Hey, readers! New chapter! I know I need to update faster, but I'm just slow old me!
As the weeks passed, January gave way to February. The situation was finally settling in Mal's mind. It was truly happening. He wasn't going to wake up one day and find that it was all just a dream.
The fact that he spent most of his time in his apartment only made matters worse. He used to enjoy spending his weekends sleeping in on Saturday morning, but he greatly missed chasing suspects down the street.
Despite his bitter attitude, Natara refused to give in when he tried to shut her out. She still worked, but sometimes she worked shorter shifts so she could stay with him. Mal knew that she didn't like to leave him alone, but he hadn't any luck convincing her that he was fine. And of course he hadn't. Because he was far from fine. Anybody could tell. He was angry and frustrated.
Natara walked into the living room, handing him a bowl of crushed ice, the only thing he had been able to keep down. And sometimes even that was difficult. "Here you go."
"Thanks," he muttered, dipping the spoon into the bowl. "So how dull is work without me?"
"Maybe it isn't that bad," she teased. "You're right, though. It's a lot quieter than it used to be." Understatement of the year, she thought to herself. "Even Kai's quieter."
Mal smiled slightly. "I guess I did you a favor with that one."
"Maybe. It's almost scary," Natara commented. "Nobody's the same. They all miss you."
"Captain found anyone to fill in for me?" he asked softly. The simple thought of somebody replacing him was daunting.
Natara shook her head. "Nope. And nobody could replace you, Mal. I think everyone knows that."
"That makes me feel a bit better. Going out with a bang, I guess." His voice cracked slightly. Natara gave his shoulder a squeeze, and he tried to stifle a yawn. "I miss having energy. I thought I had another thirty years before I felt like this." He stood up wearily. "I'm think I'm gonna go ahead and get some rest. Good night."
"Okay." Natara bit her lip as Mal retreated, his footsteps heavy. Of all the people she had spoken with in her life and her career, Mal was easily the toughest to open up. She knew that he was angry, but getting him to talk about it was the most difficult thing she had ever attempted.
Mal shut his bedroom door behind him and crawled into bed, closing his eyes and letting out a heavy sigh.
As the late evening faded into night, he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Finally he threw the covers off and left the bedroom, silently slipping past Natara as she slept on the couch. He made his way to the spot he always spent time when he needed to think, the roof of his apartment complex.
He gazed down at the cars on the street far below him. A soft breeze whistled, echoing faintly through the warm San Francisco night.
Everything was so peaceful, so quiet. It brought him the slightest amount of comfort, but he still felt as if a dark hole had consumed his heart. Angrily he punched the wall, muttering incoherently.
Why? he thought silently. Why is this happening? Again his fist met the rough brick wall. He leaned heavily against it, closing his eyes against the tears of frustration.
He was so absorbed in thought that he didn't hear the footsteps approaching him. But he didn't need to hear or look to know who had joined him.
"You think that poor wall has taken enough?" Natara whispered. Mal didn't respond as he slowly slid to the ground, his jaw clenched tightly.
"I don't get it. Why?" he looked up at her, his eyes dark.
"Sometimes these things happen. Mal, you didn't do anything to deserve this. It isn't your fault." She sat down beside him. "Go ahead and try to convince me otherwise. I know you won't listen."
Her only response was a long moment of silence as Mal clenched his hands into fists, scowling.
"I'm sick of this. I'm sick of spending the whole damn night with my head in the toilet. I just wanna be able to sleep for more than three hours every night." His voice started to rise, but he didn't care.
He wasn't sure who he was speaking to more, Natara or himself. "And I'm tired of sitting in the hospital with a needle in my hand for two hours while people tell me how important it is to stay positive. You know what? I frankly don't see anything positive about this."
Natara listened as his voice crumbled, his expression faltering. It broke her heart to see him so upset. The fear was evident in his sapphire eyes. Wordlessly she draped her arms around him, pulling him close to her. Mal tried to pull away, but after a long moment he gave in and buried his face in her shoulder, allowing a few hot tears to escape his eyes.
And for a long time, they stayed that way, Mal taking comfort in her embrace.
Aww… but Natara's there for him! And I'm thinking about doing review replies in my next author's note, so review for an awesome shoutout!