A/N i was going to make JJ real with everything all on her own but i thought that might be mean so emily found out and i glad she did.

This fic is NOT over yet!...

A few weeks later JJ was finally allowed to go back on desk duty much to her relief. Being at home all the time was driving her insane, there was only so much day time TV one person could take. The past week she didn't see the point of being at home; all her injuries had healed and only left fading scars in their place. She still kept the pregnancy to herself. JJ still hadn't figured out what to do but the idea of something good coming out of the nightmare she was going through was starting to sound really appealing to her, she was also still worried about what the team would say and do if they found out, Emily kept reassuring her it would all be ok but JJ still wasn't convinced. If JJ really thought about it she was worried they would think she was a slut for keeping the child.

The only symptoms she was getting was the morning sickness which she could handle now she was back to living on her own again. Emily had reluctantly moved back into her condo about a week before JJ had agreed that Emily couldn't stay forever but Emily wanted to stay for a while longer but JJ managed to persuade her otherwise but still called JJ everyday to see how she was getting on much like the rest of the team and Emily was always there to take JJ to all of her appointments sometimes with Morgan with her depending on what appointment is was.

JJ was brought out of her thoughts by a loud knock at her office door.

"Come in!" She called.

Emily's head pop round the corner.

"How you feeling?" Emily asked closing the door behind her.

"Ok, a bit queasy but that's normal." JJ gave her a tired smile. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and was exhausted, plus not being allowed coffee was making everything seem a lot worse.

"So how does it feel to be back?" Emily asked with a little excitement in her voice.

JJ giggled a little "Ok 1. I've only been in the office for 15 minutes. 2. You brought me here this morning and 3. its Friday so I once today is over I have 2 whole days to do nothing again."

Emily just laughed "True I guess but still 15 minutes is a long time when you haven't been in for months."

"Yeah, it's a bit… strange. So much has happened since I was last here, it's like I'm not meant to be here." JJ unconsciously put her hand on her stomach; Emily saw it but didn't want to bring attention to it. Over the past few weeks that had only had a few conversations about the baby and they were heavy conversations at one point Emily told JJ about the abortion she had as a teenage and admitted that is was one of the reasons for the problems she suffered.

JJ was still unsure about what she was going to do. Emily didn't mind keeping it to herself still at the minute as JJ wouldn't be going out into the field she would be staying at the office but when JJ was cleared to go into the field Emily was going to push JJ more if she still hadn't made a decision.

"Do you think you're not ready to be back?" Emily asked a little worried that JJ pushed her recovery to hard.

"God no, I don't think I could have lasted another day at home its just… I don't know it's a weird feeling. I haven't been into the bullpen yet, I don't think I can handle all the other agents staring and looking at me"

"Hey now," Emily lent over the desk and took JJ's hands in hers "You should be proud. You're still standing, after everything that's happened your still here and still fighting. Don't give a rats ass what any of them think, plus they've all been warned if they even look at you the wrong way they'll have myself and Morgan to deal with plus Pen said they would put them enough debt to last till the next millennium."

"Great now their all going to be avoiding me like the plague." JJ rolled her eyes.

"I get it JJ I do but you've got us here with you. Don't worry about all of them. Just give it time everything will go back to normal soon enough."

'That's what you think' JJ silently thought.

She smiled and thanked the brunette.

"Right I had better get some work done!" Emily got up and walked to the door "You going to be ok?"

"Yes. Thankyou Em."

"Anytime. I'll see you at lunch…" JJ looked at Emily confused "Me and Pen are taking you out."

"Ok." JJ smiled from ear to ear. The thought of getting out of the office for a little was very appealing.

Emily was closing the door when she remembered and popped her head back in "Oh before I forget. Hotch said he has a very exited little boy at home that wants all his aunties and uncles to go to his soccer game tomorrow." Emily watched a new smile filled JJ's face and this time it reached her eyes. It was evident that the blonde had a soft spot for the small Hotchner "You up for it?"

"Tell him I wouldn't miss it for the world." JJ grinned exited that her weekend wouldn't be as boring and filled with worried as she knew it would be. Also exited that she would get to see her favourite little boy again.

JJ flopped down at her desk after returning from lunch with Garcia and Emily. The three went to a cute little deli just round the corner from the office.

She was kind of looking forward to getting back to work and getting back into some kind of routine but she wasn't expecting it to knock her for 6. JJ was exhausted and had only been in for a few hours. She was re-thinking her statement she made to Emily earlier and was glad that it was a Friday and that the weekend was right round the corner.

She was just starting to get back into the swing of things again after her break when a knock at her door made her jump out of her skin. Hotch popped his head round the corner.

"Jesus Hotch." JJ said with one hand on her chest to steady her heart rate and again subconsciously one on her stomach. When she realised where that hand was she quickly moved it.

"Sorry JJ." He gave her a dimple smile as he walked in and closed the door "So how are you doing?"

JJ sighed and closed her eyes in frustration. He was the 7th person to ask her that today. He was the next in a list that included Strauss. She loved that they all cared so much but it was starting to get a little irritating.

"I'm fine Hotch." JJ tried to make it sound strong and confident but that wasn't the way it came out. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself more than Hotch.

He gave her a look that told her he knew she was lying and within a second of her receiving it her walls started to crumble and tears filled the blonde's eyes.

She knew that it was her hormones playing up but it was also the normal emotions; the ones she would still feel if she weren't pregnant, they just seemed to bubble to the surface a lot faster.

Hotch got up from the chair on the other side of the desk and walked round so he was knelt down next to the crying blonde.

"You're not really fine are you?" he whispered tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. He only received a small shake of her head. He sighed and wrapped his arms round JJ.

Her silent cries became small sobs in his arms and he whispered sweet whispered words in her ear as he gently rocked them much like a father would a daughter.

Eventually her cries stopped and she sat up to wipe away her tears.

"Sorry Hotch." JJ looked at him with shame filling her pail features "You didn't come in here for me to cry on your shoulder." She sighed in defeat and continued not really sure how she was going to word her next statement "I'm just so…" She stopped not knowing how to go on.

"Overwhelmed? Scared?" Hotch had an idea of some of the things she was feeling. He too had been in a similar position after Foyet had stabbed him.

JJ nodded her head "the last time I was in my office…in the building in fact everything sort of made sense." JJ sniffed trying to stop herself from crying again "I knew who I was and what I was. I had finally started to understand why everything happened and then it all changed and I feel like that scared little girl again and I hate it Hotch. I hate that it all stopped making sense again." She couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard she tried but these were tears of anger and nothing more.

"JJ look at me." When she did he took her hands in his "It will make sense again one day. You'll just have to give it time. But you know what the difference is now?" She slightly shook her head "You're not alone anymore. We know and we are here, all of us. You can talk, fight or even scream at us. We will help you make sense of it all again JJ. I promise you that…" He lifted a finger to wipe away the tears that had fallen from JJ's eyes "And it's ok to be scared. To be honest with you id be a little worried if you weren't." They both let out a chuckle.

JJ conscious started to get the better of her in that moment and she wanted to tell him about the baby, she had so much respect for him and loved Hotch like he was family and hated lying to him. She knew Hotch would help support her with whatever she needed just like Emily was.

"Hotch, there's something I need to tell you" She could feel her heart flutter in her chest and butterfly's in her stomach.

"Ok…" Hotch still held onto both of her hands. He could see the look of fear and worry in her eyes and that worried him.

"I…" she was about to revel her big secret when Hotch's cell rang in his pocket.

'Damn it' he cursed in his head ready to snap at who ever was on the other end of the phone "Give me a second JJ." He gave her a small smile and grabbed his cell out of his pocked and stood up "What!..." he growled a little more than would have been needed but he didn't care at that point. It was Strauss on the other end and she wanted him in her office now "Fine I'll be there in a minute ma'am." Hotch hung up the phone and looked back at JJ. She no longer looked worried or scared it was obvious that she had rebuilt her walls while he was on the phone and he doubted he would get them back down again now but he was going to try.

While Hotch was on the phone JJ did a complete 180 and changed her mind. She couldn't do it. She didn't want to burden someone else she loved with her problems.

She saw him look down at her after ending his call and knew what was going through his head but she wasn't going to change her mind.

He knelt back down in front of her and rested his hands on her knees.

"What did you want to tell me Jayje?" Hotch pushed.

"Nothing it doesn't matter." She gave him a tight smile and he sighed.

"What ever it is JJ its ok, you can tell me…"

"It's fine Hotch." JJ stood from her chair and so did Hotch "You had better go before Strauss sends out a search party for you."

He backed away slightly and mad his way to the door with his shoulders hanging slightly in defeat.

"Ok, well I'm at the end of a phone if you need me JJ ok?"

She gave him a nod and another tight smile before sitting back at her desk and getting on with her work.

Hotch shook his head and left making his way to his boss's office willing to try and push JJ to tell him what she wanted to tell him in the first place

A/N... the next chapter wont be up till the middle of next week. IM SORRY things are a bit of a nightmare at the minute but im not leaving you!

please tell me what you think and if there are any questions you want answered.

AJ xx