"Isn't she wonderful?" I sighed as I flopped down onto the couch next to my three buds.

The way Carlos was eyeing me for that comment caused me to blush heavily.

"Sorry bro."

He laughed it off. Despite the fact that things went perfectly I found myself struggling to stay true to myself. I had been acting like the other me for so long…it was hard to be me. I could be the real James Diamond around Tori but I wasn't used to doing so around anyone else.

That was when the horrifying thought finally struck me. Who am I really? Who is the real ME?

"James? Are you alright?" Kendall asked worriedly.

"Huh?" I uttered dumbly.

"You gasped really loudly and you look a little pale. Is everything alright bud?" Logan questioned.

"Y-yeah…everything's fine."

I squirmed uncomfortably at their disbelieving looks. Why wasn't anything I ever said taken seriously?

"I'm fine guys." I said in my most serious voice. "Stop your worrying. You're too young to have worry lines on your foreheads."

"Look at you caring for others." Katie teased as she passed by on her way out. I never got the chance to retort before she was gone just as quickly as she had appeared.

The guys snickered at her comment.

"Oh hush!"

Despite the fun we seemed to be having I was still worried. Was this the real me or was some other version of me the real me? I'd been pretending for so long I don't actually know what's pretend anymore. This can't be happening! How could this be happening?

I blinked in confusion as my vision of the wall was suddenly blocked.

"Why are you all up in my face?" I asked Carlos. My voice cracked due to my surprise of the situation.

Carlos grinned. "How else am I supposed to get your attention when you zone out like that?"

"Zone out like what?"

He shrugged. "Like however you do."

"A lot of help that statement was." I grumbled half heartedly.

"You're too pale James." Logan stated.

My eyes widened at his statement. "Wait! Are you saying I'm losing my perfectly good tan! I've worked too hard to lose it now!"

They stared at me causing me to calm down instantly. Why had I just said that? The real me wasn't supposed to care about his looks obsessively.

Oh no! I can't even keep tabs on how I'm really supposed to be acting. What if by acting vain this whole time I really have come to care about my looks? What if I can't change back? Am I too far gone? Is this considered being bipolar? Because what if I start acting like both me's?

"James! Breathe!" Logan's shouting voice broke through my haze. That was also the moment I realized that I was in fact depriving my lungs of air.

"S-sorry." I croaked. I was mentally cursing myself for freaking out while still around them. Every stupid little thing I did was making them more worried by the second.

I couldn't make anything look anymore suspicious until I figured everything out for myself. I could be worrying over nothing. The last thing I wanted them to do was tell Tori. She didn't deserve to worry either and I didn't want to drag her into this. She would feel responsible.

I also worried they might blame her in the heat of the moment. It wasn't her fault though. I should have stayed true to myself instead of acting it up so well.

"What was that about?" Kendall asked. And despite what I had thought earlier I told him.

"I don't know who I am anymore."