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HEAR NO EVIL. SEE NO EVIL. SPEAK NO EVIL.
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Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination. Merlin belongs to the BBC and the song lyrics to Lifehouse.
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Silence just keeps screaming back at me
The ones I love are lost in memories
And I wish that I could take back what was done
You can only change the person you've become
I have to try and find a way
To leave it all behind
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(Lifehouse – Crash and Burn)
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"Arthur?" Her voice, usually a beacon of hope that can breakdown any walls or barriers, is distant. "Arthur what's wrong?" I feel pressure being applied to my left shoulder as she lowers herself down to my level. "Arthur talk to me, please."
She is trying desperately to reach me through the fog of uncertainty and pain engulfing me. But I don't want to be reached. I want to be encased and overtaken by the despair that I only just realise has been filling me since I first saw Merlin this morning. Because that was when I knew that today was the end. There was something in the way he walked, the way he looked. The way he wouldn't, couldn't look me in the eye.
"Arthur what happened?" She brought one of her slender hands to lift my head so I was looking into her eyes. The beautiful brown orbs which usually smile secretly at me are misted over with concern. "Please Arthur, tell me."
I bow my head closing my eyes. I can't look at her. I can't tell her. If I say it out loud to someone else then it will be all the more real. But if no one knows I will have these four days to myself with no one to try force my hand one way of the other.
At some point she had sunk fully to the ground and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her embrace and cradling me like a child. I know I should feel humiliated, after all I am a King. Kings are meant to be strong and never show weakness. Yet how can I be strong when I feel as though the foundation which has kept me standing for so long has just become cracked and fragmented beneath my very feet.
Whether it was minutes or hours that I sat there in her embrace I cannot say. My head was swimming with all the memories of things that I had seen, heard and ignored over the last four years.
"Come on Arthur, let's go to our room." She loosened her grip on me so that I could move and allow her to stand. Once she was standing she reached for my hand and helped me up. "You are not well my love, we need to get you to bed and have Gaius examine you." She pulled me towards the exit of the throne room and towards our chambers without once relinquishing her claim to my hand.
I'm not sure how it happened but it is a new day and I am staring out my window as though somewhere in the cloudless sky above is the answer to all my questions and problems. My perfect Guinevere is fussing about, trying to draw me into a conversation I have no interest in being a part of, when someone knocks on the chamber door. I don't bother to turn around as it opens and a new figure enters the room.
"I am sorry to disturb you Sire, Milady," it is Gaius, "but you haven't seen Merlin have you? Only it seems no one has seen him since you were in the throne room yesterday morning."
I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I knew his absence would not go unnoticed for long. He is too much of a constant presence in everyone's lives to be able to slip away unseen.
"I'm very sorry but I haven't seen him Gaius. Have you Arthur?"
I don't want to reply. I don't want to lie to them, yet the truth will hurt them more. All I want is to be left alone to catalogue my memories and thoughts of my goofy manservant. No, that's not true. What I really want is to take back the last twenty-four hours and stop that idiot from ever having opened his mouth. If I had just stopped him from saying it, stopped him from confirming what I already knew, then the blissful denial I was content to live in could have continued.
"Arthur you know where he is don't you?" Sweet Guinevere, she does not understand what she is trying to force out of me. "Merlin's absence is why you're so quiet and distant isn't it? What happened yesterday Arthur? Where is Merlin?" Her angelic voice is dripping in anxiety and worry.
"Sire, if you have any idea where he is I would appreciate knowing." Poor Gaius, he worries so much about the young man he sees as his surrogate son. "Please Sire, tell us." It is more of a gentle command then a question.
I turn to face them both. The look on their faces as they gaze upon me tells me that the emptiness I am feeling inside is reflected on my face.
"He has gone away for a few days." They are the first words I have said since his departure and they burn my throat as I utter them.
Gaius raises a questioning eyebrow while Guinevere looks confused. "Why has he gone away? And where? Surely he would have said something to us," she asks.
"It was not a planned trip and he needed to leave immediately." It was not really a lie. "He will return in a few days."
The old physician remains quiet, but my ever so lovely wife continues to question me.
"Where has he gone?"
"I don't know."
"Why don't you know?"
"I didn't ask."
"Why not?"
"I didn't want to know."
My tired and emotionless answer seems to silence her for a moment allowing Gaius to take over the interrogation.
"Sire, what was it you and Merlin spoke of before he left, if not his journey?"
"Secrets." The word fell from my lips before I had a chance to even realise what I was saying. It was like it was a breath, hardly audible, but the widening of Gaius' eyes told me he had heard.
Heard and understood.
"You said he will be back in a few days?" he asked.
"Three days." I replied. "He is to be gone for four in total."
"May I ask why four?"
"A day for a year."
"But you have known him longer then that Sire."
"Have I Gaius?"
His eyebrows seemed to raise themselves higher and his lips opened in surprise as he realised the meaning of what I had said. Beside his Guinevere looked perplexed, but it appeared she did not dare interrupt our exchange.
"If you do not mind my asking Sire, what is to become of him when he returns?"
Oh how I wish I knew the answer.
When I did not reply Guinevere took the opportunity to discover the meaning behind our words. She through questions at myself and Gaius. Neither of us answered her. We were too busy looking at each other, him to probably figure out my next action, and me? I stared at Gaius trying to decide how to fix this without breaking the hearts of all those I loved and held dear.
The physician was the first to look away.
"Milady, maybe we should leave the King to his thoughts."
"What has Merlin done?" She was never one to be distracted from her goal.
"He broke the law," Gaius replied.
"Which law?" Her persistence almost made a ghost of a smile appear on my face.
"Merlin spoke of magic." I told her.
"Speaking of magic is not illegal Arthur. Why would you send him away for that?"
"Because he spoke of his own magic." I heard her gasp in disbelief as I turned back to face the window again. "He broke the pretence of my ignorance to it and now I am obliged to act."
But how to act?
If only he hadn't said anything.
And now I only had three days left.
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Author Note: I realise this is pretty angsty and Arthur is a bit OOC but I wanted to get across how torn up and confused his is about what he needs to do. I know he is King and can change the law if he wants, but he is very aware that changing it and the same time that Merlin is annouced to have magic will not end well politically. Also he is undestandably quite annoyed that it's taken Merlin so long to tell him. Let me know what you think of it!
Anyway enough of my babble, there will only be a couple more chapters (I'm thinking one per day...) and I'm hoping to have the next one out in about a week. A little spoiler - it's going to be about when he found out about Merlins magic.
Till next time,
AnotherNamelessAuthor.