Hei-yyyyyyyooooooouuuuu~
Voices in my head. It is me again. Dewey, the all-powerful conqueror and master of cuthulu, speaking.
I have risen from the dead (again) to tell you how strange the world is.
Currently, I am witnessing the most intense dog skating competition, never before seen by any mortal being, where the life or death of every living thing in the galaxy is at stake!
Dolly does several heaven-forbidden pirouettes, the crowd goes wild at such magnificent pirouettes.
The dogs go crazy, their eyes burn as they watch her defy gravity, I, meanwhile, start sacrificing chickens in her name to reassure the old gods, and to ward off the evil spirits that threaten to invade the earthly plane. But it's difficult. because; Once you saw the infinity, there's no going ba-- Okay, yes, maybe I'm exaggerating.
But who can blame me for doing it? This is the first time I've seen a dog skating competition!
And I have to admit, it's pretty entertaining.
"Yeah, way to go Dolly!" Dolly's friend and my personal seat, Roxy, a Rottweiler. She cheered as she watched my spotted sister strike a pose in the air, "She's my friend!"
Oh man, this brings back fond memories of when I participated in a competition myself.
(Flashback No Jutsu!)
"Okay, we're going to put a blindfold around your eyes, and then- we're going to tie these around your wrists," said the Filipino guy with an eyepatch, as he showed Bart a pair of rusty forks, "All you need to do, to win the competition, is scream as loud as you canyou can, and wave your hands everywhere, got it?"
"I've learned how to count to one hundred!" Bart told him, wearing a blue jean overalls, along with a white shirt with a rising sun print on the front, "Do you want me to show you? One, two, three, four-"
"I'm going to take that like you understand what im saying," the Filipino subject told him, as he proceeded to prepare it.
(WHAT THE FU- I mean, uh: End of flashback ._.)
It was quite a strange and confusing competition though.
By the time I'd finished counting to one hundred, the whole place was drenched in KETCHUP. Me included. And for some reason, that got me a standing ovation from the crowd.
But back to the dog skating competition, Dolly continues to glide through the air as her iconic 'wow wacka doo~' echoes through the venue. And to be honest, I'm pretty impressed.
Oh my Me! she has just done a pirouette in which she circles several times in the sky and then falls painfully and somewhat awkwardly against the ground.
Yep. That surely should be enough to ensure the win- Wait, why am I suddenly the only one still celebrating?
"Aaaaahhhh~", Dolly suddenly grunts in pain while lying face down.
"¡Dolly!"
I do my best not to fall off Roxy's head when she screams and then runs to see Dolly fall.
"¡Dolly! Are you okay?" Roxy asked worriedly as she crouched down next to Dolly.
"No," Dolly replied, "Please tell me Hansel didn't see that," she said, looking concerned. And, "Ouch!", she found that she couldn't stand on her for legs.
Oooohhh, that doesn't look good. I wince when, at the same time as Dolly, I see the wound on one of her hind legs.
"Oh, kibbles, that doesn't look good at all," Dolly exclaimed in concern as she looks at her wound and stands on her three legs.
Okay Dewey, stay calm. remember what Dolan told you and Dorothy in his howler classes if you or her were ever puppynapped or had a big 'owie'.
'And remember Dewey, aliens are very real, and all my theories point to the fact that you may have alien DNA within you. That would explain how it is that...'
No wait, that wasn't it.
'And remember Dewey and Dorothy, if something bad ever happens, howl at the sky the same way I do, okay?'
Okay, yes. I can do it.
Step one: take a breath.
¡Done!
Step two: look in the direction of the sky.
¡Done!
Step three: Connect with your spirit animal, feel inside of you and howl just like Dolan.
OKAY, YES. I CAN DO THIS.
"¡Ka-kara-kooooooooo~!"
...
...
...
...You know, now that I see it, maybe if I jump from Roxy's head, I'd die. I would only have to fall in the indicated way.
"Dolly, uh, your little brother just -"
"¡Call for help! Yeah-yeah he did," Dolly quickly said to her friend, silencing her before she could say anything else, "He's very sensitive about this please just play along and act like this is normal" she murmured.
¡I'm not sensitive! I am hard as stone, and cold as metal. This coming out of my face isn't tears, it's just condensation.
¡That's all you meanie!
By the time Dolan got to our location, he made it to mom (it was her day off). And oh boy. She didn't look at all happy that Dolly had brought me with her to see her little skating competition, as an apology for that time Da Vinci forgot about me and didn't take me to the park.
The next day, Dolly was wearing the cone of shame, which, by the way, was usually worn by Diesel, and had her bruised paw wrapped in bandages.
From time to time Dorothy and I stopped by to see her. Before retiring and continuing to play our favorite game, which was...
¡Annoy the neighbor's cats with Dolan's laser pointer inside Dolan's treehouse!
"Babbabrrp", Hey Dorothy, how many toys do you bet I can make one of those cats jump into the water again?
When I didn't receive any answer, I turned to look to the side and was surprised to see Dolan.
Oh, and he didn't look happy.
"¡Dewey! How many times have I told you not anoy the neighbors?" Dolan scolded me.
"Ah brrrpp", Oh come on, "Bbabbbaaa baba bbaa", I'm not bothering them. Don't you see that I'm just making their lives more entertaining. Those cats are boring, they need to move a little more.
"It's bad Dewey," Dolan told me, "You're going to get us all in trouble if the neighbors decide to call Pearl," he warned.
Oh.
Oh crap.
That made my eyes widen. Oh, heck, the horse. Yeah, I-I don't want her anywhere near here. Or close to me in any shape or form possible.
Not until Im big and strong, and there's no chance of being crushed to death by one of the many 'Opsie's' she can leave behind as she walks.
There are many reasons why horses are almost Lovecrafian beings when you're my size.
"Better go and play with Da Vinci. Doesn't that sound better than annoying the neighbors?"
Hmm, yes. In fact, that's sounds better. Da Vinci, after all, is the best sister.
Better than that backstabbing Dorothy who didn't warn me you were around.
Hhmmp, what a sister it turned out to be.
But hey, now it's time to go with Da Vinci! and see if we can make a model of the glorious emperor of doggy kind with toothpicks (Don't ask me why or how I have dozens of them stored in my stash) and glue. Now that is an exciting project!
And as I walk home with a handful of toothpicks and a bottle of glue in my mouth, I can't help but think, not for the first time, and I may never stop thinking, how strange the world around me can be.
To have someone care about me like Do-Dylan, Mom, Dad, Da Vinci, and the rest of my brothers is ... Well.
It feels good to be alive.
(To be continue)