Chapter Six

March 2004 Phoenix Arizona

Wedding Plans

I tried to show an interest in the two dresses laid out before me in the changing cubicle of one of the smarter clothing stores in Phoenix, but pretty clothes had never really been my thing. I'd probably end up falling over in my heels and ripping it anyway. I was much more of a jeans and tee shirt person, but my mother was getting remarried and she had insisted I chose one of the dresses. She was waiting for me outside in the shop while I tried to make my mind up between the floral effort and the strappy pink body-hugging one, neither of which I particularly liked. Ugh! I was far too ungainly to pass off either of them.

In a split decision, based on my desire not to reveal too much of my pale white flesh to the other guests, I went for the floral one. At least it had half sleeves and was a decent length, and I already had some cream coloured shoes left over from the last wedding I had been to that I could wear with it which would avoid another shopping trip.

"This one will do," I told my mother as I handed the offending garment to her, trying to put on a smile.

"Try and look just a little bit happier please Bella. This is a big deal for me," my mother pleaded.

I tried harder with the smile and think I managed to get away with it this time.

"Do you want lunch Bella, or shall we go home now?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Um, I think I'd prefer to go home, I've got some homework to finish. Thanks anyway."

She threw me a disapproving look, paid for the dress and we headed for the parking lot.

It wasn't that I didn't like Phil, the guy Renee, my mother, was marrying; he was great, and so good for her. He made her happy and that was all I could ask for. The fact that he was almost ten years younger than her was not ideal, but Renee was so young in herself that I told myself it didn't really matter. They were well suited. Phil had a sense of fun and enjoyed a very physical lifestyle, being a baseball player. He was just the opposite of my father, and it obviously hadn't worked for them. They had been divorced for about fifteen years now. I couldn't remember them being together, and I certainly couldn't imagine it. They were just too different.

I took after my father mostly. Renee says I was born thirty five years old. I had never been one for playing outside until sundown, having lots of friends, and I certainly didn't do girlie things like shopping and sleepovers. I was a bit of a loner I guess. I had one or two friends, but I didn't necessarily seek them out. I preferred to stay in reading a book, or listening to music. I often wondered if there was something wrong with me, what with my unbelievable clumsiness, my unwillingness to socialise, and my inability to get a boyfriend, but my grades were good in school, so much so that I was in advanced classes for nearly all my subjects so I guess at least intellectually there was nothing wrong. I just didn't fit in. Besides I hadn't yet found a boy worth dating. They were all so immature.

At least Renee would be happy now. One day soon I would go off to university and I didn't have to worry about her being on her own. She was the type of person who really couldn't live by herself. I had been looking out for her for as long as I could remember. I'd been cooking the meals since I was about ten, preferring to take on the role of cook and housekeeper rather than live out of tins and microwave dinners.

Renee wasn't a bad mother, she was just hopelessly disorganised; a real scatter-brain. Phil's travelling lifestyle would suit her as she wouldn't have to form routines and organise grocery shopping for more than one day ahead. The baseball season was coming to a close soon and Phil would be home for a few weeks so I would spend the summer house-keeping, as usual. We hadn't worked out yet what would happen when the Phil started playing again in the autumn. Renee said we would cross that bridge when we came to it. I was trying to argue that I would be seventeen by then and I could look after myself but Renee wouldn't hear of it, which I thought was kind of ironic since she was the one that needed looking after.

"So, only two weeks to the big day Bella," Renee said as we drove home, trying to make conversation. She was as excited about it as a young child would be about a new toy. "Are you sure there is no-one you want to invite? I have included an extra guest on the list for you."

"No mum, it's fine, there's no-one." I sighed, wondering how many times she had already asked me this question.

"No boyfriend?"

"No, no-one." I repeated. Why was she always wanting to pair me off with someone? It was so exasperating.

"Well my friend from the dance club, Sandy, she is bringing her son, he is about your age, maybe..."

"Mu-um! Please!" It wasn't the first time she had mentioned him either.

"Okay, okay. I just want you to be happy and enjoy the day."

"I'll be fine, just leave it, please." How could I tell my mother I would really rather not be a part of it? Could she not tell I was incurably socially inept? I wouldn't enjoy it either with or without a boyfriend. It was an ordeal, like so many, I would have to suffer in silence. Put on a brave face and smile in all the right places. I wanted so much to be happy for her, but the wedding itself was a charade. I could be happy for her without attending the wedding, but, she wanted me there by her side so I had to go through with it.

Phil was waiting for us when we arrived back home. He was lying in the hammock in the garden to the side of the house with one leg dangling over the side.

"Hi honey," Renee called out to him as we took the shopping out from trunk.

"Hey, how did it go? Did you get fixed up Bella?"

I nodded, a little afraid I was expected to show him what we had bought, which would mean feigning enthusiasm.

"Now Phil, you know it is a secret what us girls are going to be wearing, so don't you go asking Bella to show you."

Phew that was a relief! Thank goodness for secrets!

"Um, I'll just take these up to my room and then I'll get some lunch organised," I offered, looking for an excuse to leave the happy couple to their embraces.

They didn't even notice I had gone. I stumbled up the stairs to my room and put the dress in my wardrobe, noticing with amusement that it was the only dress I owned. I took Renee's shopping, a pair of shorts and a couple of new shirts, into her room and left them on the bed for her to put away later and then headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Renee and Phil were still outside smooching in the garden. They would stay out there until I called them for lunch. I was glad that she had found Phil. It knocked years off her and she was truly happy. I was watching them from the kitchen window swinging gently on the hammock together when the phone rang.

"Hey Bella," my father's dry tone pulled me out of my thoughts about Phil and Renee behaving like a love-struck teenage couple.

"Hey, Charlie, er dad, how you doing?" I reminded myself that my dad still wasn't happy about me calling him Charlie.

"Oh, I'm just fine thanks Bella, and you?"

"Yeah, good thanks. Did you want to speak to Renee?"

"No, not particularly, I just wondered if you were coming up to Forks this summer?"

Why did he have to ask me this every year? He knew what my answer would be. I had made it perfectly clear when I was twelve that I wouldn't be visiting again.

"Er no, I don't think so, sorry. It is the last summer I will probably get to spend any time here with Renee. Who knows what will have happened by next year. I think they could be on the road by then permanently, or moving somewhere else."

"Oh ok, I see, well, you know you are always welcome. I miss you Bella."

"Yeah, I miss you too dad."

"It's been such a long time I doubt I will recognise you."

"Well, I haven't changed that much. I'm still clumsy."

He laughed, and then added, "Yeah, I guess that figures."

An awkward silence followed and then my dad asked "Do you remember Jacob Black, down at the reservation?"

"Yeah, vaguely. Why?"

"Oh no reason, he was asking after you the other day. Asked me to pass on his regards."

"Oh, ok, well, say hi to him next time you see him. Tell him I will look him up next time I'm there." That seemed harmless enough, since I wasn't planning on going anywhere near Forks in the foreseeable future. It was wet, cold and just about the most boring place imaginable.

"Ok then Bells, all ready for the wedding?"

"Yeah," I groaned. "Bought my dress today."

"Oh that's nice."

"No, not really, but hey, it's got to be done."

"Yeah, I guess. Well, speak soon, and don't be a stranger. Wish your mum and Phil good luck for me."

"Ok dad, will do. Speak soon, bye. Love you"

"Yeah, and you Bella. Take care."

And he hung up. Phone calls from Charlie were always a little disjointed. Neither of us were great conversationalists. I wondered what he had really phoned for. Surely it hadn't been just to let me know Jacob Black was asking after me. Jacob was a goofy little Native American kid about two or three years younger than. He was the young brother of Rachel and Rebecca Black, who my father had introduced me to and insisted I befriended simply because their father and my father were best buddies. They were older than me and weren't really interested in having much to do with me so I usually ended up being lumbered with Jacob who used to follow me around like some puppy dog.

No, knowing Charlie it was probably guilt. He hadn't spoken to me for a while and so he was just being the dutiful father, inviting me up for the summer as he did every year, and which I had declined every year since I had been reasonably able to. It meant I didn't see much of him, but if he didn't live in such a ridiculously inhospitable place I might feel more inclined to visit.

I finished preparing the salad for lunch and called Renee and Phil in from the garden.

"Bring it out here honey, it's such a beautiful day," my mothers' voice sang in through the open door.

"Ok, coming." I took out the bowl of salad and some plates, almost dropping them as I stumbled over the door step, and then returned for the ham.

Renee and Phil were seated at the table now helping themselves to the salad. I positioned myself so I was in the shade under the parasol.

"You could do with getting a bit more sun, your skin is so pale," Renee said, disapprovingly. I ignored her.

"Who was on the phone?" Phil asked.

"Oh, it was just Charlie, inviting me up for the summer."

"Well you should go, even if it is just for a couple of weeks. You haven't been for about four years," Renee suggested, disapproval in her tone again. It seemed I couldn't do anything right today.

"Well, there's a reason for that. I hate Forks, you know that. Besides, this will be my last year here with you."

"Well, we don't know that Bella, it depends on how Phil gets on next season and whether he gets signed up by any of the larger clubs."

I stared at my plate of food, suddenly not feeling hungry. Why was everything irritating me so much today? I forced a few more mouthfuls down and then made my excuses. I was relieved my mother was so preoccupied with Phil these days. It meant she didn't give me the agonising looks when I absented myself from her company. She barely noticed I was leaving the table.

"Ok, honey, see you later," she called out after me as I retired to the house. A few months back she would have insisted I sat outside soaking up the rays with her, or she would at least have asked where I was going and what I was planning to do. Not that I minded. I was secretly glad of the chance to spend some quality time with my favourite books, without feeling guilty for ignoring her.

I was soon buried in my tatty copy of Wuthering Heights, far removed from the discussions about the wedding guest acceptances that were taking place outside in the garden.