AN: This chapter is dedicated to Wootar16 and Forbiddenlove09 as you guys have been amazing reviewers :D.
She hadn't meant to fall asleep during the movie. Normally she stayed awake through any movie just to see the end of it, but not doing much that day had made her lazy and Birkhoff his bed was rather comfortable. She actually hadn't been aware of falling asleep till she actually woke up next to him in the morning. She had almost screamed bloody murder until she realized who it was exactly that was holding her. The tub of Ben and Jerrys had disappeared though and the television was turned off. Alex was no genius but even she could figure out that after she had fallen asleep Birkhoff had cleaned up the ice cream and turned off the TV. She wasn't sure whether to be glad he had let her sleep, or affronted he clearly missed the gentleman lesson about not sleeping in the same bed with someone who wasn't your partner. It didn't come to her immediately; but she suddenly realized she still had to move. One of his arms was draped across her waist and the other one was stretched out underneath her neck. She was actually rather comfortable, even with his warm breath tickling the shell of her ear. Maybe if she just pretended to be asleep when he woke up they could avoid a rather awkward moment. Resolved to follow that plan she decided to enjoy the minutes she had till he woke up. She couldn't really remember ever being held this close, even with those few moments with Nathan he had slept on the other side of the bed.
She closed her eyes when she realized Birkhoff his breathing was less even and he had started to stir. For a moment she felt him still, as if he only just realized who was in his bed and how. She was surprised when she felt him brush away a couple of strands of hair from her face and press a soft kiss to her temple. She almost reacted, but that would ruin her entire plan of not getting into an awkward situation. He moved away after that. She waited until the door of the shower closed behind him before opening her eyes. That had been strange. While she and Birkhoff were friends, she had to confess that she didn't know him as well as Nikita or Michael. Yet what happened just seconds earlier didn't seem to be meant as just a friendly gesture. Deciding to avoid any more confrontation with the confusing man she grabbed her stuff and fled the room.
There was only one person who could shed some light on the situation, but she wasn't sure whether she wanted her to know. Nikita was like a big sister to her, maybe even a mother figure, but this seemed so personal somehow. Alex kept pacing her own bedroom, not sure what to do. There would probably be a print left on the carpet of where she had placed her feet. Getting fed up with herself she changed into her training gear and left in search of the gym.
Nikita found the younger girl there, punching away at one of the many bags hanging from the ceiling. She worried about her, she seemed so lonely. She was partly to blame for that, getting caught up in her relationship with Michael. It seemed so difficult to balance everything out, and being in one house with five other people made for some insane tension once in a while. Yet Alex seemed to stay away from them all. Birkhoff was close with both Michael and her and had a tentative friendship with the younger girl. Ryan was the new guy, but even he was slowly warming up to everyone. Even Michael once they got over their jealousy.
"Who pissed you off this morning?" she asked as the girl kept up her rather vicious punches.
"No one." She muttered.
"Can we talk?" The older woman asked.
"What about?" Alex asked not once stopping.
"Whatever it is that is bothering you?" Grabbing one of the chairs Nikita sat down, showing Alex she wasn't going anywhere.
"What makes you think something is bothering me?" She threw an extra hard punch to punctuate her words.
"You have been closed off, not really trying to connect with anyone anymore. I know something is wrong Alex."
"Why is that wrong, it was you who warned me about relationships and were quite specific about why I shouldn't get to attached." She muttered.
"Maybe, but if there is anything I have learned from having Michael by my side it's that it gives me the drive to continue when things get hard." Nikita knew that she was pressing where it hurt for Alex, but the girl should not keep all her emotions inside. It wasn't healthy, but it also could be dangerous when the dam finally broke. "Are you worried you will hurt the people you get close to?"
"Well that is what usually happens; my parents are dead, Thom is dead, Nathan hates me…if he isn't dead already." She sounded so defeated.
"Not everyone will end up hurt Alex, you can't stay away from everyone…it will take away your humanity." She walked up to the younger woman stilling her arms. She was trembling with the strength it took not to cry, refusing to look Nikita in the eye.
"I just don't know what to do anymore." She whispered, finally collapsing in the older female her arms.
"You love." Nikita kept repeating as she stroked Alex her hair.
After a couple of minutes the girl finally calmed down enough to talk again. "Feeling better?" Nikita asked, handing her a tissue.
"Yes, thank you. Can I ask you something, and swear you don't tell Michael or anyone else?"
"I promise." The other agent said; her curiosity spiked.
"Yesterday, Birkhoff and I watched a movie together." Alex ignored the raised eyebrow. "And I accidently fell asleep in his room…and this morning I woke up in his arms." She blushed at that part but held up her finger to shush Nikita who already wanted to say something. "I wanted to avoid a confrontation with him so I pretended to be asleep when he awoke…he didn't immediately move away as I expected him to do…he actually was very sweet he brushed some hair out of my face and then…well he kissed me here." She pointed to her temple where she somehow still felt the lingering pressure of his lips when she thought about it.
"Oh my." Nikita breathed.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean should I say something to him…what if it was just a friendly gesture…"
"Sweetheart, I think that was not a friendly gesture. I can't even remember Birkhoff ever being gentle or sweet."
"So what am I supposed to do about it!" Alex exclaimed, not being helped by Nikita her answer in any way.
"I think you should figure out what you feel for Birkhoff before you do anything." Nikita answered her.
"What? What are you talking about?" Alex was really confused.
"I think Birkhoff has a crush on you…and if you confront him about this and crush his feelings. If you don't feel the same then just ignore it and send him some hints you are not interested. Let him down easy."
"Birkhoff, a crush? On me? Are you sure you didn't inhale something." The idea was preposterous.
"Please Alex, you are hot and smart. Birkhoff would be an idiot not to notice how great you are." Nikita exclaimed, feeling slightly insulted by the comment. "I'm not wrong, you should really see how you feel about Birkhoff…if those kisses during the fight were anything to go by; I can at least say there is sexual tension enough." She patted the younger woman her knee and then got up to leave the gym.
What did Alex think about Birkhoff. He was smart, but that was rather obvious. He was witty and saw the humor in almost everything. He knew how to cheer her up if the last few days were anything to go by. He had made her a beautiful bracelet just because it was her birthday. Alex never really had a type when it came to how guys looked. Sean didn't really cut it, Nathan was cute but not really that interesting, Michael was like an older brother and very much off limits and Ryan was cute but too boys scout. Birkhoff wasn't as tall as the guys she usually liked, not as sophisticated. He was scruffy and the same height as her. Well build though if the fight was anything to go by. She tried to picture him naked, and to her embarrassment it wasn't even that hard for her to imagine them….like that. Okay she liked him, but she didn't have to do anything with it right? Yet now she had thought about it she didn't think the idea would leave her alone unless she did something about it. Would it be so bad?
Things would definitely get strange between them should it go wrong. They were living in the same house and worked together. She wasn't sure how to broach the subject to him. What if it went right and she lost him in the battle against division? Nikita her words came back to her 'I have learned from having Michael by my side it's that it gives me the drive to continue when things get hard'. She could risk everything and gain so much, or always be haunted with the idea of what if. If there was one thing Alex hated it was the 'what if?' question.
She found Birkhoff just like the previous night in his room getting changed. Well she had actually made sure she would meet him there so she was guaranteed to have him alone. This wasn't a conversation to be had in front of Michael and Nikita.
"Hey Birkhoff…" She called, making sure he knew she was in the room instead of being suddenly surprised when he turned around.
"What?" he turned around to look at her and all of a sudden Alex wasn't sure what she wanted to say anymore. Could she do it? Had she interpreted his moves the wrong way? She moved her weight from one foot to another as she tried to find something to say. Anything to make it less awkward.
"Is something wrong Alex?" he questioned giving her a once over to make sure there was no visible damage done to her. That obvious concern for her made her sure of what she was about to do. In about three steps she was pressed against him and it took her only a millisecond to press her lips against his. Actions speak louder than words right? He stiffened for a moment and then moved his lips against hers, tangling his hands in her curls. She tugged at his shirt, willing there to be more skin to skin contact and he happily obliged. The buttons on her blouse were skillfully removed by his nimble fingers and he groaned when his skin came into contact with hers.
"Alex what are we doing?" He whispered while he kissed her neck. She let out a soft laugh.
"I think that would be quite obvious." She said, pulling him up for another kiss.
"We can't go back after this…" the words came out strained as he was trying to prevent himself from going to far while they still could walk away from it all.
"Who said I wanted to?" with those words he gave up to argue with her, not breaking the kiss he walked over to the bedroom door which he closed and locked. He was not planning to let her out of his room ever again if he could help it.
AN: Hope you guys like it :D I am always happy to hear what you think!