Chapter 14 – What's In a Name?

When Myria exited Bullworths, she found Jessica pacing back and forth in front of the coach. If her fledgling powers of interpretation were to be trusted, Jessica was extremely angry. Her body was stiff as she paced back and forth. Her hands were clenched, the muscles of her face tensing and flexing. Her teeth shone as she uttered an ongoing stream of barely audible mutterings.

Jackstone, by comparison, seemed to be sitting stiffly in the coach. Had she been more adept at reading body language, she would have filed him under "wishing I were somewhere else."

Myria stopped short. "Jessica, is something wrong? Mr. Grisswell informed me you wished to wait outside."

Jessica froze, her face reddening as she turned to Myria. The anger radiating off her was a palpable force, enough to make Myria take a step back. "Wished?" she spat. "Mister Grisswell, the arrogant stuck up toad of a man, informed me that if I could not hold my tongue and remember my place, that it would be best for all concerned if I removed myself."

"Your place?" Myria's brow furrowed.

"Yes my place. As a servant. Obviously I am not of the right breeding to be a friend of a Lady such as yourself."

Myria processed this. "But you are not a servant. You were here to advise me. And I would like for you to be my friend. Why does Mr. Grisswell's opinion apply to this situation?"

That caught Jessica off guard. "Well… well it shouldn't, but people like that still get under my skin. I've half a mind to go back in there and tell him exactly what I think of him."

"That would be difficult; I seem to have upset him badly. He stated he was leaving for the day with a headache."

"Good! Serves him right. I've had my fill of nobs and snobs for the day. Besides, I'd probably have bitten his nose off if I'd gone back." That got an arched eyebrow. "Yes I am exaggerating… I think."

"I can see why his remarks would be inappropriate. But again, why are you so upset? He was incorrect, and he is not a friend of yours. Why should it matter what he thinks?"

Jessica resumed her pacing, but seemed to have worked off some of her frustration. "You don't get it Myria, you didn't grow up like we did… sorry. I mean to say that I've had to put up with snide comments and teasing about my name and my social status for my entire life. Sometimes it's just too much to deal with when some stuck up prig treats you like you are small."

"I do not understand."

"It's part of human nature Myria. People who are unhappy need someone to look down on. To say 'at least I'm not them, poor sods.' And they are protective of their social status. It's like a club; if anyone can get in, then being a member loses its fun. My family has clawed its way up the social ladder for the last four generations, and at every rung there has been a Grisswell or someone like him saying we were not good enough, didn't belong. Someone who tried to push us back down and ensure we did not 'get above ourselves'. My father doesn't care a crumb about these things, but for Jonny and me, it was hard growing up." She took a deep breath, exhaled. "Kids can be really cruel. Especially when they are taking cues from their parents."

She shook her head and stopped in front of Myria again. "And then to deal with that. To be treated like a servant, told to remember my place. That was just too much. He practically told me I was soiling the place with my presence, that if he had been you he would have cuffed me and taught me a lesson. It was either stomp out or claw his face off."

Myria's face set. "I see. It appears that I will have to be more explicit in the future regarding the status of my companions when interacting with others. And I also have a lot to learn about maintaining status. I was not aware it was so ephemeral."

"If that means what I think it does, then yes it is. I had thought once you were 'A Lady' you didn't have anything to worry about. But considering what happened at Madame Bouff's, maybe it's not that simple. Still, surely with enough money you can do pretty much as you please. Look at Lady Ramkin. I hear she is loaded, and they say she stomps around her dragon sanctuary wearing burlap and leather that make my clothes look like a ball gown."

Jessica seemed calmer now, and finally noticed what Myria was wearing. She ran an eye over her. "I have to admit, toad of a man or not, he does know his trade. You are going to blow Jonny's mind. You look fantastic. It's amazing how that dress accentuates your figure."

Myria coughed. "Yes, it does seem that way." She changed the subject quickly, "But you mentioned before something about being teased because of your name. Why would anyone tease you about being named Jessica? That seems a normal name for a female."

Jessica gave her a long and appraising look, then turned to glare at Jackstone who managed to give the appearance of having gone completely deaf, then she stared down the street into the distance before answering. "Jessica…. Jessica's not my first name. Our family has had a very long history with food preparation. My grandparents, their grandparents even, had funny ideas about names."

Myria nodded. She understood the importance of names. The Auditors had felt that human names should clearly describe what they referred to, and didn't really understand the randomness of how they were applied in reality.

"My father for example," Jessica continued. "Jon calls him Uncle Pars, but his full name is Parsley Knäcke. And his brother, Jonny's dad was named Basil. My grandparents had a thing for spices."

"I see."

"Yes, you do see where this is going. Both Jonny's parents and my parents resisted. But in the end, they caved to family tradition, at least on the first names. Thank Io they at least gave us normal middle names."

"Surely it could not be that bad." Myria offered.

"Wanna bet?" Jessica shuddered. "Try going through your childhood named Safflower."

"But that does not seem an inappropriate name, for your family's profession."

Jessica looked Myria over carefully. "You would get along well with my grandparents, if they were still alive. But you never had to deal with being a kid in Ankh Morpork. Gah… the nobby kids used to call me Daffy Saffy." She reddened and seemed to shrink a little.

"I see. No it would not be pleasant to have someone twist your name, even in good humor."

"There was no humor to it, and nothing good either." Jessica smiled a little, recovering. "But of course, it could have been worse."

"How so?"

"You have to swear that you won't use it except in dire need. Swear!"

"I can not swear, because I do not know what we are discussing."

Jessica leaned in conspiratorially, and smiled wickedly. "Jonny's first name… he'll kill me when he finds out I told you, so you have to promise you will only use it if absolutely necessary…" Her smile widened as she let the suspense build.

"It's Marjoram… would you believe it? They named my poor cousin Marjoram Knäcke. It's a miracle he made it to adulthood." As Myria tried to imagine why this would be so problematic, Jessica took her by the hand and pulled her toward the coach "Come on, let's leave this foul place and get you back to the bakery. We're going to blow Jonny's mind."