At first, he thought it was just a dream. One like any other, except for how vivid it was, and that he remembered it after he woke up. There were small variations, but always on the same theme. He was in bed, resting by night as was enforced by Watari and a slew of doctors he never seemed to see, and he would wake up suddenly. Not jolt , nothing like that, just that he would shift under the covers, one moment asleep, and then his eyes would be open. And she was there.
It happened the first time the night before he and Watari were to fly back to Tokyo and join the task force. He'd had trouble falling asleep, holding the flash drive in his hand even as he drifted off, trying to think of a plan. And then there she was.
She always wore black, as if she were at a funeral. Head to toe black, a fabric he couldn't place in the darkness of the corners she stayed in, far from him. And a veil, not a netted one like modern widows wore but a thin lace like an old Spanish lady, draped over her face. As a matter of fact, it was sometimes hard to tell it was her, just by looking. But it felt like her, there was no doubt in his mind when he saw the figure who it was. She'd stand in the corner sometimes, or sit in the chair near the foot of the bed. He could feel her looking at him, but when he looked at her, she would avoid his gaze, staring at her hands or her lap.
That first time, he sat up almost immediately upon recognizing her, but the sudden movement jolted him awake, squinting at the early morning sun coming in through his window.
It didn't happen again for almost a week, but he was eager for it, for the chance to see her, even if it was just a creation of his own mind. Maybe it took so long because he was so eager. But when the dream came again, he wanted to be prepared. She was watching him, and then looking away, her hands fumbling with the edge of the lace. He didn't move at first, staring at her, wanting to take in as much as he could in case he woke again. Finally, he mustered the courage to break the reverie of the silent room.
"Hitomi." His voice was a hoarse whisper, sounding more scared than he was willing to admit he felt. She looked up at that, face a rictus of terror. Perhaps that he'd seen her there, or for some other reasoning that dreams carry when the waking mind has no sense for it.
Maybe from the pain of the accident.
Her eyes were white. Like they'd rolled back, or gone the milky color of blindness, but he knew she could see him. His voice died in his throat when they made contact with his own gaze, the fear real now. For a second he regretted calling out to her, but then she smiled. And it was Hitomi, as real as she'd ever been, friendly and smart and beautiful. Except the fear stayed in her eyes. Those terrible white eyes. She whispered back, as if afraid that someone would overhear.
"The human that uses the death note can go to neither heaven or hell." She stood and moved to the door, and he wondered for a second, why a ghost would need to use the door, except to keep from frightening him. Well, too late.
"It's punishment. For thinking we're as good as them."
"Hitomi-"
"I'm waiting, L-san." He made to sit up, and the tensing of his muscles causing him to wake from the dream. He didn't sleep again the rest of that night.
After that, the dreams came almost every night, without fail. She wouldn't talk to him anymore, but she always sat at his bedside. Waiting, as she'd said. For what, he couldn't figure. Probably for him to finish the case, but things weren't always instant. Didn't she know that? But of course she didn't, she was just a figment of his imagination, a thought in his own mind put to a face that his subconscious knew he'd pay attention to. A good old 'step it up, L' signed and sent by himself, nothing more.
It was almost a week later that she spoke again, standing at the foot of the bed. She looked him in the eye, sending chills through him with her clouded gaze.
"Don't worry. Everything is taken care of."
"What?"
"I didn't handle it the best, I know. I have to confess, but it's finished." He sat up a little, leaning toward her. She didn't move, but looked down.
"Just rest now, okay?" Just as he was about to shout at her, make her acknowledge him, he woke, jolting awake as he almost rolled right off of his bed. Swinging his feet to the floor, he stood and walked to the kitchen. Perhaps some cake would calm him, let him finally make the break he needed to catch Raito with no loopholes to squeeze out of. As he stood hunched at the counter, he decided to make sure to have Watari get him another MRI as soon as possible. After all, the biggest loophole would be if he was just hallucinating everything he'd discovered in the last few days.
He sat on the couch, without turning the lights or the television on. Even his computer screen had gone dark, but he still didn't move from his spot. He simply watched the unmoving skyline of the city, the shapes of the skyscrapers all around and their bright lights changing and morphing as people came and went.
He knew the case was finished, felt the calm he always did when his work was done. But the more he thought about it, the harder it was for him to recall how exactly he'd taken care of things. Instead, his thoughts seemed to always deflect, to drift back out over Tokyo with his gaze. Come to think of it, all he could really remember the last few weeks was the dreams, the days between blurring into some kind of haze where he was sure something had happened, but he couldn't place what it was.
"Ryuzaki-san, I have finished packing up the last of the equipment, and all of the task force members have departed. Is there anything you would like me to do before we leave?" He didn't turn to look at his mentor, keeping his eyes on the window.
"We have the building until tomorrow, is that correct, Watari?"
"Yes, Ryuzaki-san. Would you like to stay here tonight?"
"No, I just want to sit here for a while." Watari knew the unspoken meaning in this. This had been Hitomi's apartment during the case, after all. He nodded.
"When you're finished, I'll be waiting downstairs. Take your time." There was no response from the young man, and he left as quietly as he had come in the first place, leaving the detective to work out his own thoughts. Almost an hour had passed when he noticed the shadow in the corner shift.
"Why are you here?"
"Everything is taken care of, now. Don't worry." So he had fallen asleep again. Or things had gotten worse.
"I know. I don't remember how, but the case is closed." She moved out in front of the glass, a dark, slender shape that seemed a bit blurry around the edges. His heart pounded like always, but he sagged back against the couch and tried to remain calm. After all, if he couldn't even remember Kira in this dream, what need was there to panic over a little matter like the ghost of a dead girlfriend?
"Sometimes I wish I could take it back..."
"What?"
"I'm not sorry, though, not anymore... I'll be able to have you with me for a while... And the world will still have the legacy of the great detective L..." He stood, but didn't move toward her, as scared that she would leave as he was angry at her confusing speech.
"What are you trying to tell me? Are you some kind of ghost, or am I sick? Make some goddamned sense, Hitomi-chan." Her eyes flicked up to him, burning through him even without the pupils they'd once had.
"The human that uses the death note can go to neither Heaven or Hell."
"Yes, I know that too," he growled. "But why are you telling me? Why?"
"It's our punishment. For thinking we're Gods."
"So you're in purgatory. That's no reason to haunt me like this." He turned away, ready for some other nonsense answer, but froze in fear when she spoke.
"I'm not haunting you, Lawlieto." He turned slowly, willing himself not to be afraid. There was nothing to be afraid of, he reasoned, at least he wasn't in some horror movie where she'd be-
She was only a foot and a half from him, looking directly into his eyes.
"They have their own world. The Gods of death." He stared, unable to break from her gaze and trying to breath out without screaming. "What I did for justice- for you, it was interesting. They like interesting."
"The shinigami... They kept you?" She smiled, giving him another chill.
"You are smart."
"Of course I am. Now, what does this mean to me? I can't very well bring you back to life." Her smile faded.
"The human who uses the death note can go to neither Heaven or Hell." He finally found his breath, letting out an exasperated sigh.
"Yes, of course, I told you I already-" but he stopped when she lifted a small black book up between them. The shinigami had taken their books back when they'd left, as a rule of their own and a protection against another Kira cropping up on Earth. That meant this was-
"They didn't keep you, they made you one of them." Her smile was back, but sadder than before. She held it out further, and he took it hesitantly. "How could I see you, then? If this is yours, and you're..."
"A shinigami can choose to make himself visible to humans." He looked down at the book, still unsure what she meant for him to do.
"Hitomi-chan, I won't take this. What Yagami did was wrong. If you feel this way about it, then I won't continue to-"
"The human that uses the death note can go to neither Heaven or Hell." He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to avoid yelling, but when he opened them, she was moving back toward the corner. She was leaving.
"Wait-" She looked back over her shoulder as she moved into the deepest shadow of the room.
"Do something interesting with it for me." And then she was gone. L slouched back onto the couch, putting the book on the coffee table and pulling his legs up to his chest to think. What she did was interesting, she said. Killing people?
"No," the sound of his own voice scared him, he hadn't meant to speak aloud. "Sacrificing herself. The eyes for half a life. The killing to get his attention. To get him to stop. Confessing to me about the notebook, about..." And then it hit him. She'd gone to neither Heaven or Hell. She'd sacrificed her life, for justice. And to keep the ones she loved close to her. It hadn't been either of the killers that appeared to him, but the girl who seemed to think of herself as some sort of martyr.
That is, if he wasn't hallucinating all of this in the first place. But then, his actions wouldn't hurt anyone, would they? Nothing could come from writing in a notebook that a person that didn't exist hadn't given you. And that was what was happening. It had to be.
He leaned forward slowly, putting his bare feet on the thick rug. He'd never noticed how soft it was before. He opened the book, to the first bright white page, picked up the pen from the table. When had he put a pen there, he didn't know. He'd been working solely on the computer for as long that week as he could recall.
"No matter," he mumbled, then put pen to paper. When it was done, he hit a few keys on the laptop, opening a file he'd been hardly able to bring himself to listen to. One that now seemed strangely appropriate, if cliche. A lot of things seemed awfully cliche lately, as if he was in a romance, or a bad drama... More useless thoughts, when the city outside had its own life he could watch. He listened to a few seconds of the introduction, hesitating long enough to hear the first note of her voice before sitting back and flicking his phone open.
"Watari-san, I'll need you to come upstairs."
"Do you need help packing your things, L-san? Or carrying them down, with your crutch?"
"No, thank you. But it seems I've done something... Quite interesting."
"L- what-?"
"No need to worry. Chances are it's nothing. Just come up and see for yourself. Goodbye." He hung up and set the phone down next to him, sitting back and focusing only on the tightness that was already beginning in his chest. He could only hope that when he opened his eyes again, a familiar face would be there to greet him.
A/N: so the next chapter will be the last one. unless something else comes up with it. I doubt that though, I'm about out of ideas without totally breaking the deathnote universe more than i already have for my own purposes. Also, hopefully things will become a bit more clear with the final chapter, I know I have gotten some criticism on the last few bits in particular. I do appreciate the advice, but most of what I did was intentional. anyways, let's get this over with.