It was Dean who desperately tried to keep in contact and it was successful. Dean text him, emailed him, and called him nearly every day and Castiel always responded. Dean missed him desperately and found himself waking up every day longing to touch him, talk to him, or even see him.
It was nearly two months after he left when Dean settled into bed that night and called his number. Castiel stirred from the under the covers sleepy and exhausted from a hard day's work and grabbed his phone irritated.
"What?" he snapped down the phone.
"Oh shit, did I wake you?"
"Dean…no, it's okay" he murmured looking at the time and sighing when he realised they were in different time zones now.
"I can call back later, Cas"
"No, it's okay"
Dean heard the rustling of covers being shifted and a small moan that made Dean's dick twitch in interest. It had been too long. Castiel sat up flicking on the light and staring across at the dark window of his small dorm room.
"We haven't spoken in nearly three days, Cas"
"I've been busy, Dean, this art course isn't easy as peach" he said softly. "But I know and I miss you so much"
"That's what I want to hear" Dean replied shutting his eyes. "God, I miss you"
"I know"
"Come home and see me, baby"
Castiel smiled lying back down on the pillow and settling into the lumpy mattress. "How much do you miss me?"
"It's been two months nearly, I'm more than sore" he murmured stroking a hand down his chest slowly.
"I know the feeling but I just imagine it's your hand or your mouth on my dick sucking me till I'm screaming" he murmured down the phone. Dean groaned shutting his eyes and hearing Castiel chuckle gently down the phone.
"I want you here right now, I need to touch you…feel your skin, taste that mouth of yours…it's too good to be true"
"Dean, stop it" he moaned feeling his own dick harden in anticipation.
"How hard are you right now, baby?"
"Very, I want to fuck you" he whispered wrapping a hand around the length and stroking a thumb over the slit. Dean looked down at his own dick feeling the heavy weight in his hand and stroking his hand up and down slowly.
"I want to feel you inside me, Cas, I need you buried inside me making those needy little sounds you make"
"What sounds?" he said with a moan throwing his head back.
"That sound, you're completely horny" Dean whispered. "Tell me you want me"
"I want you, Dean, god" he panted flexing his hand and stroking his hand down his dick feeling the need to come building up and spread his legs wide.
"If you were here I would fuck you so hard into that mattress, I want to feel you lose yourself when I come deep inside your hole…my come coating your insides till you're screaming for more, begging me to fuck you harder"
"Dean!" he cried down the phone panting hard as he jerked off harder. Dean listened to his sharp rasps and moans feeling his own climax and groaned when he came onto his hands and bed covers. Castiel heard Dean's climax and followed shortly after arching off the bed and crying out when he spurted across his hand and chest. He panted down the phone and closed his eyes slumping back down on the mattress.
"It's not as good as the real thing but…" Dean said trailing off wiping down his hand on the sheet and listening to Castiel hum in agreement.
"Only you can bring me to an orgasm on the phone" Castiel murmured in a hoarse voice. "Well done"
"I take pride in making my boyfriend fall apart over the phone"
"Can I sleep now you've molested me?" Castiel murmured softly.
"Yeah" he replied settling down. "Love you"
"Love you too" Castiel said and hung up shutting his eyes.
Dean chuckled pulling his phone away from his ear and dropped it down on the side falling into an exhausted and happy sleep.
But it wasn't all happiness and bliss for them both and Dean would find himself waiting for days on end for texts back, calls back, and any news on him at all. It came to Dean's attention that Castiel had a little group of friends. He had met and bonded with a group, Uriel Barnes, Zach Grace, Madison Jones, and Adam Milligan. The jealously was unbelievable and every single time he mentioned them, Dean would grit his teeth and nod along. Dean expected and wanted him to find friends but the feeling of being replaced played heavily on his mind.
Four months after Castiel left to go to North Carolina he was granted one week to return home and Dean was ecstatic. His flight was due in early in the morning of that Monday and since Dean was training to be a mechanic from Bobby he was granted a week off.
Dean waited in the terminal after electing himself to collect him from the airport, he watched and waited impatiently and looked up when his flight came in. Castiel walked out of the doors and headed towards his bag when he caught sight of him and smiled amazed. It was like a scene from a soppy love film when Castiel ran towards Dean who caught him in his arms kissing him fiercely.
"You're here!" Castiel murmured staring up at him when they parted. "I've missed you so much"
"Right back at you" Dean said gripping his chin and kissing him passionately. Castiel clung to him when they kissed publically and openly ignoring people's gapes and stares directed at them.
"Oh god, I need to take you home right now and keep you in four walls for a very long night" Dean growled skimming his hands down his back clutching him to his chest. Castiel grinned cockily and slid his hands behind his neck staring into the green-brown of his eyes and tucking his face into his neck inhaling the musky oil, spicy, and sweet smell that was all Dean.
"Let me see my family and I'm all yours for the whole night" he whispered and chuckled when Dean growled low stroking his hands into his hair and fisting it gently.
"Deal, baby" he murmured grabbing his hand and tugging him towards the bags to collect his suitcase and head back to Eve's house.
Eve screamed in delight when she opened the door and hugged him tight.
"Oh my beautiful baby boy" she cooed rocking him. "Is this stubble"
"Mom" he whined struggling against her amused. "Yes it is, I have no time to shave when I'm painting nonstop, researching people I do not know about, whilst eating healthily and socialising"
Eve grinned at him happily and kissed his cheek. "Anna!"
Anna ran in beaming and ran towards him arms open wide, Castiel dropped down hugging her tight. Dean leaned back against the door watching the small family reconcile and felt a tender pull at Castiel's words.
"I got every single one of your texts and even your letters" she said stroking a hand down his cheek. Dean frowned at that and felt a blow, he never received any letters.
Castiel smiled at his mother and stepped back looking down at Anna who sucked her thumb and ran off back into the living room.
"We'll be upstairs"
"Keep the noise down" she said pointing a warning finger at the both of them before the descended upwards. Dean stared at the length of Castiel's back and pushed him forward feeling a hunger so wild that it made him crazy. Castiel smiled when he shoved him into the attic and pushed him on the bed.
"Fuck, you have never looked so sexy" Dean growled pulling his t-shirt off and devouring his mouth. Castiel moaned clinging to his shoulders and moaned when Dean undid his belt and pulled down his jeans. They were both semi naked and Dean moved his lips down kissing down his chest and holding him down while he moaned into his palm.
"Dean" he whispered breathless when Dean looked up at him with eyes blown wide with lust and slipped his hands into his boxers sliding them down and throwing them over his shoulder. Castiel groaned low writhing on the covers desperate for more friction and brought him down eagerly.
"Fuck me harder than you have ever fucked me in your life" he hissed. Dean stared at him open mouthed and nodded shoving him upwards towards the headboard and pinning him against it.
"Then you better spread your fucking legs" he hissed into his ear. Castiel smirked opening them and rolled his eyes back when Dean's lubed fingers entered him roughly fingering and scissoring him open. Dean breathed heavily watching Castiel's chest explode red and his breathing grow erratic.
Dean grew impatient and his cock ached to be inside of him. Castiel eagerly accepted him with a loud moan that Dean covered with his mouth and thrusted deep inside him. It was fast paced and frantic as the moved against each other kissing passionately and filled with need to be close and get rid of months of sexual frustration. Dean clutched at Castiel's hand arching his back when he climaxed quickly followed by Castiel who coated his stomach with pearlescent come.
Dean dropped down next to Castiel breathing hard and chuckled stroking a hand down his sweaty chest. Castiel met his eyes and smiled when he leaned into kiss him softly.
"I've missed you"
"I know"
Dean smiled back at him dropping his head onto the pillow and resting there listening to the heartbeat in his ears and the breathing of both of them. He opened his eyes looking over to Castiel who stared up at his skylight in thought.
"So are you going to tell me everything?"
"It's amazing; Dean, the college, the people, the tutors, and I've learned so much. I'm better than I originally was and Joshua, my tutor says I have so much potential"
"Good, I knew you'd do brilliant…I just wish I could talk to you more"
"Dean, we're busy, we're both in the middle of courses and jobs…of course we're going to be a little bit distant" he whispered resting his head next to his and smiled when he noticed the bracelet on his wrist. "You wear it?"
"Of course, where's my amulet?"
"Back at college, I don't want to lose it"
"Good" Dean said with a soft smile. Castiel matched it and trailed his fingers down his cheek gently.
"You have me for a whole week, Dean, what are we going to do?"
"Well…endless sex" Dean said with a raised eyebrow. Castiel snorted and nodded quickly in agreement. "I think we could go down to the beach, it's meant to be nice all day and I haven't been in ages"
"Okay" Castiel said with a nod and eyed him slowly. "I think we should be a lot closer than this though round about now"
Dean hummed interested and moved closer sliding into the wet hole watching Castiel close his eyes in pleasure and open them quickly. Dean stared into the bright blue eyes showing him open love, pleasure, and something hidden deep down. It caused an itch of nerves deep inside of Dean but he ignored it when Castiel sucked a wet path down his neck.
It would be the last and best week they would spend together and Dean loved every second. They ended up spending their second day on the beach together sunbathing, walking towards the water together and messing around like five year old children kicking sand, pushing each other over and giggling all the way. At the end of it, they ended it sitting on a sand dune watching the setting sun.
Castiel stared at the setting sun a warm glow in the orange and blue sky and felt an overwhelming sense of "home". Dean sat next to him and turned to look at him when he did the same, Castiel moved closer when Dean moved over cupping his chin and kissing him softly.
"Days like this make me realise how much I really miss you" Dean said thoughtfully pulling back. "I'm so happy you are in art school but at the same time I wish you were here with me, I mean apart from Sam and Bobby...I don't have anyone"
"Your other friends, Dean"
"Ash…Brady? They have their own lives and there is me stuck waiting for you" Dean said with a snort. "It's sad but you're not just my boyfriend, Cas, you're my best friend and we did everything together"
Castiel swallowed hard looking away from him towards the waves of the sea and shook his head with closed eyes.
"I do not want you to put your whole life on hold for me, Dean, you need to live, go out, meet new people"
"Oh don't put that shit on me, Cas" Dean replied with a scowl. "I have enough of that from Bobby; I'm fine how I am"
Castiel grimaced and looked down at his hands knowing it was wrong for Dean to place his whole life on hold for him. Dean took his hand and twined them together with a small smirk.
"Fancy a dip?"
"In our clothes?"
"Nope, let's go skinny dipping" he whispered with a wink pulling him up. Castiel let out a puff of laughter and nodded quickly. They stripped off their clothing before running down the sand towards the sea. Castiel gasped when the cold spray hit him and he shivered when his middle was covered in cold sea water, Dean laughed openly and loudly so it echoed around and he held out his hand for Castiel to take. Castiel moved over and landed in his wet arms, Dean looked over his face and pressed his lips against his in a tender kiss.
"I feel like I'm in a romantic film with you sometimes" Dean murmured against his lips. "Should I propose?"
"No" Castiel whispered with an amused smile burying his face into his neck gripping tight on his hands when the waves knocked into them.
Soon after that they spent the rest of their days seeing Sam, Bobby, Eve, and Anna. It was nice, comforting, and Dean was at the happiest he had ever been. Castiel loved it as much as Dean but had an edge inside him to return back home.
On the last day together they were walking in town when Dean spotted a photo booth.
"Come on" he said pulling on his hand and dragging him into the small white photo booth.
"Dean, is this really necessary?" Castiel said watching him slot the money inside and glaring back at him.
"Yes! It's a memory, Cas" he said with a small playful smile. "Say cheese"
Castiel smiled pulling him into a hard kiss when the camera went off. The camera went off five times resulting in the first photo being the two of them kissing, the second pulling faces at each other, the third laughing, the fourth was them falling off the seat, and the fifth a blank photo.
"Awesome" Dean said looking over them and handing them to Castiel. "Yours"
"Don't you want them?"
"No, this is your weekend"
"Our weekend"
"I want you to have them"
Castiel pocketed them in his jacket and nodded at him pleased.
The next morning was the end of the week and Castiel's departure back home. Dean held back his tears and pain when he said his second goodbye to Castiel who clung to him.
"Call me, okay?"
"I promise, Dean"
"I love you"
"I love you too" Castiel whispered blowing him a kiss as he headed down the corridor leaving Dean behind hands deep in his pockets and tears sparkling in his eyes. He looked back to Sam who was waiting for him and he headed over to see Sam smile sadly at him.
"Just think of the next time you see him at the summer holidays" Sam said nudging him.
Dean wouldn't get that chance. The breakdown of their relationship started soon after Castiel didn't call him to say he landed. Dean called him over and over again but received no answer and soon when he called he got voicemail. It broke Dean's heart over and over again when he heard his voice telling the person to leave a message. His emails were unanswered and even Eve had no idea what was going on and told him she had received emails and letters from Castiel.
It was entering three weeks when he called frustrated and it rang. The phone connected and he gasped in relief.
"Cas?"
"Cas can't come to the phone right now, he's currently passed out" a deep voice said laced in humour.
"What?"
"Yeah, Cas is drunk and currently draped over some poor man but he doesn't seem to mind"
Dean's stomach dropped and he felt bile rise in his throat.
"Who is this?"
"Adam, who is this"
"Dean, wake him up and put him on the phone now" Dean hissed down the phone.
"Oh sorry man, I can't" Adam said with a shrug. "He's totally gone and…Dean, right? He's mentioned you before several times…I shall tell him when he wakes up that you called"
"Put him on now!"
"Hey! No need for shouting, he's passed out and he isn't waking up" Adam yelled. "So annoying, I'm going now"
Dean went to speak when the phone went dead and he stared at the screen for a long moment before throwing it at the wall angrily. He breathed hard staring at the green wallpaper feeling sick and shaky, it was like his worst nightmare coming true and he curled up on the bed. Dean's eyes shut and he pictured images of Castiel kissing another man and sat up rushing to the toilet. Dean heaved and gagged into it but came up with nothing and simply slumped on the bathroom floor ignoring Sam's hammering on the door. His vision blurred and he buried his head into his arms wondering if this was it, was this the breakdown?
It was a week after the phone call and Dean hadn't bothered calling back and Castiel hadn't contacted him. Dean was depressed. Sam looked over him one morning as he poked at his breakfast and looked up when the mail arrived, he ran to get it and stared down at the letter for Dean.
"Dean, it's from Cas" Sam said running in and thrusting it at him. Dean grabbed it eagerly and rushed out of the kitchen avoiding Bobby's curious stare. Dean locked himself in his bedroom and sat down staring at the bulky letter before pulling it and beginning to read.
~0~0~0~
Dean, I know this is a little insane but leaving a text message, a phone call, or even a voicemail isn't enough. I have been the world's worst boyfriend, Dean, and I am so sorry. There are no words to explain how sorry I am but you have to know I am doing this for you and for us.
You're my best friend and my boyfriend, Dean, and I love you so much but this isn't enough for you or me. We're so far away from each other and what you told me on that beach has got me thinking about everything. You putting your whole life on hold for me isn't healthy and you know this, Dean. We're hundreds and hundreds of miles away and I miss you terribly, and I know you miss me too. How can I ask you to wait years for me? We never see each other and the phone calls are so limited now that I barely know what to say to you. How crazy is that?
I am not doing this because I don't love you but we're drifting, Dean, and I know this is my fault but I am setting you free. I am doing what I think is best for both of us.
We're both so young and we deserve to live our lives to the full. I sound selfish and I know you are going to be furious with me but just think about it carefully, Dean, you know I'm right.
I just think we need time apart.
I don't know to end this but just know I am not doing this because I don't love you anymore or I have met someone else.
Love, Cas.
~0~0~0~
Dean stared down at the letter with shaking hands and fumbled with his phone dialling his number. It rang a couple of beats before connecting and a timid hello sounded in his ear.
"You fucking son of a bitch!"
"You got my letter"
"Oh yeah, I got your fucking letter! What the hell!" Dean shouted throwing it away. "Do we hell need time apart? You are the one who has been ignoring me, you are the one who is ending this because of stupid ideas and thoughts, you dick!"
"Dean, please…"
"No! You are going to listen to me because you're making the stupidest mistake of your life right here"
"I'm not"
"You are!"
"I'm not, Dean, I'm making the right decision"
"Oh really? So us breaking up because you think I'm putting my whole life on hold waiting for you is a really good idea?"
"Because I can't do it anymore, Dean, I can't put my own life on hold to answer your calls!" he shouted down the phone. "You won't leave me alone for five minutes!"
"I am so, so, sorry for taking an interest in my boyfriend's life! I want to know what's happening, Cas, but apparently you don't care about me enough because all you want to do is drink and drape yourself over men"
"That was nothing, I fell asleep on Zack"
"Sure" Dean hissed down the phone. "So you're not cheating on me?"
"No! I would never do that!" Castiel said astonished.
"How would I know?" Dean shouted down the phone.
"I would never cheat on you" Castiel whispered in a broken tone. "I am doing this for us; I am doing this because I am holding you back!"
"You're not, you stupid son of a bitch!" Dean yelled down the phone. "You're everything to me"
"That's the point"
Dean halted and stopped breathing out hard and fast. "You're full of shit; you are so full of shit. You're doing this because like you said…don't want to be answering my calls all night long, don't want to see me, don't want to spend time with me, and you're ending it because you're chicken shit"
"Read my letter, Dean, all over again and try to see it from my view"
Dean blinked feeling tears form in his eyes and shook his head changing his tactic. "Please don't do this"
"I'm sorry"
"I love you, you know I love you, Cas, how can you just…you fell for me first" Dean begged down the phone. He felt like a huge girl but he didn't care as he heard Castiel's hitched breathing.
"I'm not doing this because I want to; I am doing this because I have too"
"So what we just never see or speak to each other ever again?"
"I don't know" Castiel whispered pained. "We just need time"
"You're a freaking child, Cas, giving up when the going gets tough! You are a little baby" Dean hissed angrily down the phone. "Time? You can go to fucking hell, you dick!"
Castiel sobbed down the phone tearing at Dean's heart.
"I'll give you your fucking time" Dean said coldly and hung up throwing the phone hard at the wall watching it shatter on the ground. His knees gave out and he dropped to the ground crumbling in despair. His heart was broken and he sobbed dryly into his hands before the real tears fell down his cheeks and he kicked out leaning against the wall.
Using the spare key, Sam opened the door to see Dean and dropped down touching his arm. Dean thrust the letter into his hands watching out of the corner of his eye at the horror in Sam's eyes.
"There has to be a reason for this! This can be fixed"
"It can't…not after what I just said" he said nodding at his phone. "It's over…we're over"
Sam stared at him with wide eyes watching Dean crumble and bury his head into his hands feeling his very first heartbreak. Sam moved over wrapping his arms around him and held him when he trembled and cried harder than he ever had in his life.
In North Carolina, Castiel curled into a small ball contemplating what he had just done and knew it was the best idea. They were young, futile, and he had to think of himself and his career alongside Dean. An empty hollowness erupted in his chest and he sobbed into his pillow deep down in his subconscious knowing this would all backfire one day but for now it was his decision.
~0~0~0~
5 years later, present day.
Dean stared out of the window to the yard watching Sam throw the stick for their dog, Bones, and frowned when he felt a gentle pressure at his back. He looked over his shoulder to see surrogate step mother, Ellen, poke him in the back with a wooden spoon.
"You looked lost there"
"Just thinking" he murmured with a shrug.
"Well, look lost helping with dinner" she said indicating to the table. Dean smirked moving over to the get the knives and forks. Dean was now twenty three years old, Sam was twenty years old and Bobby was now married to Ellen who lived there with them with her own daughter, Jo.
They were a tight knit family and knew everything about each other. Sam came to the door and looked in watching Dean set the plates and zeroed in on the bracelet that had remained on Dean's wrists for five years. Sam knew better than anyone how Dean truly felt and no matter how many times he dated women, men, and denied his feelings for a certain unnameable person; Sam knew he still loved him.
He saw the level of hurt in Dean's eyes when he saw something or smelled something that reminded him of Castiel and it broke Sam to see him still like this.
But everything comes to a head and it was just a matter of time before fate intervened and took control.
A/N: Another huge chapter! Thank you so much for the response! It's an achievement when you get 14 reviews for one chapter. Hehe! Keep them coming.