A/N And here is the beginning of the end!

This fic is NOT over yet!...

It was 5 weeks since JJ had been kidnapped by Walt and 4 weeks since she had been realised from the hospital when The team were put back on rotation and Emily had just received the dreaded call from Hotch telling her they had a case.

"Are you sure you're going to be ok JJ." Emily asked with her go-bag in her hand.

"Yes Em, Pen is coming over once she has finished work and she's going to stay for a few days. I'm a big girl." The blonde gave Emily a smirk.

Over the past few weeks all the bruises had healed as had most of the cuts. She still had a few and a lot of scars that would fade with time. JJ still had nightmares every night and woke up screaming and crying. It always took Emily a good 15 minutes to calm her friend and most of the time she would end up sleeping in the bed with JJ as a form of comfort for the blonde which Emily didn't mind. In all honesty she preferred to stay in JJ's bed that way she could stop a nightmare before it took full effect and she felt comforted knowing the blonde was safe next to her.

"Are you sure, I don't think Hotch would mind if I missed this case out."

"Emily, go or you'll be late. I will call you tonight." JJ reassured Emily with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Over the past week the friend's relationship had become a lot closer if it were even possible.

"Ok…" Emily sighed reluctantly and opened the door "I'll see you soon."

"Bye." JJ waived to Emily from the door. Once the brunette had disappeared from view JJ closed the door and slid down it resting her head to her knees.

Over the past week she had been having constant headaches which she thought was the lack of sleep she was getting but paired with the recent nausea she had been having JJ was starting to get worried.

She had a knot of worry in the pit of her stomach kept growing and the voice in the back of her head had gotten louder over the past few days.

JJ pulled herself up off the floor and grabbed her jacket from the hook and her keys from the bowel.

She walked out of her apartment building, trough the park and along the row of shops on auto-pilot. She stopped outside the pharmacy and tried to shake the feeling of dread as she walked in.

JJ's recovery was going extremely well. The bleed on her brain had almost gone and she hadn't had a nose bleed in a few weeks. All of her broken bones had healed and all of the small cuts and bruises had gone although the deeper ones were still visible, they were no longer stitched and parts of her body were still feeling extremely painful and if she moved the wrong way pain shot through out her entire body. Emily had suggested JJ go and talk to a doctor about it thinking they had missed something but JJ brushed her off telling her friend not to worry.

40 minutes later and after a long tiring walk round the park JJ was stood in her bathroom staring down at the home pregnancy kit that was sat next to the sink. Her hands were shaking and she thought she was going to be sick.

As well as the feeling of dread she was still angry, at nobody but herself. And as the days wore on she could feel her old habits coming back. When talking to the team or the physiatrist Hotch had arranged, JJ had managed to keep the nasty comments to herself but it didn't stop her thinking them or giving her friends a Shelby look every now and again. But JJ forced Shelby to stay locked in her head and refused to let her out no matter how much she knew it would be a comfort to hide behind the damaged girl. She didn't want to become that person again because that would have meant Walt had won and that was the last thing she wanted. JJ managed to put most of it in boxes in her head, a trick she had learnt at a young age but she knew that if the test came back positive she would have to face everything. She was afraid, no scratch that Jennifer Jareau was petrified of the outcome.

But at that moment in time she didn't have the nerve to do it. So the next few hours were spent with her doing anything and everything she could think of to take her mind of the test in the bathroom. JJ cleaned the kitchen, front room and her room till they were all spotless. Then she went through all the files she had in her study trying to reorganise them but found that there was nothing to really sort out so JJ decided to go through everything on her computer; the files, work and not work, the pictures and the videos everything.

By the time JJ finished and couldn't find anything else to do and it was 2 hours before Garcia was due to come round.

JJ hated the feeling of being nerves and scared and was fed up of feeling so she made her way to the bathroom just closing the door behind her.

Taking a breath to steady her shaking nerves JJ did what she had to do and left the bathroom a few minutes later. She had left the kit on the bathroom sink and set the timer on her phone.

JJ wondered round her condo for a moment trying to find something else to do to keep her mind occupied for the next 3 minutes but couldn't find anything as she had done it all already so she went into her room and pulled out a box from under her bed. It had taken a few weeks but JJ had finally managed to sleep in her own bed, it took some coaching from the whole team and some serious money spend on a new one but slowly she was managing to push past the fact that she was scared of it.

She sat on the bed and placed the box on her lap. She ran her hands over the writing. She remembered sitting in her room as the age of about 11 and writing on the box.

'My Childhood' it said it brightly coloured marker pens. It was filled with Photos and drawn pictures she had before the abuse started.

JJ lifted the top of and placed it beside her looking at the first picture on the top of the pile. It was one of her and Jess. They both looked so happy and innocent; they didn't have a care it the world. She lifted that one and looked at the next and this was the one that stabbed at her heart.

It was the last picture that was taken of her before he came into her room on that horrid first night. She and Jess were sat on the couch hugging each other with bright blue eyes staring at the camera and stunning smiles too. JJ turned the picture over and read the words.

'Me and Shel on her 10th birthday just before bed' a smile crossed JJ's face as she looked at the scruffy blue hand writing. It was written by Jess. Pride and sadness filled JJ's heart. She missed her baby sister. She had never gotten over how guilty she felt for leaving Jess and wished with every fibre of her being that she could take it all back and change how things happened.

The phone started to buzz on the bed signing that JJ's 3 minutes were up. She placed the box on the bed and stood on shaky legs. The next minute could possible change the course of JJ's future for ever as well as open a can of worms she wasn't sure she wanted to open.

JJ numbly walked to the bathroom door and rested her hand on the door handle. It was only when she felt the tears on her cheeks that she realised she was crying. Silent tears were slipping down her cheeks.

She pushed the door open and stared at the test from the door way unable to see the result.

If it came back negative then everything would be ok she could continue building her life again. JJ could go back to work and continue catching monsters with the people she loved.

But if the test came back positive everything she had gained in the past few weeks would be gone. JJ would slip further back into the darkness again. She wouldn't be able to try and forget anymore, there would be a constant reminder there of when had happened.

Taking a deep breath to try and suppress the feeling of vomit JJ took a step towards the sink so she was just close enough to see the results.

Her heart plummeted and she took a step back before running out of the room. She had to get as far away from it as she could but JJ only made it to the kitchen before she emptied her stomach into the sink then collapsed onto the wooden floor. JJ put her head in her hands and sobbed. It wasn't one of those quite cries, this was one that begged and pleaded for answers that couldn't be given. It was a cry that would shatter many hearts but there weren't any round to shatter, she was alone, with no one to comfort her.

JJ lay on her kitchen floor crying herself into oblivion unable to cope with the fact that she was pregnant.

A/N... sorry for the length again everyone and maybe the next few but this is where my major writers block started. but i think its ok.

Please tell me what you think and if there are any questions you want answered.

AJ xx