ACT 4, SCENE 17
INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, GIRL'S BATHROOM
SANTANA, BRITTANY AND THREE OTHER CHEERIOS (TIFFANY, TAWNEE AND KATE) ARE CHECKING THEIR MAKE-UP.
TIFFANY
No!
SANTANA
Uh huh...
TAWNEE
Never!
BRITTANY
Yup!
KATE
Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray?
SANTANA
It's true!
TIFFANY
No!
SANTANA
Uh huh...
TAWNEE
Never!
BRITTANY
Yup!
KATE
But... how?
SANTANA
Well-
SUDDENLY, A THOUGHT OCCURS TO HER AND SHE BREAKS OFF. SHE PIVOTS ROUND, THEN BENDS OVER, QUICKLY CHECKING UNDER THE STALL DOORS. NOTHING. SATISFIED, SHE FACES THE MIRROR AGAIN.
SANTANA (cont'd)
They were both pretty wasted. We're talking full on Amy Winehouse here.
BRITTANY
Do you think if her name wasn't Winehouse, she woulda become a nun, or something?
SANTANA
Personally, I think it's been coming.
TIFFANY
You do not!
SANTANA
Oh yeah. You don't shower that much hatred on somebody for so many years without a little sparkage there to begin with.
BRITTANY
Yeah, but you just see the lesbian in everybody.
(BEAT)
Even guys.
SANTANA
True. But this time I'm right.
(BEAT)
Because that was, without a doubt, the hottest kiss I've seen on anything that wasn't pay-per-view.
THE CHEERIOS GIGGLE, AND THEY ALL TROOP OUT, STILL GOSSIPING.
TAWNEE
So what does this mean? I mean, Rachel's getting married, right?
KATE
Gives a new meaning to Maid of Honour, that's for sure.
BUT WE STAY IN THE BATHROOM. AS THE GIRLS EXIT, CAMERA SWINGS DOWN, GOES ROLLING ALONG THE LINE OF STALLS, THEN UNDER THE LAST DOOR AND WE SEE:
JACOB BEN ISRAEL
Oh...
(BEAT)
...my...
(BEAT)
...God!
SITTING ON THE CISTERN WITH HIS FEET ON THE SEAT. HE LOOKS SCANDALIZED AND DELIGHTED IN EQUAL MEASURE.
CUT TO:
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ACT 4, SCENE 18
INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CAFETERIA
WE COME IN ON RACHEL, ON HER OWN AT A TABLE IN THE CORNER. SHE'S UNPACKING HER LUNCH, PRIMLY, WITH EXAGGERATED GESTURES, WAY TOO FOCUSED FOR SO SMALL A TASK. LAUGHTER BREAKS OUT AT A NEARBY TABLE. SHE LOOKS UP, BUT NO ONE'S LOOKING AT HER. THEY ALL APPEAR TO BE FIXATED ON THEIR PHONES. SHE CARRIES ON.
QUINN (O.S.)
Hi.
RACHEL LOOKS UP AGAIN, FLUSHES AT THE SIGHT OF QUINN STANDING A LITTLE DISTANCE AWAY.
RACHEL
Hi.
QUINN
I... um...
(BEAT, HOPELESS)
Hi.
RACHEL
Hi.
TENSE, AWKWARD SILENCE, UNTIL QUINN CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, TAKES A SEAT AT AN ADJOINING TABLE, HER BACK TO RACHEL ON PURPOSE.
MORE LAUGHTER, THIS TIME FROM A COUPLE OF NEARBY TABLES. AGAIN, THE STUDENTS HAVE THEIR PHONES OUT, BUT THIS TIME RACHEL IS SURE A FEW ARE STARING.
SHE FROWNS, BUT BEFORE SHE CAN EXAMINE IT FURTHER, FINN HURRIES OVER TO HER.
FINN
Hey.
HE GIVES HER A QUICK KISS. QUINN IS WATCHING THEM AS SURREPTITIOUSLY AS POSSIBLE OVER HER SHOULDER.
RACHEL
Hey.
FINN
So, I went to see the school nurse about that - that thing on my leg, y'know? And she said it's benign! Can you believe that? What am I gonna do?
RACHEL
Uh, Finn, benign is a good thing. It means it's not malignant.
(BLANK STARE FROM FINN)
It means it's not gonna hurt you.
FINN
Oh.
(BEAT)
Oh, cool.
OVER HIS SHOULDER, RACHEL CATCHES QUINN'S EYE. SHE'S SMILING. RACHEL HAS TO SUPPRESS A GIGGLE. SHE COVERS BY SLOWLY CUTTING HER CUPCAKE INTO LITTLE SLICES.
FINN (cont'd)
So... did you have fun last night?
RACHEL
What?
RACHEL JERKS HER HAND, AND ACCIDENTALLY SLICES THE SKIN OF HER FINGER.
RACHEL (cont'd)
Ow!
FINN
God! Are you okay?
RACHEL
Yeah, I'm fine. I just - ow!
FINN
Give it here.
HE TAKES HER HAND, AND GENTLY KISSES THE CUT ON HER FINGER. RACHEL CAN'T HELP BUT SMILE. QUINN HAS TO LOOK AWAY.
FINN (cont'd)
Hey, is that a Faberry cupcake?
RACHEL
A what?
(BEAT)
I don't think that's a thing.
FINN
Oh.
(BEAT)
It's just, on the way here, I heard people talking about Faberry somethings... Figured they were trying something new on the menu.
RACHEL
No, I don't think so.
FINN NODS, LETS GO OF HER HAND, AND GRABS A SLICE OF CUPCAKE. HE LEANS BACK IN HIS CHAIR TO EAT IT, NOTICES QUINN FOR THE FIRST TIME.
FINN
Hey, Quinn.
SANTANA (O.S.)
There you are!
SANTANA IS WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE LUNCHING STUDENTS, FOLLOWED BY BRITTANY, MERCEDES AND KURT. BUT WHILE MERCEDES, KURT AND BRITTANY TAKE A SEAT AT QUINN'S TABLE, SANTANA PERCHES HERSELF ON TOP OF RACHEL'S TABLE.
SANTANA (cont'd)
(TO RACHEL)
Do you still have those little iPod speakers you're always carrying around?
RACHEL
What? Oh, sure...
RACHEL DIGS IN HER BAG, COMES OUT WITH TWO LITTLE ROUND SPEAKERS, THAT LOOK LIKE TINY WEBCAMS. SHE HANDS THEM OVER, AND SANTANA JACKS THEM UP TO HER IPOD.
SANTANA
Now, this is just a suggestion, but I think I found the perfect song for the first dance at your wedding.
FINN
Yeah?
SANTANA
Oh, yeah!
AT MENTION OF THE WEDDING, QUINN LOOKS ROUND AGAIN. RACHEL HAS TO FIGHT NOT TO LOOK AT HER. SANTANA SCROLLS THROUGH HER PLAYLIST, FINDS THE SONG SHE WANTS AND HITS PLAY.
A MOURNFUL SAX CUTS THROUGH THE CHATTER IN THE CAFETERIA. MORE AND MORE STUDENTS ARE STARTING TO LOOK THEIR WAY.
FINN
Hey, this sounds familiar...
SONG
I feel so unsure, as I take your hand
And lead you to the dancefloor.
RACHEL
Santana, what are you doing?
SANTANA
How about I just skip to the good part, hmm?
SHE TAPS THE SCREEN AND THE SONG JUMPS TO:
SONG
No, I'm never gonna dance again,
Guilty feet have got no rhythm.
Though it's easy to pretend,
I know you're not a fool...
OPEN GIGGLING FROM THE STUDENTS NOW. KURT AND MERCEDES LOOK NERVOUS. FINN JUST LOOKS CONFUSED. SANTANA'S KEEPING HER EYES LOCKED ON RACHEL, LIKE A HAWK EYEING A MOUSE.
QUINN
(WARNING)
Santana...
SONG
Shoulda known better than to cheat a friend,
Wasted chance that I've been given.
No, I'm never gonna dance again,
The way I danced with you...
FINN
Are you kidding? That's a terrible song for a wedding!
TO HIS SURPRISE, AND CHAGRIN, THIS PROMPTS OPEN, MOCKING LAUGHTER FROM THE STUDENTS.
KURT
Santana, that's enough!
SANTANA
It was just a suggestion.
QUINN
Well, stop it!
FINN
Wait! Am I missing something?
QUINN & RACHEL
(PERFECT UNISON)
No!
POOR FINN LOOKS EVEN MORE CONFUSED. HE CATCHES A SNATCH OF A STUDENT WHISPERING:
STUDENT
...even know... Faberry... totally did it...
FINN
There! They're talking about it again.
(JUMPS UP)
Hey!
THE STUDENT, A TINY FRESHMAN, LOOKS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED AT THE SIGHT OF FINN LOOMING OVER HIM.
FINN (cont'd)
What are you talking about? What's a Faberry?
RACHEL
Finn, sit down! It doesn't matter!
QUINN
Yeah, just leave it!
FINN
No, I wanna know what's going on.
QUINN
(HISSES)
Kurt, talk to your brother.
KURT
Uh... um... I...
(BEAT)
Finn, I think we should get our tuxes fitted after school. I know it's still early, but better not to leave it til the last minute, you know? We're gonna be so busy with Nationals, and-
FINN ISN'T EVEN LISTENING. HE'S SNATCHED THE KID'S PHONE OUT OF HIS HAND AND IS NOW PEERING INTENTLY AT THE SCREEN. HE HITS A BUTTON ON THE SIDE, AND THE VOLUME COMES UP, SO WE HEAR:
JACOB BEN ISRAEL (V.O.)
There was a kiss, ladies and gentlemen! With tongue! That's right… step forward, those who called it.
(BEAT)
From this historic day on, we usher in the time of… Faberry!
NOW RACHEL AND QUINN CATCH EACH OTHER'S EYE. THEY LOOK ALARMED. FINN JUST DUMPS THE PHONE ON THE TABLE, TURNS TO THE GROUP.
FINN
Someone explain this to me.
SUDDENLY, NO ONE'S LAUGHING. NO ONE'S TALKING EITHER. OR LOOKING AT HIM, FOR THAT MATTER.
FINN (cont'd)
What kiss?
QUINN
It's stupid.
RACHEL
It's nothing.
QUINN
Just forget it.
FINN IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE TROUBLED.
FINN
Kurt?
KURT
They're right. It's nothing.
FINN LOOKS AT ALL OF HIS FRIENDS IN TURN, TRYING TO READ THEIR FACES. BUT THEY'RE ALL BLANKING HIM. EACH AND EVERY ONE.
CUT TO:
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INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY
POV OF RACHEL FROM INSIDE HER LOCKER. SHE'S PUTTING SOME BOOKS AWAY, HEAD DOWN, TRYING TO BLOCK OUT THE MUTTERING OF THE STUDENTS PASSING BEHIND HER. IT SEEMS EVERYONE'S ON JBI'S BLOG. SHE DOES HER BEST TO IGNORE THE WHISPERS. THEN, ONE DUMB-LOOKING JOCK STOPS BEHIND HER, FLANKED BY HIS BUDDIES.
JOCK
Hey, Berry! Congratulations.
RACHEL GIVES AN ALMIGHTY SIGH, CLOSES HER LOCKER, AND TURNS TO FACE HIM, CROSSING HER ARMS OVER HER CHEST.
RACHEL
For what?
JOCK
Nah, it's just - not many people score the captain of the football team, and the captain of the cheerleaders!
THE GATHERED JOCKS START CACKLING AS THEY HEAD OFF. RACHEL BITES HER LIP, TURNS TO MARCH RESOLUTELY IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. MORE WHISPERS AND POINTING, UNTIL SHE PASSES A DOOR THAT'S SLIGHTLY AJAR. A HAND REACHES OUT, GRABS HER BY THE ARM AND YANKS HER INSIDE.
.
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CUT TO:
INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY, STORAGE CLOSET
IT'S COMPLETELY DARK.
RACHEL
What the hell?
SUDDENLY, A BLUE BEAM OF LIGHT - FROM THE SCREEN OF A CELLPHONE, ILLUMINATES THE INTERIOR, AND RACHEL SEES A GRIM LOOKING QUINN, IN VERY CLOSE PROXIMITY.
QUINN
Sorry about that.
RACHEL
Quinn, this is a storage closet.
QUINN
I'm aware.
RACHEL
Okay, so the obvious joke about us being in the closet-?
QUINN
That's what I wanted to talk to you about, okay?
(BEAT)
Did you tell that frizzy-haired dork about what - what happened last night?
RACHEL
No! Of course not!
(BEAT)
We already know who did.
QUINN
Santana.
RACHEL
Guess she couldn't resist.
QUINN
Look, I don't know about you, but I was really drunk last night.
RACHEL
Me too.
QUINN
I just got caught up in the song, that's all.
RACHEL
Absolutely.
QUINN
It was a one-time stupid thing! It means nothing!
RACHEL
Nothing at all!
QUINN
Good, so you agree?
RACHEL
Totally!
QUINN
Good.
RACHEL
Good.
SUDDENLY, THE LIGHT ON THE PHONE GOES OUT. ALL WE HEAR IS THEIR BREATHING FOR A FEW VERY LONG SECONDS.
RACHEL (cont'd)
I should go. I have, um... I have... class.
QUINN
Me too.
RACHEL
See you in Glee?
QUINN
Yeah.
RACHEL
You think we should leave separately, or-?
QUINN
That's a good idea. You know this school. Any excuse for a rumour...
RACHEL
Okay.
CUT TO:
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INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY
RACHEL STEPS OUT OF THE CLOSET, CAREFUL TO CLOSE IT BEHIND HER. SUDDENLY A LITTLE WEAK AT THE KNEES SHE LEANS BACK AGAINST THE DOOR, CLOSES HER EYES.
CUT TO:
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INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, HALLWAY, STORAGE CLOSET
QUINN HAS LIT HER SCREEN AGAIN. WE SEE HER BOW HER HEAD AND CLOSE HER EYES, PRESSING HER FINGERS AGAINST THE WOOD - ALMOST... ALMOST LIKE SHE WANTS TO REACH THROUGH IT.
CUT TO:
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INT. WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH, CHOIR ROOM
MR. SCHUSTER'S AT THE WHITE BOARD AS THE GLEE KIDS TROOP IN. THERE'S A MOMENT AT THE DOOR AS QUINN AND RACHEL ALMOST BUMP INTO EACH OTHER, AND THEN GET IN EACH OTHER'S WAY TRYING TO LET THE OTHER GO IN FIRST. THEY GET IT SORTED OUT IN TIME TO HEAR WILL SAY:
WILL
Right, guys, Nationals are almost here, so we gotta dig deep. I want proposals!
BRITTANY
Mr. Schu, will you marry me?
WILL
Not that kind of proposal.
BRITTANY
Oh.
WILL
A dance number, a mid-tempo and a ballad.
(BEAT)
Now you guys saw what it was like last year. You got a taste of the level of competition we're up against.
(BEAT)
If we're gonna pull this off, we need to knock it out the park. From song selection to performance.
TINA
We need a theme.
MERCEDES
A theme?
TINA
Yeah. Our best performances have been when the songs are kinda... linked, you know?
BLAINE
Like Michael Jackson?
SANTANA
Or original songs.
FINN
Or the Journey.
TINA
Exactly.
WILL
Tina, that's a great idea.
(TINA BEAMS)
So here's your assignment... develop a theme, and that will help us choose the individual songs.
PUCK
Ass kicking!
TINA
Excuse me?
PUCK
That should be our theme! Nothing but ass kicking songs!
WILL
Puck...
KURT
What exactly is an ass kicking song?
PUCK
Eye of the Tiger!
FINN
Yes!
SAM
Amen!
KURT
You're kidding.
PUCK
No.
KURT
You want the McKinley High Glee Club - a group that's 30% homosexual, by the way-
SANTANA
More than that, when you think about it.
RACHEL AND QUINN THROW HER DEATH-GLARES, BUT NOBODY NOTICES, BECAUSE KURT CARRIES ON:
KURT
-to perform the theme song from Rambo?
ARTIE
Rocky.
KURT
I rest my case.
WILL
Okay, okay, it's just the first idea.
PUCK
An ass kicking idea!
WILL
We'll keep at it.
(BEAT)
Another thing that worked for us was the duet competition. One of the songs at Nationals will be a duo, but I want us to break up the routine.
KURT
You mean Finn and Rachel doing a different version of the same song over and over again?
WILL
Exactly.
RACHEL
Mr. Schu!
WILL
Rachel, no one's saying you won't get it, I just want to try some new combinations. This is our third year, we have to be different.
BLAINE
Sounds good.
WILL
I'm glad you think so, Blaine. You'll be pairing with Mercedes.
KURT
Excuse me?
WILL
Kurt, you're with Finn.
FINN
Mr. Schu, you already tried this once, and it didn't work last time. Plus, we're brothers now, so the creep factor-
WILL
It doesn't have to be a love song.
(BEAT)
Now, Quinn...
FINN
Well, what kind of song then?
WILL
I don't know. Do a Rat Pack number if you want, I just want to see how your voices go together.
(BEAT)
Quinn...
FINN
What's a Rat Pack?
RACHEL
I'll explain later.
FINN
Cool.
WILL
Quinn, you and Rachel.
QUINN
I beg your pardon?
WILL
I know it's a risk...
RACHEL
Risk? What do you mean risk? Why risk? What risk?
FINN
You okay?
WILL
I just mean that most compositions tend to shy away from the alto-soprano combination, but I think if you get it right, it could be amazing.
RACHEL
Oh.
SANTANA
What did you think he was talking about, Rachel?
RACHEL IGNORES HER. WILL MOVES ON, PAIRING UP THE REST OF THE CLASS, BUT RACHEL AND QUINN ARE BARELY LISTENING. THEY STEAL A SURREPTITIOUS GLANCE, BOTH STRANGELY NERVOUS - AND ELATED - BY THE IMPENDING PARTNERSHIP.
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