:D Thank you all for the awesome reviews! We are in the homestretch! Towards man sex at least...
But I still have some fun things planned for this fic so try not to drown in your tears. Lol.
*bows * Arigato Gozaimasu!
The Boy's Love Flamingo...101
Always
Chapter Twelve: Beautiful Melancholy
Knock knock knock knock…
"Mmmm…" Hisashi murmured, his sleep closed mind vaguely hearing the rapping on the door. He rolled over, settling back into his peaceful rest….
"ARAKI HISASHI, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY THERE WILL BE SEVERE CONSEQUENCES!"
Hisashi's blue eyes flew open and his glanced around, wondering if he was still dreaming.
"I'M COUNTING TO FIVE!"
His mouth dropped and he hurriedly scrambled out of his bedroom and pounded to the entryway, flinging the door open.
"Well it's about time, Sashi."
Hisashi's mouth dropped again as he stared into the aloof countenance of Hajime Renaka, who was parked in front of his apartment with three large shopping bags.
"Renaka-san?" He gapped in disbelief.
Renaka inhaled irritably.
"No, it's the goddamned dalai lama. Now Sashi-chan, are you going to invite me in or not?"
"S-Sorry," He stammered, bowing slightly. "Please come in."
"Thank you," She replied graciously, stepping in and sliding out of her shoes. She handed the bags to Hisashi, who stared at them curiously.
"What are these?" He asked.
"Gifts from your stepmother, father, and me." She said, pointing to each of the separate bags. "And Saki sent you enough food to last all winter….well to last a person with a normal appetite all winter. In your case I'd say you'd be good till about 2020."
"Uh… thanks." Hisashi replied, dragging the heavy bags into the living room. Renaka followed him, glancing around and smirking slightly.
"Look at you, Sashi-chan. All grown up but still as organized as a junk heap."
Hisashi smiled sheepishly and headed into the kitchen.
"Would you like coffee?"
"Yes Sashi." She replied, taking a seat on the only uncovered couch.
The blonde came back out in a few minutes, holding two mugs of coffee and wearing his striped hoodie. Renaka accepted her cup and patted the seat next to her, where Hisashi sat down.
"Are you still wearing this old thing?" She half-laughed, giving Hisashi's oversized sleeve a tug.
"Yeah…" He smiled.
"I gave Sushi this when he was fifteen! And I had to force you two to wash it regularly because you wore it so much. Look, it's so old there's a hole in it."
Hisashi chuckled again.
"I know. But it's comfy." He said, blowing some of the steam away from his drink.
"And you still live on coffee." Renaka mused. "If I had a completed manga page for every cup of coffee you drank in a year, I'd never have to draw again. You put my assistants to shame."
Hisashi laughed.
Renaka smiled, running her long fingers through the blonde's wild bed head curls.
"Sashi, how are you doing?"
Hisashi took a sip of his coffee.
"Fine…I guess."
"I see." She replied coolly. "Then would you mind telling your second mother why you refused to be her chaperone when she took care of you and treated you like her own son for over twelve years?"
Hisashi hung his head sheepishly.
"I know…I'm sorry."
"Now I'll ask again, how are you doing?"
Hisashi sighed.
"Not…so great."
Renaka smiled, wrapping an arm around his thin shoulders.
"That's what I thought. Sashi, you almost look worse than when you came. We were all worried about you enough, but how am I supposed to tell your parents that you haven't improved at all?"
The blonde's blue eyes stayed glued to the floor.
"Hisashi," She murmured. "Why didn't you want to see me?"
After a few grueling seconds, the blonde finally looked up.
"Renaka-san, it's my fault Atsushi is dead."
Renaka's face stayed still as she spoke.
"Are you a patch of ice? Are you a boulder? Are you the incurable illness that killed my husband?"
Hisashi just stared back at her. The dark-haired mangaka sighed.
"Sashi, people always like to blame themselves or other people when someone dies. But unless you physically took their life, I'm inclined to think that death is no one's fault."
"But if I hadn't upset him, he wouldn't have gone driving…" Hisashi murmured, his head tipping lower.
Renaka let out a quiet exhale, then she set her coffee mug down on the end table before taking Hisashi's mug as well. Hisashi's face was gently turned as she put both hands on either side of his head.
"Hisashi, there's more to this than you know."
Gray-blue eyes widened.
"What do you mean?"
Renaka dropped her hands and sighed.
"Hisashi, I knew my son, and there was never a doubt in my mind that his love for you went beyond friendship. Even though he told me you two had just gotten into a fight, I knew what really happened in the woods."
The blonde's eyes nearly shot out of his head and he was so stunned he barely knew what to say. But Renaka was far from finished.
"Atsushi was hurt, Sashi, and he was miserable when you two were apart. But in that time, although he had quite the temper, he never got angry with you. He was always just worried. And…the day he died, my son made the biggest decision of his life."
Hisashi bit down on his tongue, almost afraid to ask.
"And…w-what was that?"
Renaka's eyes softened at the memory of her son. She set her mug down and wrapped her arms around Hisashi, the familiar touch of her adopted son helping to soothe the sharp memory of the loss of her own.
"Two days before Sushi died, when you two still weren't speaking, he got a call from Onodera publishing. They wanted to hire him as a personal assistant to a mangaka."
Hisashi's eyes widened.
"He—he never told me about that."
Renaka shook her head.
"No he didn't. Because he was horribly torn about the decision."
"But," Hisashi cut in. "He could've gotten a head start in the business. Why was he torn? Didn't he have his own dream of publishing?"
"Yes, and that was why. Atsushi always dreamed of drawing his own manga, and if he moved to Tokyo, he knew he would never have enough time to complete it. In a sense, the job that would get him into the business would destroy his future goal. Plus, if he moved, he would have to leave you behind. He thought that you would never agree to come with him since he'd just confessed and upset you so much, and that was something he couldn't bear. He wrestled with the decision for those entire two days, then he finally called and turned down the offer, both for his dream…and for you."
Hisashi felt the lower lids of his eyes began to pool with tears yet again at even the memory of his friend's profound love. His narrow chest was almost overwhelmed by the ocean of Atsushi's caring affection. Renaka lowered her head, taking another deep breath.
"He left soon after for that drive. He looked so terrible, both because of the uncertainty of his future, and also that you weren't with him. And when you stopped by that night and said you wanted to see him, you couldn't have known the joy I felt."
A tear slipped down from the blonde's dull blue eyes, and he and his surrogate mother shared another hug, both of them remembering in beautiful melancholy the friend and son that had loved them up to his dying breath. After a few minutes, Renaka withdrew, her face composed once more.
"And now that you know the whole story Sashi, I have one more thing to say… I want you to let go of my son."
"I can't mother," Hisashi almost cried out in quiet pain.
"Yes you can," Renaka said reassuringly, taking his shoulders in her hands. "My son loved you with all his heart, and even in his grave I am sure he prays for your happiness. We all loved Sushi, Hisashi, but it would break his heart to see you like this. If not for your family or for me, Sashi-chan, then please find happiness for Atsushi."
The blonde pressed his trembling lips together, but he gave a single nod. The dark-haired woman smiled.
"Past actions may haunt us for months Sashi, even years. Some even still haunt me. But they fade, and you learn to put them in perspective. Your mistakes seem like the end of the world when you are young, but learning from them will lead to a brighter future. Maybe a lesson here is that… sometimes you don't see what you have until it's taken away, even if it's staring you right in the face."
Hisashi's face lifted in awe as her words sank into his heart and helped to raise it from the bottom of his stomach. Renaka caught his look and smiled curiously.
"Tell me Hisashi… have you met someone else?"
The blonde's mind continued to turn in shock, but slowly he said,
"I…I might have…maybe."
Renaka's eyes shone as he smiled again, planting a kiss on top of the blonde curls.
"I'm very happy for you Sashi-chan."
Hisashi rested his head on her shoulder and the two sat in the silence of each other's company. Renaka sipped down the last mouthful of her coffee, and broke the stillness after a couple minutes.
"I'm publishing Atsushi's manga." She said plainly, not turning her eyes to her surrogate son.
"You're what?" Hisashi said in shock. "But how?"
The mangaka smiled.
"Oh please Sashi, I taught that boy everything he knows and his style has never drifted that far from mine. Plus as messy as he was about everything else, manga was something he took very, very seriously. He left enough plot notes and character sketches for at least a ten volume series, and perhaps more once I finish cleaning out his computer. After I get a bit more research done, I'll begin work on his debut book shortly. It will even be published under his name."
Renaka finally turned to the blonde, and her face lit up as she saw Hisashi's face shinning with pride and love. She returned the smile, but it grew into a smirk as she remembered something.
"So sunny boy, now that we got those minor plot details out of the way, I will still expect you to be my chaperone. I need one, I haven't been to this damn city in years."
Hisashi cocked his head.
"They couldn't find anyone else?" he asked.
Renaka rolled her eyes, grabbing her coat off the back of the couch and heading towards the door.
"Oh please Hisashi, I would never settle for some random assistant. I'm the award winning fantasy mangaka Rurouri Renaka, and I always get whom I ask for. So you'd better have your half-German blonde butt in front of Marukawa at eight or I'll come up here and drag you down by your curls. Have a good weekend darling! And wash that hoodie!" She called cheerfully, blowing a kiss before shutting the door with gusto.
The blonde was left sitting bewilderedly on the couch with two empty mugs and a thought laden head. He sat there for a while, processing and reprocessing everything his surrogate mother had told him.
And as he thought, one line she had mouthed kept resurfacing in his memory.
"Sometimes you don't see what you have…even if it's staring you right in the face."
The blonde felt a new door being opened inside the corridor of his mind. It was new. It was frightening, and the Hisashi a couple weeks ago would have tore away in the other direction without looking back.
But, the strange new door also promised him something he hadn't felt in years.
Hope.
The blonde quickly looked at the time. It was actually almost early afternoon.
He quickly slid off his hoodie and ran to jump into the shower, knowing that he was about to do one of the most assertive things he had ever done in his life.
Hooray for assertiveness...
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As ALWAYS (lol) thanks for reading! ^_^