press branding him as a cold hearted play boy and he made no effort to refute it. He'd spent all his emotion in the week after finding out that Samantha was dead. He screamed and cried and raged, hitting walls and breaking down regularly but in the end it changed nothing. His Samantha was gone and an icy veneer had settled over him as the part of himself that lived to love her shrivelled up and died. EJ knew he was just a shell of a man now but didn't care. The only thing that made him feel again was when they read out the sentence of seven years. A rage had come over him so blinding that he had to get up and leave the courtroom for fear he was going to kill every single one of those jurors with his bare hands and all of the defence counsel but there was nothing to be done about it now.
Today was the day Nicole was being taken to the women's prison where she would serve out her pitifully small term and EJ had asked to see her before she was transferred from the local jailhouse. The buzzer sounded and indicated that EJ could go in. He put a hand up and pressed on the heavy door, walking on through. Nicole was sitting there, handcuffed to a table that had seen better days. She was wearing a dark grey prison jumpsuit that made her look every day of her thirty two years and then some. EJ registered no emotion as he took a seat across from her. Nicole looked back at him, waiting for him to speak first and growing nervous as the silence between them lengthened.
"I was surprised when you asked to see me," she volunteered at last.
The last time they'd spoken directly EJ had tried to wring her neck so to say that Nicole was surprised to be informed that EJ had asked to see her would have been an understatement.
"I'm leaving for New York this afternoon," said EJ and Nicole was shocked by how rough his normally smooth tones sounded.
EJ rarely spoke nowadays unless it was to answer a direct question and sometimes he could go all day without speaking so when he did speak his voice would sound strange and unfamiliar even to himself.
"Oh," said Nicole and then gave him a weak smile, "I guess we've both got travel plans for today then."
EJ didn't return her smile, just stared back at her steadily and Nicole began to become increasingly unsettled under that dark gaze.
"Before I go there was something I wanted to say," said EJ, speaking at last.
"There was something I wanted to say as well EJ," said Nicole hastily.
EJ blinked.
"Go on," he said stoically.
"I forgive you," said Nicole, attempting to hold his gaze, "For driving me too it, I forgive you EJ. And even after everything you've done to me… I… I still love you."
EJ didn't speak for a long moment after that and seemed to show no emotion except that Nicole could see a muscle in his cheek working furiously, as though he was containing himself at great cost.
"In seven years you're going to be released," he informed her calmly.
Nicole grimaced and nodded her head.
"And I'll be waiting for you," EJ continued on.
Nicole's eyes widened at that information and a little flicker of hope burst into life deep inside of her. Perhaps there was still a future for them after all if they could both just learn to forgive and forget. Nicole's hopes soared as she began to allow herself to believe that things weren't really over between her and EJ.
"Mine will be the first face you see when you walk out of those prison gates," he promised her and a smile began to break out on Nicole's face at hearing that.
"Really?" she asked hopefully, her face lighting up.
"Absolutely," EJ vowed to her, "Because as soon as you are released from prison I'm going to kill you Nicole."
The smile dropped from Nicole's face at that last part, said so matter of factly that it was chilling.
"Samantha deserved more justice than seven years," he informed her tightly, "And I'm going to see that she gets it."
"You kill me and you're life is over!" Nicole warned him, angry at herself for letting herself hope in a future with EJ again.
"Samantha is dead," said EJ harshly as he stood up and looked down at her with hate filled eyes, "My life is already over."
Suddenly all the emotion left EJ's face as he seemed to compose himself and he fixed Nicole with a look from suddenly lifeless eyes.
"The only reason I'm still drawing breath Nicole is so that I can stand over you and watch you take your last one," he said expressionlessly, "I'll be waiting."
And with that EJ turned on his heel and left the room, leaving a stunned and shaking Nicole in his wake. Suddenly prison seemed like the safest place in the world to Nicole.
oooOOOOooo
SIX MONTHS LATER…
EJ didn't even turn his head when he heard the door close behind Barbara. He'd left Salem that day for New York like he'd told Nicole and never been back. It had been nothing short of torture to be in Salem now that Sami was gone. Everywhere he went he saw her ghost and everything he did in that town it was with an aching consciousness that Sami should have been by his side. He'd seen the trial out to the bitter end for Sami's sake but could take it no longer after that. He'd met her husband for the first time as they both stood over her grave. It had rained on the day they'd buried her and EJ had been glad, not sure that he could have endured having the sun show its' face on a day that was so dark for him. He and Lucas hadn't spoken, just exchanged silent looks of shared loss. He'd been at the trial of course and had been just as upset at the verdict as EJ was but Lucas knew how this world worked and had expected as much.
The coffin they'd buried had been emptied of course, the police having never found her body and for many long hours since finding out that Nicole had dumped Sami's body in the river EJ would find himself walking up and down the banks of that river looking for her. Knowing that he couldn't even bring her body home bought a new level to a pain for EJ that was already near crippling. In the end it was why he had opted to move to New York, only two hour's drive from Salem. He could no longer bear to be in the city that he had lost Sami in but he also couldn't endure being too far away from her as well. It was like he had to stay just in case they found her body, that it was important that he stayed close by, in case she needed him. It sounded crazy to say that but it was how EJ felt.
So he'd moved to New York and started to practice law. He hadn't bothered renting any office space, just working from his hotel room and that was what he'd been doing these last six months. EJ was actually building up quite a healthy practice and his reputation for being a no nonsense man who got the job done was beginning to spread. He was living out the dream that he and Sami had envisaged but it meant nothing to EJ now that Sami wasn't there to share it with him. He did it because it distracted him from his pain and it was something to fill his days. He was good at his job but he took no joy from it.
EJ stood at the window and watched his cigarette burn down in between his fingers, not moving to discard it as it burnt ever closer to his fingers. He watched dispassionately as the fire met the skin of his flesh but the pain from the burn was no match for the agony inside him. He could barely even feel it while this raging grief consumed him. How could it still be so fresh, so sharp, all this time later he wondered in anguish?
He'd called on Barbara's services two weeks ago, desperate for something to dull the pain, even if for a few minutes but all he was finding was that sex with another woman was simply a reminder of exactly how much he'd lost. There was no peace or satisfaction that came with the act like it had with Samantha. EJ looked at the half drunk bottle of scotch on the dresser. The amber liquid promised him respite from his pain but every time he had to wake up the next day and remember anew that Sami had been taken from him and it was a fresh agony every day. When he did manage to sleep there was no peace for him there either. His dreams were plagued with his loss. They taunted him for his inability to protect the woman he'd love and forced him to relive over and over again Sami's last moments, agonising over what it must have been like for her.
Did she call out for him?
Was he her last thought?
Did she curse him for bringing all this into her life with her last breath?
EJ turned abruptly away from the window, unable to stand thinking about it for a moment longer but knowing he'd have no choice in the matter. He walked over to the bed and bent down, pulling his suitcase out from underneath it. He lay the suitcase down on the bed, the bed creaking as he sat beside it on the bed and opened the case. Inside was a white shirt of his, the one Sami had worn on their last afternoon together, the one he'd been wearing when he'd heard of her death. EJ lifted it carefully out of the suitcase and held it in his hands. He hadn't worn it since and he'd made sure that it wasn't laundered either. He held it to his face and inhaled deeply.
It was gone.
That last little scent of Samantha was finally gone after eight months and EJ could no longer smell her on his shirt. It was like while he still had the scent of Sami's skin and perfume on his shirt she was still with him in some small way. The smell of her had been growing steadily fainter as the months had rolled by until at last, today EJ couldn't detect it at all. A fresh wave of desolation crashed down on him and it felt like he'd lost her all over again. EJ pulled on the shirt, wrapping it around him and laid down on the bed and for the first time in many months let the tears come.