Katniss' POV
I stand outside Peeta's door in the Victor's Village, pausing momentarily before I knock and shatter the life of the one person who still even remotely loves me. "I am a terrible, terrible person," I repeat to myself like a mantra. Finally, I raise my head, stare straight at the warped oak door, and weakly knock. Part of me hopes that he won't hear the knock and that I can turn around and walk away and have him be no wiser to the misery I am about to rain down.
No such luck.
"Katniss!" his whole face brightens when he opens the door to find me standing there. "Come in-I was just finishing decorating a cake for the Rebellion Revelry tonight in the square. I want you to be the first to see it." He takes my hand and leads me into the kitchen. A mess of colored frostings and shaved cake pieces litter the counters, but on the kitchen table, there is truly a masterpiece. A sheet cake as large as the table sits there and, sectioned off with frosting, are different depictions of rebel uprisings. The first uprising in District 11, shown through angry colors and red and black and gray frostings. Finnick rising out of the water of District 4, clutching that beautiful golden trident, Boggs and Beetee with their heads buried in maps and Holos, and finally, myself and Gale Hawthorne, my former best friend, rising out of ashes and flames to overtake the Capitol. I couldn't deny it—it was clearly Peeta's best work.
"What are you thinking?" he asks softly. He has taken a step back, leaving me close to the cake to experience it by myself, as if he had known that I would need a minute to take it in and absorb the images. And the memories.
I feel something wet on my face and reach up to brush off the unexpected tears that the cake drew forth. "Peeta, I don't even…it's all so…" My words clearly fail me, but he understands. He comes forward now, spins me to face him and kisses my forehead tenderly before enveloping me in a hug. "I just wanted to do it justice," he said.
"You have, Peeta. You absolutely have." I whispered to him. I was tempted to press into him, to let myself relax in his arms and completely forget about what I had come here to do. A year ago, after I shot Coin and effective ended the rebellion, I would have been unable to keep myself from melting into him, absorbing his warmth and good nature. Now, however, I have different things on my mind.
I had no intention of staying for the Rebellion Revelry, the anniversary celebration of the end of the rebellion in which the Districts overtook the Capitol, bringing an end to the Hunger Games and to the Capitol's controlling rule. The Girl on Fire has a new agenda and it involves Gale Hawthorne.
Over the past year, recovering from the deaths of so many loved ones-Prim, Rue, Boggs, Finnick-hasn't been easy. But one thing continues to remain in the back of my mind. Gale. His easy-going smile. His strong arms. His flashing eyes and remorseless nature. I'll never know whether it was his bomb that killed my sister. He doesn't know either. But one thing we both know- we need each other. I need my hunting partner back. My best friend.
And that's why I'm prepared to stand here and break Peeta's heart. Again.
I slowly tense my body in Peeta's arms. He feels the shift immediately and steps away, a frown marring his kind face.
"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, Katniss, you just seemed like you needed someone to cry on for a moment." He questions me with his words and his eyes.
I sigh and move into the living room. "Sit with me Peeta. I have something on my mind that needs to be said. Fair warning-you're not going to like it." I sit on his leather couch, a luxury that neither of us could have dreamed of before the games and the rebellion. He sits next to me and instinctively lifts my hand off of my lap and clutches it in his. I sigh again. "There's no way to make this easier on him," I think.
"Peeta, it's time. It's time for me to go look for Gale." I hear his sharp intake of breath, but to his credit, he continues holding my hand and listening to my ill-prepared speech. "I can't go on pretending like I don't need him in my life. He was my best friend, Peeta. We kept our families alive together."
Suddenly, Peeta's blue eyes flashed angrily. "Oh, did you? You kept them alive together, huh? Then you must remember how he designed the very bomb that killed Prim. Surely you can't have let that slip your memory." He spat the last words at me, clearly disgusted at the course this conversation is taking.
"We don't know it was his bomb. The Capitol had weapons like that too. Do you think I would really put it past Snow to develop something like that?" I try to keep my voice as even and calm as possible. It's important to me that Peeta understand where I'm coming from. I want to salvage as much of his friendship as I can.
"So what? Are you just running to him? Are you going to live happily ever after in District 2 now? You're just going to fly to into his arms, admit that you've loved him all along, and then never look back?" He tosses my hand away, disgusted with the scene that's obviously playing out in his head.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. "Gale and I…we're not…there's nothing romantic, Peeta! I just can't stand the thought of never seeing my best friend again! Gale never would have abandoned me, but I've done the unthinkable and abandoned him." Peeta's automatic assumption of love driving my motives leaves me almost speechless. He has turned away from me, only barely remaining on the couch.
His next words are cold and unexpected, though they probably shouldn't be. "Listen Katniss, I've got to get this cake down to the square by 6 and it's getting late. I'm sure you've got a train to catch or something. Lord knows, when you make up your mind about something, there's nothing that will stop you anyway." He leans down and gives me a frozen kiss on the cheek. "When you realize what you're doing and stop lying to yourself, then maybe we can talk." With that, he walks out of the room and I hear him in the kitchen gathering his frosting supplies and cleaning up.
Dazed, I slowly rise from the couch and let myself out. As I take the short walk back to my house, my inner monologue takes over. What was he thinking? Romance? I know that Gale and I have shared something in the past, but that's over now. Surely, he's forgotten all about his feelings for me. I just need him back. I need to know that the person who knows me better than everyone can still be there for me. Really, I'm just being selfish. I should just leave him alone, but what good is that doing us? Peeta's just being silly—no—jealous.
By the time I'm back to thinking coherently, I've packed what few belongings I care about and am headed down the road to the train station. It's getting dark and more and more people are headed in the opposite direction, towards the square for the Rebellion Revelry. A small part of me wishes that I could forget this craziness and join them; put Gale behind me once and for all.
But I'm not known for letting things go.