Chapter 6

28 May 2011

Kurt woke up disorientated and confused. He was lying against something warm...someone warm. He slowly became aware that he was lying draped across Thad's chest as Thad was gently stroking his hair. Kurt opened his eyes and looked up at the older boy. Thad smiled brightly at him.

"Morning, beautiful."

"Hardly. I need to fix my hair and get dressed."

Thad kissed him and laughed. He'd obviously been up and come back to bed because he tasted like toothpaste.

"And I probably have morning breath."

"You're so adorable in the morning. I love watching you wake up," he said, reminding Kurt that this was a regular occurrence. Actually, he wasn't sure of that but he suspected that he'd spent the night with Thad before. He seemed to act as if having Kurt in his bed was no big deal.

"How long have you been awake?" Kurt asked as he sat up and stretched.

"You know I don't sleep much. The sleeping pill helped but I've been awake for hours now."

Kurt glanced at the clock.

"I'd better start getting ready if we're to meet everyone at 7:30. Are we going to have time for breakfast?"

"I've already ordered some from room service. It should be here soon."

Kurt got into his uniform quickly and started working on his hair. They ate breakfast together sitting on the bed. Wheat toast, poached egg, and a grapefruit for Kurt. Obviously, Thad knew his breakfast preferences. He wondered if he'd been living with Thad in the dorm at Dalton or if he'd been commuting. Either way, the school year was over. He just needed to make it through the weekend and he'd be back in his own bed at home. Alone.

"I'm going to miss this," commented Thad sadly.

"Breakfast?"

"Breakfast with you. And waking up with you in my bed."

Well, that answered that question.

After breakfast, Thad insisted on kissing him and hugging him before they headed out. Kurt returned his affections as best he could. They had a competition and now wasn't the time to make any changes. He'd deal with it tomorrow. He had a perfect excuse to resist any sexual advances. They needed to focus on winning. Besides, from what he could tell, Thad had a great deal of affection for him but he didn't seem to be very sexual.

Thad pulled back and stroked his face with what seemed to be sadness but he didn't say anything. Kurt was sure he wasn't fooling him but he knew from experience that people would rather pretend that things were OK even when they knew that they weren't. He just had to say familiar things and act as if he remembered what everyone else did.

They arrived a little early and had to wait for the rest of the Warblers to assemble. Blaine showed up last. Kurt was pleased to see Nick and Jeff arrived together. He wasn't naive enough to think nothing was going on between two teenaged boys that had been dating for eight months but at least they weren't rooming together. Even better was the way Jeff and Nick interacted. Just like they always did in every line that he'd known them. He had the advantage of knowing how things could be but he was just going to have to get everyone to see that they were with the wrong boy.

"Everyone is here so let's get started," announced Wes. Kurt wondered how he managed it without his gavel. "This afternoon, the ten semi-finalists will perform to determine the final five finalists. We're only ranked sixth in the semi-finals so we have to do better. I don't have to tell you what's at stake. Making it into the finals will be victory enough even if we don't win, place, or show. However, I think we have what it takes to wrest the championship trophy from Vocal Adrenaline's hands. Alright, let's go."

They rehearsed Misery until Blaine said he needed a break. Kurt didn't know his steps but luckily he wasn't a featured dancer. Jeff kept on him about it anyway. As the boys stood around having juice or water, Kurt watched Nick and Jeff. They were laughing and carrying on about something they were watching on Jeff's phone. Kurt smiled. This was going to be easy.

"Kurt," Blaine interrupted Kurt's thoughts.

"What?"

"We need to talk."

"About what, Blaine?" Kurt said with a flirty smile.

"You know what."

"No, tell me," Kurt teased.

"Be serious. That kiss was a mistake. It can't happen again."

"By 'that kiss', do you mean the time you kissed me?" Kurt replied innocently.

"It was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen," insisted Blaine.

"As in your lips accidentally fell on mine?"

"We placed in the top ten and I just meant to hug you. You know, in celebration of our win. You were...you were right there. And...Jeff...Jeff had gone to get a snack...so..."

"So in conclusion, your boyfriend wasn't there so you planted one on me but only to celebrate placing in the top ten. And it can never happen again. But it was a total accident," snarked Kurt smugly.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," admitted Blaine weakly. "I'm with Jeff. I can't...I just can't, OK?"

"Are you sure you're with Jeff? Looks like to me, he's with Nick," commented Kurt looking over at the two boys in question.

"They're best friends. So they spend time together."

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Nick is straight."

"And what do you and Jeff do together?"

Blaine blushed and looked down. Kurt felt a pang of jealousy but he pushed on.

"Besides that."

Blaine gave him a guarded look and glanced over to Jeff and Nick.

"We spend time together," he said defensively. "It isn't just sex."

Kurt just smiled. They rehearsed until Jeff was satisfied with the choreography. Their vocals were already perfect. After that, they were free until the performance so Kurt and Thad had lunch at Tavern on the Green and did a little site seeing. They performed at four and found out at seven that they'd made into the finalists. The Warblers were ecstatic. Not only were they in the top but the reigning champions, Vocal Adrenaline, weren't. That meant the championship was wide open. The Warblers went out together for a celebratory dinner after which Wes reminded them not to get too cocky and get plenty of rest before their final performance.

Back in their room, the moment Kurt had been dreading arrived. He'd hoped to put it off until after the final performance but he couldn't. Thad initiated a serious make-out session. No more soft sweet butterfly kisses. As the kisses deepened, tongue was used, and hands started roaming, Kurt became increasingly more uncomfortable. He was trying to think of an excuse when Thad beat him to it.

"What's wrong, Kurt? You've been so distant. Last night you didn't even..." Thad paused to regroup before continuing. "It's like you aren't even here. Please just tell me what's wrong."

Kurt looked into Thad's eyes and felt like shit. He just couldn't fake loving him no matter how bad he felt. There was no use putting it off because Thad wasn't buying it. Kurt pulled Thad close to him and squeezed him tight to buy some time. He buried his head into Thad's shoulder to hide his eyes.

"I'm sorry I've been so distant. I'm just sad because everything is changing between us. You're graduating and I'm going back to Lima," Kurt guessed. It was a safe bet that it was something they'd discussed before and it might sidetrack Thad from his interest in getting romantic. It was likely a point of contention between them because long distant relationships were rarely a good idea.

"I knew something was wrong. I promise, we can make it work, angel. I love you and that isn't going to change when I go to Harvard in the fall. We have all summer to figure out how to make it work."

Kurt started looking for lines, hoping that in one of them Thad had to decided to try and sleep instead of initiating sex. What Kurt saw was...different. It was like watching porn except he was the star. In every line that was close, Kurt and Thad were in various stages of making love. And they were making love, that was clear too. It wasn't just sex.

In some lines, they were just undressing each other but with obvious passion. In others, they were on the bed already. It was fascinating. Based on the ease they seemed to have with each other, Kurt guessed that they'd done this many times.

Kurt figured that he was right about the long distance relationship not working. This was probably one of their last nights together. Maybe the last. He was sad that he didn't remember loving this boy. He could tell from just the way that he'd behaved the past two days that Thad had been a wonderful boyfriend. Who was he to ruin what should be a romantic night in New York for a boy who was so obviously in love? He had stolen this Kurt's life. Thad had a boyfriend who loved him one minute and the next he was stuck with a Kurt who didn't even remember him.

He'd never thought about it that way before. Kurt had never even considered the impact his jumping had on the lives of people who knew and loved him. To be fair, his father was always his father and that never changed. He'd never had a boyfriend before so maybe it was the new territory that made him think these things. For whatever reason, he realized that he had stolen something precious from Thad and it wasn't right.

Kurt pulled back from Thad and gave him an alluring smile.

"I'm sorry, we shouldn't even being thinking about things like that right now. Let's just enjoy the moment. We'll talk about our future later."

Thad was eager to believe everything was OK. Kurt let himself just live in the moment as he helped Thad out of his clothes and shed his own. He and Blaine had spent many hours naked, exploring each other with hands and mouths, so Kurt was much less shy about his body than he'd once been. He took his cues from Thad who knew Kurt's body very well. Kurt followed the lead the other Kurts, who were more confident than he was. He'd never done anything like this before. It was rather surreal watching himself make love to a boy at the same time he was doing it. Kurt hadn't thought much about whether he'd be a top or bottom because he and Blaine hadn't been ready to go so far. He discovered that with Thad at least, he was definitely top. Kurt thought that should have made it easier for him but Kurt was actually more afraid of messing up and hurting the older boy. Judging by Thad's reactions to his attentions, he did just fine. Eventually, Kurt was able to let go of the other time lines and just give himself over to the physical sensations. After that, it wasn't difficult at all.

Afterward, Kurt lay on his back, holding Thad close to him. The older boy was boneless and relaxed like Kurt had never seen him before. His head rested on Kurt's chest with a smile on his face.

"I think I might sleep like this," Thad murmured.

"Yeah? No mask or headphones?"

"Not tonight. Even if I don't sleep, I want to stay like this. Listening to your heartbeat, feeling your skin, your hands. I love you so much, Kurt. You're my angel. I know it seems silly but everything got better the day I met you."

"I love you, too," Kurt lied. The lie slipped easily off his tongue in his post climactic haze. He felt good and it was easy to imagine that he meant it. It was easy to imagine the history that led to this moment.

29 May 2011

Kurt woke up spooning Thad. Kurt knew he was an insomniac and it seemed a shame to wake him - he seemed so peaceful. On the other hand, Thad was just as ambitious and competitive as Kurt and he'd be eager to start the day that could end in the Warblers taking home a national trophy.

"Thad," Kurt said gently. "It's time to wake up."

Thad'd eyes fluttered open and he clutched Kurt's hand in his.

"Umm. I can't believe I slept all night. Thanks."

"I didn't do anything. Unless you're implying my company is so boring it puts you to sleep."

Thad laughed.

"No, but you know how much it helps for you to hold me. I know it doesn't usually work and my sleeplessness can be a challenge for you but sometimes, just being in your arms is enough."

"Do you want me to order us some breakfast?" Kurt asked.

"No, let's go down to the restaurant today. Unless you'd rather eat in."

"No, that's sounds great."

They got up and put their uniforms on. Thad helped Kurt with his cufflinks in a sweet domestic gesture.

"I wish I didn't have to wear this thing," Kurt grumbled.

"Un uh. No complaining about the Dalton uniform. It's a proud tradition. We're representing Dalton Academy while we're here. On the other hand, maybe you could used a little decorative touch," he said with a sly smile.

"I can't believe that you of all people have let me get away with my non-standard broaches the whole year," replied Kurt as he started looking through his jewelry for something...anything to spruce up this dreary uniform.

"Maybe this would do," offered Thad smugly as he handed Kurt a box.

"A present? I love presents!"

"I know," laughed Thad. "I hope you like it."

Kurt opened the box. It was a delicate gold butterfly brooch set with blue sapphires.

"It's perfect," he squealed. "Thank you," he continued and threw his arms around Thad. "It's amazing, it's like you know exactly what I love."

"Here, let me put it on you," Thad offered. "And of course I know what you like. We've been living together for six months. I should know by now. But still, I'm really glad you like it. You are a tad high maintenance in the gift department. I have a gift receipt just in case. I learned my lesson on that long ago."

"Really, I mean it, thank you. It's beautiful," said Kurt seriously. "And you shouldn't have. What have I done to deserve a gift?"

"Gifts aren't for those that deserve them; they are for those who need them," said Thad playfully.

"That explains it then," Kurt said giving Thad a kiss on the cheek.

Kurt admired himself in the mirror noticing how the blue sapphires set off his eyes. Yes, he knew vanity was a flaw in his character but everyone needed a vice, didn't they? Thad came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder.

"You look beautiful."

They walked down to breakfast and gathered food from the buffet. As they took there seats, Jeff and Nick walked in together. Both boys were dressed casually as Thad noted with a disapproving look. After browsing the breakfast bar, they joined Kurt and Thad at their table.

"Good morning, dudes," said Jeff cheerfully as he sat down.

"I thought we'd be the first one's down here," added Nick. He bumped his shoulder against Jeff and laughed. "Jeff gets cranky if he doesn't get his breakfast right away."

They're exactly the same thought Kurt. How can they not be together? All that's missing is the little kisses.

"I'm a growing boy," insisted Jeff.

"Oh I hope not," objected Blaine as he walked up to the table. "I already feel like a hobbit next to you." He put his arm around Jeff and kissed him before sitting down next to him.

"So Thad, what are you doing with your Summer?" asked Nick.

"Interning at my dad's company in Chicago just like I'm going to be every summer until I start working there full time."

"With a name like Thaddeus James Prescott Cornett the fourth, you probably have your whole life planned out already," teased Jeff.

"Just my career. Not that there is anything wrong with having an orderly life," insisted Thad.

Thad's casual tone belied the tension that Kurt could feel and see in his posture. He reached under the table and took Thad's hand, squeezing gently. It was a small subtle gesture but he was rewarded when Thad relaxed almost instantly.

"And you Nick? What are you doing this summer?" asked Kurt.

"My dad, stepmom, sister, and I are all going to the Florida Keys. I hope to shoot some awesome gator footage if I'm lucky."

Just then Jeff took notice of Nick's food and asked, "where'd you find waffles? I didn't see any."

"They were under that metal thingy. You know those things that keep stuff warm?" Nick answered as he put one of the waffles on Jeff's plate. "They aren't as good as your mom's but if you put berries on them," he said as he spooned berries on the waffle he'd just put on Jeff's plate, "they're good."

"Thanks," Jeff said brightly.

"What are those?" asked Nick pointing to something on Jeff's plate.

"Cheese blintzes. I found them by the bagels. They're good."

Nick snagged one off of Jeff's plate and popped it into his mouth. Kurt smiled because he'd seen exchanges like this so many times before. Blaine tried to steal one of the cheese blintzes but Jeff brandished his fork and threatened, "Try it and draw back a stub! There's plenty more on the buffet."

Blaine took the hint and kept his hands to his own plate. As Blaine stirred in several packets of cinnamon into his coffee, Kurt smiled to himself. He had no idea why Blaines 1-4 like sweet concoctions like caramel macchiatos but this was something Blaine-5 and 6 had in common. Dark coffee flavored with cinnamon instead of cream and sugar.

"So what about you, Hummel? What do you have planned for the summer?" asked Nick.

"I'll be working in my dad's auto-shop like I do every summer."

"So Blaine do you think you are ready for today's performance?" asked Thad. "We're in the final five so..."

"We're cylons!" exclaimed Nick.

"And we always have been," deadpanned Jeff.

Nick looked at the puzzled expressions of the other three boys and sighed. "Oh, come on! Seriously, you can't go around saying 'final five' and not expect cylon jokes. Jeff, how can you date someone who doesn't get that? Your boyfriend is useless."

"Oh he has uses," Jeff smirked and gave Blaine a a kiss. Blaine smiled and shrugged taking it all as good natured teasing. "Don't worry, Thad, I didn't do anything to jeopardize his voice last night," continued Jeff with a wink.

Kurt blushed furiously.

"Oh come on Kurt, it isn't like you're a virgin. What are you blushing about?" snarked Jeff.

"Jeff, private bedroom proclivities are not proper topics for polite company," admonished Thad.

"Thad, did you just use the word proclivities in an actual conversation? Wow, new level uptight pretentiousness, dude!"

"Perhaps if you spent less time watching cartoons and reading comics, you too could sound like you were educated at a fine institution like Dalton Academy for Boys."

"Anime and graphic novels," insisted Nick.

"Just how far up his butt does that stick go, Kurt? Doesn't that make things difficult for you? How do the two of you manage to have any sort of sex life? Or is that your problem?" sneered Jeff.

Kurt stood up and slammed his hands on the table, "Enough. What is wrong with you today, Jeff? You're funny and goofy but you've never been mean. What is your problem? Thad is a good and kind person and that remark is completely uncalled for."

Jeff stood up and looked at Kurt.

"You're right, I don't have a problem with your boyfriend and I'm sorry I took out my issues on him. You're the one I have a problem with, Kurt."

"Jeff," Blaine warned. "Don't. I told you it was all me. Kurt didn't do anything; if you're still mad take it out on me not them."

"This is obviously a personal problem that you two need to work out," commented Thad calmly. "We're meeting in the lobby in a hour. Please be in uniform then and I trust you'll all behave professionally and keep a civil tongue in your head regardless of any personal problems you may have. Kurt, let's go."

Kurt followed Thad out of the room and they walked silently back to their room. When they were in private, Thad turned and asked quietly, "Kurt, what was Jeff talking about?"

Kurt took a deep breath. It was obvious that Nick had told Jeff and some sort of fight had ensued.

"Blaine kissed me."

"What? Why didn't you tell me, angel?"

"Because he apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. I didn't want to upset you or cause any strife before the competition."

"Did you want him to kiss you? How did this happen? When?"

"During the celebration when we found out about placing in the semi-finals. He said he just got carried away and it wouldn't happen again," Kurt replied dodging the first question.

When Thad didn't react to this explanation, Kurt wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him close.

"It didn't mean anything. You're my boyfriend and I honestly don't know what was going on in Blaine's mind. Please say you're OK."

The tension drained out of Thad's body with Kurt's touch.

"I trust you," he sighed. "Of course, I know it wasn't anything you did. We need to put this out of our minds and focus on winning today."

Kurt nodded and kissed his boyfriend. He put all the passion he could manage into it. Thad returned his kisses and seemed to be placated by Kurt's words and touches. They packed their things because they'd need to check out in a few hours and wouldn't have time later.

"I'm going to go round up Dave and Wes to convene a meeting. Would you take our bags down to the concierge and meet me in the lobby?"

"Of course, I'll see you in just a bit," promised Kurt.

Kurt was doing another check of the room to make sure he hadn't left anything behind when he heard a knock on the door. He opened the door and Blaine was standing on the other side.

"Can I come in?"

Kurt silently motioned him in.

"I'm sorry about Jeff's behavior at breakfast. I thought we were OK but apparently he hadn't let it go after all."

"So you told him?"

"I had to. If I didn't Nick would have. Anyway, I thought we worked it all out. Last night... things seemed normal last night. Well, as normal as they ever are between us," he said wryly. "I guess seeing you at breakfast set him off. I've never seen him snap like that. He's really very sweet."

"Why did you cover for me?"

"I didn't want to get you in trouble with Thad."

Kurt was suddenly aware that Blaine was standing very close. So close that he could feel the heat of his body and see that his eyes were dark with desire. "But you did kiss me back. I'm pretty sure you slipped me the tongue," he continued in a low voice. He reached up to Kurt's face and ran his thumb along his jaw. Kurt's breath hitched at the feeling that ran through his body. Blaine leaned in and Kurt knew in that moment that he could have it all back. Blaine-6 was his for the taking. He just had to let it happen.

Instead, he backed up hastily and shook his head because he couldn't trust his voice. He walked to the door and opened it saying breathlessly, "Not now. Not here. I'm with Thad and he loves me. He's a wonderful boyfriend and a good person. What kind of creep would I be if I let this happen?"

"Yeah. Of course," Blaine mumbled as he left.

Kurt composed himself and looked into the mirror wondering who he was now. He'd just thrown the love of his life out of his hotel room. He still loved Blaine and no matter how well he acted the part; his feelings for Thad were at best affection. Not even true friendship because he just didn't have the memories to back up the relationship he was supposed to have. For the first time in his life, Kurt wondered what he was. Was he a shadow that pretended to be a person? Was he a ghost that stole lives and acted as if he belonged? Would he ever have anything real?

He joined the growing group of Warblers with those questions unanswered. Everyone but Blaine had gathered as he slipped his arm around Thad. His boyfriend, usually uncomfortable with such a public displays, didn't object. In fact, he put his arm possessively around Kurt in return.

Blaine arrived looking dapper and confident.

"Hey guys, are we ready to win?" he said with enthusiasm. Kurt recognized Blaine's confident Dalton persona and knew it was a mask to hide his insecurities.

"Now that we are all here," Wes announced, "we'll go over the schedule. We have the stage for rehearsal for one hour in fifteen minutes. We drew the opening slot so we'll be performing at 1:00. The winners will be announced at 2:00 and we barely have time to catch our shuttle to the airport after that. Everyone should leave their bags at the concierge and check out if they haven't already."

The Warblers performed Bills!Bills!Bills! which Kurt was glad to find out since it was a number he'd rehearsed with the Warblers before. It would have been awkward if he hadn't known their final number.

"This is our best number," exclaimed Blaine after their rehearsal. "I was worried about saving our best for last but Wes, Thad, Dave, I bow to your superior strategy. It's gotten us all the way to the finals."

The official performance was flawless. After they exited the stage, the Warblers hugged each other in exuberant celebration. It was over; regardless of the judges decision, they'd given it their best. Kurt held his boyfriend for a moment and glanced at Jeff and Nick pulling back from an embrace. There wasn't anything unusual about the hug but their eyes locked and Kurt saw it. An expression of recognition and surprise on Jeff's face. They just stared at each other for a while. Kurt looked over to Blaine. He saw it too but he looked more envious and wistful than jealous.

After the performance, they waited in the greenroom for the judges to deliberate. Jeff and Nick sat with their heads together speaking in hushed tones. Kurt curled up against Thad, nearly in the older boy's lap. As they snuggled quietly, Kurt knew that he was over compensating for the feelings his didn't have but he was determined to pretend until he knew what he was going to do.

Blaine paced nervously at first then started dancing around and improvising a song about waiting for the judges.

We're waiting but we'll hear soon

As I sing into this spoon

Oh yeah.

Their judging us, judging us.

Not gonna make a fuss

'cause Warblers Oh yeah, Warblers are the best

It went on for several verses before Dave throw a cushion at him yelling, "Blaine! Sit down; you've clearly had too much coffee."

Kurt snickered because the idea that Blaine had too much coffee was just absurd. The boy would need an IV before long just to keep up with his addiction.

The Warblers stood on the stage with the four other finalists looking much calmer than anyone felt.

"...and now the winner of the third place place trophy...The Dalton Academy Warblers."

Kurt didn't even remember hearing the second and first place winners. The ride to the airport and the plane trip to Columbus was like a dream. The Warblers babbled on the entire time. Dave kept passing around the trophy and Wes keep saying "In the whole country! Third in the whole country." Dave probably said 'well done' a dozen times.

When Kurt arrived at baggage claim, Burt, Carol, and Finn were there with big grins on their faces.

"Dude! Welcome back! Did you win?" asked Finn.

"Third place. We came in third place."

"Kurt, I'm so proud of you. Just going to Nationals is a big deal. Coming back with a third place trophy? That's fantastic. Congratulations."

"Mr. Hummel, it's good to see you again," said Thad holding out his hand. Burt took it and shook it firmly with a smile.

"Hey there, Thad. Congratulations on the win."

"You didn't need to drive all the way to Columbus; I was going to drive Kurt home."

"No worries, kid. I know that would be out of your way. You've been a great friend and roommate to Kurt but you don't need to be his chauffeur. You're graduating this year aren't you?"

"Yes, sir. In fact, even though Tuesday is technically the last day of school, I've already graduated."

Kurt realized that his dad didn't know that Thad was his boyfriend. He supposed that the fact that they were sleeping in the same dorm room together wouldn't sit well with him if he'd known.

"Say goodbye to your friends Kurt; we'd best be getting on the road. It's a long drive to Lima."

"See you on Tuesday, Kurt," said Thad awkwardly eying Burt. Kurt ignored the propriety of it and hugged Thad. His boyfriend was just being paranoid - there was no reason for his dad to object to a hug.

"I love you. I'll see you on Tuesday," he whispered before letting go.