Castiel was lying in the bath staring thoughtfully at the ceiling when the bathroom door opened and he looked up to see Balthazar walk inside.

"Early morning bath, dear?"

"Yes my back is hurting from sleeping awkwardly"

Balthazar nodded circling the bath till he was at the back of the tub and knelt down massaging his shoulders. Castiel hummed happily when he spread and rubbed his sore muscles.

"If you keep making those sounds I'll be dragging you back to bed" Balthazar murmured into his ear. Castiel smiled amused leaning his head against his and splashed his hands into the water.

"What are you doing today?"

"Well…I was hoping to spend the day with you" Balthazar murmured.

"Really?"

"Well…morning time mainly but yes" Balthazar said kissing his neck and jumping up. "I have things to do and people to see in the afternoon"

"Okay" Castiel whispered feeling a nervous flutter in his stomach at the thought of seeing Dean today but the guilt was also there.

"What are you going to today?"

"I thought I'd revisit some old places, see old friends"

"Meaning Dean"

"No, no of course not" he lied swallowing hard and sitting up to pull the plug out. Balthazar kept his silence watching him step out and wrap a towel around his waist.

"You don't have to lie to me, Castiel"

"I-I'm not" he protested avoiding his eye contact. Balthazar gritted his jaw and stepped aside when he edged out. Castiel dressed into a casual white top and jeans before turning to face him leaning against the door.

"What?"

"Nothing, do you want breakfast?"

"No, I'm not hungry" Castiel murmured scratching absently on his neck. "Okay…if I was seeing Dean today would you mind?"

"A teeny tiny bit yes"

"Why?"

"Because I'm not entirely sure his intentions towards you are completely honorable"

"You think he'll try to steal me?"

Balthazar shrugged his shoulders walking back towards him and appraising him for a long second before leaning into kiss him.

"I trust you"

Castiel blinked surprised exhaling shakily when he moved away to grab his keys.

"I also love you"

"I…I love you too" Castiel whispered watching him walk out and closed his eyes dropping on the bed. "I'm a fool, I am an utter fool!"

His cell buzzed to life next to him and he grabbed it holding it over his head staring at the new message from Dean and sighed.

Dean.

I don't care what you're thinking today. We're meeting or I'll find you and drag your ass out to spend quality time with me.

Castiel let out a huff of annoyance and groaned when the phone slipped out of his hand smacking him on the face. He sighed chucking it away and sitting up rubbing his sore cheek and looked around the messy room littered in clothes, papers, and bits and pieces. His eyes closed on their own accord and he fell back down curling into his side believing a bit more sleep will do him the world of good.

~0~0~0~

Castiel knew he was dreaming straight away when he looked down staring at the wooden floor of the art gallery to see no paintings on the wall and simple white walls. He was rooted to the spot in the middle and struggled unable to move his legs and arms. His eyes moved to the left side of the room and he stared at Balthazar who was stood at one end and he looked to the right to see Dean on the other.

He inwardly panicked looking between them and struggled unable to move.

"Shall we decorate the room, my love?" Balthazar said in the distance startling Castiel who breathed out shakily.

"What do you mean?" he called out to him when he walked over slowly with a small cruel smile.

"These walls are far too white, they are far too innocent but we both know they are really filled with lies, unknown truths, and filthy thoughts" Balthazar said whispering into his ear. Castiel's eyes looked over to Dean who was watching them and leaning against the wall.

"I love you"

"Liar" Balthazar breathed shaking his head at him. "You're a little liar, angel"

"What…" he breathed and looked over to Dean who straightened up. Balthazar smiled reaching behind his back pulled out a small black revolver. Castiel drew in a sharp breath when he stepped towards him stroking the barrel down his cheek gently.

"Let's paint this town red"

Castiel shook his head desperately to see Balthazar now in front of him pointing the gun at Dean who smiled back at him.

"Do it" Dean whispered.

"No, no, please" Castiel shouted. "Think about what you're doing! Please, Balthazar, please don't hurt him!"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because this not you" he pleaded and was paralyzed to the spot he was on.

"Because you love him" Balthazar murmured. "Don't you?"

"I…" he said trailing off and looking over to Dean who looked back at him with sorrowful eyes. "I can't remember how to not love him"

"So is that a…yes?"

Castiel stared at the back of Balthazar. "I'm sorry"

"No matter, my love" he murmured softly and pointed the gun at Dean and fired. Castiel cried out in horror watching Dean's blood splatter on the wall behind him and his lifeless body hit the ground with a final thud. Castiel let out a small sound of despair and swallowed back his disgust when Balthazar turned back to him soaked in blood. Blood covered his entire body including his clothes and he stepped towards him pulling him into a deep blood.

Castiel gagged pulling back tasting the metallic flavor of the blood in his mouth and looked down surprised to find he could move.

"How could you, you bastard?" Castiel shouted turning to run to Dean and stopping to stare at the skeleton now lying on the ground. His feet moved towards it on the floor and he dropped down unable to look away or touch it. Castiel looked behind him to see a now empty room and let out a cry of despair staring down at the skeleton remaining on the floor and gasped seeing blood starting to spread on the floor.

He sprawled back and stood up looking at the blood starting to fill the room slowly coating over the skeleton till it was gone and up to his waist. Castiel called out searching desperately around for a door and struggled in the blood which rose and rose till it was up to his neck and he cried out when it filled his nose and mouth. The blood overcame him and he struggled in the darkness for a long time before giving up and sinking into oblivion.

"Cas…Cas…Cas" a voice said over and over again till he opened his eyes and looked around the green field startled. Dean stood in front of him confused and smiled softly when Castiel clung to him in a desperate hug.

"I watched you die…oh god" he breathed clinging to him.

Dean didn't speak and simply placed his hands on his back. Castiel pulled back looking up at him and exhaled touching a hand to his cheek.

"I…" he said and trailed off when Dean pressed a hand to his mouth.

"It's okay, don't say a word" he murmured and pulled him into his arms and pressed his face into the crook of his neck. Castiel closed his eyes inhaling the smell of his aftershave and twirled a hand into his short hair and let his warmth surround him before opening them slowly and seeing the bedroom instead.

Castiel sat up looking around shocked and groaned dropping his head into his hands hating sleep and now his dreams. His stomach churned and he crawled off the bed moving into the bathroom. He struggled gripping hold of the side still smelling the smell of blood and looked up at the brown ceiling.

"Oh this is my torture isn't it?" he whispered and shook his head quickly to regain his composure.

"Cas?"

Castiel turned quickly moving out of the bathroom to see Balthazar returning with two coffees and a brown bag.

"Christ, you look like you've seen a ghost" Balthazar said staring at him shocked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…I just…I had a strange dream"

"Oh" Balthazar murmured with a raised eyebrow. "Coffee?"

"Please" he murmured reaching out for it and sipping it gently. His eyes wandered over to Balthazar who hummed turning on the radio and biting into his breakfast without a care in the world. Images of his dream flickered like a home movie in his mind and he turned away sitting on the sofa and grabbed his phone staring at the old message.

2pm. The hill.

Castiel sent the message and sat back feeling a headache coming on and his heart beat loudly in his ears and chest.

Dean reached for his cell opening the message and grinned happily.

"Score" he said waving it at Jo who rolled her eyes at him.

"Cute"

"I'm looking forward to seeing him again" Dean murmured tapping it. "I feel like I'm eighteen all over again expect without the threat of breaking up"

"This could all still end in heartbreak, Dean, he is engaged to another man"

"I know he is and I know I said I want him as a friend again but I don't…I want to be the one who kisses him in an art gallery and know I can do it over and over again"

"He must love him though…"

"Probably but I think he still loves me too"

"I think you may be a little deluded"

"Shut up"

Jo smirked taking a bite out her toast and munching it before speaking again.

"Are you going to tell him you still love his cute little face?"

"Maybe one day"

"He's only here for a few weeks you know"

"I know" Dean muttered tapping his fingers on the wood. Jo leaned back in the chair and looked down at Bones who panted staring at the food in her fingers.

"Greedy boy" she whispered feeding him and looking over to Dean still lost in thought. Jo pressed her lips together and leaned forward poking him in the arm.

"I fully support this no matter what but a random thought…have you ever considered just moving on and finding someone else? I mean when was the last time you dated someone and didn't fuck them?"

"I don't know and I don't care because I don't want anyone else right now" he murmured pushing out and grabbing his wallet and keys. "I'll see you later"

"Where are you going?"

"Preparation" he said with a wink walking out of the kitchen and heading towards the door.

~0~0~0~

Castiel stood on top of the hill feeling a wash of memories overcome him and they were all good. He had informed Balthazar he had gone to see his mom and "friends". It was half of the truth but he still felt guilty and couldn't quite look at him in the eye after his nightmare.

He looked behind him and sat down on the soft grass looking out across the town and smiled looking down at his lap. It had been a long time since he had sat up here.

"Oh well this brings back memories"

Castiel looked up at the arrival of Dean who strolled up and looked down at him.

"Yes, yes it does"

"I brought food and beer" Dean said with a wink sitting down next to him. Castiel rolled his eyes stressing the issue and peered inside the bag.

"Fries and beer? You, Dean Winchester, are going to make me fat"

"So? You're skinny and lean…which is quite good if you want to be bendy" he murmured with a raised eyebrow. Castiel flushed snatching a fry and popping it in his mouth chewing hard and looking away from Dean who opened his beer.

"Why here of all places"

"It's our hill, Dean"

"Too true" he murmured looking over to him. "Where's your fiancé?"

"I don't know" Castiel murmured grabbing another and sucking on it gently. Dean watched him feeling desire pool inside him and watched him carefully.

"Bobby married Ellen you know"

Castiel turned towards him startled and swallowed down the fry. "I had an inkling when you mentioned Jo"

"Yeah, they got married about a year and half ago"

"Oh wow, I can't believe it" he murmured still feeling stunned and grabbed his own beer with the bottle opener key ring. "I have missed so much"

"Not really, I mean apart from the wedding and many endless summers and winters with pointless jobs, holidays that ended up going really badly or ending up amazing, but apart from that…" Dean said taking off his jacket and flexing his arms relaxing. Castiel watched him out of the corner of his eyes and zeroed in on the bracelet he had only just spotted.

Dean watched him silently and unmoving as he grabbed his wrist and looked up at him.

"You wear it still?"

"It's never off my wrist" Dean murmured with a small shrug. "Do you still have my amulet?"

"Yes…I have it in a box with all my other treasures" he whispered letting go of his hand and sitting back down on the grass. "I can't believe you still wear it"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because of everything that happened"

Dean hummed tilting back his beer and eating some fries. "I couldn't take it off even if I wanted to, I felt naked without it"

"I guess that is a comforting notion" Castiel whispered.

"Cas?

"Yes?"

"Shut up and drink your beer" Dean muttered with an amused smile. Castiel looked away with a small chuckle and obeyed drinking back his beer and pulled out his cell turning it off. It was a day to relax and reconcile with old friends, nothing more.

But all that changed sometime later when more beer was drank, the fries disappeared and the sun was beginning to set. They were tipsy and lying in the grass together exchanging stories.

"You were such a nerd" Dean muttered drinking his beer.

"I enjoyed comic books!"

"Nerd"

"Liar"

"I never lie, Cassy cat" he murmured and laughed loudly when Castiel shoved his shoulder hard. "That's your new nickname"

"Don't you dare" Castiel said pointing a finger at him.

"Or what?"

"I'll…I'll break your precious car"

Dean mock gasped sitting up and staring into his wide and apprehensive eyes.

"That is very mean, Cas, and you wouldn't dare"

"Oh wouldn't I?"

"Nope" Dean murmured shaking his head and lay back down swirling the beer around in his mouth. "So tell me, have you missed me at all?"

"Is there any more of this?" Castiel said shaking the empty bottle at him. Dean rolled over passing him another and rolled back to face him feeling lightheaded in the early evening.

"You didn't answer my question"

"What do you think is the answer?"

"I think you have and you still do"

"You have a wild imagination, Dean"

"So I'm wrong?"

Castiel sighed rolling over onto his front. "Do you want me to be truly honest with you?"

"Well…the truth always hurts so why not"

"At the beginning…when I ended it and it was over officially after…well you know and I had days where I would wake up in my little room all on my own and I wanted you to be there. I wanted you to hold me like you used to do when I woke up early till I fell back asleep, I wanted you to kiss me breathless like you used to do and then I would remember. I would remember what I did and what you had done…then I would move on with the rest of the day. It got easier day by day and then I started dating again"

Dean listened to his story and felt an ache start to rise up in his chest at the most obvious pain in Castiel's eyes.

"It wasn't the same, it was strange, and the first time we had sex was…it was horrible. I was so used to you and everything he did was foreign and I fell asleep afterwards but when I woke up he wasn't there and it hurt" Castiel continued and looked over to Dean who stared at him for what seemed like forever.

"I'm not drunk enough for this conversation" Dean murmured with a cough rubbing his chest. Castiel nodded in agreement shutting his eyes feeling the last remaining sun burn his back and let his head rest on his hands and grass. Dean lay next to him and shut his own eyes basking in the knowledge that he wasn't the only one who had a terrible time in the past either.

~0~0~0~

It was much later in the evening with both Dean and Castiel drunk and the beers gone. Castiel twirled in a circle and stopped swaying side to side.

"See! I'm not drunk"

"Bullshit" Dean cried dragging him back down so Castiel landed on top of him in a giggling heap. Dean stroked a hand down his back when he collected himself and leaned against his chest.

"Dean?"

"Yeah"

"I haven't…I haven't been this drunk in ages, like seriously, I don't…I always have fun with you" Castiel said looking over the town lights. "I bet everyone is looking for me"

"Same" Dean muttered pulling out his phone to see one missed call from Sam and sighed pocketing it. "You're nice and warm"

"Just the two of us…" Castiel sang and chuckled leaning his head back. "I have been here for…five days now? I haven't even been here a week and look at me! Look at…look at what you've done, Dean Winchester, you-you are bad influence on me"

"God, I've missed you" Dean whispered with a chuckle pressing his face into his shoulder. "You're a hilarious drunk, Casanova"

"I am" he murmured trailing a hand into his hair and sighed deeply. "I need to get home"

"Okay, start walking" Dean whispered into his ear. Castiel smirked tilting his head back and could only see the reflection on his eyes from the distant lights.

"I can't…I'm so tired" he muttered turning suddenly startling Dean who held still when Castiel turned wrapping his arms around his neck, sitting in his lap and lying on his shoulder. Dean swallowed shifting till he was comfortable and pulled back brushing a hand through Castiel's hair.

"Dean?" he whispered.

"Yeah"

"Why don't you hate me for what I did to you?"

"Because it seems I'm a very forgiving person"

"Why?"

"I've grown up and so have you"

"I'm sorry" he whispered blowing warm air onto his cheek. Dean simply let out a puff of air amused and shrugged one shoulder.

"The past is the past and now here we are, one who is a successful artist and engaged to another man then there is me with no money, a job as a mechanic, and sat in a field with said drunken man who is also a very cuddly drunk" Dean whispered stroking his hand into his hair. Castiel simply stared at him waiting for Dean to look back at him. An air of unresolved tension bubbled between them and despite the lack of light; Dean could see everything and moved forward taking his chance and kissing him softly.

They parted for a moment before Castiel hummed.

"I'm rather drunk, Dean"

"I see that"

"So I don't care" he whispered. "Isn't that amazing?"

"I guess so" Dean replied slowly moving into meet him first. Castiel hummed against his lips and pulled back chuckling and dropping his head on his shoulder.

"That was bad" he murmured wrapping his arms around him tightly and shoving him down so they were lying in the grass together. Dean rolled his eyes grabbing the jacket and throwing it over them both. It was an unexpected turn to the evening but Dean could honestly say he didn't care less. His eyes flicked over to Castiel now sleeping on his shoulder and he smiled more to himself than anything. Dean knew in the morning it would be a whole different story with denial and a whole lot of pain but for now all he could was hold him like he did all those years ago without a single care for anyone else. It was just the two of them.

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! You guys make me so happy.