Chapter Nine: High to Low
Serena's eyelids fluttered, her eyes accommodating to the sight of Dan's sleeping form pressed against her. His arms were wrapped loosely around her, in the same position he left them before falling asleep. She loved the fact that, even in his sleep, he smiled with his eyes. They tended to curl up at the edges, little creases forming at the ends of them. She brought one hand up, wrapping a strand of hair from his forehead around her finger and placed it back into place. She allowed her palm to rest flat on his cheek, feeling the pleasant texture underneath it.
'I love you so much,' she whispered, her eyes never leaving his face. She still couldn't believe how long it took her to say it to him the night before, when now it flowed so easily, so naturally, out of her. And she couldn't understand why.
'Good,' he muttered, his lips gently moving into a beautiful smile.
She let out a soft laugh, bringing their foreheads together, and allowing the sides of their noses to touch. She rested her lips over his, feeling them tense under hers, for a brief moment. She pulled away, allowing his mouth to explore the edge of her jaw, the length of her neck, the tip of her shoulder.
'Good morning,' she said, once their foreheads were united again. 'I didn't know you were awake.'
'I've been awake for a while. I just didn't let you know.'
'Why?' she asked lazily, rubbing her nose against his cheek.
'I like watching you sleep. I like seeing you calm, and happy, and peaceful. I like when you place the palm of your hand on my chest, to make sure I'm still here, even if you're just dreaming. I like the way the corners of your mouth twitch and you don't even know it,' he said, the tips of his fingers touching the edge of her lips. 'I like what you say when you're not over thinking everything,' he continued, his eyes drawn to hers.
She giggled a little, embarrassed. 'Oh, God, I talk in my sleep? Did I reveal any humiliating secrets?'
'You said my name…a few times. You said you loved me.' He paused there, watching her eyes drop. 'You know, every time you say it, I get this inexplicable feeling in my heart which tells me it's true. But this morning, when I heard you whisper it, even if you were unconscious, I can honestly say I could feel myself falling in love with you even harder. And I have never thought that loving you more than I already did was humanly possible.'
'Dan, stop saying things like that,' she spoke, and laid her head on his chest.
'Why?' he asked, and she could feel it vibrate as the words came out.
'Because, one day, I know I will do something to make you regret everything you're telling me right now. Even if I won't want to, I will hurt you, just like I always do. And it's frustrating, but I never mean to.'
She could hear his heart beating, and she could remember moments when she would feel hers beat at the same time. She counted each thump, and it took a while until he spoke again.
'Serena, the only way you could ever hurt me, the only way you did hurt me in the years that we've known each other, was when you left me. I can survive anything, as long as I know that you'll always be here, right beside me. As long as you stay with me, I'll be the happiest man alive.' It was times like these when he couldn't understand. What did he do wrong, to make her think things like these? Why would she be so insecure about something that he knew so certainly? Why couldn't he make her understand, once and for all, that this was their forever? Was she scared? Then he'd be strong for her; they had been through so much, yet mending Serena into what she used to be was the hardest thing he ever had to do. But it was worth it, and there was nothing else that he would want to do. There was nowhere else that he wanted to be, and definitely no one else that he wanted to be with.
'I'll always be here, Dan. I'm never leaving again. I promise,' she whispered and wrapped his arms around him, snuggling comfortably into his chest.
'I know that. I just wished you knew the same applies to me.'
'I'm starting to remember,' she muttered, and closed her eyes. He bent his head slightly, only enough to manage to kiss the top of her head.
xoxoxo
Hard footsteps echoed outside their door, followed shortly by rhythmic striking of stilettos against the parquet.
'Rufus, wait, let's talk about this!' they heard Lily shout, her voice fading with every rushed step she took.
Serena sighed, closing her eyes. 'What are they fighting about this time?' she muttered. She didn't like the arguments between her mother and Rufus, but, secretly and selfishly, she was embarrassed to admit that she was glad it wasn't her and Dan having them. She was happy that the relationship their parents had wasn't even a fraction of what was between Dan and her. She wanted her mom to be happy, and she showed that when she gave up Dan in Lily's benefit. But fate brought them together once more, and she wouldn't sacrifice that again. She had to be happy too.
'Let's find out,' he suggested.
They walked quickly but quietly, their fingers interlocked. When they entered the living room, they saw Rufus stuff some clothes in a bag, with Lily mumbling things around him.
'Rufus, you're not giving me a chance to explain. That's not fair,' she said, resting her hands on her hips.
'Not fair?' he exclaimed, stilling his hands and staring in his wife's eyes. 'Lily, when I married you, I knew you weren't exactly God's right hand. You had your past, and so did I, and we got over that. But I never thought you would be capable of something like this. I thought I knew who I'd tied myself to, but now I'm not so sure.' He started moving again, zipping up the bag he was so forcefully holding.
'Rufus…'
'I need some space,' he said, and walked out the door.
Lily stood there, not saying anything, not doing anything, just looking at something that wasn't there. Then, as if someone jolted her, she walked robotically to the bar and poured herself a glass of alcohol.
'Mom, what happened?' Serena asked from the place Dan and her stood and watched the previous scene unfold.
'How could you bring him into my house? How could you bring that convict here, Serena? Have you lost your mind?' She moved her fingers uncontrollably, her nails making an irritating noise every time they hit the glass.
'Don't call him that, mom. Must I remind you he's innocent? I want to help him rebuild his future, and I couldn't let him stay at a halfway house. Don't worry, he'll be gone by tonight. I know he doesn't want to see you either.'
'Well, he's already gone. He left with Rufus, after he shared the whole story with him and made him hate me! You shouldn't have brought him here, Serena.'
'Let's not argue about this anymore. I chose to help Ben, and I will. I just hope I can earn his trust, before the judgment you brought upon me clouds his mind.'
Lily placed her glass back on the counter. 'So what is it going to happen to Rufus and I? Do you find it okay that my husband lives separately from me now? How is that going to be fixed? Where in your grand, master plan is my reconciliation with my husband?'
'I'm sorry, mother, but you'll have to clean up this mess. I'm solving the other problem you've created.' With that, Serena turned around and walked steadily back to her room.
Dan didn't follow immediately; he stood there, and he didn't know why. He tried to think about everything, about nothing, about something else, yet every thought turned into doubts and he hated that. He questioned himself; what type of boyfriend was he if, somewhere deep inside him, he was starting to question the only person he used to trust more than anyone? He wanted answers to his queries. No, he wanted assurance.
His eyes snapped back to the room, and he noticed he was alone. He moved his feet quickly, and when he got to her door, he didn't hesitate to open it. He saw her pacing around the room, her hands shaking slightly by her sides. His eyes dropped to the floor, and he saw the blanket that was only minutes ago wrapped tightly around them, crumpled beside the bed.
'What happened here, Serena?' It was strange for him. He had never seen her this way; so angry, so irascible. When she didn't answer, he walked beside her, placing his hands on her shoulders, stilling her. He worried even more when he felt her slender frame shake under his touch. What reason had she to be so damn affected about this man? Why did she care so much? Why couldn't he believe it when she told him it wasn't because she still…
'Hey, calm down,' he soothed, rubbing his palms up and down her arms. Was he comforting her, or himself?
After what seemed like an eternity, she sighed, her muscles relaxing slowly beneath his hands.
'Serena, what exactly did you think when you invited that man into your mother's house?' he blurted, his frustrations turning slowly into anger.
She pushed his hands away, walking in the opposite direction to him, her arms wrapped around her, shielding her. He never thought she would ever feel like she needed protection from him, he never thought he would make her feel scared, and that was almost enough to make him take her in his arms, hold her, apologize. But when she turned around to face him, from the corner of the room, she looked cold, hard, resentful almost.
'I never thought you would turn against me too, Dan. I thought you were going to be here for me...' Her eyes glistened, their surface covered in water.
'I am here, Serena, but I don't understand this! Why are you so desperate to help this man you've known a long time ago, when you know it will damage your family? Why would you betray your own mother?' He knew he wasn't making enough sense to present a strong, valid argument, but he decided it was better to say something than nothing.
'Dan, Ben was in prison. How do you think I feel, knowing that while I dined on sophisticated dishes cooked by Michelin-starred chefs, he ate basic, unsatisfactory, bland meals because of me? That while I was surrounded by my family, and people who loved me, he was alone in a jail cell? That while I slept on expensive linens, he had to endure a hard, cold metal bed? That, worst of all, while I was free to do whatever the hell I wanted, he was behind some stupid bars for three years, all because of me? Do you understand how that feels?' She was close to succumbing to sobs, but she realised she was stronger now, and she felt slightly more in control than before.
'Sweetheart, I know you feel bad about it, but you can't keep blaming yourself. It was not your fault and you need to understand that. It's very nice of you to try and help him put his life back on track, but you need to look at the pros and cons of that, and prioritise things. I mean, is it worth the miserable atmosphere in our house right now?' He tried to comfort her, but she closed herself in, seeming like an impenetrable wall of coldness and opposition.
'He suffered enough. Now it's my turn.'
'No, Serena, it's not! God, why is it so hard to make you understand? We're going nowhere with this, can't you see? What are you planning to do? Buy him a house, bribe someone to hire him, maybe even get him a chauffeur and a limo? And all of this, while fighting with your mother, maybe even pushing me away? Is this your great idea?'
Her voice softened, the words he spoke hurting more than she thought they would. 'I thought you'd... I don't know what I thought anymore, but I'm sure it wasn't that you'd be so judgmental of this world, now that you're a part of it.'
He sighed. 'Not this again, Serena. This was 2008's fight. Let's find a new topic.'
He was as indifferent as she was. 'I think we already have. Look, Dan, this is my final decision, I have already discussed it with Ben, and it seems Rufus is taking it on board, so it's going to happen. He will stay at the loft for a while, and I'll find him a job, while I try to find the judge responsible and negotiate clearing his name.'
'What? When were you going to tell me he was going to stay at the loft? Might I remind you, Serena, that is also my house.'
'I'm not going to discuss this, Dan. You can either be with me on this, or against me, but I'm not going to give up. I'm sorry it has to be this way,' she muttered, and left the room, leaving a frustrated, heart-broken, confused Dan contemplate where it all went wrong again.
A/N: I'm sorry it took so long, but I'm experiencing the most annoying, frustrating case of writer's block. I'm really trying to come up with something that you guys will like, and I hope this chapter is good enough. Hope to update soon! Please review and tell me what you think. It's extremely rewarding to see that people appreciate what I write. Thank you a million times! xx