Echoes

Chapter 9

Thinking back to the night before, Reid found himself with mixed feelings and a growing dilemma. Going into it, he'd been eagerly anticipating the outing, hoping he'd know how to conduct himself in 'date mode', fearing that he would not, and dreading the consequences. Above all, he valued his friendship with JJ and was determined to do nothing to threaten it. He'd had a taste of life without her when they'd had their rift over Emily's 'death' and he didn't want to taste it again. During that time, ironically, he'd needed his best friend…to get him through the loss of his best friend. Never again, he'd promised himself.

So he knew that trying to take things further with her might be risky, especially since it was now clear to him that he didn't have any idea how to go about it. If it didn't go well, he might lose her from his life altogether. But there was something, something deep inside him, that wouldn't let it go. He was doing his best to try to beat it down, but it kept coming after him. Last night, when they'd both given up on the dating thing and settled back into their usual relationship, the sharing had become as it usually was…easy,….. and honest…..and deep. Why isn't that enough?

He was getting more and more comfortable with physical contact….a feeling he'd had to acquire as an adult, given what his early life was like. Last night JJ had even fallen asleep for a little while with her head on his chest. As he'd sat there with his arm around her, feeling the weight of her, he'd felt more content than ever before in his life. Henry's padding out from his bedroom looking for a glass of water had disturbed their moment, but it had also made Reid think, this is family life. And he'd begun to want it.

There was something his mother had written in her journal when she'd had a period of clarity. It was when she'd gone off her meds so she could regain enough memory to help her son understand that his father was not a criminal. She'd realized it was the first time Spencer's 'family' had been together since his childhood, and it had made her reflect on how his lack of a real family had affected him.

"Today, Spencer saw his father and mother together for the first time since he was a young child. How could we have done that to him? In my clearer moments, I've often wondered how a child could survive without even the façade of a family, however lacking in function. My boy was physically abandoned by one parent and mentally by the other. How could he have survived? And yet he did. He's grown into a brilliant, dedicated young man…..but he's alone. I wonder about his view of the world, of people. Does he seek out relationships? Does he fear them? Does he fail at them? Does he try? Why couldn't we have taught him about family?"

There was poignancy there. You did teach me, Mom. You and I had our moments, even if you couldn't remember them. And the days surrounding her death had deepened the most significant relationship he had, with JJ. It was a gift Diana would never even know she'd given.

The journal entry had continued. "William is weak. I can't blame him for leaving me. I became someone he no longer knew, someone he could no longer love. But I cannot forgive him for leaving Spencer, who never did anything but offer him love and adoration. And who then mourned him when he was gone. When he was old enough to understand we'd both been abandoned, Spencer had nothing but contempt for his father. I blame William for that….for teaching our son that contempt is an acceptable emotion in a family. And so, today, when we were all three together again, I swallowed my own feelings and offered William my support. Not for his sake, but for Spencer's. I want my son to have some inkling of how a family is supposed to be."

He remembered that day. Remembered asking his father to explain why he'd left, and why he'd never come back. Remembered not finding the explanation acceptable. Vowed never to put his own needs and insecurities before those of a child. Couldn't even imagine doing it to Henry. Was grateful beyond words for his mother's efforts.

He knew from her earlier journals, those written before she'd become ill, that Diana had once harbored dreams of a household full of happy, noisy children and a loving husband. But those dreams had become distant memories as her mind began to fail her, and then faded entirely. He mourned that loss for her, as she could never do for herself.

"Uncle Spence!" Henry's calls were becoming a regular thing, and Reid welcomed them. "Me and Mommy are going to the park tomorrow. Wanna come?"

Over the past few weeks, Reid had been a little more reserved around JJ. His internal struggle about their relationship was taking a bit of an external toll. She was sensitive to his discomfort surrounding their failed date, but didn't realize the battle going on within. Hoping it was a temporary situation, she allowed him some of the distance he seemed to be needing, but she didn't keep Henry from reaching out to his godfather.

"Henry! How's my Little Man?" Reid knew Henry loved the nickname, especially now that he was the 'man' of the house. "Sorry, Buddy, but I have to work. Especially since your mom took the day off."

Reid knew JJ was planning to take advantage of them being in town for a long stretch by spending the day with her son. He would still miss having her at the office, but knew how much she cherished her time with Henry.

Just as much as I cherish my time with both of them. So why is this so hard to figure out?

"Hey, Spence." JJ had come on the phone. "I told him you wouldn't be able to come to the park, but he insisted. " A pause. She decided to try. "How about dinner instead?"

The problem with having an internal battle is that you're always both the winner and the loser. This time, the part of Reid that knew he needed to face the issue defeated the part that was avoiding it.

"That sounds great, JJ. Can I bring anything?" He heard her tell Henry, then heard a loud, "Yay!"

"Just yourself." He thought he heard a smile in her voice. "We're having home-made pizza….Henry's choice. And he would like you to be here to help make it."

"Tell him he's got a deal, as long as there are no anchovies involved. I'll see you tomorrow night." A pause on his part now. "I'm looking forward to it, JJ." And the hint of warmth he felt inside told him he'd done the right thing.

You can be having a lazy afternoon programming, and then the whole world turns upside down, she later thought. Somehow there was something frantic even in the way Garcia's cell was ringing.

"Garcia!" she heard the shakiness of JJ's voice. "Something's happened to Henry! He's hurt! Please try to track down Will and tell him he needs to come!"

Garcia's adrenalin was pumping already. "JJ, what happened? Tell Will to come where?"

"I can't talk now, Garcia. I have to go with him. He's going to Children's National. Please find Will—he's not answering his cell. I think he's on a case."

Garcia started the hunt for Will, but not until after she'd made another call.

JJ stood looking through the window into the darkness outside, seeing only what was in her mind's eye. Henry splayed out on the sidewalk, unconscious and bleeding from his head. Henry being loaded into the ambulance. Henry surrounded by doctors and nurses. The trauma surgeon coming to speak with her, telling her an emergency CT scan would be necessary to assess the damage to his brain.

The hospital room behind her reflected in the window. Her eye caught movement in the doorway.

Spence.

Their eyes met in the reflecting glass, she seeing the question and concern in his, and he seeing the devastation in hers. She turned to him, searching his face for an answer that wasn't there.

"JJ, what happened? Where's Henry?"

Among the team, JJ had a reputation for remaining cool and calm in the face of crisis. She held her emotions in check when she was in public. She'd often wondered if that was part of what had put the distance between herself and Will. With Spence, who'd become so openly emotional with her, she'd been able to let her guard down a little bit. Tonight it fell completely. She crossed the room to him, so quickly and intently that he found himself opening his arms for her...something that once wouldn't have occurred to him. She fell into him, and he held her.

He could sense she was crying. When she took a breath, he held her away from him a little, so he could see her face.

"JJ, please tell me. Where's Henry? What happened to him? Garcia's message only told me to come to the hospital. Is he all right?"

Brokenly, JJ explained about the accident. How they'd been at the park. How they'd been having a great day. How she'd turned her back for just a second to concentrate on a call about a case she'd been consulting. How Henry had stepped into the bicycle path and been hit by a child speeding along on a dirt bike. How the impact had thrown his little body into the air. How his head had hit the sidewalk. How there'd been so much blood. How the doctor wasn't sure about whether he'd damaged his brain.

Reid was having trouble taking this all in. When he did, he felt like his heart stopped beating. Not Henry! Not my Little Man!

Reid found himself clinging to JJ as much as she was to him. He brought her to an oversized chair and sat down with her. "Was he knocked out? Did he lose consciousness?"

She cried, "He never even moved. Didn't cry for me like he's done for every boo-boo of his life. Didn't respond when I called his name, or held his hand."

She put her own hand to her lips, in a futile effort to restrain her sobs. She closed her eyes for a long moment, telling Reid she'd gone far away in her thoughts.

"Where is he now? I thought this was his hospital room."

She looked back to him, breathing deeply to regain her composure. "He's having a CT scan done. They wanted me to wait here." Tearing up again, "This is all my fault, I should have been watching more closely. I should never have turned my back. I shouldn't have been handling work when I was with him. What kind of mother am I?"

Reid shifted closer so he could wrap an arm around her. He could feel her trembling all over.

"You're a mother who loves her son with all her heart. This wasn't your fault. It was just some stupid accident. Henry knows how much you love him. He'll hold on for you."

Reid found himself praying earnestly that he was right.

Minutes seemed to stretch into hours as they waited for news. Reid was at once frightened for Henry and acutely concerned for JJ. He'd never seen her like this. She'd always been the comforter. Now she clearly needed to be comforted, and he was determined to give that to her, no matter his own heartbreak. They waited for what seemed an eternity, he holding her and she seeking solace in his embrace. He could feel her hiccoughing sobs.

Finally, a physician entered the room. Reid and JJ both rose, but he kept his arm firmly around her. She still hadn't stopped trembling.

"Mr. and Mrs. LaMontagne? I'm Dr. Colby. I'm the neurosurgeon who was asked to consult on your son's case."

Reid could feel JJ wilt against him at the word 'neurosurgeon'. She didn't bother to correct the physician's assumption.

"Little Henry suffered a very freak injury. It's almost unheard of to have significant head trauma from a pedestrian/bicycle accident."

This sounded ominous. Reid began silently cursing the denial of his prayer.

"He has a crack in his skull…technically a skull fracture."

JJ latched on to Reid's hand on her shoulder, clenching it tightly.

"Fortunately, his fracture is not depressed. That means it's not pressing in on his brain. And that's very good news. We'll have to watch him very closely tonight, but if things go as we'd like, we may very well be able to send him home in the morning."

Reid prayed his apology for jumping to conclusions. JJ let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Are you saying he'll be all right?"

"As I said, we'll have to watch him very closely overnight. There's always the possibility of brain swelling." Reid felt JJ's grip tighten again. "But it's unlikely. I think if we give him the night, he should be just fine. He'll have a headache, and he might be groggy for a while, but I have every reason to believe he'll make a full recovery."

For a brief moment, she couldn't speak. "Thank you, thank you so much, Doctor Colby." JJ breathed out, "And thank God." She leaned into Reid as he drew her closer.

Dr. Colby left after telling them, "We'll be bringing him back from CT scan momentarily. You're encouraged to spend the night with him here. That chair is a pull out bed." Hies eyes moved from one to the other as he told them, "I'm afraid we've only the one."

Reid pulled JJ all the way into his arms and they held each other tightly for a few moments. When they parted, JJ said, "Thank God Garcia called you. I don't think I could have gone through this alone. And it's not even over yet."

"You're still shaking. Come on, sit here and rest until Henry gets back to the room. Do you want me to get you some water?"

"Just stay with me, please. I need you to stay with me."

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Reid processed that. He already knew how much he needed her. Now she was declaring her need for him. He could feel a certain resolve taking place deep within.

JJ looked at him hesitantly. "I don't want to impose, but…..Spence, can you stay with us tonight? I can sleep with Henry and you can have the chair bed. I'd feel so much better if you were here."

"Just try and keep me away." Hoping to see a smile. "Has anyone called Will?"

"I was too upset, so Garcia was calling him for me." She gave him the smile he wanted. "I should try his cell again. I need to let him know that Henry's going to be all right-or at least I hope he is."

As she did, Reid stepped aside to call Garcia with the update.

"Oh, my God, Reid! I was frantic. My little guy! Thank God he's okay. You tell him Auntie Penelope is on her way as soon as we close up shop here. And I'll probably have the others with me as well."

"He's not back in his room yet, Garcia, and I don't know that he'll be up to a lot of visitors. So maybe just his godmother should come….."

"Oh, righto…I suppose balloons and candy wouldn't be in order either?"

"Maybe when we get him home…..which will, hopefully, be tomorrow."

Silently, Garcia took note of the "we".

Shortly, an aide wheeled Henry's stretcher into the room, accompanied by his nurse. Despite their talk with the doctor, neither JJ nor Reid were prepared for the sight. Henry lay motionless, eyes closed, head bandaged, with clumps of blond hair peeking out above and below the dressing. JJ gasped and looked her question at the nurse.

"He was sedated for the CT scan. He had begun to stir, and they needed to put him out so they could get a good study. He'll come around soon." The nurse assured her.

Reid nodded their thanks. Henry was transferred to what looked like an enormous bed for his little body. He was attached to an IV line and numerous wires. The nurse explained the need to monitor his vital signs carefully via their electronic equipment.

JJ sat beside Henry on the bed. Her hand automatically went to his head, intending to pat him and smooth down his hair….and then she realized she shouldn't touch it. She settled on holding his hand, rubbing it gently in hers. Reid stood behind her, hands on her shoulders. The trembling was easing, but not gone.

After what seemed a long time, but was probably only a few minutes, Henry stirred. JJ started to call his name and, very gradually, he opened his eyes to her.

"Mooommmyyyy," came out very slowly. JJ laughed and cried at the same time. She turned briefly to Reid and squeezed his hand.

"Hi, Baby. How do you feel?"

"My head hurts, Mommy."

"I know, Sweetheart. We'll get you some medicine to make it feel better." The nurse was coming with acetaminophen. "Uncle Spence is here, Henry."

The 'little man' tried hard to rouse himself. "Uncle Spence…." He actually managed a smile…..an effort that prompted Reid's eyes to fill.

"I'm here, Henry." Reid went to the other side of the bed and took Henry's other hand. "I guess you had a little accident, huh?"

"No, Uncle Spence, I was playing in the park."

JJ asked him, "Henry, do you remember what happened?"

"What do you mean, Mommy?" He was gradually becoming more alert.

"You had a little accident with somebody riding a bike. They bumped into you and you fell and hit your head. That's why it hurts."

"Oh. Where are we, Mommy?"

Reid took that one. "We're in a hospital that takes care of children who are sick, or who have accidents. They make them all better. Just like they're making you better, Little Man."

Henry wasn't so sure about that. He'd heard of hospitals before and thought he might get a needle. "Can we go home now, Mommy?"

"Actually, we're going to stay here tonight so they can make sure you're really all better. And then we can probably go home tomorrow, the doctor said."

"Are all of us going to stay here tonight, Mommy? You and me and Uncle Spence too?"

"All of us, Buddy."

"Yay, a sleepover!" Now he was fully alert.

Reid's phone sounded. He put Garcia on speaker.

"How's my favorite godson?"

"Hi Auntie Penelope!"

"Oh, thank God, Henry, you're all right. How's my boy?"

"We're having a sleepover, me and Mommy and Uncle Spence. Want to come?"

"Thanks, baby, but I think I'll just come and visit. JJ, Reid, everybody here sends their love and prayers. I'll be on my way soon. I'm going to stop and pick up some food. You must be starving."

Neither had given a thought to food, but both were grateful for the offer. Garcia rang off.

Henry's energy was waning just as quickly as it had waxed. JJ lay down in the bed next to him and closed her eyes. "The chair is all yours," she nodded to Reid.

Just then the nurse came in to check Henry's vitals. Not everything could be done by machine.

"Mrs. LaMontagne, I'm afraid we can't have you sleeping in the bed with Henry. We'll be needing access to him from both sides to check on him through the night."

JJ and Reid shrugged at each other. They'd figure something out.

Later that evening, when Garcia arrived with the food, she found all three of her loved ones asleep. Henry was in his too-big bed, looking pathetic enough to cause her to sniffle. Reid sat in the oversized chair, his long legs splayed out in front of him. JJ was curled up beside him, her head on a pillow in his lap. Every so often Garcia could see Reid, presumably asleep, absently run his fingers through JJ's hair.

Penelope left the food on a table and blew each of them a kiss goodnight.

Reid noticed the absence of JJ's warmth even before he opened his eyes. When he roused himself, he saw her sitting again at the side of Henry's bed, staring silently at her son.

It had been a restless night for all of them, with hourly checks by the nurses. But Henry had come through it with all signs pointing to discharge today.

"He's okay, JJ."

"I know, I just need to look at him."

Reid joined her at the bedside and she clasped his hand. "Thank you….for being here with us…with me."

He held her with a steady gaze. "I wouldn't have been anywhere else, JJ. You know what you both mean to me." A little surprised at the boldness of his own words.

She nodded and gave him a small smile. Tears seemed to be close by still.

Henry began to stir. "Mommy, is it time for breakfast?"

"That's the Henry I know and love," said his very relieved mother.

Now fully roused, Henry was as he always was... an astute spotter of opportunity. And, besides, he was feeling much better. So he went for it.

"Can we go to the park again today, Mommy? And can Uncle Spence come too?"

Both adults laughed at that. JJ was about to answer when Henry shrieked.

"Daddy!"

Will LaMontagne stood in the doorway. "Henry! How's my little buddy?"

He looked a greeting at JJ and Reid, and explained, "I got the message last night. Caught the first possible flight out. What happened?"

JJ explained. Will was understanding about the circumstances, and very relieved to hear that Henry would be all right. The two parents hugged their son between them.

Reid was decidedly uncomfortable in this situation. Without intending to, he'd begun to think of Will's family as his own. But what he was watching was a sad reminder that they were not. They belonged to someone else.

Dr. Colby came by on rounds and decided Henry was well enough for discharge. He would need careful watching for the next few days, but that could be done at home.

Henry was beyond excited to have his dad there. "Daddy, are you coming home with us? Will you stay with us?"

Will was gracious enough to look to JJ for permission. She was not about to deny her son anything, and so nodded her assent. Will would come home with them, and he would stay until Henry was completely recovered.

"Yay! Daddy, can we play ball, like we used to? And wrestle? And watch cartoons?"

"Sure thing, little Buddy."

JJ stole a glance at Reid, who was studiously looking out the window. He wouldn't give her his eyes, but she knew what she would have seen in them. His sadness was palpable.

"Mommy, can we have pancakes for breakfast when we get home?"

She was still looking at Reid as she answered. "Sure, sweetheart, anything you want."

"Yay! Uncle Spence, are you coming too?"

Finally Reid turned. Somehow he found his voice. "No, Henry, I think this is a time for you to be with your mom and dad. We'll get together another day."

Four year olds are natural empaths. When Reid walked over to give his godson a farewell hug, Henry reached out with little hands to caress his Uncle Spence's face. He may not have understood the subtext to what was going on, but Henry was somehow moved to offer comfort to his godfather. JJ's eyes were full as she watched. Reid had to swallow before he could speak again.

"Bye, Little Man. You do what your mother says and get better fast, okay?"

When he parted with them at the hospital entrance, Reid felt like he was saying goodbye to much more than a pancake breakfast.