When he opened his eyes he was in a bed. In a familiarly monotone room that almost seemed like Wammy's house. He laid still and looked around at the whiteness of the room, his skull throbbing. He knew there was something he should be doing, something important... but his brain seemed to be working at the speed of molasses. He was hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV, he noticed. Had he been in an accident?

An accident. It came rushing back to him, and he sat up, ignoring the bandages on his arms and the cast on his left leg. The monitor's beeping sped up, and he felt out of breath. But how could a dead man be out of breath? After the accident, and he knew he'd felt his heart going just as-

"Hitomi," his voice came out raspy, his dry throat cracking. The door opened and two figures entered, stopping by his bedside. The smaller of the two held out a glass of water, which L took and drained in seconds. Setting the glass down with shaky hands, he asked,

"Are you dead as well?" The older boy rolled his eyes, muttering in a sarcastic tone that reassured L none of them were in heaven, at the very least.

"No, you idiot. It's Watari's place in New York." He looked down and found that he wasn't wearing a shirt, and bandages covered most of his chest. He'd been right about his ribs, he thought, but he paid the sharp pain no mind, holding his arm up in front of his face, pulling the heart monitor clip from his finger and the IV needle from his forearm.

"Where is she? Hitomi was seriously-"

"The woman you were with died at the scene of the accident," the smaller boy mumbled. L sank back to the pillows, running a hand through his hair in disbelief. She was dead. She'd told him she wouldn't make it, and she died. Hitomi had been right all along...

"Sacrifices have to be made, L. This is the Kira investigation, not-"

"Shut up, Mello." All three of them were surprised by his outburst. Mello, now pouting, turned and practically stormed out of the room, pausing just before slamming the door to say,

"You know I'm right." The room was silent for a moment, and just as L looked over at the other boy, he spoke.

"You want to know how you survived, right?"

"Near..." The boy didn't look up from the puzzle he had balanced on the edge of the bed.

"Ooka Hitomi was impaled through the upper abdominal cavity by a tree branch three inches in diameter. The wound was exposed when the car shifted and the branch was forcibly removed. When the car came to a stop, you pulled her from it onto the ground, where she died. Shortly after that, you had a heart attack."

"A heart attack... but Kira's never failed before..." Near finished the puzzle and picked it up, stepping back from the bed. L wasn't acting like himself, and it was making him uncomfortable. He wished Mello hadn't been the one to leave, forcing him to stay and explain things.

"L... The adrenaline released during the stress of the car accident loosened some of the fats in your bloodstream , blocking the arteries around your heart. The timing was just a coincidence." The door opened again, this time Watari slipping in and placing a hand on top of Near's head.

"That's enough now. Go on and join the others." Near shuffled out, and L pushed the covers off, getting out of bed and to his feet, trying to ignore the lightheaded feeling of sugar deprivation that he hadn't felt in years.

"How long have I been like this?"

"Four days. Don't worry, no one but the task force, Mello, Near, Matt and I know you were involved in the accident. You should rest more, you're not yet well." L shook his head, a bad choice. The sick feeling overwhelmed him and he dropped to his knees, gripping the bed sheet in one hand for support.

"Have I missed the funeral?"

"It's today." Watari rested one hand on the shoulder nearest to L. "Are you sure you should go? Have you the strength?" Despite his slowed thoughts, L still sensed that Watari meant more than physical strength.

"She was part of the investigation. She was... she-"

"Was too young for this. I know how you feel. Now isn't the time for regretting past decisions. You barely escaped with your own life, you might consider focusing on recovery. Then you can finish the investigation. She deserves that, in the least."

"No!" L shrugged the older man off of him and pushed to his feet. "I owe this to her. She's caught Kira for me, and I'll finish it soon enough."

"She did?" Watari ignored the second childish outburst. "How did she prove it to you?"

"She confessed. And she died." Watari's eyebrows raised, not understanding, but he asked for no explanation. Not yet.

"Shall I prepare a car?"

"Yes. But first, get my suit."

He sat in the back seat staring out the window, deep in thought. He was glad Watari had come with him and left the boys back at the loft apartment. But as the car ride stretched on, his thoughts threatened to engulf him, muddying his mind. And that was the last thing he could afford, especially if everything she'd told him was right. The investigation depended on it, his life depended on his thoughts being focused.

He'd been told that not many would be there, she had almost no close family members willing to make the trip to the States. Yagami-san was coming, for his wife and daughter who couldn't make the trip on short notice, and of course Raito would be there with his father. A few friends, and the rest of the task force. He dreaded the thought of the rest of them seeing him like this. Having to see her was bad enough without still having to pretend there was nothing between them, wasn't it?

"Don't let your emotions get the better of you, you're in bad shape," Watari called from the driver's seat, glancing in the rearview mirror. L nodded and forcibly cleared his mind. He would only allow himself to think about a few things. Things that hopefully wouldn't lead back to her.

First of all, his suit was possibly the most uncomfortable thing he'd ever felt. Why he'd even agreed to buy this one, he wasn't sure, knowing even then he'd likely never wear it. Well, he supposed he did know why he'd- no! He constrained his thoughts back to only shallow matters. In fact, the whole thing smelled miraculously like a deodorized department store when he'd borne the pain of getting dressed. Not to mention the tie- how did Watari wear one every day? He shifted in his seat, wiggling his toes anxiously in the one stiff leather shoe he'd been able to put on, his other leg too big in its cast.

Sitting with his good leg pulled up proved ultimately too painful, so he dropped it to the floor and sagged against the door, looking back outside. It really was turning out to be a picturesque day. Not a cloud in the sky, and even this early the temperature foretold what a perfect day it would be. Then he realized something.

"It's not fair." Watari glanced at him in the mirror, but the detective didn't notice, keeping his eyes on the passing sights.

"What's not fair?"

"It's a beautiful day. There are people enjoying it. And she isn't going to. They're having her funeral."

"There is sadness everywhere, L. Suffering everywhere. We cannot help that, it's the way of the world." L rested his head on the cold glass of the window.

"But there's so much I didn't know. There was no time-"

"Don't think about what you couldn't do for her. Think about what you can do now. You can pay your last respects. You can help console her friends. You can keep her memory alive." He sighed, closing his eyes at the jolt of pain the action had sent through him, cursed his ribs, and muttered,

"I can catch Kira." This time Watari looked back in the mirror, catching L's eye.

"How do you plan to do that?"

"Send Near to her apartment. Mello and Matt too, if you must. The bookcase in her bedroom... The- the second book from the left on the second shelf from the bottom. Whatever is in it, have them bring it back to me, without reading through it first. I need that before someone else makes an excuse to search her apartment."

"What then?"

"That all depends on what she left for me." Watari nodded and L went back to staring out the window silently, letting the older man place a call to the younger boys and give them their instructions.