Chapter 4: Dealing with some Repressed Feelings

"What's going on Ned?"

Right after I finish OBSERVING Naraxes, I hear a familiar voice, Catelyn Stark. Turning around, trying in vain to distract her from the dragon, I see Eddard's eyes widen in surprise, about to call out until Catelyn looks over my shoulder, gasping.

Seeming to shake in surprise, Catelyn is staring at me and Eddard, looking back and forth between us, questioning,

"How? How did he do it? How can he?... Oh Gods…." She says in despair.

Thinking I couldn't be any more surprised tonight, instead of running, screaming, or anything else, she runs up to me and… hugs me.

"Oh Gods, I'm so sorry Jon. I'm so sorry."

…oh my Gods, I've been a moron. She understood completely. More than even my uncle could. She understands what I have been carrying with me, what guilt I have had. Oh Gods, my throats getting choked up, I have to,

"Uncle, give us some privacy. Now."

Understanding my tone is giving no room for argument, Eddard, after glancing at his wife hugging me and the dragon, not seeming to be able to decide which seems more unlikely, leaves immediately. After he is out of sight, I finally let my restraints go, and cry.

Catelyn is rubbing my back like… like a mother. A mom. Saying, "Its not your fault child. She would have understood that. Your mother loved you, of that, I am sure of. Trust me, a mothers love is a powerful thing."

For those that don't understand why I am crying my eyes out, it's because of my mom's issues. And no, not THAT, actual mom issues. I never bought that what my… father and my mother had was romance, at least completely. I knew that because if she was anything like Arya, which Eddard has made an effort to say pretty often, she would not have stayed at that tower I was found in if she knew her family was in danger, handsome Dragon prince or no. Meaning, that the only possibility I could come to is that sometime between the time Rhaegar and Lyanna got married and the time she gave birth to me, he must have…

"No child. Stop that. It's not your fault, it's not your mothers fault. She would be proud of the man you've become. And… I'm sorry, you needed, DESERVED a mother, and tried to find one in me."

Oh Gods, I really AM a moron. Despite all my talk of not seeing people like characters, I decided since it was easier that Catelyn was just an evil vindictive person because she didn't like me.

Without getting too far into it, when I woke up, I was still pretty connected to my previous life. It wasn't anything extraordinary, and I won't bore you with the details, but one thing that in my past life was really important to me, was my mom.

The whole reason I saw this world almost like a game, of the other people as characters rather than people, was because when I tried to get that connection with Catelyn Stark, she rebuffed me.

You see, despite all of my memories and morals being transferred into this body, I didn't have the same maturity of a 20 something year old. I had the maturity of a 7 year old, and being rejected by a mom who is known for her love of her children, broke me. So I regressed, taking years to see the people around me as people, and even now, I am still having issues. Clearly.

If I had the maturity I had as an adult when I started, I would have understood that she saw me as a threat to her children, that I was trying to take their claim. And the idea that I didn't see that as a legitimate claim when I literally saved Domeric from the same fate, was rather stupid of me.

I wont say something stupid like "I will never make this mistake again", all I can promise is that I will make sure to see the people around me as people, not just the people I like or those who like me, but everyone, no matter how terrible it may seem to contemplate for whatever reason.

Don't worry though, Littlefinger is still dead. He's one of the few people I can say with confidence needs to die, so that's not changing, don't worry.

I nod, feeling a little better, and respond,

"I know. While Uncle said that my mom loved me, he always refused to say anything about if… if Rhaegar forced himself on my mom or not."

Seeing that I am a little better, Catelyn loosens her hug on me, shaking her head, and says,

"He probably felt… complicated. He understood that despite everything that your mother loved you. He probably told you as soon as you found out who your father was. But at the same time, he probably hated your father and didn't want you to grow up thinking he hated you because he hated your father."

Yeah, that makes sense. Considering the possibility of me being a result of a non consensual match, my uncle would do his best to try to protect me from that growing up. While people do grow up faster in this world, he probably didn't want to tell his blood, his sister's son, that horrifying information. Remember, he wouldn't know that I would have the intellectual capacity to be able to put that together. While I wasn't as mature as my original self due to being put in a 7 year old body, I was still more mature than a regular 7 year old, and a lot smarter.

I nod at her response in understanding, and say,

"Aye. I figured out years ago what probably happened to my mother. Despite the fact he even went out of the way to make sure that she wasn't mentioned around the castle, especially when discussing the rebellion, I figured it out years ago. I understand he was just trying to protect me."

I shake my head, and continue,

"I was stupid. I argued against telling you with Uncle often, thinking that you wouldn't understand, or maybe I just blamed you for treating me the way you did. I don't know. It was unfair to you. You were forced to raise your husband's bastard, a threat to your children's inheritance. I'm sorry.``

She shakes her head, and responds with a smile, "So am I. Now come, I am going to have to ask my husband some questions, and im going to need your help."

Before we walk back to the castle, I whistle to Naraxaes, having him resting on my shoulder. He is currently the size of a cat, about 15 pounds. He is gonna grow pretty quickly, especially with me giving my magic to him through the next 3 weeks. For now though? We exit the Godswood, going to the kennel to let my dragon get some sleep, and then to my Uncle's solar, where we adjust our plans for the future.

Almost 3 weeks later, 2 days until the kings arrives

Despite all the conflict, politicking, and warfare I knew was coming in the near future, I will admit that I have been feeling a lot better than I have in the last 10 years. I have… a family. Not just, some characters I have gotten to know, a family. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew the ice zombie army was coming, if I didn't take over the throne quickly Robert would die and there would be a massive conflict leading to a weakened realm, AND the fact that there are so many changes that need to be put in place with religion the maesters AND small folk rights, I would be content to just stay here. Maybe get a rundown castle and become a branch house, follow my cousin Rob Stark when he becomes the lord paramount. But I can't BECAUSE of all those things.

Taking the moment to just enjoy the relative peace and quiet, with the exception of the servants running back and forth preparing for the king. Catelyn was taking great efforts to manage them, sending them where they were needed, having them get what ale or wine would be needed appropriately. She notices me staring off into space, questioning,

"How are you doing Jon? Excited for the king's arrival?"

Things had improved fast between me and Catelyn after that night. While she couldn't change her attitude in public super quickly due to the fact it would seem out of nowhere, she had insisted that she at least call me "Jon". Which I appreciated. I nod, responding,

"Yes. I don't remember the last time Winterfell has been so lively. I'm looking forward to seeing and speaking to our guests."

Most specifically, I'm looking forward to meeting Tyrion. While I had found his wife Tysha (through Varys), and had made an effort to write letters semi- occasionally to him, I haven't met him in person yet. Most of my interactions with my few non-northern allies have been through a middle man, or priestess (for Stannis). So getting to finally see Tyrion in person is going to be nice, and I am sure he will appreciate getting to interact with Naraxes before we leave for Kings Landing knowing his affinity and love for Dragons.

Putting that out of my mind for now, I decide I should go to the training yard to practice my swordsmanship.

Now, I will admit, in a way I was both pleased and disappointed when I first got my system activated. Pleased because… it's a system. Every fanfic reader either loves or hates the trope of having a gamer system, and I happened to love having it, especially in a world like Game of Thrones where even a most basic version of a gamer system would be SUPER overpowered.

The cons though would have to be two things: leveling up skills, and the lack of an overall level.

To be fair, the leveling up skills part isn't really a con, it's more that I have to actually put in the effort. In the beginning, skills like Swordsmanship leveled up rather quickly, until I had mastered the basics and some common techniques. You see, leveling up skills after a certain point requires me to actually figure out more about the skill, experiment, figure it out so that the increased level will be equivalent to that increase in actual knowledge. Basically, I can't just swing a sword 10,000 times to level up unless I figure out how to do it better enough for it to be seen as an improvement. And that doesn't just apply to Swordsmanship, it applies to all my skills. But again, the more I acknowledged that this is my LIFE and not just a video game, the more I was fine with it. That was why I always put any free stat points I got through quests into intelligence if not Luck, since intelligence helps me make creative solutions that lead to faster skill leveling while luck leads to occasional "flashes" of brilliance or luck that help me level up my skills. Level levels on the other hand…

The fact there are no OVERALL levels definitely hurt my progress fare more than the limit on leveling my skills. You see, in most gamer fanfictions, the main character can just complete a lot of quests and/or kill a lot enemies, whether through the "create id" or actually killing enemies, or some exploit they find to level up insanely fast and get 200 points of stat points they never use that would make them a god on Earth or whatever world they are in (I do still get item drops that are appropriate depending on the enemy, including money). I don't get that. Clearly the people who sent me here understood this bug, and considering the world I am in is MOSTLY restricted to human level threats, with the only exceptions being magic beings like dragons, ice zombies, faceless men, and similar. So that means the only way to gain stats is either from actually training, or from quests.

To be fair, I guess it makes sense in another way, basically that this world doesn't operate on a "higher level means you win every time in a fight" kinda logic. Just because someone has a higher swordsmanship skill, higher stats, and better equipment, that doesn't mean they will always win. That's why I don't have a health value since if I get shot in the brain, I will almost certainly die.

Anyways, sorry for the tangent. As I move towards the sparring grounds, I notice that Domeric and Theon are already sparring. They both have a slight gleam of sweat, clearly having been sparring each other for a while, neither seeming to have the advantage, Theon having a little more range and speed, while Domeric, my consistent sparring buddy, has better technique. Domeric gets his chance when on a horizontal swing Theon puts too much force into, leaving his side open for Domeric to strike with his wooden longsword. He smile at Theon who is gripping his side, and says,

"Good spar, Greyjoy. You had me for a second there."

Theon rolls his eyes, but with a clear mirth to his voice when he replies,

"Sure I did. You spar with Jon" he gestures towards me, "nearly everyday, the Sword of the Morning reborn basically. Personally, I think I will stick to my bow. Its the one thing I can say I am still better than anyone here at."

And he wasn't lying. His Bow skill is at 98/100. I'm not joking, it's 2 levels below the MAX. He is basically Jaime when it comes to talent with a bow, and it's only helped by the addition of the Weirwood bow I gave him, and the encouragement he had to practice when I got better than him at it 3 years ago and he started training like hell.

I put on the padding and grab a wooden bastard sword, and walk over to them, and say with a challenging tone,

"How about a friendly spar, you two verse me. I know it's an unfair fight, but i can't handicap myself more than having to face you two on my ownsome."

They prepare themselves, get ready to charge at me, and well….

While stats aren't everything, lets just say having basically triple the physical stats of a fully grown man and incredibly high Swordsmanship…

Well, let's just say they didn't walk out of that yard unbruised.

Later that night

Dragons are broken bullshit.

I'm not complaining, I have a dragon, and thus, having such a broken thing on my side is purely beneficial. At the same time however…

(Note increases from initial)

Naraxes

Reputation: (85/100)

Titles: Dragon, King of Dragons (due to being first Dragon reborn), Dragon of Jon Targaryen

Mp: 8200 (3000 + int*100) (average unknown for dragons)

Strength: 9 22 (Average for Dragons unknown and/or has a great difference between the upper and lower end in value of stats)

Endurance: 24 49 (?)

Agility: 68 99 (?)

Intelligence: 38 52 (?)

Charisma: 22 40 (?)

Luck: 60 (10) (A dragon in a world without dragons somehow alive again)

Skills:

Flying: (1/100) (20/100)

Fire Breathing: (1/100) (22/100)

High Valyrian: (100/100) (Knows the language from birth, like all dragons)

Just from me giving him some magic every day for about 3 weeks, and some time at night to go flying and practice hunting and breathing fire, most of Naraxes stats had nearly doubled or increased by at least 40 percent. In THREE WEEKS. Just a reminder, here's my stats after training my ass off for 4 years with a system with multiple quests with rewards, titles, and shit:

Jon Snow/Targaryen

Titles: True King of Westeros, Guard of Warden of the North, Warg, Dream Seer, Dragon Rider(potential), One who knows the future,...

Mp: 1960 (100 + int*10*each magic bloodline) (average is either 0, non magic users, or

Strength: 31 33 (Average for Nobles: 14)

Endurance: 40 41 (15)

Agility: 53 55 (17)

Intelligence: 92 93 (30)

Charisma: 32 + 15= 47 33 + 15 = 48 (20) ( Plus 15 is from true king title)

Luck: 80 + 25 (10) (All the heritage you have and not dying after all this time somehow, and plus 25 from True king title)

Skills:

Swordsmanship: (90/100) (91/100) avg:(50-58)

Stewardship(aka, economics, all things ruling): (68/100) avg:(60-62)

Horsemanship: (94/100) avg:(64-66) (Big boost due to warging with a horse)

Bowmanship: (70/100) (75/100) avg:(48-52)

Blacksmithing: (96/100) (avg for blacksmiths: 63-66) ( +15 boost from forging Valyrian steel applied)

Reading: (56/100) (65/100) avg:(10-18) (remember, most nobles don't respect learning and books and stuff)

Speech/Public speaking: (40 + 15 + 15) (70/100) (77/100) (55-60) (base is 40, +15 from knowing valyrian, and +15 from true king title)

Tactics: (35/100) (67/100) avg:(60/100)

And those increases are after me training my ass off for the last 2 months or so. It's fine, I am basically at the peak of what a human can do without magic being in the mix, on top of my skills and equipment. I just bring it up to show just how broken Dragons really are. I can tell that if Naraxes continues this growth rate, by the time he is 6 months old, he will be too tough to kill with normal weapons unless he gets shot in the eye. Hmm? What's that? You say scorpions can easily kill dragons? Yeah no, that's not how that works. I even checked historical records, the only time when a scorpion was able to kill a dragon was Rhaenys's dragon in Dorne, and it was only because it was able to luckily hit it in the eye from a hundred feet away (I checked in this world, that's what happened). The idea that a scorpion could shoot thousands of feet up and pierce a dragon's thick armor like scales is… unlikely. At least in this world. Again, it's not just my bias of hating the last two seasons of the show, the stories and documenting of this world back that up.

Anyways, Naraxes is currently the size of a large horse and more than capable of surviving on his own. And just in time too, since the King is coming to Winterfell, keeping Naraxes around is far too great a risk. Naraxes seems to understand my logic, but responds, at least it feels like it to me,

'Why don't you just kill him? Use this opportunity to take his family hostage when you have your kin in a position to do so?'

Naraxes intelligence stat isn't just for show, clearly. I respond through our link,

'Yes, it would, but… well, my father did him wrong. The rebellion he led against my family on my fathers side was justified, my father took his betrothed, and while it's not guaranteed, I feel like he might have been happier with her, would have let her go hunting, let her fight alongside him. Maybe he wouldn't have, but no matter what, if it weren't for my plans, I would have let him stay on the iron throne. He doesn't respect his marriage and has many bastards, he is a man willing to fight with his men on the battlefield, he spurned his brother, he's… complicated. And besides, while it is only through his… grandmother? I think. He is still kin. I don't want to be a kin slayer. Not just because it's wrong, but also because it would give my critics more stones to sling in my direction. No, better to let my plan play out, knowing that I can prepare for his eventual death and make the moves to smoothly transition to my rule.'

And I wasn't lying. While Robert Baratheon definitely has his issues, I don't blame him from taking the throne since even if my father lived through the war, the only options to sit the Iron Throne otherwise was my father, a possible/very likely rapist, Viserys, another possible madman at worst, a 7 year old boy at best, or Aegon, a literal baby. As for my siblings…

I definitely don't agree with how he celebrated my siblings death if it's as bad as I heard it was from my uncle, but I don't blame him for that, no, I blame 2 people far above him. 2 people I plan to take care of.

The Mountain and Tywin Lannister.

While I would have to wait a long time to get to Tywin, I know that The Mountain will be available for an… accident to take place rather soon. I just have to wait for the Hands Tourney for him to attack Loras Tyrell with the intent of "saving" him, (another boon, it will help increase my reputation with the Tyrells), and I can enact justice on a monster.

"For what is a mountain to a dragon?"

AN Notes:

Before anything else, I wanted to say thanks so much for over 2,500 views and 88 followers! And as always, thank for the reviews, they have helped me with writing my story

Jean d'arc : You are right, not telling Cat was a terrible decision for him to make. I tried to balance it as well as I could, but I tried to get it across that Jon had issues early in life with her due to not handling the situation that well, and he decided to make her a straw man like character, and this is part of him understanding he still needs to get over seeing people like characters if he doesn't like them personally. I think I did that ok and plan to evolve on it, but again, any feedback is great! Thanks for the review!

Shortmike : I will admit, this is my first story, and I am kinda learning as I am going along. I will try to make sure it flows more naturally as I continue the story. As for saving Domeric, from what I found, Domeric dies around 297ac, and season 1 starts around 298ac I believe. Jon would be 16-17 around this time, and by this point Jons dreams have all been true so if Jon told Ned about a dream of Boltons heir being killed by his bastard who would be the next most likely heir, Ned would prefer the somewhat normal Domeric. Also, his allies, while admittingly kinda making him op, remember, he still has to deal with an army of 110,000, and he didnt know for certain he was gonna have a dragon, so he did his best to make allies that he thought MIGHT be willing to join him. Also, he did it through Varys, who he knows is rooting for the return of the Targs (since this is based on the show, no Faegon/Griff), giving him the hint of Tyrion's wife and other stuff with Stannis I will go over more.

InfinityMask : For the question of Varys and magic… I'll get to it, but I didn't forget that point about him. Don't want to spoil that yet. As for preventing Cat from kidnapping Tyrion… well, Cat is on his side now, as is Tyrion, and Jon is making his plan based on keeping to events. Now, both sides are on the same side… again, trying not to spoil, but I hope you get what I am hinting at.

PS: I tried to write an emotional scene as best as I could, but it was my first time. I want to try to make the characters react like people, but allow them to be vulnerable when appropriate. I felt like I balanced it ok this chapter, but please make sure to tell me if it feels off or not.