AN: OK, let's start with a few definitions.
Main Entry: constructive criticism
Part of Speech: n
Definition: criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions
Mary Sue - Definition
Mary Sue (or simply Sue) is a usually derogatory expression for a fictional character who is an idealized stand-in for the author and/or reader, or for a story with such a character. A Mary Sue goes beyond a conventional author surrogate. The term originates in fan fiction but is spreading into general use.
poetic license
n.
The liberty taken by an artist or a writer in deviating from conventional form or fact to achieve a desired effect.
Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I find absolutely nothing useful and intended to help or improve in either of the reviews posted by I am Not Afraid and validnomedeplume. Therefore, either's claim of their reviews being constructive criticism is false.
Next, in order for Kylie to be a Mary Sue her and I would have to have something in common. Let's see she's 17, single, has dark curls and blue eyes. I am 43, married with 3 teenage children, and have reddish brown hair and grey eyes. Obviously, this is a false assumption on the part of I am Not Afraid and validnomedeplume.
And finally, the reason my story has a differing time frame from that in the movies is that I have used poetic license to write MY story.
As for the pedophilia BS, guess I need to remind readers why Dom calls Kylie Little Girl. If you remember when he first met her he'd walked in as she was getting out of the shower. His thoughts, just a bit later when he was showering were-
"She was tiny, no doubt about that. When he'd gotten close to her she barely reached his chest. Her hand had felt so fragile in his, so small. She was well developed though. Her breast had been full, her waist so tiny, her legs beautiful."
The nickname refers to her petite stature, not a child-like appearance. And the first time Dom uses it is when he is comforting Kylie from a nightmare, not oogling her for sex.
Now, that said, I have one more comment. In my opinion, having Letty as the bad guy is very creative and different from the majority of stories out there. I did it solely for that reason. I did not want to write another Dom & Letty lovey, lovey, oops they fight, then make up and oops she's knocked up. I created Kylie to show growth in Dom's character, from a player to a man who wants to be with one woman. Yes, Kylie is very different from Letty. She needs Dom to take charge, that's what she's used to, without abusing her. Dom needs her submission so he can be that take charge guy, who's always in control, and who keeps her safe and protected.
Finally, if you don't like, don't read it but keep the crappy comments to yourself. If you want to offer constructive criticism, please do. My writing has improved greatly in the years since I've joined FF.
TWENTY-TWO
Dom's raced across the air strip, his heart in his throat, Brian's words echoing in his head. Kylie's hurt. Kylie's hurt. Kylie's hurt. An image of a battered and bloody Kylie filed his mind. How bad was she hurt? Was she conscious? What about the baby?
Finally Dom rounded the control tower and the restrooms came into sight. Kylie was seated on the gravel in front of the small brick building, surrounded by Mia, Lexie, Rachel, Angel and Gabby. Mia was hugging her, but they broke apart as Dom knelt down beside them.
His gaze raked over her, taking in the bruised bleeding lip, the gingerly held arm, and the tears on her cheeks. "Ky, Baby, what happened?"
"Letty," Rachel spat out, her green eyes filled with anger.
Kylie started to cry. "I'm s-sorry, Dom. I w-was sup-posed to stay...,"
Dom gently cradled her face, taking care not to use too much pressure on the injured side. "NO! Ky, this is not your fault!" He stared into those big blue eyes until he saw acceptance in them, and felt the nearly imperceptible nod of her head.
Dom sighed in relief. One battle down. He placed a quick kiss on her forehead, then turned to Mia. He wanted nothing more than to scoop up Kylie and rush her to the hospital, but knew he had to go slowly. "What happened?"
"Ky had to, um, you know go," Gabby supplied. "so we, uh, came to use the bathroom. When we came out Letty and her friends were here. One of them g-grabbed me and then Letty w-went after Ky. I, uh, I couldn't help. I'm s-sorry. I t-tried, but ..."
"It's ok Gabby, we know you woulda helped Ky if you coulda," Vince cut her off, not wanting the already shaken girl to think they blamed her.
"We'd seen the girls leave, and Letty follow 'em, so we followed her," Rachel continued. "When Letty hit Ky, well, I jumped her."
Vince looked at his girl with new appreciation. "You did what!"
"She knocked Ky down and kicked her, so I knocked her down and broke her nose," Rachel continued, her hands waving with her words.
Vince gently grabbed her wrist to hold her hand still. "Shit, Babe, I think you mighta broke your hand, too."
Rachel shrugged. "'long as Ky and the baby are ok, it don't matter."
Meanwhile, as he listened to the others, Dom had turned his attention to checking out Kylie's injuries. "Sounds like Rachel needs to go have her hand looked at," he told her.
Kylie nodded. Her heart raced. Panic thundered through her veins, and she struggled not to let it drag her under. She knew that she needed to go to the hospital. Not just because her arm was broken, but because she was pregnant. She looked up into Dom's brown eyes.
"I..., I t-think..., um, t-that I s-should g-go, too," she choked out.
Dom swelled with pride. Sometimes his 'Little Girl' amazed him. He knew how frightened she was, and why she was determined not to let that fear keep her from doing what was best for her and their child.
"I'll stay with you the whole time," Dom promised.
Just then several cars screeched to a stop a few feet away. Dom looked up to see Leon, Lydia and Jesse climbing out of his, Brian's and Vince's cars. Hector was also there, getting out of his own car.
Seeing the puzzled look on his face, Brian told him, "I called 'em, Bro. Figure'd it was faster than goin' back for the cars."
Dom nodded. "Thanks." Then he scooped Kylie up into his arms and carried her to his car.
He passed Gabby and Lexie giving the newcomers a run down of what happened. Meanwhile, Vince and Brian were leading Rachel and Mia to their cars, too.
F&F
Dom pulled up to the E.R. entrance and climbed from the car. He hurried around to the passenger side, opened the door and leaned in to release the seat belt.
Kylie looked up at him, her blue eyes filed with fear. "Dom?"
"Yeah, Baby?" He caressed her cheek.
"You won't leave me, right?" she asked, her voice wobbling slightly.
"Not for a single second, Little Girl," Dom reassured her. Then he gently scooped her up into his arms again. He nodded to Mia as she climbed in to move his car, and headed inside.
As soon as the automatic doors closed behind them an older woman in blue scrubs approached them.
"What happened?" she asked.
"She was attacked by my ex. Her arms broken and she's pregnant," Dom replied.
"I need a gurney!" the woman yelled.
A bunch of people surrounded them, one pushing a gurney. Dom gently set Kylie down on it and walked beside to the exam room. At first the staff was too busy asking questions and getting Kylie's vitals, to realize Dom was there.
"I'm sorry, Sir, but you're going have to wait outside," the doctor told him when he finally noticed Dom standing at the foot of the gurney.
Dom shook his head. "Not gonna happen."
"Look, I know you're worried, but we need to be able to examine Miss James-"
"I'm not-" Dom cut off the doctor, attempting to argue with him, only to be interrupted himself.
"Doctor!" the nurse called.
Both Dom and the doctor returned their attention to Kylie. She'd gone pale, was trembling, and her breathing had become labored. Dom knew exactly what was wrong. She was panicking at the thought of him leaving her.
He rounded the gurney, nudging the nurse out of his way. He cupped Kylie's face in his hands, forcing her to focus on him.
"Ky, relax Little Girl. I'm not leaving you," he attempted to reassure her.
"He's... going... make... you," Kylie whimpered between gasps, her left hand clutching his shirt.
"No, Baby. Now I need you to calm down. We gotta slow down your breathing," Dom told her, his calm facade never wavering.
"Can't," Ky gasped.
"Yes you can. Just breathe with me. Deep breath in, let it out slow. That's it. Again," Dom spoke in that deep don't-argue-with-me voice of his, and continued breathing with Kylie.
It took a few moments, but gradually, Kylie's breathing slowed, finally returning to normal. Dom leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
"That's my girl," he praised with a smile. He turned to the doctor. "Ky was abused as a child. Doctors, hospitals, bring it all back. I'm staying with her. I'll stay out of your way, but I'm not leaving."
The doctor nodded, impressed with how easily Dom had been able to calm Kylie. He'd been afraid he'd have to sedate her.
After that things moved quickly. They conducted a ultrasound to check on the baby, then performed x-rays on her right arm, and finally tended to her split lip while they waited for the orthopedic on call. Once he'd checked over her x-rays he came in and explained that Ky would need surgery to repair the bones in her arm. He would need to use plates and pins to hold the bones together. Dom stayed with her until just outside the O.R. room.
In the surgical waiting room, Dom caught up with Vince, Rachel, Mia and Brian. A few minutes later the rest of the team joined them. Dom sat long enough to hear that Rachel had broken two metacarpal bones and three phalanges when she'd punched Letty. Then he began to pace.
He couldn't get the look of fear on Kylie's face, when they'd taken her to surgery, out of him head. That there was nothing he could do to alleviate her fear ate at him. He was a man of action, who was always in control of the situation, and he hated this sudden feeling of helplessness. It infuriated him that his girl was hurting and he couldn't help her.
As he paced his anger turned to the person responsible for Kylie's pain, Letty. Although he'd never struck a woman before, he knew that if Letty was standing in front of him at that precise moment, he'd pummel her.