Chapter 4: Past Indiscretions

Summary: Olivia tells Rafael about her fling with Nevada. Rafael doesn't handle it well.

Olivia spent days mulling over the knowledge that Rafael had a twin and that she had a torrid affair with said twin years prior. How in the world was she going to navigate that conversation?

Part of her wanted to lock that knowledge away and never speak of it. At the same time, she didn't want secrets in their relationship. Well, aside from the whole keeping it a secret from her that he had a twin brother, but she was willing to let that one slide.

It was a week after their brunch with Lucia when Olivia decided she could not reasonably sit on this knowledge any longer without speaking about it with Rafael.

He was already at her place, making dinner with Noah as his sous-chef, when she arrived home. Once she shed her shoes and jacket, Olivia lingered at the entryway enjoying the sight of her boys spending time together. She was getting strong family vibes and yearned to come home to this every day.

Turning to toss something into the sink, Rafael locked eyes with his beautiful girlfriend and his heartbeat sped up. "Hey beautiful," he smiled charmingly.

Olivia stepped toward him, heat pooling in her belly at the smoldering look in his eyes. Was he even aware that his eyes did that, she wondered. When she stopped in front of him, their lips locked in a passionate kiss full of promises of more to come later.

"What are you making?" she asked when they pulled back, leaning over to place a kiss on her beautiful boy's curly head. "It smells delicious."

"Cuban-style paella. You'll love it." To prove his point, Rafael scooped a small spoonful from the pan, blowing on it lightly, and watched as Olivia delicately slurped from the spoon.

"Mmmm, that is delicious, Raf," she hummed. Turning to Noah, she asked, "Did you help Rafa make this, sweet boy?"

"Yes! I added the veggies and stirred," Noah replied proudly. Olivia kissed his cheek.

"Just call him Chef Noah," Rafael chimed in much to Noah's delight. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

Olivia took the hint, moving to her bedroom to change and freshen up. She returned wearing an NYPD tee shirt and a worn pair of joggers in time to find Rafael setting dinner on the dining table. They tucked in, each of them enjoying the paella so much that hardly any words were spoken until their plates were picked clean.

"That was delicious, Raf. Thank you for making dinner for us." Olivia reached a hand across the table to tangle her fingers with his, squeezing gently. He smiled in return.

"I would love to cook for you both any time." Standing, he pressed his lips to Olivia's forehead, lingering for a beat. "I'll clean up while you take care of Noah's bedtime routine?" At her nod, he cleared the table.

"Ok, sweetheart, time for your bath." Olivia listened as Noah chattered about his day and all that he learned at school while they waited for the tub to fill. He continued talking her ears off as she washed his curly hair. When she soaped up a washcloth and moved to scrub his little body, Noah grabbed her hand.

"I want to do it, Momma," he said, grabbing the washcloth and standing up in the tub. He mimicked the scrubbing action he watched his mom do a million times before. He missed a few spots and listened when Olivia told him to clean behind his ears and around his unmentionables. In the end, he did a good job for a five-year-old and Olivia agreed to let him start washing himself. He felt like such a big boy and told Rafael so when he joined them for story time.

A short while later, Noah was asleep, and the adults were cuddled on the couch with a glass of wine and a tumbler of scotch. The TV was on with House Hunters International playing, though neither of them paid it any attention. Instead, they shared kisses and touches as they sipped their drinks.

"Fin is holding down the fort this weekend, so I should be off for a couple of days," Olivia said. "Will you stay with us?"

She knew they needed to have a conversation about his twin brother – the fact that she knows about him and that she once had a short-lived sexual relationship with him. She had no idea how Rafael would take the news or what it would mean for their relationship, but she needed to make sure he understood she didn't want secrets between them.

"I'd love to stay with you this weekend, Liv. In fact, I'd love to stay with you all the time," Rafael admitted. He was certain it was logically too soon to think about moving in together, but their relationship was unlike any he'd ever had before. He knew with absolute certainty that this was what he wanted.

"Oh?" Olivia replied, dark brown eyes sparkling. She loved the idea of being together all the time, but she knew that conversation needed to wait until after the one about his brother. Before that, though, she wanted to show him how much she loved him just in case it was the last time she'd have the opportunity. "I'd love that too, but we can talk about that later. I have a far more important topic to discuss right now."

Slipping from the couch, Olivia gently pushed the coffee table back and slid to a kneeling position between Rafael's legs. His sea foam green eyes gazed at her in wonder, his chest heaving as he tried to control his breathing. "Liv…"

Delicate fingers traced a path up his thighs to the waistline of his trousers. She held his gaze while her fingers aptly undid his belt, then the button and zipper on his trousers. Reaching in, Olivia freed his hardening cock from his boxer briefs and blew air across the heated flesh.

"Oh, fuck," Rafael groaned, hands fisting against the cushions of the couch. His eyes widened as she bent her head down, lips open, and her tongue darted out to swipe across the tip. A strangled moan slipped past his lips, hips bucking involuntarily.

Olivia maintained eye contact as she slipped his cock into her mouth, lips pressed tightly around him to create friction. His eyes rolled back when her tongue swirled over the tip again, and the hot, wet pressure of her mouth sucking his cock had him hurtling toward the edge.

Head bobbing, Olivia hummed around the length of him, taking him in as deep as she could without triggering her gag reflex. He was too large to swallow all of him, but she made a decent effort. The fingers of her left hand tickled his balls as the other hand wrapped around the base of his cock, twisting the skin with each half stroke.

Shoving a fist against his mouth, Rafael tried to quiet his moans, and his other hand tangled into Olivia's chocolate locks. "Fuck. Liv, I'm going to come if you don't stop." His chest heaved with the effort.

Smiling around his cock, she worked him faster, harder until he spilled into her mouth with a drawn-out recitation of her name. Olivia swallowed the mouthful, swirling her tongue around the tip of his cock to get the last drops from him.

He pulled her up from the floor to sit on his lap and kissed her deeply, still catching his breath. "Holy shit, Liv. That was the best blow job I've ever had. I've never come so hard."

"Mission: Accomplished then," she smirked in return, kissing him again. Before he had a chance to even attempt returning the favor, Olivia shifted from his lap. It was now or never time. She hoped the post-orgasm haze would make the news easier to hear.

She ran a hand through his hair, turning his face toward her. "Can I ask you something?" At his nod, she continued, "Why didn't you tell me you have a twin brother?"

Rafael froze, green eyes narrowing. "Mami told you." His tone was frosty, clearly not wanting to discuss this topic. He tucked himself back into his pants, not wanting to have this conversation with his now flaccid dick hanging out. "I don't talk about him to anyone, don't be offended. He's an asshole and I like to pretend he doesn't exist."

"It's just… we've shared so much with each other, and I was caught by surprise when your mom mentioned him," she explained. "She assumed I already knew."

Rafael sighed heavily, swiping a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, Liv. We were never close, not like most twins, and we had a falling out in high school. I've had nothing to do with him since."

She smiled sadly, knowing what she was about to say would hurt him. She thought about backing out, but what good would that do – they'd see Nevada in a couple months if Lucia Barba had her way and made the surprise party happen. Rafael finding out that way would be even worse than talking about it now.

"Raf, there's something I need to tell you."

"That sounds ominous. What is it?" Rafael sat up; keen eyes focused on her. When Olivia stayed silent for too long, he added, "Liv? You're worrying me now. Talk to me."

Eyes stinging with the hint of tears, Olivia steeled her nerves. "I didn't realize the connection until your mother told me about your brother, but I met him years ago. We, uh, actually had a… a fling in 2011. I was in a rough place after my partner disappeared without a word and looking for a little trouble."

Rafael's face morphed from worry to anger to distress. It was happening again, just like when Ramirez stole his high school girlfriend just to prove he could. He conveniently ignored the fact that Olivia clearly said this happened before they even met.

"You… slept with my brother." He felt like he was going to be sick. "For how long?"

"It lasted for three months until I found out what he did for a living. He told me he was a businessman when we first met," Olivia explained.

"I heard he got in deep with the Dominicans when he left home. I guess he made a life out of it." Rafael threaded his fingers through his hair, mussing the styling he put into it earlier in the day.

"Yeah, I guess he runs the Washington Heights area now… or at least he did at that time," she admitted.

"Did you love him?" he blurted, unable to stop the words from leaving his mouth.

"What? No. No, I didn't love him. I didn't even really like him. What we had was just sex, nothing more." She couldn't tell him that it was the best sex of her life, until she and Rafael slept together. What was it about the Barba boys? She stared at him, pleading with her eyes for him to look at her. He didn't.

They sat in silence for many long minutes, neither sure what to say. Olivia fidgeted and when she could take the silence no longer, she reached for Rafael's hand, and he let her grasp it in hers.

"I don't want to keep secrets from you, Raf. I had to tell you even though it's ancient history for me." She squeezed his hand, but he pulled it from her grasp and her heart dropped.

"I… I appreciate that. I don't want secrets either… but I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information or how I'm supposed to feel." He stood suddenly; shoulders hunched. "I need… I think I need some space to think. I'll call you."

Placing a quick kiss on her cheek, Rafael turned, dodging the hand that reached for him, and ignored her plea for him to stay, to talk it out together. At the door, he turned to look at her over his shoulder. "Take care, Liv."

Tears streamed down Olivia's face before the door even closed behind him. She would give him the space he needed to figure out his feelings, even though every fiber of her being itched to go after him. She just hoped this wouldn't be the end of them.

TBC