Chapter TWENTY TWO
"I'm Samantha."
Her words hung between them, time standing still as the last truth was spoken. EJ carefully put the bag of sugar he was holding on the kitchen bench and seemed to be momentarily overwhelmed as he looked down. He moved then, crossing the room and coming to sit down in front of her on the mattress. They held each other's gaze, his full of trepidation and hope and Betty's quietly pensive.
"Yes," he rasped at last.
She nodded slowly, taking this information on EJ's heart was practically pounding out of his chest at this latest development. Had she at last remembered him and how was Sami going to react to him having kept the knowledge of who she really was from her all this time?
"Samantha," he said urgently, holding out a hand to her and using her proper name without even realising it after months of being careful about such a thing, "Is your memory back, do you remember me… do you remember us?"
Sami gave him a regretful look then and shook her head and winced as EJ quickly tried to hide his devastation at that from her but didn't quite succeed. He wanted so desperately for Sami to remember what they'd meant to each other before, to remember how they'd loved one another. But if she didn't then that might mean that she wouldn't understand why he'd kept the truth from her.
"I'm sorry," she said softly.
"It's not your fault sweetheart," he said quietly, cupping her face with one hand and stroking her cheek, "None of this is your fault."
EJ looked away briefly then, composing himself as his hand dropped down and took one of hers.
"When did you realise?" he asked at last, looking back at her with emotion filled eyes.
"I'm not sure," she said with a little shrug, "Maybe I always knew… there was just something… something… I don't know. Suddenly I was just sitting here and it all seemed to make sense at last."
Sami shook her head, frustrated that she couldn't articulate it better.
"I just knew I had to be near you," she whispered, "From that first moment that we started working together I couldn't bear to be apart from you. The way you talked about your lost Samantha made me wish so badly that I was her and then when we made love… the way you were so tender and loving and I felt like no one had ever seen me the way you do. You look at me and you make me feel like I'm your whole world. "
"You are my whole world, Samantha," he told her simply, his voice rough as tears began to sting his eyes.
EJ shook his head and closed his eyes briefly.
"Oh god, but I've wanted to call you by your real name for so long now," he almost whispered, "It was like a physical ache."
"It's going to be strange," said Sami with a bit of a frown, "I've only ever known myself as Betty."
"I can still call you Betty if you want, sweetheart," he told her earnestly, "If it would make you feel more at ease. It's only a name; you're the same beautiful, loving woman no matter what name you chose to go by."
"No," said Sami with a little shake of her head, "I want you to call me Samantha - that's who I really am after all."
EJ picked up the hand he'd been holding of hers and raised it to his lips, kissing the back of her hand. He suddenly became so serious looking then as his eyes began to fill with tears.
"What is it EJ?" asked Sami anxiously, looking at him in concern.
"Do you hate me?" he choked the question that had been eating him alive ever since he'd leant of what Nicole had done to her, "For bringing all this pain and suffering into your life. For all that you have had to endure?"
"Hate you?" asked Sami, looking taken aback, "EJ you saved me."
"Saved you?" repeated EJ in consternation.
"If I felt even half of what I feel for you know before... before my accident," said Sami, her voice full of emotion, "Then I know I can't regret for a moment meeting you and loving you. When you first kissed me at the office EJ everything in my world suddenly made sense. I came to life when you kissed me. You said before that Samantha... that... that I woke you up from a deep sleep and that was how it was for me too. I could never regret whatever happened before because that is how we got here and now."
"I thought you'd hate me forever," he told her shakily, "That you wouldn't be able to forgive me for not protecting you from Nicole."
"EJ I don't remember any of that," she said softly, taking his hand in hers, "It's so strange when I think back to when you've talked about it and to know that I was in that story because I just don't remember it. For me it never happened but it makes me very sad to know that you suffered so much."
She looked at him curiously then and EJ held his breath, almost certain that he knew what the next question was going to be.
"Why didn't you tell me EJ?" she asked him quietly, tilting her head, "Why did you keep my past from me?"
"The doctors," said EJ, struggling to keep his voice calm as he faced another fear that she might not accept his reason, "They said I shouldn't tell you about what happened; that the shock might be too much for you. Samantha you have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you the truth but I was so scared about what it might do to you."
"That must have been awful for you," said Sami sadly, her eyes becoming bright with unshed tears, "I can't believe you went through all that you did, just for me."
EJ was taken aback by her compassion and empathy for him. Through all this Sami had been the victim and yet she was crying for his pain. The depth of this woman's heart stole EJ's breath away, humbling him utterly when he realised that she'd chosen to give that magnificent heart to him.
"Samantha I would do anything for you," said EJ urgently, needing her to understand then that he knew how great a prize her love was, "When I thought you were dead..."
EJ stopped and swallowed hard, having to look away to collect himself before continuing on, knowing that talking about the time he'd thought Sami dead would always be an exercise in excruciating pain.
"It was like I died and buried under the ground with you," he continued on at last, his voice raw as he turned back to look at her, "I didn't know how I was going to face the rest of my life without you in it. All I wanted to do was lay down and never get up again."
Sami cupped his face with one hand, tears streaming down her face as she listened to what he'd gone through.
"I saw you at that courthouse and it was like I breathed for the first time in eight months," he whispered, "I didn't care what obstacles where in my way, I knew we were going to be together again. We had a second chance at love and I wasn't going to lose you again."
Sami hugged him then, pulling him into her arms and EJ closed his eyes, holding onto her tightly.
"Even when I knew it was impossible I still hoped vainly to hold you again in my arms one day," he said brokenly, "I couldn't let you go even when I thought you were dead – I just didn't know how. I'll never be able to let you go sweetheart."
"I never want you to," said Sami with a little choked sob.
EJ pulled back then and looked at her intently.
"I can't believe that I can finally call you by your real name at long last Samantha, "I've wanted to for so long now. And I can't believe that you don't hate me after everything that happened."
It still boggled EJ's mind that she was sitting in his arms, looking up at him so adoringly when for months now he'd been torturing himself with imaginings of bitter recriminations and accusations. EJ knew he would never again underestimate the gracious and loving heart of the woman in his arms.
"EJ I don't even know how you could think I'd feel like that," she said with indulgent exasperation, confirming what EJ already knew – that she was generous to a fault when it came to forgiveness.
EJ opened his mouth to tell her that he didn't deserve her kind of love but she stalled him with a finger to his lips.
"I got to fall in love with you twice," she told him tenderly, "How lucky am I?"
EJ smiled to hear her say that, his heart near bursting with love for her. He pulled Sami more securely into his arms, resting his cheek on the top of her blonde head. There had been so many perfect moments with Samantha in the year that he'd known her but EJ knew that this was by far the most peaceful. At long last there was nothing between them and EJ just wanted to cry from the relief of it all. Nothing was going to steal Sami from his arms again he vowed. This journey they'd been on to be together had been so long and hard at times but in the end even death couldn't separate them and EJ knew more than ever before that they were meant to be.
They sat like that for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms and just enjoying the fact that there was at last nothing unknown left between them. Sami felt a huge sense of relief at knowing who she was now, even if she couldn't remember it. She had a past, something defined and real and it made her feel whole again, like she at last had something to offer EJ. The look on EJ's face told her that he too had had a huge weight lifted off his shoulders at her finally knowing the truth. It made Sami love him even more that he'd been prepared to carry such a burden and it was all to protect her. More than ever she knew that this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
"EJ," she said softly, breaking the quiet between them, "I have a favour I need to ask of you."
"Anything Samantha," he said huskily, "Anything you want."
oooOOOOooo
EJ stood up and began to walk down a little ways to the end of the path and looking around before turning back around and pacing back to where Sami was sitting patiently on the wooden park bench. Right about then he was bitterly regretting his 'anything you want' promise to Sami from a week ago but trying desperately not to show it. He knew this moment was inevitable but EJ had clung to a vain hope that it wouldn't come to pass. Sami looked up as EJ paced distractedly past her, a little smile coming to her lips. She watched him check his watch and then turn back around and went to walk by her again but Sami reached out and grabbed his hand. She smiled up at him which EJ returned, even if it looked a little strained.
"Are you nervous sweetheart?" he asked her tenderly, searching her face for the answer to that question.
"Not as nervous as you honey," she said wryly, "You're making me dizzy with the way you keep prowling back and forth like that."
"Sorry," grimaced EJ and then gave a rueful smile, "I guess I'm a little on edge."
"There is no reason to be EJ," she said softly, looking up at him with eyes shining full of love.
"I know," said EJ and tried to make himself sound confident of that fact.
The truth was he was nervous, very nervous. That day in his new house when all of the truth finally came out Sami had asked him if he would take her to see Lucas. EJ's heart had dropped even though it made perfect sense that Sami would want to do just that but that knowing it was sensible didn't stop EJ fretting about it all week. What if Sami took one look at him and all her old feelings for the other man came flooding back? The thought of Lucas triggering her memories, when EJ had been unable to, felt like a punch in the stomach to EJ. Again it would make perfect sense because she'd known Lucas for far longer than she had him and he'd been her first lover and her husband. These were no small things for a woman like Sami and EJ knew that despite agreeing to leave her husband for him that she still had a great amount of feeling for Lucas. Knowing all that in his head didn't alleviate the pain in his heart though as he struggled to keep all his inner turmoil from Sami.
EJ's stomach churned nervously as he worked through all the worst case scenarios. On top of that EJ was also dealing with the fact that he was almost beside himself with jealousy. It was stupid he knew but he just hated the thought of any man going near Sami and especially her hopefully soon to be ex-husband. In New York he'd had Betty all to himself more or less and EJ had become quite greedy with that fact. He hated to share her and sharing her with Lucas, however briefly, did not sit well with EJ. He'd spent the first four months of their relationship doing that and it had all but killed him and now he just wanted the man out of their lives so he and Sami could start on that bright future that he knew was ahead of them. But for that to happen EJ knew that Sami had to do this and he just wished it was already over and done with.
"Sami?"
Both turned their heads to see the man staring at Sami with a shell shocked expression on his face. After all that scouting for Lucas EJ hadn't even seen him approach them in the end. He looked down at Sami, quickly trying to gauge her response to seeing the other man. This was the moment EJ had been dreading this whole last week and the entire drive down to Salem from New York – that she'd see Lucas and the light of recognition would suddenly flare in her eyes. EJ felt himself tense but all that came over Sami's face was a polite smile as she stood up. She looked up at EJ with a quizzical look on her face and EJ found himself nodding his head numbly at her silent question. Sami's smile widened at EJ's silent confirmation and she took a couple of steps towards Lucas who still seemed to be in a state of shock, rooted to the ground.
"You must be Lucas," she said, holding out her hand to him to shake.
Lucas just continued to stare at her, still obviously trying to take this all in.
"They... they told me you weren't dead but I... I said I wouldn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes," stammered Lucas dazedly.
He looked down at Sami's offered hand and then tentatively lifted his own, shaking her hand slowly.
"You're real," he said hoarsely at the feel of her hand in his, "You're really real."
"I guess so," said Sami with a little laugh, "I'm sorry – this must be a bit of a surprise for you Lucas."
"You could say that," said Lucas faintly, finally letting her hand go.
Sami looked up at EJ and smiled at him.
"EJ could you give us a moment please?" she asked him softly.
EJ was extremely reluctant to do that but he knew that Lucas deserved that at least. Out of everyone Lucas had been the most innocent of victims in this whole mess and EJ knew it was the right thing to do – it was just very hard to walk away and leave Sami with what was still technically her husband.
"You have that meeting you need to go to," prompted Sami with a half smile, "Remember?"
EJ was unlikely to forget all things considered but he still hesitated. He hadn't liked how the two appointments had converged at the same time but there had been little he could do about it and now he had to leave Sami with Lucas, despite his instincts to stay right where he was.
"I'll see you back at the hotel then?" he asked her warmly, smiling down at Sami.
He'd booked a hotel room for them in town. Not The Drake of course, it held too many horrific memories for EJ now, if not Sami.
"You will," replied Sami happily.
EJ wanted to make her promise him but didn't want to seem quite that insecure around Lucas.
"Well I'll leave you two be then," said EJ.
"Of course sweetheart," said EJ and he was proud of how calm he'd managed to make his voice sound.
Even though every instinct in his body was screaming at him to stay EJ smiled warmly down at Sami before giving her a kiss on the cheek, gave a little inclination of his head at Lucas who was still having difficulty taking his eyes off Sami and then turned around, heading back down the path in the parklands that they'd opted to meet in. It had seem like neutral territory but now EJ wished that they'd made Lucas come to New York – kind of a home court advantage type thing but it was too late to lament that decision now. Both Sami and Lucas watched the other man leave before turning back to face one another.
"Well," said Sami eventually when Lucas just continued to stare at her, "I guess you've got some questions for me."
"I can't believe it's really you," said Lucas, leaning in and looking at her so intently that Sami began to feel a little uncomfortable.
"Maybe we should sit down?" she offered.
Lucas nodded slowly and then sat down next to Sami on the bench.
"I got the phone call from the cops telling me you were still alive and I didn't know what to think Sami," he said, "I thought it was some kind of cruel joke."
"It's not a joke," said Sami softly, "And I'm sorry you had to go through all of that Lucas."
"They told me you have no memory," said Lucas, still looking at her intently, "Is that true?"
"That's right," nodded Sami, "Nothing before waking up in a New York hospital."
"But you remember DiMera?" pushed Lucas and there was a harshness to his voice as he said the other man's name.
"Only because I met him after the accident," said Sami with a shake of her head, "I mean, met him again…"
Sami made a rueful face then.
"Sorry, it's all a bit confusing at time," she said apologetically.
"And you don't remember me at all, our life together?" asked Lucas, searching her face for his answer.
Sami looked back at Lucas, taking in his face. She waited for some little sensation of familiarity in looking at the dark haired man with such dark, intense eyes. He had a pleasant face although Sami felt like he probably didn't smile as much as he should. EJ had told her Lucas was a private investigator so he probably didn't find that much to smile about in his job which made Sami a little sad. She was so deliriously happy with EJ that she only wished the same for those around her. It seemed so strange to Sami to think that she was married to this man, still grappling with the reality of that. It was very odd to be so detached from a man that she must have once loved.
"No," said Sami quietly, "I'm sorry Lucas but I don't."
"Right," sighed Lucas and then shook his head, "I don't know how to feel about that really. I mean you running off with another man is one thing but you not remember me or us at all… well… I don't know about that."
"I'm sorry," said Sami again, feeling badly for him, "But there is nothing I can do about it."
"I know," said Lucas with a lop sided smile, "I'm not upset with you Sami, it's just a weird feelin' is all."
"That sounds so odd to hear you call me Sami," she said, almost to herself.
"That's your name," said Lucas with an arched eyebrow.
"I know but EJ always calls me Samantha and it's just strange to hear you say Sami," she said with a little self deprecating laugh, "Truth be told I'm still getting used to Samantha too – I'm more used to Betty."
"Well whatever the name you go by you're still the sweet kid I married," observed Lucas quietly.
"Oh right," said Sami hesitantly, "Married…"
"I'm guessing you'll be wanting to do something about that situation?" asked Lucas dryly.
"Yes," said Sami and gave him a regretful look, "EJ and I want to be married as soon…"
"As possible," finished Lucas flatly, "I know Sami, we've played this scene before."
"I'm sorry," she said yet again, "I don't remember."
"I know you don't kid," sighed Lucas, "And don't feel bad about it. I need that divorce too."
"You… you do?" asked Sami in surprise.
"I asked Chloe to marry me and she said yes," said Lucas with a rueful shrug, "Of course I didn't know I was angling to become a bigamist at the time so yeah, a divorce is probably going to be a good idea right about now."
"Oh I'm so glad!" said Sami, sounding very relieved, "I'm tickled pink that you've found someone to make you happy Lucas."
"It's crazy but she does," admitted Lucas with a quirk of his lips, "So I'm guessing that lawyer fiancé of yours will be able to help out with the details?"
"He's already got the papers all ready to go," said Sami ruefully, "I hope you don't mind?"
"Nah," said Lucas in resignation, "He strikes me as a take charge kinda guy."
He looked at her thoughtfully then.
"So you fell in love with him all over again then?" asked Lucas speculatively, "I guess you two really were meant to be huh?"
"We really are," said Sami with such heartfelt emotion, "I love him so much it hurts to think about sometimes."
"I'm glad for you kid," said Lucas with a half smile, "After what you've been through you deserve some happy."
"So you forgive me then?" asked Sami cautiously.
"There is nothing to forgive Sami," said Lucas, "We both knew it was over for a while but you were the one who came clean first. And as for the forgetting me thing… well, that isn't your fault either. I hope one day you get your memories back though. We had some good times me and you… it would be nice if you remembered them some day."
"I know," said Sami regretfully, "I think EJ feels the same way but I don't know if I ever will."
"You'll make new memories with that guy," shrugged Lucas.
"I'm glad that we got to meet," said Sami sincerely.
Lucas gave a sad little smile at hearing that.
"I mean meet again," Sami corrected herself hastily.
"So how about a turn around the park together, kid?" offered Lucas, "For old time's sake."
"Did we used to do that?" asked Sami with interest.
"No," said Lucas with a regretful shake of his head, "But I wish now that we did."
"Oh," said Sami, digesting that.
Lucas stood up and offered his arm to her. Sami stood up and took it, smiling up at him.
"I hope we can be friends one day," said Sami wistfully.
"I don't think our prospective spouses would be too thrilled with that development," noted Lucas wryly as they began to walk, arm and arm around the park, "But I'd like that too."
"So tell me something I don't know about myself," she encouraged him as they walked along.
"Like what?" asked Lucas with a quirk of his lips.
"I don't know," said Sami with a laugh, "Pretty much anything is going to be news to me I think."
"You don't like pea and ham soup," he informed her.
"I don't?" asked Sami in surprise.
"You'd say it smells like feet," Lucas informed her, "And you're not very ticklish, except for your feet and you like dogs better than you like cats…"
The two of them walked around the park several times very companionably and Sami listened with rapt attention as Lucas described a woman she had no memory of. By the end of their time together Sami was very happy that she'd gone through with this meeting even though she'd been nervous about it and even happier at the thought that she'd be meeting EJ back at their hotel soon.
oooOOOOooo
EJ moved his weight in the chair he was sitting on, the metal protesting his movements. The smell of boiled meat permeated the air and he wrinkled his nose in distaste. The entire drive over here he'd been thinking about what was going on between Lucas and Sami. He'd been so happy when she hadn't recognised him on sight and new that was selfish of him but EJ couldn't help himself. He still had lingering concerns but overshadowing them was his certainty of Sami's love. No matter what was said between husband and wife – a description of the two that still pained EJ endlessly – he knew for certain that Sami would be waiting for him in that hotel room when he got back from tying up this last loose end. The thought made his lips curve upward into a contented smile.
"Well I'm glad someone is happy."
EJ looked up at that to see the person who'd spoken standing in the doorway with a decidedly unimpressed look on her face. He arched a calm eyebrow at the speaker but showed no other emotion before addressing them.
"Hello, Nicole."