AN Woohoo chapter ten everyone! To be honest I have really no idea when I am going to end this story, but if I reach chapter twenty I will definitely buy myself a red velvet cup cake :D.
Birkhoff pulled out his phone the moment they heard Nikita leave the hallway. He could access his ipad from here, making it possible to open up the windows in this room: which were normally electronically locked. If he succeeded in doing that he could walk out of the room and go on with hiss day. Alex had sat down on the bed, apparently resigned to her faith.
"Birkhoff, put the phone down will you." She commanded from him.
"No way, Princess. In about a minute we will walk out of this room. This is my house, did they really think they could lock me in?" He kept tapping on his phone, not realizing alex had stood up until she pulled it from his fingers. "What the…"
"DO you really think that walking out of this room is going to solve anything? They locked us in here for a reason!" She threw the phone on the bed and for a moment he was tempted to grab it and finish with what he had started. His moment of silence was all Alex needed to finally start venting her frustrations.
"Don't you even see what is going on between us! Don't you see we are falling apart! I am sick of just ignoring the problem Seymour. We need to talk or I am walking out of this room as a single woman!" She looked on the verge of panic; raised voice, pulling at her hair, franticly moving around.
"Alex please, tell me what is wrong and I will try to fix it…" Birkhoff hated seeing her like this. It reminded him too much of the time she had been tested by division. Her screaming as a high voltage had coursed through her body. He may not have loved her back then, but he never enjoyed needless pain.
"You left me Seymour! You ran out of here with your laptop and giving us no sign of ever coming back! I could understand you were angry with Nikita and hurt for losing the last thing that reminded you of being once the great Shadow Walker, but you left me too…" She sank down on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest.
Birkhoff tried to take in all she had said. "Did Nikita say anything about the talk she and I had when I came back?"
"No, why would you ask that?" She seemed insulted for him only picking up that particular piece of information.
"You said that I was hurt because I lost my connection to Shadow Walker, I only told Nikita that." He was genuinely puzzled on how she knew that bit of information.
"It may come as a shock to you, but I actually know you. I love you. Did you really think I didn't connect the dots? Money was never really the issue because you know I am loaded as well. You didn't seem to upset about blowing your house up when you guys were under attack. You were calling it all your work, your savings. I understood better than anyone at that moment what it meant when you said to blow up that truck. Why do you still think you are on your own? Do I not show up on your radar at all?" She seemed to get smaller and smaller with each word.
"You do matter Alex, more than anything." He thought back to those moments in the café, where he had been totally alone. Where no one laughed or joked with him when he was being his normal self. Just looks of pity and people laughing at him instead of with him. "I am just not used to having someone I am responsible for. I have been alone for most of my life Alex, I don't think anyone has ever so much as tried to understand me." He sat down next to her. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just thought that with my behavior towards Nikki you would side with her."
"Seymour, you have to realize I am not going anywhere." She squeezed his hand.
"That's the point, I can't get over the fact that one day you are going to get up and get your perfect fairytale. The one with the prince and the three kids and the white picket fence. Being on my own has protected me all these years and I am not sure I can give that up." He intertwined their fingers.
"You already have. We are not two different pieces Birkhoff, you are just as much a part of me as I am of you. Don't think it doesn't scare the shit out me either, but losing you scares me far more than that." He looked at her with an uncommon vulnerability in his eyes. "You promised me you would trust me, was that a lie?"
"No, it's just difficult after being on my own for so long. I never had the happy family moments when I was younger like you did. I come from an abusive father and an alcoholic for a mum. You had a family you could trust back then and Nikita later on, then there was that Nathan guy. The only true friend I have ever had that was human died after two years from cancer…" He was venting years of frustration, but to Alex it was a great revelation about who Birkhoff really was.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just need you to understand that when you walked out that door it felt like you were walking out on me, on us. I don't want to get up one day and find someone else to have a picket fence with. So please don't make me. Even if you do not feel like it and you would like to run away; come to me. I can't promise you I will always make it better, but together we are a lot stronger than divided."
"How can you be so sure you will not get up after all this is over and you have your freedom back?" He sounded so broken, so lonely. While Alex hated seeing him like that, it was a relief to know he was sharing his fears with her.
"Because when you talk about a white picket fence I see blonde, curly haired geniuses and a prince with a love for computers and a sugar rush. I don't want that view if you aren't that prince." She placed her head on his shoulder, one hand playing with the short hair at the back of his head.
"Just one thing; we are not getting a cat." Birkhoff murmured as he pulled her against him falling back on the bed. She kissed him on the mouth. "We will see about that." Was her reply, making sure the genius was occupied with….other things.
They had been staring at each other for the best part of thirty minutes now. Both blaming the other for getting stuck in the office. Ryan let out a big sigh, sliding down even further down his chair.
"Will you just stop that." Sean grumbled from his spot on the ground.
"Wow it does talk. What am I supposed to stop?"
"That whole sighing thing, it's annoying."
"Well you are annoying me so I guess we are even then." It was petty and childish but right now Ryan really wanted to punch something and he was pretty sure Sean would punch back, hard.
"Wow and you are wondering why it was just a shag and nothing more."
"Who said I was thinking about that. Contrary what you believe: you are not that great." That was a low blow, but it wasn't like Sean was playing exactly fair either. The man in question stood up and walked over to where Ryan was sitting. He leaned in until his mouth was just inches from the other agent his mouth. The smell of his cologne and something purely male washed over Ryan. All of a sudden he was gone.
"Pupils blown wide, erratic pulse and your breathing has sped up. No you are definitely not attracted to me. How could I ever think that." Sarcasm was dripping of each word.
"Just because you are physically attractive doesn't mean your performance is just as good." Ryan bit back.
"Want to have a repeat performance to see if it is?"
"Why, it was just a shag after all. No need to repeat it!" They were yelling at each other now.
"What is your obsession with that? Alex told me you were whining about it during breakfast as well!"
"I just don't like that you think you can just screw me and leave again whenever you please!"
"What is the problem exactly. You enjoyed it the last time I did it."
"The problem is that we were getting along perfectly fine before your mother died and now the only way to have contact with you that isn't a fight means having sex with you!"
"Don't you dare mention my mother." His voice had dropped in a deathly whisper and it was far more scarier than the yelling had been. Ryan knew however that that was exactly the sore spot he needed to press.
"Do you really think she would like seeing you like this? You got her revenge and you are fighting a war against the other people responsible, but you cannot go on like this. If you stay angry and closed off you are going to blow up one day. Putting not only yourself but also us at risk." He tried placing a hand on the other man his shoulder but he shook it off.
"I can't give you what you want." Sean muttered putting his hands on the desk.
"I know that, but talk to us. Alex is worried about you, we all are. It will help you." A click in the lock notified them of their release. The smaller man turned towards the door, ready to leave the room.
"Hey Ryan." Sean called out. "I can't give you what you want right now…but maybe…"
"Don't make promises you can't be sure to keep. Come talk to me when you can." With those words the two men parted.
AN: Hope you guys liked this Not sure what I will be doing about the next chapter though. There are a couple idea in my head, but I am not certain. Any ideas you guys?