Echoes

Chapter 8

Promptly at 6:30 on Saturday evening, Henry ran to the door to let their visitor in.

"You smell nice, Uncle Spence! Are you wearing perfume?"

JJ entered the room laughing. "Men wear aftershave, Henry. Ladies wear perfume."

She took stock of her 'date'. Reid never exactly dressed down, so it was hard to say when he was dressed up, but she was pretty sure he seemed a little more spiffy tonight. And Reid, looking at JJ, thought, as he usually did, beautiful.

"Spence, this is Karen, Henry's favorite sitter. Karen, this is Spencer Reid, Henry's godfather and my best friend. We work together at the FBI."

After greeting Reid, Karen reminded JJ that she had a morning obligation, so couldn't stay late.

"That's fine, Karen. It's only a one act play, and we'll come home right after."

JJ stole a glance at Reid. She had a feeling he might have had other plans for after the show, but it couldn't be helped.

If he was disappointed, he didn't let it slip. "Madam, your carriage awaits. And a surprise," he added with a sly grin. They each kissed Henry goodbye and goodnight and headed out.

JJ's surprise was waiting at the curb. The "Reidmobile", as Morgan called it, was infamous for its dense layering of books, coffee cups and assorted papers and pens, making it difficult to find a seat. They all thought that was Reid's way of making sure he didn't have to drive. Tonight, it was spotless. Except for the cup Reid had been drinking on the way over.

JJ looked at him with a startled, open-mouthed smile. "I'm impressed! And honored, if this was for me."

"Nothing's too good for my godson's mother."

She wrinkled her face. "Why does that sound like a backhanded compliment?"

As they headed into DC, Reid asked about Henry. "How's he doing without having Will at home?"

A frown crossed JJ's face. "You must be psychic." She shook her head. "We'd been making it work with phone calls and skype, but with Will apparently gone under cover now, we haven't heard from him for a week. Last night Henry had a complete melt down. He just misses his dad so . He cried himself to sleep….and I think I did too. "

She saw Reid's concerned look and responded to it. "It's nothing. I know in my head I'm doing the right thing-and even most of my heart. But there's always a little nugget of doubt about what it will do to Henry."

"I'm so sorry, JJ."

She touched his arm. "I know you've been as present as you possibly can be, Spence, and I appreciate it more than I can ever say. Henry idolizes you, you know. Everything is "Uncle Spence this" and "Uncle Spence that". But it doesn't stop him missing Will."

"I had no idea. He seemed okay tonight."

"Four year olds are a little psychotic, Spence….they have rapid mood swings." They both laughed at that. "But they are also very resilient. He woke up completely back to normal."

"And how about his mother?" Reid was worried about her.

"I'm okay. It's always therapeutic to have a good cry." After a pause, she added, "I just love my little guy so much, I don't want to do anything that hurts him. But with this, with Will and me, there's no right answer. I just have to choose what I think will hurt him less."

They'd arrived to the small theater in an older area of DC, lucky to have found street parking only a few blocks away. The walk from the car had been silent, each lost in their own thoughts. Several times Reid thought to take JJ's hand, and each time found himself holding back. Given their conversation, he wasn't sure it would be proper.

Entering the building, Reid swept JJ in front of him with a hand to the small of her back….and felt an immediate jolt of electricity. She tilted her head to look up at him and gave him a smile that told him she'd felt it too.

This had never happened to him before. His mind immediately went into overdrive.

What was that? How could this be? Was that an emotion or something physical? How does it happen? Is it electromagnetic? Chemical? Pheromones?

Sometimes even he wanted his mind to stop rambling and shut up….because while it was busy, JJ had gone on ahead and he had to rush to catch up with her. He was almost afraid to touch her again, and simply followed her into the theater.

Garcia had been right, the place was tiny. They found seats center stage, three rows up. For the next hour, they were engrossed in the dark comedy. Or at least JJ was engrossed. Reid was having trouble focusing. But he paid enough attention to be able to see that Garcia was rocking her role. They found her afterwards.

"Pen, you were great!" JJ greeted her with a kiss.

"Yeah, I think you stole the show." Reid offered his own buss on her cheek.

Garcia eyed them. They were rapidly becoming her favorite couple…..even if they weren't actually a couple…..or, she thought, even if they just haven't figured it out yet. "I'm so glad you guys came… and that you liked it. Thanks!"

She noticed Reid seemed even a little more awkward than usual. "Do you want to get a drink? Or do you have plans?" Hoping they did.

"Oh, Garcia, I wish we could. But my sitter has to have an early night, so we've got to get back."

Garcia started to understand the look on Reid's face. She sent him waves of sympathy. "Of course, I understand. Well, I'm still psyched you came."

"We wouldn't have missed it, Garcia. Thanks for inviting us. You were wonderful." Despite his sometimes unfortunate lapses of sensitivity, Reid always made an effort to be gracious.

There was a chilly rain falling when they left the theater, prompting a mad dash for the car. JJ shivered as she waited for the heat to come on. "Did you have a good time?"

"I did. I was hoping for a longer evening, but this was fun."

She was surprised. She'd been able to tell he had other plans, but never expected him to say anything.

"Well, you don't have to leave right away, do you?"

She smiled at the grin on his face.

When they got home, Karen told them Henry had gone to bed without a problem, but made her promise to tell them he'd beaten her at checkers…..twice!

"Aha! Clearly it's time for some chess lessons!" Reid was recovered enough to be planning his next play date with Henry. He agreed to stay while JJ brought Karen home.

JJ found an inviting cup of hot chocolate awaiting her when she returned. She'd been thinking wine, but hot chocolate would do. "In that case, why don't I turn on the gas fire?"

If he hadn't been thinking of this evening as a date, Reid would have been comfortable sitting silently with JJ in front of the roaring flame. But somehow the designation changed everything. He was nervous, uncomfortable in his own skin, and decidedly ill at ease. And he didn't like that at all. If this was the dating process, he'd just as soon stick to friendship. He was feeling like a stranger with his best friend, and couldn't see how that could possibly be a good thing.

JJ, being more experienced with the whole dating thing, decided to help him out. It hadn't been an official date before tonight, and it didn't need to be one now. And even though she found herself a little disappointed, she was also sympathetic. She resumed their ongoing conversation as though there had been no interruption.

"How are the journals going?" She was sitting on the sofa, legs curled beneath her. With Spence stretched out on the floor, leaning back on the sofa, she couldn't see his face.

He didn't know whether to be relieved or disturbed. On the one hand, this was something to break the awkward silence. On the other….he'd been having a difficult time with the journals.

"Well, they're going, I guess. Mom keeps referring to my letters. There were so many of them, I guess that shouldn't be a surprise. But her reactions are unpredictable."

Something made him laugh. JJ touched his shoulder to ask what it was.

"Somehow I must have described Rossi as a legend, and that prompted a whole week's worth of entries about Elvis. I guess she was a fan. I hadn't remembered that…" His voice trailed off with the recollection.

"What happened when you weren't able to write to her?" She was thinking about those times he'd been sick, or injured….or captive.

"I always managed to cover. Told her we'd been working around the clock, or that I couldn't get to a post office. She caught me on one thing, though." He turned to face JJ, and decided to join her on the sofa.

"I already told you she'd figured something was wrong with the whole Tobias Hankel thing…..and after." No matter how much reassurance he'd received from JJ, Reid would always be chagrined at that. "And I couldn't tell her about the anthrax infection."

JJ turned her head so he wouldn't see the tears that had come so quickly to her eyes. She'd never told him, but Garcia had played for her the recording Reid had made for his mother. She squelched a sudden desire to hug him.

"But when I got shot in the knee…I was busted. I wasn't going to tell her, but the recovery took so long, I couldn't hide it. I was still on a cane when I went on leave. I tried to tell her it was a sprain, but she broke me down with her 'mothers can always tell.' How do they always know, JJ?"

"Kid radar." And then, "I remember that time, Spence. You never said a word, yet I could see pain on your face every time you tried to walk. I felt so bad for you, but you seemed to want to minimize it, not to draw attention to yourself."

"Hotch had lost his family, JJ. Twice. First, to go into hiding, and then to that bastard Foyet. My problems were nothing compared with his. I didn't want to be a distraction."

She shifted to look directly at him. "Well, for the record, that's the kind of selflessness that got you the title of 'godfather'. You're a hero in my book, Spence. With far more courage than you're willing to admit to. And that's what I want for my Henry one day."

It was hard to see his blush in the dim light of the fire. Unaccustomed to the praise, he sought to change the subject by getting back to the journals.

"Today I was reading her entries about the time we were in Vegas….when I was having those dreams."

"Right before Henry was born. I remember."

"I was so sure my father had something to do with the murder of that kid, Riley Jenkins. And I made my mother so upset with my questions…"

She noticed his voice trailing off as he stared into the fire. She touched his shoulder again. "What?"

"Do you know what she did, JJ? She went off her meds. She voluntarily went off her meds so she could remember…..so she could help me. She knew it would mean relapsing, being frightened by her voices again, going through med withdrawal. And she did it anyway. Her journal from that time changes from her expressing worry about me to her \ ranting about being spied on and being poisoned. She knew that would happen, and she did it anyway." He looked at her. "She was my hero."

His voice broke at that last. And now JJ did reach her arms around him.

"I feel so privileged to have spent that time with her in the hospital, Spence. She was an amazing woman. So I'm not surprised she had such an amazing son."

He smiled at her and hugged her back. "I'm glad you got to meet her too…..and that she got to know you."

JJ knew there was one relationship Reid had never repaired. "Do her journals say anything more about your dad? It seems like she must have had some good will towards him if she tried to help prove his innocence."

Reid was bitter. "My dad. The man who left us alone to fend for ourselves, an eleven year old boy and a mentally ill, frightened woman. No, she had nothing really good to say about him. She was pretty clear that she'd helped exonerate him only because of me."

"Does he know she died?"

"I asked the lawyer to let him know. That was a couple of months ago now, and I've heard nothing from him. I was feeling hurt when I was eleven, now I'm just angry."

JJ was quiet for a long while. Reid couldn't quite read the expression on her face until, finally, she spoke.

"When I was eleven, my sister left. She gave me her necklace, told me she loved me, and left….me, my family, the world." She raised teary eyes to him. "I would give everything to see her again."

JJ's vulnerability broke down Reid's defenses. He put his arm around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder. And the two former eleven year olds sat together in front of the fire, contemplating in silence how they'd been formed by those who'd loved them, and left them.